Went on a date - did I do something wrong?

[Starflynt]

I went out with a guy I met on a dating app. We exchanged a few messages and he asked me out pretty quickly. He is in his early 30s and I'm in my 20s.

 

We met at a bar/lounge after work. He bought me a drink - although we both didn't have alcohol and we sat down on a couch and had a really good conversation about out backgrounds and different topics. While we were talking he eventually put his arm around my shoulder and then he caressed my upper arm as we continued to talk.

 

At one point we decided to check out the deck and he put out his hand and we held me as we made our way through the crowd. I was having a fun time - but i had work the next morning and it was a weekday. I said i had to go and his body language changed. He told me he would walk me out. This time he did not take my hand and he waited with me while I called an uber. And that was it.

 

I did text him the next day but I never heard from him again. Can anyone make sense of this for me?

[smackie9]

He took it as rejection...he's heard it all before and thought you were making up the excuse to get out of the date. He's a sour puss and he doesn't trust women all that much...big red flag.

 

 

Or he was hoping for a slam dunk at the end of the night, and he just realized he wasted his time. Another big red flag.

Edited December 14, 2018 by smackie9

[GeorgiaPeach1]

He thought sex would take place and got annoyed when it became obvious it wouldn't.

[kendahke]

I was having a fun time - but i had work the next morning and it was a weekday. I said i had to go and his body language changed.

 

I take it no one mentioned a second date before you said you had to leave?

 

The way you've worded this sounds like rejection, especially if you said nothing about wanting to see him again before saying this.

 

He certainly doesn't have enough social grace to not tantrum when he doesn't get his way. I wonder what age he was finally allowed to go out and play by himself when he was a child?

[Sarah_Smiles]

Maybe it was an issue of a fragile ego?

 

He may have felt you were not into him because you called it a night early in, which doesn't seem the case but it clearly took you going as a bad sign for him for one or several reasons.

[Gretchen12]

Insecure people will find rejection in everything, because rejection is what they know. You didn't do anything wrong. Dates from these apps are full of people like that. He'll just go to the app and repeat similar scenarios.

[alphamale]

getting physical on the first date is never a good idea

[smackie9]

getting physical on the first date is never a good idea

Me and my husband were made out on our first date lol

[ChatroomHero]

It probably depends on how you told him you had to leave. It could have been the timing or the wording, but he might have seen it as you bailing on him.

 

 

If it was, hey, I really have to go but let's go out again, I had a lot of fun...then it's on him. If it was all of the sudden, it's late and I work tomorrow, I'm going to call an uber, Starflynt out!...he might have felt you lost interest and made an unusually quick exit.

[alphamale]

Me and my husband were made out on our first date lol

 

well I had sex on the first date with a number of women and those relationships usually didn't work out for whatever reason

[Alamo657]

I went out with a guy I met on a dating app. We exchanged a few messages and he asked me out pretty quickly. He is in his early 30s and I'm in my 20s.

 

We met at a bar/lounge after work. He bought me a drink - although we both didn't have alcohol and we sat down on a couch and had a really good conversation about out backgrounds and different topics. While we were talking he eventually put his arm around my shoulder and then he caressed my upper arm as we continued to talk.

 

At one point we decided to check out the deck and he put out his hand and we held me as we made our way through the crowd. I was having a fun time - but i had work the next morning and it was a weekday. I said i had to go and his body language changed. He told me he would walk me out. This time he did not take my hand and he waited with me while I called an uber. And that was it.

 

I did text him the next day but I never heard from him again. Can anyone make sense of this for me?

 

 

He's probably new to this, so he thought that date acquired = bang guaranteed.

 

 

He needs more experience.

 

 

As for you, keep on doing what you're doing, and let other people deal with their own expectations.

[smackie9]

Well we are just assuming what happened....the only person that truly knows is this dude.

[SunnyWeather]

my take when he realized he wasn't going to get laid, he copped an attitude. Or, he's just too insecure to take initiative to ask you for a second go.

 

either way, doesn't sound like it's a match and NEXT.

 

eta: were you comfortable with all that false intimacy touchy-feely stuff he was doing? I'm put off by people I've just met thinking it's ok to invade my space like that.

Edited December 15, 2018 by SunnyWeather

[smackie9]

Was there any communication between you two when you were leaving? Did you tell him you had to get up early for work? Did you tell him you had a good time? Did you say you would like to see him again? or suggest you meet up again? Lean in for hug?

[PRW]

well I had sex on the first date with a number of women and those relationships usually didn't work out for whatever reason

Yea, a little light touching is ok. Maybe a little hand on the back, or hold hands while weaving through a heavy crowd to keep from getting separated. But the arm all the way around her while "caressing her upper arm" while talking caught my attention as maybe a negative, particularly if it was one sided and she had not been touching him along the way.

 

The whole thing sounded a bit like practiced PUA tactics.

[Starflynt]

Thanks for all the responses. I've wondered too if he had some larger plan and got pissed because I was leaving early or if I bruised his ego by saying I was leaving early. I did text him the next day to tell him I had fun and I was sorry I had to work. But his no response back - made me think it was the first option.

 

SunnyWeather- I didn't mind it. We were sitting on the couch and he didn't over-do it. I didn't, however, touch him back. But I didn't think he crossed a line or anything.

 

smackie9 Yes, I think that is where the confusion happened. The date started around 8:10. But it was a weekday and I was only in week 2 of a new job. Plus, I do go to bed earlier than most. I didn't mention that the first time we were supposed to meet it was on a Friday night and a couple of hours before he cancelled because he wasn't feeling well. This was a re-schedule the next week.

Anyways- we were outside talking and I asked what time it was and looked at my phone. (He hadn't checked his all night). It was 9:45. So, yes, I was not there long. And he said "but you walk to work. you don't have a commute" and I said I still had to be there early like 9-ish." i think he thought i was lying and that's when he said okay I'll walk you out. When we got outside I told him that I had ubered and he said "okay, i'll wait with you then...unless it's more than 5 minutes." And i guess I gave a look because he goes "I'm kidding." We didn't say anything and the uber came like a minute later. I gave him a hug but he didn't say a word.

[PRW]

And he said "but you walk to work. you don't have a commute" and I said I still had to be there early like 9-ish."

 

Him challenging your decision like that implies what we have all been saying.

 

"okay, i'll wait with you then...unless it's more than 5 minutes." And i guess I gave a look because he goes "I'm kidding."

Not sure about that one, but my gut says that he was expressing displeasure in a passive aggressive way. Him saying "kidding" was just a denial after the look you gave him "called him on it".

[BettyDraper]

well I had sex on the first date with a number of women and those relationships usually didn't work out for whatever reason

 

This is the norm. I believe that most men compartmentalize women based on our behavior.

Women who have sex immediately are not usually respected or taken seriously as long term material.

[olivetree]

Re: your first date attempt.

If a guy cancelled on me two hours before a date, esp. on a Friday night because he "wasn't feeling well" - I'd probably never makes plans again.

Last minute cancellations are almost always because something better came along.

 

Then this date where he is touchy feely all night, tries to stop you from leaving with "but you don't have to commute to work", his passive aggressive joke about not wanting to wait with you more than 5 minutes and then ignoring you the next day / never contacting you again - it all just seems like he was hoping the night ended up in sex and was annoyed he didn't get it.

 

You didn't do anything wrong.

It was a first meet on a week night, so it's not like you even had to say you couldn't stay out late beforehand.

If he was really interested in getting to know YOU and not just your body, I don't think he'd have acted the way he did.

[QueenLemon]

It does all depend on how you told him you had to leave.

 

That said you texted the next day to show you was interested so this is his problem not yours.

 

You had a lucky escape. He is obviously a sulker as the date didn't go how he wanted it to. Maybe he wanted more than just the odd caress or something. You'll never know.

 

At least you only wasted one date on him.

[Purrrfect]

He either wanted to get laid

 

Or took it as rejection and not sure you are interested.

 

I had a blind date last night on POF and I liked this guy and towards the end of the date I said I had fun and this is one of my better dates. He agreed and we wound up at another bar and kissed. It looks like we are getting together again.

 

So it could be just miscommunication or this guy wanted a hookup I’m guessing the latter.

[mortensorchid]

I don't think you did anything wrong, you just stated some fact. It was a weekday and you needed to get home to get to bed early. He froze on you because it seemed like he wanted something more than that, and he was being rather immature thinking that you were rejecting him completely. If you haven't heard anything in 48 hours, it's dead in the water. Move on.