Jet8419 Posted November 23, 2018 Posted November 23, 2018 I have a guy friend that I’ve known for over 10 years and we catch up occasionally over dinner or brunch. (In my previous post, I mentioned he started hugging me every time we met in the past 2 months, which confused me a bit). I recently went to his apartment for the first time to drop off some small furniture at his place and that was fine. 3 days ago, I had to pick up some stuff from him and stayed for a while to chat while he was busy fixing something in his kitchen. During our conversation this time, he said weird things out of the blue like “I was thinking about you the other day when I was in the shower, and wished you were here with me while I was touching myself” before talking about other random stuff. Then later on, when he was done repairing whatever in the kitchen, he said he had to change out of his dirty clothes and went to the laundry to remove his shirt and shorts, and walked out in just his underwear to his room to take a new pair of shorts and put it on in front of me while we were in the living room. I was quite embarrassed not knowing where to look and this was the first time he’d done that. Then he sat next to me on the sofa without a shirt and offered me snacks which I bought him few weeks ago from overseas, and when I asked why he hasn’t finished it, his reply was “I was waiting for you to come here again.” (That was only the 2nd time I had been there and we don’t meet up regularly.) We just stayed in the living room chatting for about an hour and I had to go, so he walked me out to the door and hugged me, but this time he asked for a cheek kiss, and then hugged me again before letting me go. What I’m confused about now is whether he’s trying to tell me he likes me more than a friend or he just feels comfortable around me?
Gretchen12 Posted November 23, 2018 Posted November 23, 2018 His comment about touching himself in the shower would totally creep me out. I'd have bolted out of there. My guess is that he knows you are into him so he thinks there might be sex opportunity (like a FWB thing) with no strings attached. He tested your boundaries. He's not behaving like someone who's serious about you. 3
Author Jet8419 Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) So this friend of mine offered to help me repair a tap in my apartment but “jokingly” said I should buy him dinner for it. Since we’re friends, buying him dinner for a favour he’s doing is fine by me. So the day came for him to repair this tap and we went for dinner after. His behaviour was still like before, hugging me tightly when greeting me, and wanted 2 tight hugs (where I literally felt he was squeezing all the air outta my lungs) and a cheek kiss before he left. Over dinner, we chatted like normal but he started asking me again about my love life, type of guy I’m looking for, why I am not doing online dating etc which I’d previously avoided answering. When I asked if he’s trying to set me up with someone, his reply was that friends ought to know each other better and those were just questions for him to get to know me (???), which he then proceeded to ask if I mind dating a non-Christian (I’m Christian, he isn’t), and whether I want kids (WTH???). I then mentioned he seems to like very voluptuous and pretty girls who go clubbing (I’m just a boring studious girl), he replied he used to but not anymore since he’s older now, and has broadened his “types”, including the nerdy ones. I have close friends who are guys too but they never ask me such questions like he did. Am I overthinking or is this guy just weird?? Edited January 21, 2019 by Jet8419 Grammar
MaleIntuition Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Both. He is wierd and he is interested. 3
Curiousroxy86 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 lol I don't like this guy. He is a teaser. He isn't out right saying that he likes you. But is giving signs that he likes you. Yet Being boldly sexual? Then back to subtle signs when it comes to relationship talk. I would be turned off by this guy for real. It really does sound like he is trying to seduce you into a more friends with benefits set up and when he saw that you didn't really respond well to it now he is trying to seduce you with ideas that he may want a relationship. That's how it seems to me. If your still interested in seeing where this goes with this creeper just don't believe him if he starts to tell you what you want to hear. Judge how he treats you. Let his pretty face talk and talk and talk don't read into it. Guys that really like you and is really interested in more than a sex buddy... 1. Will flat out tell you they like you or is interested in dating you 2. Spend time with you regularly 3. Call you regularly 4. More direct affection when together such as kissing, cuddling, holding hands There's no confusion when a guy likes you If this guy keeps wanting to do this cat mouse game and flip flop to dr just a friend then turn mr I want to bang with his flashing his boxers and sharing his fantasies just to watch you squirm then kiss you on the cheek and start saying how he wants to be with a nerdy girl (good God I want to vomit) then please drop him. This guy screams game player to me. Honestly I reaaaaaally hope you drop this lame dude without following your curiosity. Less you don't mind a fwb situation. By all means he seems like the perfect candidate. If not then run girl run
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 (edited) He wants to have sex with you. Not sure about anything else but yup, he wants to get into yer pants. You see in a guy's brain he's thinking "She keeps coming around, so she must want something....." Edited January 21, 2019 by smackie9 1
PRW Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Both. He is wierd and he is interested. Yeah, for sure. Maybe he has been watching "showing intent" PUA videos on YouTube and isn't very good at it.
manfrombelow2 Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 Yes he is into you. That's the surest thing about this guy. 1
olivetree Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I think the touching himself comment gave away his true intentions. 3
PRW Posted January 21, 2019 Posted January 21, 2019 I think the touching himself comment gave away his true intentions.If she was quick on her feet she could have told him, "Well, you know what they way,...sometimes to get the job done right you just gotta do it yourself." 1
Author Jet8419 Posted January 21, 2019 Author Posted January 21, 2019 Thanks guys for your opinions. You all have assured me I am not the crazy overthinker who thought he likes me by misreading his behaviour For a while, I was really confused and wondered is that really how male platonic friends act towards their female friends. I will steer clear of him for sure now. 3
Lotsgoingon Posted January 22, 2019 Posted January 22, 2019 A tells you he's thinking about you in the shower ... and you think he's just saying he liked your ideas about politics? Guy basically strips in front of you ... and you think ... he's just "comfortable"? Come on! So the question: do you like him? And for what kind of relationship? 1
Author Jet8419 Posted January 22, 2019 Author Posted January 22, 2019 A tells you he's thinking about you in the shower ... and you think he's just saying he liked your ideas about politics? Guy basically strips in front of you ... and you think ... he's just "comfortable"? Come on! So the question: do you like him? And for what kind of relationship? Well, I used to like him years ago but never told him because back then, he was indeed dating girls who were party animals and I am the opposite of those types of girls. And I thought it’s better not to lose the platonic friendship as he’s a really good person (at least he was). But now that all these have happened, I guess it’s pretty clear he’s a player like what someone here mentioned.
Author Jet8419 Posted March 11, 2019 Author Posted March 11, 2019 So here I am again getting more confused with each encounter with this “friend” of mine. We are still friends and only texted occasionally in the past month about work stuff as we work in the same field. I had to go overseas again for a short trip, and asked if he wanted me to get him anything (I usually ask my friends the same thing - common practice in my culture to bring souvenirs back for friends whenever we travel). His reply was “A hug”. Thinking he’s just kidding, I brushed that aside and ask if there’s anything else he wants, which he said some random object and “plus a hug. xx” (we never used xx in texts before this). A few days later, I texted him that I couldn’t find that object he wanted and asked if he wanted something else instead, to which he replied “looks like I’ll get two big hugs then!!”. I just replied with a smirk emoticon cos I don’t really know what to say, and his reply was “they better be good long hugs!!” I honestly don’t know what he’s thinking now... should I just ask him upfront the next time I see him if we’re just friends or is he interested in something more??
smackie9 Posted March 11, 2019 Posted March 11, 2019 We already told you what he wants....right now he is trying to pull at your emotions. Hugs seem endearing enough until he rubs is hardon into your thigh. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 11, 2019 Posted March 11, 2019 Personally I think he is just being flirtatious to see if your going to bite and offer yourself on a platter Guys say little things but actions don't do anything. Compliments and flirts but not actually asking you out regularly and making you his girlfriend by now. I don't get any real sincere vibes from this guy and I still get the feeling he is an f boy. But if your curious and don't mind it possibly being fwb situation then by all means explore just don't think it means anything if he isn't showing you anything real AND consistent.
emeraldgreen Posted March 11, 2019 Posted March 11, 2019 Do you need a neon sign? He wants to jump your bones. There's no friendship there. 1
Sunnydaysandsome Posted March 11, 2019 Posted March 11, 2019 This man wants sex, it is very obvious. I had a friend who was a man - I only knew him a bit from an old job and we went for one coffee. I thought it was friends and I told him in a round about way that I don't date men 10 years younger than me. He was very respectable but he texted asking if I basically wanted sex. Don't be fooled, most men want sex if you are friends or not. This man has made it very clear. I think you need to speak to him about what you want and not go around his house until you have worked it out.
Lotsgoingon Posted March 11, 2019 Posted March 11, 2019 You need to first get clear on what YOU want. Getting involved just because someone else is interested is always a lousy choice ... Then if the person changes, we're hurt ... and double-hurt ... because we weren't all that interested in the first place. Step up! ... What do YOU want? Only answering that question determines the next step. This guy flirts and you keep asking ... is he flirting? YES! ... He is flirting! ... So now what? ... What do you want. If you want a full-on relationship, you want to be clear about that before you have a conversation with him about what he wants. I'm sensing you do want to have sex with him ... but you're so surprised at him and surprised by your own feelings ... that you're sorta paralyzed. If you want to have sex, go out with him ... and the next time he hugs you extra special, keep hugging him back ... he'll initiate the come-on ... you need merely to match his energy ... That's if you want sex. If you want more than sex, you need to say so. Lots of people in your situation (I've had women friends I've fallen for do this to me) ... do NOT want to get involved, so they deliberately ignore the flirting. They change the subject ... because they don't care that the guy is flirting. They're not interested. What do you want? Sex? A relationship? ... continued same friendship? Forget about whether sex will ruin the relationship ... it's already "ruined" and changed by all his flirting. If you want to have sex, send him a note ... with three X's ... to up his two. He'll be at your place in no time.
Author Jet8419 Posted March 12, 2019 Author Posted March 12, 2019 No, I’m not the kind who sleeps with people who isn’t my boyfriend, so I won’t be thinking about sex with him at all. I am interested to know more about him first as a person because through working together in the past, he does have some good qualities about his personality that I like, but right now all his flirting-yet-claiming-just-friends behaviour is making it difficult for me to confront him on the subject of what we are / what he wants.
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 12, 2019 Posted March 12, 2019 No, I’m not the kind who sleeps with people who isn’t my boyfriend, so I won’t be thinking about sex with him at all. I am interested to know more about him first as a person because through working together in the past, he does have some good qualities about his personality that I like, but right now all his flirting-yet-claiming-just-friends behaviour is making it difficult for me to confront him on the subject of what we are / what he wants. ok so here is what you do. next time he flirt. then flirt back. he wants to take you out then respond like you believe he means it. he says he wants a hug then say "come and get it *kissy face if your texting*". like show interest as more than a friend when he flirts. however if he makes a statement thats too casual or maybe a bit sexual. then redirect him. he may ask you to come over and cuddle for example (we all know wth that means) then say "hmmm that sounds nice if you play your cards right. in the meantime I wouldnt mind (insert your ideal place of date with him). im free at (insert your ideal time your free). go with the flow with his flirtations but dont let him bait you to sex before exclusivity situations. dont tell him no or be b*tch about it just tell him what you want instead flirtatiously. then ball is in his court. however dont read into anything. if he just flirts and flirts and flirts and talks to you every once in awhile and he is not progressing anything then he is not interested in anything more. you shouldnt have to ever ask "is this guy interested in me?". if a guy is interested in you then you will know it because he calling regularly, asking you out regularly, he flirts and says his intentions more directly, and eventually ask to be your exclusive boyfriend. its that simple. if he is flirting but not doing anything like that then dont read into anything until he actually shows you substance.
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