Girlfriend says I’m depressed because I don’t want to hang out with her friends

[swilliams92]

Background: me and my girlfriend have been together just over a year. We are expats working as teachers abroad. I moved here last year and we got together straight away, and she had already been here 2 years before I moved here.

 

When we first me, living abroad was all new to me and I wanted to socialise and meet new people cause everything was new and fun.

 

We have had a few issues since being together. Her messaging on snapchat a long term friend with benefits which I didn’t like, and finding out details about her past which she wasn’t open with.

 

A couple of months ago, I was on a lads night out and was chatting to a girl at a bar and gave her a lift home. This girl then said that I had said I wanted to sleep with her (which I hadn’t) and my girlfriend moved out and in with this group of friends.

 

We have since made up and got over this, but she’s now saying I’m depressed as I don’t want to socialise with this group as much.

 

When I said to her that I don’t like the group dynamic and socialise with these people as much she says that I’m depressed because as expats we have to socialise with people that aren’t our type. She has said that I love myself and think I’m better than everyone, which isn’t true. When we are talking I do say ‘no I’m not’ or ‘no i don’t’ and she just says that I’m in denial about everything.

 

I said that she just criticises me at every opportunity and now she won’t talk to me, I feel like she’s given up on the relationship.

 

I don’t know how to handle it and would appreciate some advice.

 

TLDR; girlfriend says I’m depressed because I don’t want to socialise with a group of her friends and I think we’re gonna break up.

[Lobouspo]

OP, how did your girlfriend find out about the girl who accused you of propositioning her? Sounds like there is some unresolved feelings with that. Have a heart to heart with her and see if the socializing with new friends is really the issue. Another thing OP, relationships are about compromise. Make it a point to hang out with group occasionally and act engaged. If the bad attitude persists and she complains about other stuff, then there are other issues going on. Bottom line: Communication and Compromise. You do both, you'll have a better idea of how she feels about your guys relationship

[ExpatInItaly]

When I said to her that I don’t like the group dynamic and socialise with these people as much she says that I’m depressed because as expats we have to socialise with people that aren’t our type. She has said that I love myself and think I’m better than everyone, which isn’t true. When we are talking I do say ‘no I’m not’ or ‘no i don’t’ and she just says that I’m in denial about everything.

 

Eh? I'm also an expat (and have been for nearly 6 years now) and I don't agree with her logic whatsoever.

 

Going out and socializing in your new country is important, yes. And it's true that we sometimes need to step outside our comfort zones and expand our horizons. But I have never felt it necessary to hang out with other expats with whom I have little in common or with whom I simply don't click. There is little sense in forcing yourself to do so, at home or abroad.

 

If that were true, I'd be down at the couple well-known expat pubs in this city all the time, hanging out with the same crowd and drinking beer night after night. I have been a couple times, know a few of the faces there, but don't love pub crowds/pub nightlife in general so I rarely visit. This has not once caused me any problems. I have other expat friends whose interests I do share, and it's fine.

 

I think your girlfriend wants to break up with you and is grasping at straws for reasons to blame you. I would not be eager to continue a relationship with someone who insists I have mental health issues and tells me I think I am superior to everyone else, anyway.

Edited November 23, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

[basil67]

You say she criticises you at every opportunity....yet you are still with her. Either there's a whole lot of good you haven't told us about, or you should have dumped her ages ago.

 

Which is it?

[d0nnivain]

Presumably you became an ExPat to gain more worldly experiences. Why not try a new GF?

 

She's a teacher not a psychologist so her "diagnosis" is meaningless.

[smackie9]

Your GF is just plain evil....where did she get that distorted view of you? and why? She ain't helping anyone here with that attitude. And that other girl is a jackass wanting attention or something...like who does that? an immature b*&^% drama queen. I think her friends are influencing her or manipulating her into thinking this crap....and ya I know she has been talking with them...so it's her, her friends against you...those are s&*^%%$ odds my friend. I agree you should find yourself a new GF or just go out, do some smashing and answer to no one for awhile.