Much Younger Lady

[Stomper]

Not sure what to ask or how to ask it, but here goes.

 

I'll try to keep this short without all the details.

Met this hot racy young lady on line, thought it was a scam, kept waiting for the kicker that never came. Basically thought if she was going to scam me, I would play along and have some fun.

15 months later, I have this this incredible beautiful young angel (if angels look like Barbie) (and her two gorgeous pre-schoolers) sharing my home, my life, and my bed. She cooks, she cleans, she refuses to take any money, and has started her own little business to make a bit of money.

 

She is young, and far too obsessed with The Bachelor and the Kardashians, etc, etc, but I am deliriously happy, except when I look in the mirror and realise that I am a filthy old pervert.

 

I excuse myself by saying that without me the kids we're raising would not have a father. And its hard to feel guilty for long, because she just doesn't allow it.

Whatever abandonment issues cause her to be so happy with me, I am obviously taking advantage. I'm not rich, I have a old house in a cheap suburb, and she is younger than my own children.

 

I have decided that I need to one of the following:

1) Send her packing (with an explanation and assistance)

2) Ask her if she would allow me to adopt her as my daughter, and help her raise the children as my grandkids. Obviously without the other.

3) Help her get setup in a place of her own.

3) Try to fix her up with my son, who would be lucky to have her.

[damni]

[Nilfiry]

I do not see why age is an issue here, so...

5) Marry her.

[lana-banana]

You think your son wants to date a woman who's slept with his father? You think it'd be fine and dandy to adopt a former lover as your daughter? It seems like the age difference is the least of your problems here.

[snowboy91]

We're missing something here. What is it about the relationship that makes you want to end it? Is there anything she is saying or doing that makes you want to question the relationship?

[d0nnivain]

All the options you set forth are horrible. If you are happy & she is happy, carry on. Feel proud / lucky that you "still got it" & stop beating yourself up. She a mom, not some teenager who doesn't know her own worth.

[beerdrinker]

Who are you in the relationship to make these decisions for her? Communication man.... communication.... I am with a much younger woman... 20 years difference.

 

As the older man, yes I have had times where I questioned - what does she in me? But that's your insecurities talking. If you're communicating and you're happy, she's happy - she's working and contributing - you said she's not taking your money. She, again, is contributing to the stable environment you offered and is happy with things so far. - ( outside looking in from your words only )

 

Communicate! Go see someone. Why are you carrying guilt, shame or self-doubt?

 

If you want to adopt someone, prove yourself with much more time and adopt her children after you marry her!

 

No setting options for her!

 

Set them for yourself but not for her.

 

If you want out, then go! If not, then stay and be committed to being active in your happiness together.

[Sunlight72]

Do you want a long term relationship? If you do not, then I realize your conflict, and you should move her along. If you do want a long term relationship (I mean, you're already in one with her and her children), I am unclear what the problem is other than your own sense of imbalance. But you haven't quite said what is wrong here...

[smackie9]

If things are working out so far then don't change what isn't broke. Just remember to not mix assets, get married or get in too deep...always have an exit plan if things go south. Know your local laws about common-law cohabitation. Here in Canada she can nail you for child support, alimony and take half your assets after one year of living together.

[Stomper]

I have decided that I need to one of the following:

1) Send her packing (with an explanation and assistance)

2) Ask her if she would allow me to adopt her as my daughter, and help her raise the children as my grandkids. Obviously without the other.

3) Help her get setup in a place of her own.

3) Try to fix her up with my son, who would be lucky to have her.

Not sure where my replies keep going?

So I will try again.

 

Obviously that concluding paragraph was foolish and desperate.

 

What I should simply have said is:

HELP! I don't know what to do.

 

I feel guilty, then I feel wondrously happy, then I feel bad for being happy.

 

I treat her like a princess, now, but my earlier behaviour was shameful.

 

We had a condom tear.

She was excited.

I felt physically sick.

 

Ok, she's not legally a child, and she is a mother, And she looks much older than her real age, but I can't unknow what I know.

[smackie9]

Tip: if you don't want kids, get yer nuts tied. If you are using condoms, use a spermicide cream with the condom so if you get a tear, the cream or foam will take care of it.

[guest569]

What do you want?

[Stomper]

On the one hand I feel that I would give her whatever she asks, within reason, even more children.

 

"What do I want?"

I want her to be 30 years older, can you arrange that?

[central]

Cryogenic freezing isn't yet an option for you, but even if it were, she'd find someone else while you're on ice for 30 years, waiting for her to catch up.

 

Seriously, what is the problem? She is an adult and can make her own decisions. You can't - and shouldn't try - to make them for her. What you do need to do, is talk with her about the concerns you have about this relationship, and see if you can work through them. They do seem to be YOUR issues, so perhaps some individual counselling would help as well. You are taking a potentially good thing, and ruining it, perhaps out of fear, or perhaps out of a misplaced sense of responsibility for her.