Extremely Complicated...

[Bouncies]

Hello! I've come to this website because I am in a complicated situation at the moment, and I'm not really sure what to do.

 

I guess you could say I'm in a love square. A bit awkward. I'll give everyone involved pseudonyms.

 

I'm a girl. My best friend is Alice. I'm in love with her, and have been for years. I recently confessed my feelings to her. She seems to be confused as to how she feels for me. She says she's not in love with me, and she has no desire to date, but at the same time, she says our relationship looks romantic, and she wants to be with me for the rest of her life, and she could never be closer to anyone than she is with me. A lot of mixed signals. When I ask her if she could please reject me clearly, she says she could never do that to me, because it doesn't feel right.

I'm in a very bad place right now because of this. I want to be able to move on, but I can't do that when I still feel like there's hope for more. It's been six months since I confessed, and I still don't have a clear answer. My heart hurts every day.

 

Then there are...the other two...

 

"Jake". Jake knows I am in love with Alice. But Jake likes me. He wants to be my roommate, because he currently lives with his parents, and wants to move out. Since I am in need of a roommate, us moving in together would be perfect for both of us. But... If I'm still not in a relationship with Alice when it happens, then I'm pretty sure that we would end up becoming friends with benefits. I have no desire to be a romantic partner with Jake, but I wouldn't be against sex.

I guess I have a lot of questions about this.

Is it wrong to be friends with benefits with a guy, when you know he likes you, but you don't like him back?

Is it wrong to sleep with someone when you already are in love with someone else, but you're trying to move on from them?

 

It gets worse.

 

There's Sam.

 

Sam is, in theory, the perfect guy. He's the guy I WISH I were in love with. But I'm not.

Sam, though... Right now, Sam lives far away, and neither of us want a long-distance relationship. But we "pretend" to be dating. It's hard to explain, but we always say lovey-dovey things to each other and pretend to go out, while both of us know that it isn't a real relationship.

He also knows that Jake likes me, and he jokingly pretends to get mad when Jake flirts with me. It's a game, I like to joke with them both that I'm "cheating" on Sam with Jake.

 

The thing is, Sam doesn't know I'm in love with Alice. I feel like I should tell him I am. But it's messed up, because deep down, I feel like if Alice and I don't end up together, I would, in theory, want to date Sam for real.

I could just imagine Sam and I working out, and eventually I could develop deep feelings for him.

 

But neither of us has plans on moving closer to each other. So since clearly, no matter what happens, Sam and I wouldn't date anytime soon... it makes me feel like there's no need to clarify to him that I'm in love with Alice. Sam and I are both in this place where we acknowledge we wouldn't date right now, and are happy for the other person if they find someone to date.

 

But part of me still feels awkward when I am playfully flirting with Sam, when he doesn't know about the things that are going on between me and Alice. The truth is, it's like I'm using Sam as a safe blanket... "If things don't work out with Alice, maybe I could have something with Sam one day."

Edited October 23, 2018 by Bouncies

[Mardelis]

Maybe the three of you could date. A type of perpetual threesome. I never heard of such a thing until I wrote it just now and it's intriguing.

[Bouncies]

Maybe the three of you could date. A type of perpetual threesome. I never heard of such a thing until I wrote it just now and it's intriguing.

 

Funny, but unlikely

[smackie9]

Keep Jake for the sex, and everyone else as close friends. Alice has sent you into the friends zone so there is no hope for anything more. She truly loves you as a best friend, but no romantic interest there. Sam... well he will eventually move on anyways.

[AngryGromit]

While the friends with benefits thing might work out in the short term, sooner or later Jake's gonna want more of a commitment from you. As for Alice, do you desire sex with Alice as well? Do you want to kiss and hold her? If not, then perhaps your not really bi-sexual after all. Is just spending time with Alice enough for you, or you desire more from her?

Edited October 23, 2018 by AngryGromit

[Bouncies]

sooner or later Jake's gonna want more of a commitment from you.

This is what I'm worried about. I'm not sure what I can do about the way he feels. Maybe it would be better to just not even become roommates, because I don't want his feelings to get even more hurt in the end.

 

As for Alice, do you desire sex with Alice as well? Do you want to kiss and hold her? If not, then perhaps your not really bi-sexual after all. Is just spending time with Alice enough for you, or you desire more from her?

 

It's hard to answer. Alice isn't interested in sex (with anyone). So, while I would be for it, I automatically push those thoughts away. I could be fine without sex. But I really do want to kiss and hold her.

I'm in a tough space right now because I'm avoiding spending time with her. Because every time we're together, it hurts so much not knowing what she's feeling.

 

If she gave me a clear rejection, I would be okay with going back to how we always have been, just friends. It would hurt, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. Because yes, I am happy being able to be her friend, even if we can't be more.

[Bouncies]

Keep Jake for the sex, and everyone else as close friends. Alice has sent you into the friends zone so there is no hope for anything more. She truly loves you as a best friend, but no romantic interest there. Sam... well he will eventually move on anyways.

 

I feel like I really need to come to terms with Alice not liking me the same way I like her. But it's so hard to accept, when she doesn't reject me out-right. I've had people confess to me before, and I had no problem telling them it was not mutual. I acknowledge it's for the better that they realize there is no hope there.

 

So it's really, really hard for me to try to wrap my head around why she won't give me the same courtesy. And it's even more confusing when she says things like, "Do you think you could find what we have with someone else?" and to go on and on about how much I mean to her, how she could never find anyone else that she feels this way to. It makes me really, really confused.

[smackie9]

Not confusing at all.... this is what being in the friends zone is all about. Emotional attachment can be more intimate, and more powerful than romantic interest. That's why so many confuse emotional attachment as romantic interest...it can look like it, give you the impression that it is...but it's not. True emotional attachment can be like an addiction, hence why she doesn't let go. I get it, it's not fair to you, it's selfish on her part but when you are in that deep it so hard to say no.