Enthusiastic replies to text but never texts first

[EthanBlack]

I met this girl through a friend. She and him are colleagues. He invited her to this gathering that he had at his house like over a year ago. We talked a little bit but not too much in depth being that it was a big gathering. Also, she mentioned she had a boyfriend and so for me, that was it. Also, I learned that two other guys at the party asked for her contact that same night and I think both of them at one point attempted to ask her out. She obviously rejected both given that she was already with someone.

 

I didn't see her for a long time and just forgot about her but recently, we reconnected at that same friend's house. I didn't ask directly but I think she is now single. Also, we had a chance more this time around to talk more one on one and get to know each other more. And it turns out, we have a lot in common.

 

We learned that we live actually very close to each other. That night, I didn't drive so she offered me a ride back given that we live so close. But one weird thing as she dropped me off my at my place was that she didn't ask for my number or any contact. She just asked me when my next dance competition was (I am a ballroom dancer) and wished me luck. She said it in a way as if she assumed she wouldn't see me in the near future. So I was like **** it, I'm gonna ask her for her number. She gave it to me without hesitation. We said good night and that's it.

 

A couple days later, I texted her to see if she wanted to attend a social dance party with me. She said she wanted to but she has a work trip to another country for two weeks. That's one of the things we have in common. Both our careers involves occassional travel. She's gone for the next two weeks in a foreign country. And I'm also gone for a week RIGHT after she comes back. It's bad luck and timing.

 

However, she did say yes and she said we'd plan on meeting up when we're both free. She also never mentioned also inviting out our mutual friend in a group setting so she's clear that it's gonna be one on one.

 

Other than that, she never intiates text first. I don't text her to talk about mundane stuff cause we barely know each other. I mean, we've met twice only and we've only had one real conversation that went into any depth. I want to get to know each other face to face. When I do text her, it was to make plans to meetup and also to wish her good luck on her work trip.

 

She never initiates text to me but when I do text her, she immediately replies and there's never been a "no" from her.

 

I also notice, because we use whatsapp, I can see when she was last active and she doesn't check her phone that often. I think this girl is someone who doesn't really enjoy texting. She and I both do not use social media either.

 

So yeah, for next 3 weeks, we're not gonna be able to see meet up. I also don't want to text her to avoid being desperate/needy but also I want to get to know her face to face, not talk endlessly via text.

 

It's tough to gauge her reaction. Even though she is a pretty girl, she seems overall quite shy and quiet. I don't know if she's just the traditional type who wants to let the guy do all the initial work or if she's just not interested at all.

 

But I've never gotten a no from her and she always replies to my texts quickly and she already agreed to meetup, it's just that both our work schedules don't work.

 

Do I just play it cool and just meet up with her and take it from there? I want to get to know her and I also want to give her a chance to know me organically.

[salparadise]

But one weird thing as she dropped me off my at my place was that she didn't ask for my number or any contact.

 

She never initiates text to me but when I do text her, she immediately replies and there's never been a "no" from her.

 

Even though she is a pretty girl, she seems overall quite shy and quiet. I don't know if she's just the traditional type who wants to let the guy do all the initial work or if she's just not interested at all.

 

1. Why would you expect her to ask you? How old are you?

 

2. If she immediately replies and never says no, she's interested. Some women believe it's not proper for them to initiate.

 

3. Yea, sounds traditional. If that's not okay she may not be the one... otherwise, keep in touch about once a day. Talk to her on the phone sometimes too. You'll have to do the dialing.

[Ruby Slippers]

I never text a man first. I like a take charge go-getter. I've found that if he's into me, he's happy to take the initiative. I'm always receptive when interested. I politely make it clear when I'm not.

[Chilli]

Yeah, perfect ruby l'd respect that hell out of that as a guy, and it's the only way l've ever done things and looked for that in her. But for some reason it's like cardinal sin round here , l never get it.

 

Most of these struggling guys seem to expect women to come after them , never get that either, To me that's the guys job and she if interested would be something like you described.

 

l know this'll get shot down though, ah well

[Ruby Slippers]

Most of these struggling guys seem to expect women to come after them , never get that either, To me that's the guys job and she if interested would be something like you described.

And that's why they're struggling.

[EthanBlack]

I never text a man first. I like a take charge go-getter. I've found that if he's into me, he's happy to take the initiative. I'm always receptive when interested. I politely make it clear when I'm not.

 

Except that's not always the case. I've pursued women who were too "nice" to reject me, especially if we had mutual friends. She just started behaving badly on dates like being on her phone a lot or even in this one case, she had a ****ing phone conversation with her cousin while we were walking together.She just hoped I'd get the point and stop asking her out to do stuff. She also became quite buys because this was a girl doing her Masters degree and so towards the end of our dating, she didn't have a lot of time. After we broke up, I later learned through the grapevine she met some ****ing guy and they were married within six months. Busy my ass. Ok too busy to go on dates but apparently have enough time to date and then marry someone.

 

After that experience, I question the whole thing about women being interested while at the same time being passive and letting the guy take the initiative.

[EthanBlack]

1. Why would you expect her to ask you? How old are you?

 

 

I'm 35. She's 29 or 30. I dunno, if it were Brad Pitt, the shyest girl would ask him for his number at the end of a night.

 

2. If she immediately replies and never says no, she's interested. Some women believe it's not proper for them to initiate.

 

 

Some women are too nice to not say no. Or they're afraid of rejecting a guy if they have mutual friends.

 

 

3. Yea, sounds traditional. If that's not okay she may not be the one... otherwise, keep in touch about once a day. Talk to her on the phone sometimes too. You'll have to do the dialing.

 

Well she's super independent too. She has her own place, her own car, a good job. She takes good care of herself. She's attractive. She doesn't strike me as someone who has to wait for guys to ask her out.

[RedHead5]

I'm 35. She's 29 or 30. I dunno, if it were Brad Pitt, the shyest girl would ask him for his number at the end of a night.

 

 

 

Some women are too nice to not say no. Or they're afraid of rejecting a guy if they have mutual friends.

 

 

 

Well she's super independent too. She has her own place, her own car, a good job. She takes good care of herself. She's attractive. She doesn't strike me as someone who has to wait for guys to ask her out.

 

 

I'm very independent as well, I take care of myself and have a good job. Not a supermodel or anything but I'm pretty. It's not about success or looks. A more traditional woman is looking for a more traditional man.

 

Some women still prefer for the man to take the dominant role. If the man can't take initiative and take control of the situation I'm going to end up running the show and I HATE that. That's part of my reasoning. And keeping a pulse on interest.

 

When I'm interested I always text back fast. If I'm not, I will wait longer and longer between answering if they dont figure it out by the hug at the end of a date instead of a kiss. Most dates where we didn't hit it off neither of us ever texted each other again.

[EthanBlack]

I'm very independent as well, I take care of myself and have a good job. Not a supermodel or anything but I'm pretty. It's not about success or looks. A more traditional woman is looking for a more traditional man.

 

Some women still prefer for the man to take the dominant role. If the man can't take initiative and take control of the situation I'm going to end up running the show and I HATE that. That's part of my reasoning. And keeping a pulse on interest.

 

When I'm interested I always text back fast. If I'm not, I will wait longer and longer between answering if they dont figure it out by the hug at the end of a date instead of a kiss. Most dates where we didn't hit it off neither of us ever texted each other again.

 

Why is it so important that guy take initiative? Even in cases where the girl already knows the guy is interested?

[EthanBlack]

I never text a man first. I like a take charge go-getter. I've found that if he's into me, he's happy to take the initiative. I'm always receptive when interested. I politely make it clear when I'm not.

 

How do you politely make it clear when you're not interested?

 

Do you tell him directly? Or do you keep replying to him and keep agreeing to go out on dates but never a kiss or even a hug at the end and somehow hope he'll get the hint? Cause more traditional girls like to take things slow physically. Some girls don't kiss a guy they're interested in until like the 7th date or something.

[Larry56]

Except that's not always the case. I've pursued women who were too "nice" to reject me, especially if we had mutual friends. She just started behaving badly on dates like being on her phone a lot or even in this one case, she had a ****ing phone conversation with her cousin while we were walking together.She just hoped I'd get the point and stop asking her out to do stuff. She also became quite buys because this was a girl doing her Masters degree and so towards the end of our dating, she didn't have a lot of time. After we broke up, I later learned through the grapevine she met some ****ing guy and they were married within six months. Busy my ass. Ok too busy to go on dates but apparently have enough time to date and then marry someone.

 

After that experience, I question the whole thing about women being interested while at the same time being passive and letting the guy take the initiative.

 

I know how you feel bro. Women do this all the time and they think it's OK because they just assume 'you know' whats going. But clearly guys don't know what the hell is going on because women just think we should understand from the beginning. The problem is that...women get energy from having men spend time/attention on them. They really don't mind wasting your time because in the back of their minds...you're furfilling that attention thing in their brain. For you it's a pain in the neck because you're being led on but they have there own excuses.

 

I wouldn't wait around for a woman to ask you out. All I would do in your situation is get her to your place and sleep with her...cause women typically don't start chasing a guy until they actually sleep with him...you might see the flip happen then but not likely before that.

[Logo]

Why is it so important that guy take initiative? Even in cases where the girl already knows the guy is interested?

 

 

 

 

Because most women dread rejection. They'd rather the guy do all the work. That way they can stay in their emotional safe space.

[Logo]

 

When I'm interested I always text back fast. If I'm not, I will wait longer and longer between answering

 

 

That's called passive-aggressive.

[Logo]

If the man can't take initiative and take control of the situation I'm going to end up running the show and I HATE that.

 

 

Why do you hate it?

 

 

 

And why can't it be mutual where the man and woman work together instead of the man always having to do all the work?

[RedHead5]

Why is it so important that guy take initiative? Even in cases where the girl already knows the guy is interested?

 

As time has went on, we are about 60/40 at this point on initiative. But in the beginning it was probably 90/10.

 

After a month or so I suggested a few meet ups, invited him for dinner at my place, etc. Occasionally texted first.

 

Part of it is the stimga of being clingy. Some guys are afraid of that. Namely, the guys I tend to like.

 

Part of it is just seeing what he will do when he is in control. Will he take the lead and set up dates if I don't? Will he take charge? Because personally, I NEED that. I'm a little alphaish and if he can't stand up to me it is NOT going to work.

[RedHead5]

Why do you hate it?

 

 

 

And why can't it be mutual where the man and woman work together instead of the man always having to do all the work?

 

I didn't say I wouldn't put in any work. I just believe in more of a natural order where the man is in charge. I dont want to be in charge.

 

To me, the best balance is a man who has things under control and leads but cares about and appreciates his woman.

 

I believe I deserve to be courted a bit in the beginning. If you dont believe in courting a woman, that's fine, but you just aren't the guy for me.

 

I have been in too many relationships where I have ended up running the show. It's a complete turn off. I have two kids. Dont need anymore.

[CollinW]

I find it funny how women claim to like a "go getter" and never initiates so they let the man lead, yet every last one of them get anxiety and angered when they don't know where things are going.

[Logo]

To me, the best balance is a man who has things under control and leads but cares about and appreciates his woman.

 

 

 

 

Yeah. That’s the very opposite of balance. In fact, I don’t see why any man would want to jump at such an “opportunity”.

[RedHead5]

Yeah. That’s the very opposite of balance. In fact, I don’t see why any man would want to jump at such an “opportunity”.

 

LOL everybody is different. The man I am seeing now appreciates it, that's all that matters. It's just a different mentality....not sure if I am explaining it properly. I don't see it as a negative at all.

[Ruby Slippers]

Except that's not always the case. I've pursued women who were too "nice" to reject me, especially if we had mutual friends. She just started behaving badly on dates like being on her phone a lot or even in this one case, she had a ****ing phone conversation with her cousin while we were walking together.She just hoped I'd get the point and stop asking her out to do stuff. She also became quite buys because this was a girl doing her Masters degree and so towards the end of our dating, she didn't have a lot of time. After we broke up, I later learned through the grapevine she met some ****ing guy and they were married within six months. Busy my ass. Ok too busy to go on dates but apparently have enough time to date and then marry someone.

 

After that experience, I question the whole thing about women being interested while at the same time being passive and letting the guy take the initiative.

You need to learn the read the cues she gives when she's not into you.

 

If she's on her phone on dates and having other conversations while on dates with you, she's not into you. I would never, ever stand for such disrespect on a date. I might correct her once and give her a chance to straighten out, but if she did it again she'd be history.

 

If you feel like a woman isn't it you, she's almost certainly not, and she's a waste of your time and energy. It's foolish to chase a woman who doesn't want you.

 

How do you politely make it clear when you're not interested?

 

Do you tell him directly? Or do you keep replying to him and keep agreeing to go out on dates but never a kiss or even a hug at the end and somehow hope he'll get the hint? Cause more traditional girls like to take things slow physically. Some girls don't kiss a guy they're interested in until like the 7th date or something.

I tell him directly that I'm not interested, sometimes offer friendship if I feel we could genuinely be friends. I respect everybody's time and energy and have no intention to waste it. I realize most people aren't like me, many people have no real higher purpose in life so are fine with piddling away countless hours of their own times and that of others.

 

I find it funny how women claim to like a "go getter" and never initiates so they let the man lead, yet every last one of them get anxiety and angered when they don't know where things are going.

Not me. If I don't feel good about his level of contact, I simply lose interest and move on. He becomes another piece of hay in the haystack, and I keep looking for the glinting silver needle.

 

I just went on my 3rd date with a new man, 4th date this weekend, and he's texting and calling regularly. He's in a high position, very busy with his career and a lot of awesome mentoring and humanitarian work, cool hobbies, very full life. But he still finds plenty of time to keep in touch with me and make sure I know that I'm on his mind. He always initiates, and I'm always quickly receptive.