Dating a girl that doesn't make much.

[Aveenolover]

A couple years I decided to uproot from Indiana and move to California on a whim, basically. I didn't have a degree in anything nor a job lined up. I was just so miserable in Indiana and really needed a new change. However, OBVIOUSLY the cost of living is way way way more in california than back home.

 

My problem is I'm 30 years old and barely making 40k working two jobs. All my experience is in warehousing so it's hard to branch out of that to find higher paying jobs. I have goals and ambitions and want to get back into school so I can do something I truly love, but it's hard to get back into school when i'm already working almost 70 hours a week.

 

With all that said, since i moved out here, i have no friends and family and i've been quite lonely. I've been doing a little dating here and there to find a partner but i feel extremely insecure because of how little i make and i feel like, especially out here, if you arent making 100k+ people think you're kinda ...well a turd. So a lot of guys I don't even go after cuz I feel like they won't give me the time of day anyway because I make so little.

 

What are your opinions on this matter? And no, I don't plan on staying at my job and I'm not accepting this low pay--it's just all that i've found SO FAR, but I continue to look.

[carhill]

California is very image driven, especially in the urban centers, so that's a constant challenge whether you're new to the state or a six decade native like myself.

 

I'd continue doing what you're doing, congrats on your work ethic, and seek to meet ladies in real life. Socialize.

 

What interests do you have?

 

As example, back after I got divorced if I wanted to socialize I'd check out the club calendars for cruise-ins, shine up one of the old cars and drive into town. I might run into some guys I knew but that wasn't guaranteed. I'd park, grab a burger or whatever and wander around and talk to people. Non-car people often showed up too and yeah some of them were women. Bla, bla, evening passes, some pleasant times and back to the outback.

 

IMO focus on enjoying yourself and socializing, not hitting on women. Things develop organically. Socializing also makes contacts which can assist you in improving your job situation. If I met a guy like yourself at a social situation, got to yacking about cars, whatever, and he mentioned he was looking for work I could easily give him the number of a half dozen customers who might be hiring. Either the owner or office or shop manager. That's networking. I wouldn't be giving you any women's numbers unless they were hiring

[Aveenolover]

No no--carhill--I'm a woman lol looking to date other men. But maybe your advice still applies haha

[Dodgersfan11]

I always thought guys didn't care how much a women makes, as long as they are attractive to them. Isn't it all about looks anyway? Don't all guys want some stunning beauty beside them? I remember going on a date a few years ago and my date was saying that guys really don't care what kind of work women do/how much money they make, of course they can't be trash, even a guy will go after that "cute" bartender, and do bartenders make good money? no. At least that's my take on it.

[carhill]

No no--carhill--I'm a woman lol looking to date other men. But maybe your advice still applies haha

Sorry for the mistaken identity; however, the basic premise can still apply.

 

My ex-wife, after I took her to the first big car show she'd ever been to, in SoCal, not twenty minutes from where she grew up but never knew about, opined "We'd have never met if I'd gone to one of these shows long ago". Meeting guys at a car show is like shooting fish in a barrel. Pro-tip: when leaning over the fender to ask a dumb question and accentuate your curves, don't actually touch the fender

[LoverOfDance]

I honestly thought you were a man too. Things must be seriously different in Indiana ?

 

Girl, NO man cares about how much you make. Absolutely NO man cares about this. The only man who cares about how much you make is the lazy man who doesn't work and is looking for a rich girlfriend/wife he can mooch off of.

 

I'm very surprised that you're asking this question. If you ask me, you don't have a problem.

 

Props to you for working 70 hours a week by the way.

[LoverOfDance]

If anything, men are sometimes intimidated when you make a lot of money or when you make more money than them.

[alphamale]

I think the main issue here is how a girl making $40k per year can manage to live and thrive in California?

 

My advice is to find a rich dude who works in silicon valley or hollywood

[carhill]

Once real estate is out of the way, it's not too bad in CA, especially if not residing in one of the image-driven urban areas. 40K would be easy peasy where my business is located. I know plenty of employees at customer's businesses who make in the 40-50K range, typical for the front office folks and parts guys.

 

Also, to bookend on the Silicon Valley suggestion, tech guys these days often telecommute and a lot of tech guys love to spend money on cars. I first ran into it 20 years ago at the race track when the tech geeks from the Valley would show up with all their whiz bang computerized stuff and smoke us gearheads. Now they're really into racing and collecting big time. Many are single.

[Chilli]

I always thought guys didn't care how much a women makes, as long as they are attractive to them. Isn't it all about looks anyway? Don't all guys want some stunning beauty beside them? I remember going on a date a few years ago and my date was saying that guys really don't care what kind of work women do/how much money they make, of course they can't be trash, even a guy will go after that "cute" bartender, and do bartenders make good money? no. At least that's my take on it.

 

 

l dunno where you got your ideas from or maybe it really is just as shallow as that there,

But nope , not a hope , looks alone are useless and won't get any real relationship or marriage very far except to misery in the end.

Well here anyway.

[Highndry]

Not an issue as far as I'm concerned. There's a lovely gal that works at the sub shop where I get a sandwich every now and then. I'd guess it's minimum wage she's earning. If I were younger, I'd date her for sure. I don't really care how much women make.

[MaleIntuition]

I honestly thought you were a man too. Things must be seriously different in Indiana ?

 

Girl, NO man cares about how much you make. Absolutely NO man cares about this. The only man who cares about how much you make is the lazy man who doesn't work and is looking for a rich girlfriend/wife he can mooch off of.

 

I'm very surprised that you're asking this question. If you ask me, you don't have a problem.

 

Props to you for working 70 hours a week by the way.

 

Uhm... I do - to some extent. Why wouldn’t we care? Her career choice is often a reflection of her personality. Believe it or not; we are interested in more than looks.

[David33]

You're way ahead of the game. You can't change your situation overnight so be confident in where you're at at this point in your life. Personally, I care how much someone makes because it tells me where they're at in their journey. Any number is not a deal breaker. No number is. GL

[Andy_K]

So a lot of guys I don't even go after cuz I feel like they won't give me the time of day anyway because I make so little.

 

Most guys don't place much value on your income level. The most important thing is always how attractive you are. If you're pretty, fit, etc, that carries more weight than your job or income ever will. Beyond that they care if you're nice, easy to get on with, enjoyable to be around, etc.

[LoverOfDance]

@Maleintuition - Where did i say anything about her career choice in my post?? And where exactly did i say anything about men not being interested in anything but looks?

 

Op, typically men do not care if you make a lot of money or not. Men typically do not use this information to decide whether or not to date you.

 

A man from a wealthy family might decide to marry a wealthy woman to further promote his or his family's financial interests/position. A lazy man might hunt for a rich woman because he doesn't want to work. I have searched my brain and i can't think of any other kind of man that would choose to date you partly or solely because you make a lot of money.

 

You're literally the only woman i have ever seen bring this up as a problem. I'm curious if this has anything to do with the conventions in Indiana. Maybe things happen differently there.

Edited October 19, 2018 by LoverOfDance

[SevenCity]

@Maleintuition - Where did i say anything about her career choice in my post?? And where exactly did i say anything about men not being interested in anything but looks?

 

Op, typically men do not care if you make a lot of money or not. Men typically do not use this information to decide whether or not to date you.

 

A man from a wealthy family might decide to marry a wealthy woman to further promote his or his family's financial interests/position. A lazy man might hunt for a rich woman because he doesn't want to work. I have searched my brain and i can't think of any other kind of man that would choose to date you partly or solely because you make a lot of money.

 

You're literally the only woman i have ever seen bring this up as a problem. I'm curious if this has anything to do with the conventions in Indiana. Maybe things happen differently there.

 

Ask any man who married a woman of low income and got divorced who is now paying alimony through the nose. Yea, there are a lot of men who care.

 

That’s not to say money is as important to a man as it is to a woman, but we want someone who can take care of themselves and isn’t a parasite.

 

The other issue is lifting the entire financial burden during dating. I personally refuse to do that and won’t date women who feel a man should be paying for everything and have dumped many women as a result.

 

I don’t Judge women (or anyone) on how much they make. But if a woman’s entitlement allows her to demand going to places/doing things on my dime which she normally could not afford, she has just labeled herself as a temporary sex partner and eliminated herself from long term consideration.

[MaleIntuition]

@Maleintuition - Where did i say anything about her career choice in my post?? And where exactly did i say anything about men not being interested in anything but looks?

 

Op, typically men do not care if you make a lot of money or not. Men typically do not use this information to decide whether or not to date you.

 

A man from a wealthy family might decide to marry a wealthy woman to further promote his or his family's financial interests/position. A lazy man might hunt for a rich woman because he doesn't want to work. I have searched my brain and i can't think of any other kind of man that would choose to date you partly or solely because you make a lot of money.

 

You're literally the only woman i have ever seen bring this up as a problem. I'm curious if this has anything to do with the conventions in Indiana. Maybe things happen differently there.

 

I simply assumed that you knew that income correlates with career choice, but for your information; a specialist nurse or a lawyer typically makes more than a barmaid. Income is therefore typically a consequence of life choices. Your statement was that absolutely no man cares unless he is lazy. That’s not true. You didn’t explicitly state that men only cared about looks, but that was the implication I was getting - perhaps I was wrong.

 

And it’s not about making a lot of money - but being independent, responsible and able to support oneself, preferably without working two jobs.

[stillafool]

I moved to Los Angeles when I was 23 and started off with a job as a Receptionist at a law firm. I got asked out all the time from attorneys and everyone else. They really don't care how much money you make. But, I am old now so perhaps times have changed there.

[LoverOfDance]

I honestly didn't come here to argue. I see some posters bringing up issues that don't have much to do with the point i was trying to make.

 

 

OP, I think that as long as you're able to take care of yourself financially, you're fine, and even if you aren't some men will still date you anyways. You don't need to be rich to find a great guy.

Hopefully you get my point and I am quite inspired by your work ethic and drive.

Edited October 19, 2018 by LoverOfDance

[elaine567]

 

A man from a wealthy family might decide to marry a wealthy woman to further promote his or his family's financial interests/position. A lazy man might hunt for a rich woman because he doesn't want to work. I have searched my brain and i can't think of any other kind of man that would choose to date you partly or solely because you make a lot of money.

I know a man whose main aim at university was to source an heiress and marry her.

He was not lazy, in fact he made a very very good career for himself, a career many would envy, but his heiress wife gave him and his children access to a world of wealth and privilege, he would never have achieved by his own steam.

[smackie9]

You are not the only person working two jobs only making 40K. Change your attitude and it will change your situation. Positive thinkers have more success.

[LoverOfDance]

@elaine567 - Did you read what i wrote just above that quote you bolded? Your post pretty much reiterated what i have already written - sometimes influential men seek wealthy and influential women so that in marrying those women, they can increase their power, influence and money.

[preraph]

A lot of men simply don't care if a woman doesn't have a great job and make money, so stop worrying about it. Obviously, don't go for the designer clothes and Ferrari guys.

 

A warehouse job can often lead upward IF the warehouse is owned by a company who also runs corporate offices. I worked in the corporate offices attached to a warehouse. People did move up if they were reliable and good workers. So if that's isn't the situation there, consider a move to a corporate warehouse/office situation.

[thefooloftheyear]

To all the women that think guys don't care what a woman makes/does. Its not the 50s or 60's anymore...For one, in most locales you need 2 decent incomes for a meager survival..

 

That only really applies to the very attractive/great body types..And those type of women usually wind up with guys that make enough to support 2 people and a family by himself...

 

If you ladies think some guy is going to kill himself like a donkey while some overweight shrew is bringing home 150/wk waiting tables at the diner, you are dreaming..

 

So sure....Most guys wont care if their woman isn't a hedge fund manager or CEO..but not care at all??

 

No way, Jose..

 

TFY

[alphamale]

I date college educated women exclusively so most of them make a good living. If you have a 4 year degree chance are you'll have an above average job salary wise.

 

So, yes, I do care how much a woman makes but only to a certain extent...