I feel awful after being ghosted. Would appreciate some kind words?

[lindt1111]

I feel so bad about myself. I was seeing a guy on and off for two months and really liked him. We bonded over our recent family bereavements and enjoyed spending time together. I last seen him almost 2 weeks ago. We used to text about 1-2 texts a day and sometimes take a day or two break as we prefer to talk in person. He couldnt meet me last week due to college and work commitments which I believe. But he hasnt text me since Friday. I know he had a lot on the weekend so didnt expect a reply so I text him today to see how his weekend and he seen my message but never replied.

 

Yea I get he has no interest I see that now but Im still angry and hurt that I have been treated this way. I feel like a fool and like I was used and not good enough. If he wasnt interested he should have just said so instead of ghosting me. I genuienly never thought he would be like this as i always believed he was very mature. im very upset now. It is so so frustrating each time i pick up my phone and its blank as he hasnt replied. Has anyone any kind words about this situation?

Edited October 8, 2018 by lindt1111

[Zahara]

It's hard not to take it personally when someone treats you poorly. But you have to rationally accept that his poor behavior is not a reflection of who you are or your worth/value. If you're devaluing yourself because someone is acting badly towards you, then you need to reframe your mindset.

 

Infact, count this as a blessing because you do not want to be with a guy that has very little integrity. Two months in so thank your lucky stars you're getting a glimpse into who he is because this could have hurt you much more in the long run.

 

If this is the same guy from your last thread -- stop texting him. He has lost interest and it was evident from that thread. Don't feel like a fool. You gave him a chance based on how he was presenting himself at the time. It's not your fault. If we all knew where we'd end up everytime we dated someone, there wouldn't be an LS. So don't beat yourself up. Just learn from this and try to move on.

[stillafool]

I don't think he ghosted you he is just not interested. You were the one to reach out to him last week not the other way around and then he just went about his business. We can't make someone love us so you have to let this go and move on. It is best to get involved with men who are pursuing you then you will know their interest level in you is high. You will be okay.

[mortensorchid]

Remember that when people treat you badly, it has very little to do with you. It has to do with that person not feeling good about themselves and instead of working on it within they take it out on others around them. It's hurtful when they tell you something that they think is wrong with you or are angry about something about you ("You're fat", "Your friend (Name) is an a******, "You don't care about (blank)", etc.). And all those things they sight may be true, but you're not going to change and they should accept certain things about you. If they don't? F*** them. It's done.

 

You'll be able to say f*** them eventually but not now. Remember that.

[Zidane--5]

Don't feel bad about yourself. I have tried it several times and I know how you feel. You have to move on and think that this is the best thing that could happen to you. If he doesn't appreciate the person you are then he doesn't deserve you and your time.

[Lotsgoingon]

This happens ... and it happened before texting ... people didn't answer the phone or didn't return the call ... after repeated messages.

 

Anyway, your experience is an argument for not getting lost in texting. Texting is low energy, requires little commitment ...

 

I say add this experience to your pot of wisdom ... and meet more, text less ... twice a day texting ... is a lot for two people not hanging out a lot.

[fieldoflavender]

The nice thing to do would be to give someone closure. But some people feel it's "nicer" to just disappear. Which I think is dumb. I mean no one needs to outline exactly "This is why we would not work.." but a general "hey it was great to know, wish you all the best" is kind of nice. But you rarely see it.

 

In some ways, it's better he's gone now than rather than hang out longer and it'll be harder to get over. You have to find closure within yourself - relying on other people to give it to you won't help. Every time you think about them, think about the final things they did and it'll help you move on.

[Gretchen12]

The thing to remember is that it's not about you, it's him. The ghosters will ghost anyone that they no longer want to see. The people who don't ghost others, just won't do that. They won't ghost only some and not others (they may ghost only if you seem dangerous). So it's not you.

Also there is a connection between ghosting behavior and mental illness. Sometimes people shut down on everything when they can't cope. There are people who can't even get out of bed, so they can maybe read a text but can't speak/write, or take out the garbage.

[fieldoflavender]

Also in these cases, I give the person a deadline. Depends on how important they are to me, if there could be legit reasons why they are too busy perhaps to reply (fat chance in most cases - most people have the time to type 2 seconds of "I am busy but I will get back to you when I can"). Mine is usually 48-72 hours, sometimes if it's not serious then 1 week. Then they get deleted, and I forget about them.

 

Now with an actual ex it's harder but I've had an ex who ghosted me in real life and tried to disappear and not pick his stuff up. Wouldn't reply to messages. So all sorts of people. But I gave him a deadline, made sure he knew and then I disappeared as well.