Bit of a weird one

[Notsurewhat83]

Current partner used to be pretty close to a guy she works with, she says nothing has ever gone on between them and its just a friend.

 

Now the problem has arrived because she does favours for him and he apparently pays her. For example if he goes out for a few drinks she will fetch him and give him a lift home as he doesnt like taxis... hmmmm.

 

She has recently told me that hes told her recently he likes her and she turned him down and said shes obviously with me. She also said most people at her work think somethings going on but has said to me shes out his league and isnt interested.

 

Shes been really honest with me and even offered to show me texts where hes asked for lifts and i declined to look. She said she'd stop fetching him now she knows he likes her but I said i trust her and if hes paying her then i dont mind but when i told my mates theyve all said ive been stupid and theyd of told her to stop fetching him. Am i being stupid here letting this go? I trust her and dont want her to think i dont, but now my mates have said they'd of asked her to stop fetching him i feel a bit uneasy.

Edited October 8, 2018 by Notsurewhat83

[coolheadal]

This doesn't have thing to do with dating you know. She's doing this for extra money. If you want her to stop picking up the guy from work and let him catch taxi or the tube or etc, then tell her to stop.

[kendahke]

Current partner used to be pretty close to a guy she works with, she says nothing has ever gone on between them and its just a friend.

 

Now the problem has arrived because she does favours for him and he apparently pays her. For example if he goes out for a few drinks she will fetch him and give him a lift home as he doesnt like taxis... hmmmm.

 

She has recently told me that hes told her recently he likes her and she turned him down and said shes obviously with me. She also said most people at her work think somethings going on but has said to me shes out his league and isnt interested.

 

Shes been really honest with me and even offered to show me texts where hes asked for lifts and i declined to look. She said she'd stop fetching him now she knows he likes her but I said i trust her and if hes paying her then i dont mind but when i told my mates theyve all said ive been stupid and theyd of told her to stop fetching him. Am i being stupid here letting this go? I trust her and dont want her to think i dont, but now my mates have said they'd of asked her to stop fetching him i feel a bit uneasy.

 

You need to decide if you're a man who decides his life for himself or a boy to runs to his "no girls allowed" hideout with his boys---because your boys have no business all up in your relationship business.

 

So who do you want more: your woman or your boys? Who do you want to sleep next to at night? Then act accordingly.

 

Stop running your relationship business past your boys committee--you're too old for that.

 

If you trust her, then there is no problem. Don't create one where none exists.

[PRW]

She has recently told me that hes told her recently he likes her and she turned him down and said shes obviously with me. She also said most people at her work think somethings going on but has said to me shes out his league and isnt interested.

 

He is a Beta Male Orbiter that needs a mommy to drive him home. This guy will never "get any" from your woman of any other that he deals with this way. So just ignore it. Your woman treats him this way because that is how most women treat the Orbiters,...they like them as friends but have no sexual interest in that at all. Who gives a crap how the guy thinks about her,...he is never going to "get any". There are more than enough guys around on these forums who have been the Beta Orbiter before they "woke up" to tell you the same thing I am.

 

If you are all worried about it then you may be living in a "fearful state" and have insecurity issues yourself. I can tell you that if this is true this will drive your woman away from you, and sometimes quite quickly. So you need to nip those tendencies in the bud before anything else. But this Beta Orbiter is nothing to worry about.

[smackie9]

She's being naive. She could very well be innocent in all this but we all know this guy is workin on her. He's mackin on her hard and this is when she needs to extinguish this crush he has on her by backing off. He's got motivation. He likes getting her alone with him by offering money for tasks. You trust her yes, BUT out of respect for her partner, YOU, she should stop. This is called setting boundaries, and what she is doing is not appropriate.

 

 

 

 

 

She's just not seeing it, so in a discussion, turn it around. Ask her how would she feel if you were doing this with a female coworker that was out of your league, but everyone at your work is thinking something is going on, while you race off to give her a lift from the pub, and she admitted she likes you and would like to date you......I'm sure that would have her feeling a bit insecure. Maybe she will get it. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

To add, If I was in my 20's I would think nothing of it, but now that I am in my 50's ya I do see it as an issue...not a possible cheating issue, but a lack of respect issue.

Edited October 8, 2018 by smackie9

[Notsurewhat83]

I agree its inappropriate as id never personally want her to even think anything's up. I kind of feel like she doesnt need the money all that badly either. I think ill say something as the thing that bothers me was when i was in the pub myself and a friend asked 'whats your missus doing tonight' i replied 'she picks this guy up from work after hes been out for some extra money' when my friend asked 'erm and youre ok with that?' It kind of hit me a bit.

 

Its not a case of not trusting her its more a case of it seems a bit like its takes the pee when he knows im with her to even continue asking for these favours.

 

Im also slightly annoyed that ive been put in a situation where i have to make this decision to say whether its ok or not where as id never make someone decide on that id just instantly know its inappropriate to continue. I wouldnt ask my partner if its ok and make them decide.

Edited October 8, 2018 by Notsurewhat83