I (27F) am unsure if he (28M) was just looking for a mother figure all along?

[annalilian26]

I was dating a guy who I connected with so strongly earlier this year and we had a very intense, short lived relationship which I am still trying to move on from.

 

He had a drinking problem and could get into moods where he would become quite mean. I'd get upset about this and assertively tell him that I didn't appreciate being spoken to like this and he then broke it off telling me he is going to get 100 x jerkier the longer I date him and he needs to be with a girl who will just tell him to shut the **** up when he acts out and that I am too sensitive for deal with how he can behave, especially when he's drunk. He also said that because he had just gotten the first proper job he has had in 7 years working at a bottle shop, he can't be held down right now and have a relationship make him act out mess this up for himself because he needs to get his life together.

 

About 4 months has past and I found out through mutual friends that he is all loved up and has just started dating a single mother of two who is 38 years old and separated who he has known for a while and that he's smitten as she is the 'female version of him'. His previous girlfriend was also 10 years older than him too.

 

Now it all seems that the stuff he said earlier was all just one big cop out, even though he expressed that he was so infatuated with me and that he was the happiest he had been for so long being with me. Does it sound like he was just looking for a mother figure all along?

 

Please note, that I do not mean any disrespect towards single mothers, or women dating men younger than them. However I feel that from his behaviour in the relationship we had, that he showed signs of this and I guess I wanted to see how others view this.

[Zahara]

Instead of focusing on the type of woman he is attracted to or prefers to have a relationship with -- you should be focusing on what you want. Who cares about his preferences -- did you want to be with someone that was mean and insensitive and had no problems telling you he was going to treat even more horribly in the future? Shift your focus. Who he is dating doesn't define your value.

 

You're getting caught up with the irrelevant. This is where you count your blessings that you missed the train wreck. And I'm sure he's lovey dovey now but wait when the honeymoon wears off -- he'll treat these women the same way he treated you. It's just who he is and that doesn't change, whether he's dating you or a mother figure.

[Sunlight72]

Zahara, that is one of the best posts I've read on LoveShack since I've been reading and contributing here

 

annalilian - there is no noteable reason this guy chose this other woman. Probably she was a slow moving target at that moment. He does not have some grand life-plan that guided him to her, or anywhere.

 

From what you wrote, you did not do a certain thing, or lack a character trait that caused him to move on, except perhaps that you were a little too even-keeled and an adult, which made him itchy.

[Zahara]

Thank you, Sunlight72

[annalilian26]

Instead of focusing on the type of woman he is attracted to or prefers to have a relationship with -- you should be focusing on what you want. Who cares about his preferences -- did you want to be with someone that was mean and insensitive and had no problems telling you he was going to treat even more horribly in the future? Shift your focus. Who he is dating doesn't define your value.

 

You're getting caught up with the irrelevant. This is where you count your blessings that you missed the train wreck. And I'm sure he's lovey dovey now but wait when the honeymoon wears off -- he'll treat these women the same way he treated you. It's just who he is and that doesn't change, whether he's dating you or a mother figure.

Hi, You have some brilliant insight here and you're right in every way.

 

I am not sure why, but I have this feeling that he is different with her. She seems confident and strong, I am neither of these things and I feel that he hated this about me. Not to mention that she is well respected in his group of friends and I was an outsider, so I feel like he wouldn't pull the same stuff with her as he wouldn't get away with it on a social scale.

 

After everything that happened, he reached out to apologise for everything to me a couple of months back, it was nice and all and of course I ate it all up, however I feel this was just to relieve his own guilt as I continued to engage with him and he subsequently cut me off by blocking me on social media really unexpectedly. A part of me feels like he has taken steps to get better and have a healthy happy relationship and therefore she will get all the good parts of him, while I'm just stuck with this feeling of worthlessness and pining.