Non Responsive Explanation - Gold Standard

[shydad]

Hi all, I just stumbled across the gold standard of politeness in a woman's profile message and just have to talk about it. As some of you may know, manners are a big deal to me, and seem to be severely lacking in online dating. She totally gets it! We might not get a response, but she explains why. So reasonable.

I just want to let you know that I feel for you guys, I can imagine how hard it is to be on a site like this and have to repeatedly initiate contact and chance rejection. I respect your courage, however, please do not send me a copied & pasted generic message you send to every girl. Also, I can not write back every person that messages me, however I do promise to at least read your profile, if you don't hear from me its because for one reason or another I didn't think we were a match. I thank you a head of time and I wish you the best of luck.

Isn't this awesome? I've seen about seven hundred profile messages so far, and never anything like this.

[guest569]

I'm not sure if it is awesome? Isn't it self explanatory? I prefer to stick to 'who am I' profiles that give the man an idea of whether or not we are a match, rather than this type of message which to me seems a bit negative. 'Hey I reject loads of guys.. I'm so popular.. soz' no need to say that in the profile..

 

How is everything going? Did you hear back from the sciencey woman?

[Logo]

I agree with smiley1. The message reeks of narcissistic, self-congratulatory language.

 

 

 

On the face of it, she comes across as nice and understanding. But pause for a moment and read between the lines and you've got a woman who thinks she's the queen of ....something.

[Malin889]

I’m a woman, I would never write something like that. She sounds full of herself. And there’s nothing in there about her character, who she is, what she’s looking for ...

[thefooloftheyear]

She sounds like a self absorbed dick...I bet she isn't even good looking...

 

Its obvious...No need to write that...

 

TFY

[Art_Critic]

So this is why I'm going to ignore your email to me, BTW.. you aren't worth it unless I reply..

 

How condescending... at least that is one profile you know not to waste your time emailing...

[Rocker71]

Hi all, I just stumbled across the gold standard of politeness in a woman's profile message and just have to talk about it. As some of you may know, manners are a big deal to me, and seem to be severely lacking in online dating. She totally gets it! We might not get a response, but she explains why. So reasonable.

I just want to let you know that I feel for you guys, I can imagine how hard it is to be on a site like this and have to repeatedly initiate contact and chance rejection. I respect your courage, however, please do not send me a copied & pasted generic message you send to every girl. Also, I can not write back every person that messages me, however I do promise to at least read your profile, if you don't hear from me its because for one reason or another I didn't think we were a match. I thank you a head of time and I wish you the best of luck.

Isn't this awesome? I've seen about seven hundred profile messages so far, and never anything like this.

 

I'd swipe left on this chick. I don't care how hot she is. She seems like a PITA.

[mortensorchid]

I did used to write messages like this to guys that I went on an OLD with when I was not interested in them. I thought of myself as being polite and respectful to others, but I don't anymore. Why? The ones who I did write the rejects to I felt needed to know how and why we were not going to be an item, that they deserved to know how/why they would not be hearing from me anymore. I think maybe two of them wrote back to me with a simple "thanks for letting me know, best of luck". But the others? I never heard a word from them again.

 

I used to think that people deserved to hear why or why not, but not anymore. Quite honestly, there are not a lot of good people out there in the world. And they don't deserve to hear why or why not. Especially if they don't even bother to walk me to my car, stop halfway and shake my hand and say "Well, see ya". He is saying to me that he's not interested and that's pretty clear. But if he's not going to make any effort and sits there thinking "Gee whiz, why am I not hearing from her?" when he's not reaching out to me. Bad communication.

[nospam99]

Quite honestly, there are not a lot of good people out there in the world. And they don't deserve to hear why or why not.

 

BTW, m, you're being negative again. Just sayin'.

 

Maybe most of the 'good people' are 'attached' so those of US searching don't encounter them. That said, I've met a little more than a dozen women in a little less than a year on OLD. And about as many have flaked and backed out of meeting me. Of the one's I met, I'll quickly say at least half were 'good people'. The flakes? NOT good, at least not in the way they handled the 'meeting' transaction.

 

The 'whys' (the women I was interested in) 'deserved' to hear - and they did. The 'why nots' (only two) were 'physically undesirable' and did not deserve to hear that because they had deliberately misrepresented themselves by their selection of old pictures and by inaccurate descriptions of their appearance. Do I deserve to know why not? Deserve? Maybe. But I understand that most women are not going to have the courage to tell a man who they've met to their face why they don't want to date them, especially if they can so easily 'move on' to the next man. (However it's hard for me to assert that they've moved on since I continue to see several of them active daily on OLD. Maybe the generalization, often stated here on LS, that they are doing OLD just for the attention has some truth to it.)

[smackie9]

Shydad, if you feel this message is sincere so be it. You don't have to listen to the negative nellies. You can see it anyway you want. Just take from the responses as how frustrating OLD is for everyone.

 

 

 

If you don't hear from me again on this thread I wish you all the luck ahead of time

[SevenCity]

I agree with smiley1. The message reeks of narcissistic, self-congratulatory language.

 

 

 

On the face of it, she comes across as nice and understanding. But pause for a moment and read between the lines and you've got a woman who thinks she's the queen of ....something.

 

Agreed. Like “Understand I’m so awesome I can’t possibly reject every guy with words so I’ll just ignore you”.

Edited September 15, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed gender bashing

[guest569]

I agree with Seven's point that barking orders before having even exchanged a message isn't going to go down well. She should do a generic copy/paste message and send it to those that she is rejecting, if she must, rather than putting off her potential future husband.

 

Also, to mortens, I think that sending a polite message after having had a first date is different entirely. You're actually in a position to reject the guy then, having met him and established that it is not a match. (rather than a blanket statement to potential rejects)

Edited September 15, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[kendahke]

I just want to let you know that I feel for you guys, I can imagine how hard it is to be on a site like this and have to repeatedly initiate contact and chance rejection. I respect your courage, however, please do not send me a copied & pasted generic message you send to every girl. Also, I can not write back every person that messages me, however I do promise to at least read your profile, if you don't hear from me its because for one reason or another I didn't think we were a match. I thank you a head of time and I wish you the best of luck.

.

 

 

Madame protests too much, methinks... That's a bit negative...

[JuneL]

If I were a guy, I would send her a clearly cut and pasted generic message, and ended with “p.s. I cannot write every woman a unique message, but I promise I have read your profile.”

 

Hypocrisy much?!

[basil67]

hmmmm....wants the person touch in approaches, but can't be arsed replying to them all.

 

To me, good manners dictates that she would make the effort to send a "no, but thanks anyway" response to every man who's made an effort in his approach.

[shydad]

I must apologize. In my excitement I failed to mention this was the last portion of her profile message, and not the entire message. Yes, that WOULD be a bad profile! I still think she's great. I did compliment her, and surprisingly she actually did respond to me! (Yea, I do feel special about that.)

 

I see things differently than most, I suppose. The way I see this, OLD is really challenging, but it's that way for everyone. For men, there is constant black hole messaging, plus actions which could be seen as rejection. For women, there is a bombardment of countless messages which most people could never hope to keep up with. I can relate to these women because I've been there: posting any housing opportunities on Craigslist leads to more messages than any human can respond to, and after about three days I physically can't stay awake long enough to respond. So this is what women are dealing with. Once I understood this, and was able to relate, I've had almost no frustration or resentment. Honestly, the man's role in this is preferable... However, it doesn't mean I have to like having messages ignored. This woman seems classy to me. She can't keep up with it but what I got out of her message was she wants to be polite, but doesn't have the time to respond to everyone.

 

I think maybe two of them wrote back to me with a simple "thanks for letting me know, best of luck". But the others? I never heard a word from them again.

See, I'm not sure what to do with this. The last woman I met I wrote to saying I suspected we didn't have chemistry, but that I wasn't sure if she was quiet in person. I really wanted it to work and said what I thought, but left it open ended. She confirmed lack of chemistry, but the way she said it was so nice, I felt really excited. (I made a post about that too!) But I never responded to that last message from her. When something is perfect, I've found it's best not to mess with it, and that ending was as perfect as it can get (for something that doesn't work out). Should I have written back? So after the in person meeting which didn't work, I messaged her, she messaged me, and that's where it ended. Such a great person, I wish we had clicked...

 

If you don't hear from me again on this thread I wish you all the luck ahead of time

Ok, that put a smile on my face. Very funny!

 

 

How is everything going? Did you hear back from the sciencey woman?

Thank you for asking! Yes but I think that's done, or a dead or dying lead. She waited two days to respond, then I replied the next day, and it's been another two days now. I did find a Teacher who has messaged me long and frequent messages, though I am wondering if it's fizzling out. I'm not sure if we have enough shared interests. She has a warm, kind look to her, though (that's the #1 trait I'm looking for).

Edited September 16, 2018 by shydad
add message for smiley1

[Andy_K]

I like it. In the context of a bigger profile I'd write to someone who had that down.

 

I don't see it as narcissistic either. Realistically, an attractive enough woman WILL get too many messages to reply to. Not only that, but if she does reply with a 'thanks, not interested' type of message, it opens the door for a barrage of 'but why!' and 'here's why you're wrong!' (and more offensive versions). There is not really a better way to deal with it.