max3732 Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 The other day I was watching a rerun of a scripted TV show where they characters went undercover on online dating sites and they showed this beautiful woman on a date with a guy who was talking about his rock collection and pretending to be interested. Obviously this was to show how nerdy he was and the woman was bored out of her mind. This got me thinking about how a lot of times on 1st dates I'll share stories about some of my unusual hobbies and I was wondering if I should avoid this in the future. Should you mention things like having fish tanks, fruit trees, or cars in a 1st date? For example, I'm afraid if I talk about cars she'll think I'm trying to show off or shallow even though in my mind it's just something I enjoy. With something like making food with the food you grew yourself is that too nerdy or something that will make her think I'm feminine or something? Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 The other day I was watching a rerun of a scripted TV show where they characters went undercover on online dating sites and they showed this beautiful woman on a date with a guy who was talking about his rock collection and pretending to be interested. Obviously this was to show how nerdy he was and the woman was bored out of her mind. This got me thinking about how a lot of times on 1st dates I'll share stories about some of my unusual hobbies and I was wondering if I should avoid this in the future. Should you mention things like having fish tanks, fruit trees, or cars in a 1st date? For example, I'm afraid if I talk about cars she'll think I'm trying to show off or shallow even though in my mind it's just something I enjoy. With something like making food with the food you grew yourself is that too nerdy or something that will make her think I'm feminine or something? Being passionate about something that’s consider “nerdy” is probably much better than being shy about it. The main issue, as I see it, is that nerdy stuffs might be a bit hard to have a “conversation” about. I really don’t think your dates are That interested in a lecture about the finer details of how to make a planted fish tank really work with the right amount of CO2 etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Unhappy_Nerd Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 Honestly, I'm super up front with how nerdy I am. I don't want to date anyone who isn't cool with my hobbies. Leave it in your profile, and if they have a shared interest, or want to talk about it on a date, then go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 It's all in the delivery; the confidence, enthusiasm, and humor you have when sharing any unusual hobbies can make them a lot more interesting. If you get her interested in you and attracted to you, it won't even matter if you have a rock collection. Make it sound like the most spectacular rock collection she'll ever lay eyes on and then invite her over to see it. The same thing applies to your fish tanks, fruit trees, and cars. If you make yourself interesting, she'll be interested in your hobbies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 This got me thinking about how a lot of times on 1st dates I'll share stories about some of my unusual hobbies and I was wondering if I should avoid this in the future. Should you mention things like having fish tanks, fruit trees, or cars in a 1st date? Back when I was dating, I'd bookend a few interests I had on questions to/responses from my date about her life. Either the conversation flowed or it didn't. For example, I'm afraid if I talk about cars she'll think I'm trying to show off or shallow even though in my mind it's just something I enjoy. I usually picked up or met my dates in one of my vintage cars so no words about the interest were necessary. With something like making food with the food you grew yourself is that too nerdy or something that will make her think I'm feminine or something? Most farmers are still men so growing food isn't exactly feminine. Think about the ratio of male to female chefs too. Cooking isn't feminine. Sure, in the past, SAHM's/SAHW's used to do most of the cooking since they were the at-home partner. Still, valid interest and IMO not unusual. Back when I was building BDSM gear that was a hobby I saved for later IMO, be yourself and a compatible woman will fit right into it, and you her. That's what dating is all about. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 It's all in the delivery This is what I was going to say. It's not about what the hobby is, it's all about the presentation. I could tell a story about my tropical fish tanks that would leave her sitting on the edge of her seat begging for more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 It's OK to talk about your hobbies, whatever they are. On an early date it's never good for one person to dominate the conversation on any topic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 I don't see any issue with talking about your hobbies on the first date. Yours are perfectly fine and normal, it's not like your hobby is collecting sex dolls or making iron maidens, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 Maybe I'm different which wouldn't be surprising but I prefer it when guys talk about their hobbies and interests when dating. The more nerdy, the better. Tell me about your deep dive into neuroscience, gut bacteria and how Dualism is a philosophy that should have died a long time ago. Let's talk about sandia cells, the impacts of AI and the nitrogen cycle in aquariums. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 (edited) If those things don't appeal to your date, then they are not right for you, ...basic science. The only thing that would turn me off if the guy ordered himself a white wine Edited July 26, 2018 by smackie9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 The only thing that would turn me off if the guy ordered himself a white wine No fair. On a hot summer day, some whites are crisp & refreshing. Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 The only thing that would turn me off if the guy ordered himself a white wine Seriously?! That’s really weird. Pick the wine that goes with the food you’re eating. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 The other day I was watching a rerun of a scripted TV show where they characters went undercover on online dating sites and they showed this beautiful woman on a date with a guy who was talking about his rock collection and pretending to be interested. Obviously this was to show how nerdy he was and the woman was bored out of her mind. This got me thinking about how a lot of times on 1st dates I'll share stories about some of my unusual hobbies and I was wondering if I should avoid this in the future. Should you mention things like having fish tanks, fruit trees, or cars in a 1st date? For example, I'm afraid if I talk about cars she'll think I'm trying to show off or shallow even though in my mind it's just something I enjoy. With something like making food with the food you grew yourself is that too nerdy or something that will make her think I'm feminine or something? Fish tanks tell me you enjoy small animals. And fish are cool. I can work with that. You grow fruit trees? Perhaps when you visit you could give advice on my failing lemon tree. You make food with what you grow? I will contribute some eggs from my girls and we will cook a feast together. Speaking of rocks, when I was driving my 18yo daughter and her boyfriend on a date, he was being too goofy and she distracted him with a conversation about rocks. Or more specifically, tectonic plates. Nothing wrong with rocks if the conversation is interesting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 If those things don't appeal to your date, then they are not right for you, ...basic science. The only thing that would turn me off if the guy ordered himself a white wine You would be surprised what a woman can be cool with once she is interested. No need to air all your dirty laundry on a first date. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 Sorry ladies but I like a beer drinkin man lol And not drinking those fru fru ones either 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 Sorry ladies but I like a beer drinkin man lol And not drinking those fru fru ones either Pint of Guinness, please!! None of those light or low-carb beers, either. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 you should share your interesting hobbies, not your unusual ones. I went on a first date a number of years ago and this chick Maureen started talking about how she raises alpacas. She went on and on in lurid detail. I was silently rolling my eyes and bored to death. I was like ho hum. I hadn't even heard of an alpaca before the date. I was going to blow her off but she blew me off first. I don't know why but we are friends on facebook. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted July 27, 2018 Share Posted July 27, 2018 I don't think it is to talk about things that are off the wall hobbies. It shows that you have interests. Even if you're just an average guy who is into sports, that shows you have an interest. I personally like it if someone shows an interest like that but I'm not an average gal by any means. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted July 27, 2018 Share Posted July 27, 2018 I don't think it's so much the hobby itself but managing the discussion of it. You are who you are, and you don't want to give up something you love, and if it's a deal-breaker, this is probably for the best because your future mate may not be interested in what you love, but they have to be tolerant of it and love that you love it. With that, I don't think your hobby is something you should feel you have to hide. I think the most important thing is to recognize when eyes start glazing over and the other person is just not terribly interested, if not bored out of their skull and looking for an exit. It's not so much about the hobby, but recognizing body language and facial expressions when the person has lost interest and it's time to steer the conversation in another direction. Some people are just clueless in this area. My BIL will go on and on about some hobbies, and at first you think, that's pretty cool, but he doesn't stop and will go on and on. He absolutely does not recognize the turning point from someone being mildly or politely interested to itching for an excuse to escape. This is important with any topics, honestly. The reality is, if the date goes well and you spend more and more time together, aspects of your life and hobbies will build upon each other...no need to drone on and on, on a first date. I think it's fine to bring up hobbies, but you don't need to go into lengthy detail, and you need to recognize when the other person has started to wander in their mind and does not find it as interesting. If your date has the same or similar hobby, and both will be actively engaged or interested in the topic, then by all means, keep on talking about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 27, 2018 Share Posted July 27, 2018 I don't think it's so much the hobby itself but managing the discussion of it. <snip> I think the most important thing is to recognize when eyes start glazing over and the other person is just not terribly interested, if not bored out of their skull and looking for an exit. This ^^ My experience is not so much in dating but instead when I meet new people at a party. I have some obscure hobbies. When making conversation and someone asks me about my interests, I'm honest. When it comes to making Victorian corsets, their eyes glaze over and they give me a side eye and say "why?". (as opposed to showing an interested face and asking more about it). The side eye reaction shows that they don't even have enough interest to ask about how I got into it and what I enjoy about it. I write them off as bad conversationalists, make a bit more polite chat and move on. No matter how odd someone's hobbies are, there's always a conversation waiting to happen. We just need to know when to stop talking about it Link to post Share on other sites
Doost Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 Just be yourself. Your weird creepy autistic self and girls will get wet. Taxidermy is always a panty dropper 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 If someone wasn't interested in my fish tank stories then why would I even bother being with him! Yes, our hobbies might be boring for them, but it's our hobbies, part of our life! We should not hide it or be ashamed of it! Also, I don't think owning a fish tank is a hobby, do they call owning a dog a hobby? My fish are my kids! Very high maintenance kids and I fail them sometimes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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