Andre_1609 Posted July 22, 2018 Share Posted July 22, 2018 (edited) We have been together just 4 months but I feel he is too controlling, for example: he gets angry if i don't post a photo of us in social media, he checks my phone or notifications even in front of me, he made me delete some people from my Facebook, he says is suspicious that I dress nice to go to university, he checks my instagram a lot (and he doesn't even have an Instagram account), he gets paranoid if i go out with my friends and he says is better if i don't drink alcohol, he text me all day and wants to be with me all the time and I can't even go out without feeling guilty. He also accuses me of cheating or flirting with other guys (i never do any of that) and he also gave me his phone password. I don't know what to do, i told him a lot of times that i don't like that but he keeps acting like that. I really like him and he is nice but i feel guilty for things that I haven't done. Edited July 22, 2018 by Andre_1609 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 22, 2018 Share Posted July 22, 2018 (edited) Sure, he’s nice... except for the times that he is telling you that you can’t go out with your friends and accusing you of cheating. My friend, you know this is not ok! If he feels entitled to do these things after four months, imagine what he will be like in a year! He is currently testing your boundaries, pushing a little more to see if you will accept this behaviour or if you will tell him to get lost. Every time he does something like tell you who you can/can not befriend on Facebook and you don’t leave him, he knows that you will allow him to continue. And, he’s already trying to isolate you from your friends - classic behaviour for any abuser. It won’t get better, it will only get worse. I know what I would do... I would not be dating any man who thinks that he can behave in this way. No way, no how... Edited July 22, 2018 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 to me, yes. I think deep down it's rubbing you the wrong way or you wouldn't be here posting, right? Life is too short for this stuff. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 End it with him now....he is controlling and possessive Relationships are about trust.....he should not need to check your email, tell you who your friends are of friends should be. He shouldn’t be tracking you 24/7. I bet he has a cell phone hidden tracking app on your phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 Sorry to hear you have this manipulative jerk in your life. Your first paragraph describes a walking disaster. Is he too controlling? ... You know the answer to that question! In fact, any ONE of the actions you describe would qualify him as controlling and insecure. Perhaps the numbered bullet points will help you see all the violations of your privacy, all the moments of disrespect ... I hope so. BTW: guys who are controlling four months on in a relationship ... only get far more controlling and even abusive the longer you are with them. Let's see: he gets angry if i don't post a photo of us in social media he checks my phone or notifications even in front of me he made me delete some people from my Facebook (Note: he didn't make you do this unless he had a gun to your head. You foolishly allowed him to bully you into doing this) ... he says is suspicious that I dress nice to go to university He checks my instagram a lot (and he doesn't even have an Instagram account) he gets paranoid if i go out with my friends he says is better if i don't drink alcohol he text me all day and wants to be with me all the time and I can't even go out without feeling guilty (so you have submitted to the bullying. you mean you feel guilty for hanging with a gf buddy? A sign that his bullying has already infected your esteem and basic self-respect) He also accuses me of cheating or flirting with other guys (i never do any of that) Any one of these acts is worth a major confrontation and fight. By fight, I mean worth you saying, "You do this again, and I'm breaking up. And I'm not discussing this any further." ... ... Two of these acts absolutely means you need to dump him. Ten?! ... Ten?!!!! Get out! ... this guy is horrible for you ... and you've already absorbed some of his denigrating and controlling thinking. Talk to some of your girlfriends ... Heck talk to mom. Talk to other people so you get your confidence and clarity to end this ... He's gonna throw a tantrum, by the way. You want to ignore that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 This guy is really stressed out. To have to constantly do this means he is unhappy. The upshot is that he cannot continue this indefinitely even if you comply. He will start to resent you and it will all end anyway, even after you've bent over backwards. So you may as well put your foot down and teach him a thing or two. It's the right thing to do, for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 (edited) We have been together just 4 months but I feel he is too controlling, for example: he gets angry if i don't post a photo of us in social media, he checks my phone or notifications even in front of me, he made me delete some people from my Facebook, he says is suspicious that I dress nice to go to university, he checks my instagram a lot (and he doesn't even have an Instagram account), he gets paranoid if i go out with my friends and he says is better if i don't drink alcohol, he text me all day and wants to be with me all the time and I can't even go out without feeling guilty. He also accuses me of cheating or flirting with other guys (i never do any of that) and he also gave me his phone password. I don't know what to do, i told him a lot of times that i don't like that but he keeps acting like that. I really like him and he is nice but i feel guilty for things that I haven't done. This is who he is, no trust! No trust in a relationship is not a good sign. You say you like him and he's a nice guy. But do you like him enough to be with him 24/7 and only him and no other friends only you two? That's what he's telling you he wants is only you! Do you really want that isolation away from friends and family? It will hit home too trust me it always does. He's insecure, has trust issues, needy, clingy, he wants it all and not only that but you solely. Something happen to this guy and I can tell you it's not going to be easy living with him. He might turn on you and be very abusive verbally at first then physically later on. Once you get to that point there isn't anything you can do for him. Retraining order or jail time. I would say cut your loses now before it's too late. Drop and run safe bet! Edited July 23, 2018 by coolheadal Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 Isolation from friends and family is only one step that abusers take. It removes your support system. He doesn't even have to outright say it, he just has to make your life miserable if you do go out or talk with friends that you naturally avoid it in order to avoid his anger and accusations. This behavior will only get worse. Break up now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 We have been together just 4 months but I feel he is too controlling, for example: he gets angry if i don't post a photo of us in social media, he checks my phone or notifications even in front of me, he made me delete some people from my Facebook, he says is suspicious that I dress nice to go to university, he checks my instagram a lot (and he doesn't even have an Instagram account), he gets paranoid if i go out with my friends and he says is better if i don't drink alcohol, he text me all day and wants to be with me all the time and I can't even go out without feeling guilty. He also accuses me of cheating or flirting with other guys (i never do any of that) and he also gave me his phone password. I don't know what to do, i told him a lot of times that i don't like that but he keeps acting like that. I really like him and he is nice but i feel guilty for things that I haven't done. Even if you like someone, ultimately you need to be treated with respect. The right person for you will trust you enough to go about whatever other things you want to do in your day without trying to tell you what to do. You're feeling this way after just 4 months, don't let this go on any further. Preserve your sanity, end it now. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 No, he is not nice. He is controlling and manipulative. And it will get worse as time goes on. Dump him. He's not the one you're going to settle down with. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 It's beyond controlling, something isn't right in his head. How you could let it escalate to that much control in only 4 months is unbelievable!! You need to break up with him asap, imagine how controlling he'll become in another 4 months, he'll probably put spyware on your pc and follow you. People with this much control issues are very sick and there is nothing you can do or say to have them change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 I have been in an abusive relationship, and yes making you check in, being checked on, being accuses of cheating and all that crap is just the beginning. GET OUT NOW! You can't fix him, he will not change...oh and he will beg and say he will change, cry ,say how much he loves you, blah blah blah, but that will only last for about a week or two, and then the abuse cycle starts all over again. I get a pain in the pit of my gut every time I read one of these threads. Girl don't stay, it will only get way worse. I got lucky, my ex had to leave town due to legal problems so he didn't stalk me and make my life miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 He may have a controlling nature but a lot of this is entirely your fault. Some of this you have no control over, but the rest? It's time to "grow a set". Not just for this guy but other people you'll meet in your life who will step all over you if you let them. he gets angry if i don't post a photo of us in social media So let him get angry. You can't change that, you can only control your response to his anger which should be along the lines of "Go have your tantrum, when it's over we can spend time together". he checks my phone or notifications even in front of me The next time he takes your phone, you grab it right back and tell him the next time he tries that little stunt will be the last because you will be done with him forever. And mean it. he made me delete some people from my Facebook No he didn't. He told you to do it and you did. Next time say "screw off it's my FaceBook and if you can't trust me then perhaps we shouldn't be together. he says is suspicious that I... he gets paranoid Again, his problem. Not your issue. Don't make his fantasy be your reality. he checks my instagram a lot (and he doesn't even have an Instagram account) If he's logging into YOUR account or any other accounts then change your passwords immediately. he says is better if i don't drink alcohol Say "you aren't my father and I'm an adult, thank you". he text me all day Don't answer all his texts and/or don't respond for a while that should discourage the behavior but it will take time. Sort of likr training an old dog. and wants to be with me all the time So sweet. But not healthy. I can't even go out without feeling guilty. Guilt is your own problem, learn to deal with it. He also accuses me of cheating or flirting with other guys see comment above- fantasy vs reality i told him a lot of times that i don't like that but he keeps acting like that. He isn't considerate of your feelings. That's a potentially bigger problem than the other stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 Depending on the guy, some times being aggressive back only will escalate things and could get dangerous....I got smacked around for standing up for myself. The only thing I did wrong was kept getting sucked back in with his sappy lies. Too young to know better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Echo74 Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 Geez! The next step will be that he alienates you from your friends then your family. He's not only controlling, he's abusive. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 24, 2018 Share Posted July 24, 2018 No he is not "nice". He is too controlling. He needs to be out of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
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