Is it okay to send a text like this as last-ditch effort?

[regdent]

Kinda hung on a woman I had two dates with but am no longer in contact with. This rarely happens, but I found her so attractive in various ways. Excellent first date, second date way off. Tried to set up date #3 a few weeks ago, didn't get a yes or a no. She never contacts me first.

 

She probably isn't interested, but I wanna send her just one more text. Maybe one more failure to make something happen is exactly what I need to move on.

 

You think its okay to send something like this?

 

"Long time no see. Hope all's well. Felt like our last date was off compared to our first one. Felt I didn't get to know you as well as I'd liked to that night. My planning def wasn't on point (noisy place, stressful day, etc.). Anyway, I think you have good qualities and wanna get to know you better. Why don't we make some yummy Italian food together this weekend? Lmk. If you want me to stop contacting you, let me know as well. It's cool either way. Have a good one!"

[mortensorchid]

If you REALLY want to see her again, then yes it's okay to send that text to her. More effectively, call her to get your point across. Texting is a passive means of communication, phone calls are direct. Fact.

 

BUT ... With what you said before about your specific history, if she does not respond then ... You better get ready for silence again.

[Gaeta]

"Long time no see. Hope all's well. Felt like our last date was off compared to our first one. Felt I didn't get to know you as well as I'd liked to that night. My planning def wasn't on point (noisy place, stressful day, etc.)

Scratch all that, don't assume she didn't enjoy the date. There is nothing sexy in self flagellation.

 

. I think you have good qualities and wanna get to know you better.

Keep that

 

Why don't we make some yummy Italian food together this weekend?

Absolutely no. If she never initiated contact with you what makes you think she'd think a date at your place or her place would be fun? Invite her out

 

Lmk.

Scratch that. Make your invitation and wait for her yes or not. Do not tell her to contact you. Make a direct invitation and wait for a yes or no.

 

If you want me to stop contacting you, let me know as well. It's cool either way. Have a good one!"

Scratch that as well, you already know she is not keen on you no need to ask her to re-confirm it. Just make an invite, no fluff around it, a simple invitation out and wait for her answer.

 

 

 

 

.

[rightondude]

"My planning def wasn't on point (noisy place, stressful day, etc.)."

 

If that was truly the case, just ask her out again (even though she didn't respond last time) and leave it at that. I'd keep it simple and just say something like "Hey you wanna grab a drink (x time on x day)?"

 

If you don't get a response, I'd probably send one more invite 2 weeks later then never again.

[regdent]

Scratch all that, don't assume she didn't enjoy the date. There is nothing sexy in self flagellation.

 

Keep that

 

Absolutely no. If she never initiated contact with you what makes you think she'd think a date at your place or her place would be fun? Invite her out

 

Scratch that. Make your invitation and wait for her yes or not. Do not tell her to contact you. Make a direct invitation and wait for a yes or no.

 

Scratch that as well, you already know she is not keen on you no need to ask her to re-confirm it. Just make an invite, no fluff around it, a simple invitation out and wait for her answer.

 

 

.

 

 

Alright Gaeta, what should I write her then? Please help me out. Not good at this. I will send that and see how she responds. My one last attempt

[Highndry]

As a guy, I think it's always bad to start talking about your feelings or going into too much detail. To the point is the only way:

 

"Hi. I'd like to you out again to (fill in the blank). If you're interested, let me know when you are free."

 

 

That's all that's warranted. If she has no interest, it's either going to be crickets or a "no thanks." In either case, it's all you need to know.

[Gretchen12]

You've had two dates. You should have some idea what she might like. Invite her to do something specific. x concert, hiking, bike tour, museum, amusement park, zoo, whale watching, movie, dinner (specific restaurant or type of food). Something that she'll enjoy, even if she's not in love with her date. Preferably something you enjoy as well, because you don't want her to think you're just catering to her (too much pressure on her). You should have a good time too.

 

Once you've decided, you can give her two or three choices. Say "I'm think of doing x or y this weekend, would you like to join me? I'm also open to other ideas." or say "hey I've got tickets to x, are you interested? Let me know if you can make it"

 

Don't write any of that other stuff you wrote.

[Highndry]

As a guy, I think it's always bad to start talking about your feelings or going into too much detail. To the point is the only way:

 

"Hi. I'd like to you out again to (fill in the blank). If you're interested, let me know when you are free."

 

 

That's all that's warranted. If she has no interest, it's either going to be crickets or a "no thanks." In either case, it's all you need to know.

 

 

Was supposed to say "I'd like to TAKE you out again..."

 

I wasn't able to edit as a comment slid right in underneath.

 

 

PS- I never knew guys used the word "yummy." I have never used it, never will, and certainly wouldn't with a potential date.

[MaleIntuition]

Your message is sounding like you are almost begging for a third date; that’s probably a bad strategy. Just pretend like you never sent the previous invitation and see if she responds.

[guest569]

What happened when you asked for a third date and you "didn't get a yes or no"?

 

Your proposed text is awful, definitely don't send that!

[ExpatInItaly]

What happened when you asked for a third date and you "didn't get a yes or no"?

 

Your proposed text is awful, definitely don't send that!

 

I'll echo all of the above. What do you mean she didn't say yes or no to a third date?

 

And yes, please edit down that other text. It's too verbose and comes across as a little desperate. Keep it short and simple, and invite her out (not to make dinner at your house or hers) Follow the suggestions provided by our posters upthread.

[Doost]

The text you wanted to send is weak. Send her a short and to the point text.

 

I’ve been thinking about you. I need to know you better have drinks with me tonight.

[act00]

Don't include that you thought the last date wasn't so great. She doesn't need to know you were not pleased with the evening. She might take it personally. It's probably too soon to be inviting her over to your place (or hers) as well. Just ask her out. Tell her you'd like to take her out on Fri or Sat and have a couple ideas in mind.

[alphamale]

don't contact her in any way, shape or form

[Eternal Sunshine]

Your text is a total turn off.

 

We already know that she is not that keen. So your only shot is if she is on the fence and you catch her when she is bored or lonely. I think women like persistence to a point and are even flattered if you keep it non-creepy.

 

Give her a non-sexual compliment and ask her out with a clear plan and a day.

 

For example: "I really enjoyed our 2 dates and would like to get to know you better. Are you free on Monday night for a dinner at "italian restaurant"? I heard they have a great "x food"!"

 

Then wait. Don't even give her a range of days, it sounds weak. No home dates as they imply sex and are presumptuous.

[Andy_K]

You think its okay to send something like this?

 

"Long time no see. Hope all's well. Felt like our last date was off compared to our first one. Felt I didn't get to know you as well as I'd liked to that night. My planning def wasn't on point (noisy place, stressful day, etc.). Anyway, I think you have good qualities and wanna get to know you better. Why don't we make some yummy Italian food together this weekend? Lmk. If you want me to stop contacting you, let me know as well. It's cool either way. Have a good one!"

 

Absolutely cringeworthy. Don't talk about how bad the last date was. Don't ask her if she'd like you to stop contacting her, which here looks more like a desperate attempt to get ANY kind of response. Also making food together is too intimate for someone who's dropped off the radar.

 

So cut it down to something short and to the point, more like:

 

"Long time no see. Hope all's well. Do you fancy going out for some Italian food this weekend?"

[SevenCity]

don't contact her in any way, shape or form

 

Seriously. By not answering your request for a third date intially, she responded in volumes.

 

When a woman ignores a date request it means no.

 

You have to learn women are indirect and avoid confrontation so often times they will ignore a date request (and sometimes start talking about another topic like you never asked).

 

Think about it, in what situation would you dodge a request to go out from a woman?

 

Low to no interest. You’ll have a lot of these when dating. Focus your energy on women with high interest.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Seriously. By not answering your request for a third date intially, she responded in volumes.

 

When a woman ignores a date request it means no.

 

You have to learn women are indirect and avoid confrontation so often times they will ignore a date request (and sometimes start talking about another topic like you never asked).

 

Think about it, in what situation would you dodge a request to go out from a woman?

 

Low to no interest. You’ll have a lot of these when dating. Focus your energy on women with high interest.

 

 

Women have a different psychology to men. Initial low interest can be turned around sometimes. Men's initial low interest doesn't change.

[d0nnivain]

Alright Gaeta, what should I write her then? Please help me out. Not good at this. I will send that and see how she responds. My one last attempt

 

Here's a good option:

 

For example: "I really enjoyed our 2 dates and would like to get to know you better. Are you free on Monday night for a dinner at "italian restaurant"? I heard they have a great "x food"!"

 

 

I'd send something like "Third time is the charm! I'd liked to get to know you better. I know this great little Italian place by you, [name]. Can I take you to dinner there on [day of the week]? "

 

If you don't hear back, give up. Delete her contact info & move on.

[introverted1]

Don't send that text.

 

Call her. Ask her out for a specific place and time (not your house).

 

Good luck.

[stillafool]

don't contact her in any way, shape or form

 

I agree with this^^^^. If she is lukewarm why bother? Why is this girl so important when there are thousands more to chose from?

[MaleIntuition]

Women have a different psychology to men. Initial low interest can be turned around sometimes. Men's initial low interest doesn't change.

No, they don’t. And yes it can.

[Gaeta]

Your text is a total turn off.

 

We already know that she is not that keen. So your only shot is if she is on the fence and you catch her when she is bored or lonely. I think women like persistence to a point and are even flattered if you keep it non-creepy.

 

Give her a non-sexual compliment and ask her out with a clear plan and a day.

 

For example: "I really enjoyed our 2 dates and would like to get to know you better. Are you free on Monday night for a dinner at "italian restaurant"? I heard they have a great "x food"!"

 

Then wait. Don't even give her a range of days, it sounds weak. No home dates as they imply sex and are presumptuous.

 

 

I also agree this is the perfect way to handle it.

[lurker74]

 

For example: "I really enjoyed our 2 dates and would like to get to know you better. Are you free on Monday night for a dinner at "italian restaurant"? I heard they have a great "x food"!"

 

This is really close to what you should do. It is (or should be) a rule of dating that when you ask a woman out, you say let's do ____ at _____. I'll pick you up at _____.

 

But when you are convincing a hesitant woman to give you a chance, giving her a built in ability to say no is too wide of an opening. If she is at all busy Monday (or whatever night you propose) or even MIGHT be busy, she'll say no. And then you are most likely never hear from her again.

 

So, if I were hung up on a girl like you are (and I must say I agree with the guys who say don't reach out at all), I would text her this:

 

 

"Do you like Italian food?"

 

It's an easy question for her to answer. She may even be curious as to where you're going with it. And she might respond. She probably won't but if she does, she will probably say something like... "Yeah, I like it sometimes..." which leaves you open to saying...

 

"Good. Because I really enjoyed getting to know you and need someone to try out Buffy's Trattoria next week...do you have any time Monday or Thursday?"

 

It's OK to reach out. It's not weak. But when you do, make sure that you are completely OK with her deciding you're not the one for her.

[Kellens]

I'm sorry, but if she didn't reply to your first attempt at a 3rd date, she isn't interested. I wouldn't leave a guy hanging like that if I wanted to see him again. I know you liked her but just move on, that sample text is beyond cringe worthy.