Nothing could be stranger

[Babeindawoods]

Hello...

 

I'm posting this here because I was only married to my ex for a couple of months and it was mostly a dating relationship.

 

Anyway, the situation is so wierd that I'm really hoping people take me seriously and offer some legit advice because I have been seriously scarred by what happened.

 

So basically, here it goes... I found out that my ex, whom I dated for three years and was married to for only a few months, is a hermaphrodite.

 

So that, in itself, was troubling enough for me because he lied about it the entire time as well as cheated on me with both genders... several of whom were friends.

 

But the craziest part is that upon leaving me, he informed me that our entire relationship had been a dupe. Meaning, he/she did it to decieve me and getting me to agree to the marriage was just the end goal in some kind of psycho game that apparently he/she plays on people to get off on the deception.

 

My ex also informed me that the group of friends we had been involved with are all transexuals and involved in this sociopathic game of duping people regarding their true genders and intentions.

 

He told me that they are his friends and never cared abkut me. He also said that if I told anyone he would kill me and that no one would believe me anyway. Honestly I am tired of keeping this hidden. I just need someone random to talk to about it all.

 

This is the part that I'm hoping people don't think I'm making up... because it took me a long time to even believe what my ex was saying and I have spent a long time in isolation and in denial that this sort of thing could even happen in this world.

 

But, what happened after he/she left me is that the entire group of friends abandoned me as well and began abusing me via name calling and telling me that my relationship and friendships were all a joke. One of these friends informed me that she (he) had been involved in a longterm relationship with my ex the entire time that my ex was with me.

 

This ex friend informed me that they had done it as a form of entertainment and to rekindle the attraction for each other. That friend had gone after and married another man as part of their dupe, but she (who is a trans) is still with my ex who is a hermaphrodite. He's like the leader in this gang of gender dupers :/

 

Apparently my ex and this particular friend do these sorts of tricks all the time and when I was in pain over it, they were laughing and they told me that destroying my life gave them the best sex they ever had.

 

I am now in a different state and still isolated because I feel like I can't trust anyone at all. The whole experience seemed like being in a cage between the joker and harley quinn and it made me feel like humanity has sunken so incredibly low that most people appear to be wearing masks.

 

Please take my post seriously. People ARE doing this sort of thing to get off on messing with others' minds and lives.

 

I'm just trying to find out if anyone else has ever experienced anything like what I'm describing... if not the group situation, even just being duped by someone who has changed their gender.

 

Also, if anyone has any advise about how to recover from a situation like this... please, kindly offer suggestions....

 

I am still trying to recover my energetic balance from this ****storm.

[Babeindawoods]

Is there some other place where I should post this?

 

I already tried posting this on two other forums regarding psychopathic individuals and being manipulated... and my posts got deleted after people responded calling me a liar

 

I haven't been able to make any friends since all of this happened, so being called names on those other forums that are supposed to be for helping people was another slap in the face and discouraging.

 

Please, can someone just hear what I have to say?

 

I know it all sounds completely out of the ordinary, but it happened to me and I dont know what to do.

[preraph]

I've had a lot of gay friends and transgender ones in the past (they died), and I've never seen any with an elaborate plot like this or anything like it.

 

Whatever the real truth is, it turned nasty. I don't know how you could be with someone three years and not know their body. So I feel I'm missing a piece of information there. I mean, if all you did was kiss and move your hands around, you'd know what was going on. If it weren't for the marriage, I would say the person was joking in a hurtful way with you. But who gets married for that? Did this person by any chance need to marry for some other reason, like citizenship?

 

So I'm lost what to tell you except I'm glad you moved away from them and you should block them from phone and internet, social media, email, instagram, everything so they can't see what you're doing -- and then just move on. You're unlikely to ever encounter anything like this again as long as you don't leave any of them a path to reach you. Be sure you are legally divorced from this person. Get an attorney if you are not and let them handle it. Good luck.

[Lotsgoingon]

Man, sorry to hear this ...

 

I have never heard anything like this ...

 

Your ex is a psychopath for doing this ... and telling you this ...

 

By the way, nothing necessarily wrong with dating a hermaphrodite ... sure, there's the betrayal in not sharing that with you.

 

You know the more I think about this ... I'm thinking there's a good chance you ex is pulling your chain ... just messing with you.

 

Get to therapy and so you and the therapist can do an "after-action" review of what happened ... and what this all means for you and your confidence.

 

Don't try to do this on your own ... Get some really smart and skillful support.

[Babeindawoods]

Hey thank you Lots and Enigma for your responses. I appreciate at least being taken seriously about what I've experienced.

 

Regarding whether or not my ex is telling the truth, I have to say... there were certain physical features that actually caused me to question early on in the relationship... I was asking him "what happened to your ****?" in the most delicate way possible because it was definitely different.

 

I didnt just blatantly ask right away... but I kind of slowly steered the conversation toward the question until it was comfortable enough. At the time he said that part of it had just always been that way and the other part was due to a recent basketball injury...

 

But later, after he pulled the rug out from under me and made a big scene, I looked it up, and sure enough, he looks like the medical pictures that I was able to find of male hermaphrodite.

 

So :/ it all just left me conpletely stunned. I had just never considered that I wouldnt be able to tell someone's gender, you know?

 

Also, my ex is so good at sweet talking. He has the most silver tongue I've ever heard. And it was devastating to find out he had been using it all over the place behind my back.

 

Yeah... I guess I could write a book at this point huh?

[Babeindawoods]

I mean I suppose he could still be lying about it... but he acted like a petty jealous woman a lot of the time and I'm not sure why someone would try to make themselves look like that. He would have had to have done something to himself as a child... or someone or something else would have had to happen to him during development.

 

But when he left me he seemed like he was proud of being a hermaphrodite. He acted like he had some kind of following and I know the immediate group of friends are all definitely obsessed with him.

 

I really think there's a community of transexuals who are going around messing with people. Thats the impression that I got.

[act00]

Wow. I'm so sorry. I think that as far as recovery, you might wish to seek some counselling. It helps to have someone to talk to, and hopefully they can offer some tools to help you get back to normal.

 

Regardless of gender identity, you somehow fell in line with some psychopaths. You really "hit gold" on this one. Most people in the world are good people who do not purposefully or intentionally set out to hurt people and use and toy with people. You simply have to remember this as you move on with your life and try to rebuild some friendships...most people in the world are good people.

 

Your story leaves me wondering what happened? If he was born with male genitalia, he was raised as a boy. What were his parents like? Did he identify as a male or a female? When it comes to attraction and dating, is his preference male, so he's dealing with homosexuality on top of having both male and female chromosomes? How did he grow up? A supportive family or a family who shunned him? Bullied at school? Was he raised in a highly religious household and this "behavior" is a sin? This guy is messed up. I'm not excusing him for being so evil, but this guy seems to have grown up in a world of confusion and pain and he just got angry. Again, regardless of gender identity and sexuality, this person is seriously messed up, and I'm sorry it took so long to figure it out, and I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm glad you're out, and moving to a whole new state really gives you the space to start over, start fresh. This also leaves you without a support system unless you already have some friends and family in the area. Seek counselling. It will help.

[Babeindawoods]

@ Act.. I tried therapy. Its along the same lines of how others have reacted to what I have to say. The therapist kep trying to refocus the conversation on me supposedly having a mental problem instead of having been actually victimized.

 

When I ask the therapist if I could just simply be a victim getting past being traumatized by others... the therapist said, "well being victimized has caused you to need medication" and "healthy people don't get involved with psychopaths in the first place."

 

So... that is confusing because it has been made clear to me that it doesn't seem to matter how healthy a person is, if a paychopath's entire intention is to dupe and manipulate others... then how would a person know they were dealig with a pathological liar if that person has been practicing their entire life.

 

Maybe that answers your question preraph. And as far as the gender thing... if you look up what a male hermaphrodite looks like, the **** area is kind of didferent and smaller (in the case of my ex), but he said it was due to an injury and other than that he looked like a man for the most part.

 

People have different bodies... I wasnt trying to judge my ex for being shaped differently.

 

And Im not interested in juging gay people or trans people either. It just seems wrong if they lie about it.

 

Preraph, I have done a bunch of research since all of this happened and I have seen transexuals that you would not be able to tell were born another gender. Apparently they have surgeries for everything. The last thing I read actually, was that drs were working on uterus transplants for MTF transvestites so that two men would be able to have a baby....

 

I mean... maybe if you look and see whats actually happening in the media and in the news, my story might not seem so unbelievable.

 

Anyway, I really do appreciate the responses and I am hoping that talking to people will be helpful. Im not opposed to doing the therapy thing again, but this is kind of my attempt at trying to resocialize myself. Yeah, I really need some friends.

[burnt]

re: therapy: how

How many therapists have you seen so far? I don't think there are good therapists or bad therapists; I think there are good matches and bad matches when it comes to therapists (just like partners). Sometimes it takes many trials to find a therapist who can (1) understands you well (2) guides you to understand yourself well and (3) without judgment provides a safe place for you to dig into problems for understanding and for solution.

 

So far, it looks like you got yourself a bad match. Try other therapists. In addition there are many types of therapy available: talk therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, EMDR therapy .... it's worth educating yourself a little to know your options.

 

Please don't give up on therapy yet. No matter what you get out of this forum, we are not experts in understanding the deep psychological impacts of what you have gone through and only a good therapist/psychologist can try to dig into it. But it will take time.

 

re: therapy: why

In every lie, there is a shred of truth and in every truth there is a shred of lie, as they say.

There is a shred of truth in what your last therapist was saying. Yes, I believe you that you were a victim in this; but at the same time there is the question of why YOU were the victim of this. No question, your ex is a sociopath and psychopath, but the question for YOU to explore is what about you that attracted him to you.

 

Case in point: women who are abused or neglected in early childhood by their fathers often unknowingly get involved with abusive men in their adult years. None of this is conscious choices, but subconsciously what they seek out is the same kind of "abnormal" behavior in men which they learned to find as "familiar" from early childhood. (I belong to this group and that's why I'm making this comment).

 

My point is: you have no control over your ex's behavior, but all you can do now is (1) Heal from the damage he has caused, but also (2) Try to see if there was any way for you to see the red flags early on by understanding yourself better--No I am NOT suggesting you could necessarily. It's possible you are a complete random victim that he picked on just out of fun.

 

Your story reminded me of an episode of CSI: the episode titled "Fannysmackin' ". It was a story of a gang of psychopaths who just for fun picked out some random victim. The brutality was unnerving to watch. So, TV shows like that are not based on our imagination--they are often based on real cases and yes, as another poster said, real life is often stranger than fiction.

 

Your story sounds like a horror story just like that.

Yes there are ugly people like that. And I have no doubt it will take many years for you to heal from this level of surreal betrayal.

 

I am so sorry for what you went through. It pained me to read your story.

My thoughts are with you. I hope you find a way to cope with it in time.

[act00]

Pay attention to what "burnt" has to say. Therapy is for YOU. You can't know or understand what is going on with your ex or the so-called friends, and you can't fix them. At the end of the day YOU were damaged by these people and YOU have to fix YOU. You might have to do some "shopping" to find a good therapist who is a good fit for you, but all of them are going to focus on YOU. Whether it's repairing the damage or whatever it is that caused you to maintain this relationship for 3+ years, or the damage that was caused by this horrible behavior, they are there to help you with coping skills. Don't be afraid of antidepressant therapy. It doesn't have to be a permanent situation, but it can help clear out some of the cobwebs and give you the focus you need to heal.

[Babeindawoods]

Oh I believe therapy can help for sure. I think what I was looking for by posting on this site was if anyone else has ever experienced something like this...

 

I've run into some conflicting information from the therapist and other resources.

 

One thing that's being said is that paychopaths and narcissists wind up with no friends...

 

that made me start to question myself because I'm in that position right now.

 

Also, before the group of friends told me to stop contacting them, the girl who my ex told me was his MTF partner before we ever met, sent me a text saying that my ex wanted her to tell me that Im a narcissist.

 

That was a person that I spent a lot of time with and listened to her talk about her abusive past. There was one day where she cried for several hours in a coffee shop about an ex professor who had written mean things about her in his diary... and I sat and listened even though it didnt really make sense to me...

 

She even came with me and my ex on dates because she would text me about having fights with her boyfriend.

 

That's the woman who my ex said was his partner the entire time :/

 

Anyway, so... I'm in a place where I have no friends and that group of people are still friends with each other according to my ex and they are happy and doing well according to him (Im just going to call him a him from now on because thats how I knew him). So, thats confusing because according to what Ive read, psychopaths leave their targets destroyed. I read that they leave a path of destruction.

 

Well, my life got destroyed, and as far as I can tell... no one that used to be my friend has experienced any difficulties. Several of them told me that they are really happy that I'm gone. These are people that I spent a lot of time with... went out of my way to be there for them when they asked, tried to be a good friend to as best I knew how.

 

But after the **** hit the fan, several of them told me in a group text that they weren't even friends with me at my wedding and that my wedding was a joke.

 

Do you think I could actually be the bad person?

 

I didn't know that my ex was a hermaphrodite until he told me upon leaving me. I really was not trying to judge anyone for their gender or sexual preference. I just did not know that was what was going on.

 

So, really what Im asking is, has anyone experienced similar situations? Has anyone lost everything in their life like this and been labeled as a bad person?

 

Talking to people on here is making me feel better... just to write some of this out.

[Babeindawoods]

Oh I guess I should add that I recently had contact with my ex again.

 

I texted him to apologize regarding some things I had said prior to knowing about his gender identity, because I just wanted to make sure I didnt cause any damage with that.

 

Anyway, he said that everyone was doing well..

 

He even offered to help me get back to the state where I was living previously. He said he would let me move in with him until I could find a job there.

 

But then he said nevermind about that because I told him I was frustrated with some things here, and he responded by saying that I havent changed and he didnt think he should help me.

 

This is kind of what instigated my coming on this blog.

[Amy1992]

Oh I guess I should add that I recently had contact with my ex again.

 

I texted him to apologize regarding some things I had said prior to knowing about his gender identity, because I just wanted to make sure I didnt cause any damage with that.

 

Anyway, he said that everyone was doing well..

 

He even offered to help me get back to the state where I was living previously. He said he would let me move in with him until I could find a job there.

 

Woah...given the way this person has treated you in the past, that's a terrible idea. The impression I'm getting is that you feel extremely isolated right now, and not taken seriously by people in mainstream society. Which could easily result in you getting sucked back into this incredibly unhealthy group of people.

 

From your description of these people they sound like exactly the type who would, in a very cynical manner, be likely to use society's current emphasis on trans rights and trans acceptance as weapons. I can easily see how somebody in your position would find it difficult to get support in the current climate.

 

If I were you, I would make an appointment with a new counsellor and right from the off I would let them know that I'd had a very bad, abusive relationship with somebody who has come out as a trans woman. I'd let them know that I needed a counsellor who I could trust and would feel believed by and who didn't have strong feelings for or against trans people.

 

I'd see that last bit as crucial, because trans acceptance movements have become big news in the last few years, a lot of people have strong feelings about it all - and counsellors aren't immune from that. If they have political views, focus on correcting you for "misgendering" your ex during counselling sessions or any of that, it's just going to distract from or potentially even undermine you from moving on from this nasty experience.

 

I really hope you can get a good counsellor to help you through this, but I would ask you please not to turn (out of desperation and isolation) back to the abusive group of people who put you in this position.

 

But then he said nevermind about that because I told him I was frustrated with some things here, and he responded by saying that I havent changed and he didnt think he should help me.

 

No, he shouldn't "help" you - because from the sound of things he can't even help himself. People who behave in the way you've described have often struggled for a very long time with their own depression and suicidal urges. It can make them vicious and vindictive, as you've discovered. It's sad in a lot of ways, but if it's coupled with narcissism then they're never going to change. They'll just keep blaming the rest of the world for their issues.

 

I know a couple of trans people who didn't start to really live their lives in a happy, full way until they were able to move on from the toxic, very politicised communities that they had initially gravitated to for support. Support from communities like that has a very heavy price tag. Learn from your previous experience with this group of people, and don't ever seek support from them. You already know how it'll end.

[Purrrfect]

This guy is compulsive liar who probably believes his own bull crap.

 

Block him. Pity him for having no life whatsoever and zero self esteem about himself that he has to lie and manipulate people. Not only is there something wrong with him physically, he’s not all the way there mentally.

 

Be glad you are rid of him. He is toxic and so are his so called friends.

 

Divorce him and tell him he is not to contact you anymore.

 

My BFF dates a guy right after high school for 3-4 years who turned out to be bi. More likely gay but he is married to a woman but fem. and he has aged absolutely terrible. His wife accepts him. Good for her but my friend wanted no part of that.

Edited June 27, 2018 by Purrrfect

[LivingWaterPlease]

You asked if anyone on this forum has had experience such as you've described. I've known folks who belong to a crazy family in which they were the only normal one and the rest of the family ganged up on them to make them feel abnormal. Yet, they were the only person in the family who functioned normally in society.

 

I also think there are cliques and groups that bully others, so that would be similar to what you've experienced, just maybe not including the gender issues.

 

You've been bullied pretty badly to the core of your being since it's been such an intimate attack and it's understandable that you're going through a time of trying to heal so that you can integrate back into society.

 

Sending you a virtual hug!

[Noproblem]

First, you need to check yourself for transmitted diseases! If he was cheating around, then he might not being too safe in his sexual games!

 

second, change your phone number, deactivate all social media and start all over again with different usernames etc. (Do it as of tomorrow)

 

Third, why are you punishing yourself, why are you isolating yourself?

and why the hell are you afraid of him?

 

EXPOSE HIM!

REPORT his Threat to the POLICE

and file a restraining ORDER!

 

Don't hide, you did nothing wrong!

 

 

 

He did this because he is sick, his friends are sick like him.

 

 

 

So yeah!

 

it was only 3 years of your life, it's over! It won't happen again provided you smarten up a little bit. Try to focus on work and being successful and healthy physically and mentally.

 

 

It's time for you to choose friends wisely, don't associate yourself with

 

people who are on drugs or just the usual trash!

 

 

You deserve better!

 

Also, how about you travel for a month for another country? I mean going to Mexico is not that expensive! Go out see the world!

Edited June 27, 2018 by Noproblem

[Babeindawoods]

Hi,

 

Thank you guys for more kind replies. I have to say that I am struggling with this because I feel like the extreme psychopathy that I've been exposed to has actually infected me in a way. It appears to me to be almost like a disease.

 

I was a very joyful and energetic person prior to being accosted by this person and his partner along with their group of supporters.

 

At this point, I find the concept of love to be a long dead promise. Like a fairytale that I mistakenly believed in.

 

While Im still capable of feeling my emotions, I just don't feel as though there will be a way for me to feel ever connect with a man again.

 

To me, love is not an option any longer because that person and his partner manipulated me in so many different ways and so completely, it felt as if sharks had been feeding on me... eating their way through my heart to get to each other.

 

There are details to the situation that are far too disturbing for me to even put on this blog.

 

As far as therapy is concerned... I am working on finding someone who would be a good person to talk to. I don't know whether I would feel more comfortable talking to a man or a woman about what happened because I was attacked from both sides... you see?

 

And Livingwater, thank you for sharing that. I do understand that family dynamic.

 

I think that people who are raised by parents who are incapable of truly loving them often find themselves attracted to and attracting similar types for partners when they are adults.

 

It seems to be a vicious cycle in a lot of ways...

[LivingWaterPlease]

You just need time and normalcy around you to heal, Babeindawoods. Plus, of course, counseling with the right individual.

 

Are you a person of faith? If so, do you attend church? If not, you could get a lot of comfort there. At least in the church I attend there would be plenty of comfort surrounding you whether you believe or not. Wish you could join us but am sure you're a distance away.

[mortensorchid]

Wow. Just wow.

 

I had to reread that a few times to make sure I had all the pieces together for this tale. And all I can say is that this is one of the stranger stories I have ever heard.

 

But I digress … What I will say about this tale and these events are this …

 

1) Your ex wife/husband (you didn't really say which you thought he/she was when you married them) - He/she has issues, they have nothing to do with you, and there is nothing you can do to fix / change it.

 

2) The friends - Not just these, but all trans people have problems. It steams from a lot of things - being accepted by their family, friends, the general public, etc., coming to terms with who they are or are not, etc. Trans people have problems. Something inside of them is just broken and it's not going to get fixed. Even if they get all the things they do want, something is still not right. And that's why their relationships with others are so troubled or filled with drama / fights. How you handle it in your situation is to eliminate them and never speak a word again. Your marriage is over with, they don't have to be a part of your life as your ex does not either.

 

3) What now - You have restarted things, so go get some counseling on what you should or should not be doing with your time to make you better.

[Babeindawoods]

Hey everyone,

 

I have an update of sorts...

 

Posting on this website has been really helpful for me to kind of organize my thoughts and feelings.

 

Through writing everything out, I've realized that the ex and his group of people aren't actually the problem at this point. I have no desire to see or talk to those people again and the most recent communications with the ex left me with what I can only describe as a "blah" feeling.

 

The ex is not attractive to me anymore and the concept of having female friends is completely unappealing.

 

The core of the problem for me now is this:

 

I am unable to feel attracted to ANY man.

 

Everytime I see a man, regardless of how attractive or intelligent he is...

 

I can't feel any excitment or desire. When I have gone onto dating sites or talked to men in person, I feel as though each dude is the same dude with a different face.

 

I have tried to build up certain guys in my mind, even fantasizing that they are like kings of foriegn countries in disguise, searching for a normal woman who doesn't want them for their money... and that kind of ridiculousness...

 

But then I get to the point where the guy goes to kiss me... and its like..

 

F**k! This guy cant dance. Not even in my fantasy

 

I still have an interest in being physical with a man... but there seems to be no actual man for me to direct my desire toward.

 

The fantasy man has no head. He's become the headless horseman.

 

Help.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I'd like to know if these people are around me. You should PM with more information.

 

I have had something similar happen to me. The only problem is, I won't go to the police. I take pleasure in harming those who do sick things like this to helpless people who did nothing but try to be nice to them.

 

The only thing these sick individuals have not accounted for is meeting someone who is truly a psychopath and would LOVE an opportunity to oblige his inner beast and his friends to engage in some ....questionably enjoyable activities and actually let out their inner beasts to harass those who deserve it.

 

Make sure you didn't do anything to actually deserve being played by them, obviously. You can't say it was all their fault when in reality, it was yours.

 

Going to the police isn't going to do anything. I think they are smarter than that to play with the grey area of what is prosecutable and what isn't. Let's face it, they'll play the "transgender card" and act like it's a hate crime when in reality, it isn't.

 

So, either go with the law and get restraining orders and move on, or enlist the help of a real psychopath who, surprisingly, has morals taught to him.

 

Because harassing a group of harassers and causing ...unfortunate events to occur to those who deserve it because of their rotten behavior is something a real psychopath would truly take pleasure in. Not the justice part....the harassment for a cause part.

 

Sometimes, you simply have to fight fire with fire, and when it comes to that, it's better to have the psychopath on your side rather than against you.

Edited July 3, 2018 by DrReplyInRhymes

[basil67]

Hey everyone,

 

I have an update of sorts...

 

Posting on this website has been really helpful for me to kind of organize my thoughts and feelings.

 

Through writing everything out, I've realized that the ex and his group of people aren't actually the problem at this point. I have no desire to see or talk to those people again and the most recent communications with the ex left me with what I can only describe as a "blah" feeling.

 

The ex is not attractive to me anymore and the concept of having female friends is completely unappealing.

 

The core of the problem for me now is this:

 

I am unable to feel attracted to ANY man.

 

Everytime I see a man, regardless of how attractive or intelligent he is...

 

I can't feel any excitment or desire. When I have gone onto dating sites or talked to men in person, I feel as though each dude is the same dude with a different face.

 

I have tried to build up certain guys in my mind, even fantasizing that they are like kings of foriegn countries in disguise, searching for a normal woman who doesn't want them for their money... and that kind of ridiculousness...

 

But then I get to the point where the guy goes to kiss me... and its like..

 

F**k! This guy cant dance. Not even in my fantasy

 

I still have an interest in being physical with a man... but there seems to be no actual man for me to direct my desire toward.

 

The fantasy man has no head. He's become the headless horseman.

 

Help.

 

You don't need help with this. It's happening simply because you're not ready to be dating yet. Use the time to go do other things and make the most of it.