Do women give second chances if...

[Rocker71]

I just need to get my situation into the light and see what others think.

 

I got hit on and flirted with heavily by a beautiful 49yr old blond at work, I'm 47. (not a workmate but a resident on the site). This was May of 2017. At the end of May 2017, I've had enough and dumped my gf and moved out. The relationship was broken for mo ths so I ended it.

 

2 weeks later I have a date with the blond. We went and had an early dinner. The date was easily 4 hours, from 5pm til 9pm. We had great rapport, and I went for the kiss. She reciprocated.

 

Went on 2 more dates with her. Both ending in a long kiss. The 3rd date, while kissing her I got...ahem...excited. And I pressed my pelvis against her and the expression on her face was good.

 

Our 4th date was just a couple beers and apps after she got off work at 9pm in Oct. 2017.

She was making efforts to touch my hand while talking to me. Then she opened her phone to show me pics of guys in their underwear showing boners. Then were standing outside at the back of her truck saying theres a couple buckets of stones in the back for her driveway.

I didn't know at the time it was her covert way of telling me she's ready for sex that night. And in her truck! STUPID ME!

We kissed passionately and I got in my car and drove home. When I got to the door the reality it me like a hammer!

 

We went out 3 more times. Every time I failed to flirt and be sexual with her.

A couple months ago I decided to try again over text. I sent her an updated picture of me, which she said she liked. And I mentioned that if she has a rough day I'm a great masseur. Her text response seemed positive. The she asked to call. We talked for a few min. She told me 70 & 80 ur old dudes are going to the office to flirt with her. The she mentioned a coffee date in the morning. I stupidly agree.

We meet, talk, drink coffee for about 40 min. And she said she has to go to work.

 

I texted her 2 weeks lated telling her I was thinking of our first date together. She waited 4 days to respond and it was short. Her last text to me before I decided to go NC was "I'll text u another day". April 2018.

It hurt to read that because I know it's a soft rejection.

 

I didn't mention everything. I can fill in things though.

 

My question is: Do women ever get curious enough to contact the " Nice Guy" to see if he ever got rid of his "Nice Guy" disease?

 

This woman is the sexiest cougar I ever seen. I'd love to see where things can go with us.

She only had 3 relationships in her life. Now, whether she cheated I don't know. But she isn't an experienced dater either. It's bothering me inside knowing she may have gotten intimate with someone else because I let the iron get cold.

 

I have gotten rid of the 'Nice Guy' act btw. I have been dating 2 other women and have successfully intiated sex with both.

 

But the blond is still in my mind. It's been 66 days of NC.

Edited June 18, 2018 by Rocker71

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

This woman is the sexiest cougar I ever seen. I'd live to see where things can go with us.

 

You're 47. You don't get to call a 49-year-old woman a cougar!

 

She's probably dating someone else because you waited too long to make a move, honestly.

[basil67]

She showed you a picture of guys with boners in their shorts at the back of her truck...and you're still considering her as a good option. I assume you're only interested in sex and not her (questionable) personality. Have I got it right?

[Versacehottie]

so you only went out 7 times since last year at this time???? And she showed you "those" photos???? (weird, sorry). I think you took it too slow overall, physically, emotionally, number of dates, overall. (also you are too old to make her a cougar in relation to you, lol). Assuming she is looking for a bf, I think you have messed up--which doesn't mean you can't resurrect it though. I'm not sure she was looking for a bf though. Also going NC for no real reason was extreme. You created your own huge hurdle with that one. The dates were regressing, not progressing--which i see as a bigger problem than how far you were able to take things physically. Good luck

[Romantic_Antics]

You're 47. You don't get to call a 49-year-old woman a cougar!

 

I'm 41 and I call my 45 year old cougar a cradle robber.

 

This woman is the sexiest cougar I ever seen.

 

You clearly haven't seen mine.

[Rocker71]

I called her a 'cougar' to give a visual. She looks great for being 50 now.

 

I know I messed up doing AFC, beta crap. I put her on that pedestal even before I actually met her.

 

At the same time I had the "nice guy" disease.

I investigated hard on my failures and made corrections in my thinking and behavior. it's changed my dating life. I'm talking to a lot more women, they're initiating contact almost every day. (Which the blond rarely did)

 

But this blond is still on my mind. It's like I'm bowling, threw 2 gutter balls and I'm determined to pick up the spare... Thats the best way I can describe it.

 

The one thing I have not done was call/text her a lot. But I did the beta stuff. I didn't get the hint she was avoiding my invitation for a date on Valentines day. So she agreed to a late lunch date 4 days after Valentines day. My 'nice guy' butt gives her a rose and card anyway. STUPID!

 

I just went NC because her text saying "I ll text u another day" is her way of saying 'i gave you so many chances and you blew them all and let me down. take a hint and get lost.'

 

I really liked her too. Sex is a natural thing to happen. But she's a cool chick too.

[gaius]

No, you didn't really like her. If you did then you wouldn't have been able to keep your hands off her if you tried. You need to start listening to what your body is telling you.

 

Time for some self exploration to figure out what it is you really want.

[Rocker71]

No, you didn't really like her. If you did then you wouldn't have been able to keep your hands off her if you tried. You need to start listening to what your body is telling you.

 

Time for some self exploration to figure out what it is you really want.

 

No. I really like her. I was just too wussy to escalate and flirt. I'm used to the woman making the moves. When it came time for me to make the move and actually lead to progression into ecstasy, I froze.

 

Any trying to flirt or escalate after that looked like desperation and neediness.

 

I'm kinda stuck on her but I still like dating other women. Maybe the NC is good to reset this situation or give me the space to meet someone else who presses all my buttons and not mess it up.

 

I always hear about front-end rejections how you shouldn't let it affect you cuz its not really about you

but mine is a back-end rejection directly related to my beta/nice & respectful guy behavior. She just wanted sex and so do I. But I was coming at her with boyfriend energy, and basically acting like a love struck 11yr old boy, giving a rose and V-day card. I have to murder this niceguy. Seems to be working. Would be nice if I get a text or call from her someday just to say she's thinking about me. After the nice guy has been dead for awhile.

Edited June 19, 2018 by Rocker71
Spelling

[Versacehottie]

Where are you getting this stuff?????

 

The only thing that seemed spot on is that you might just want a hook up and so might the blond. By her showing of the pics I think that WAS a strong possibility at that time (though she may have moved on).

 

Otherwise is the rest of what is going on in your head from beta pickup e-books???? It's too much, man.

[JDJ]

I'm used to the woman making the moves.

 

Rocker your writing is so vivid and frank. I enjoyed reading your story more than almost anything recently on Love Shack. My compliments.

 

I have never really heard of the "showing photos of guys with boners" as an invitation to sex, so I don't blame you for not picking up on this clue.

 

If you are still thinking about her, just text her and tell her you are still thinking about her, and see what happens. What will you lose by that?

 

I am puzzled by your statement that you are used to the woman making the moves. I am about as shy as they come, and I have often waited for the woman to give all of the signals, but it has always been me who has "made the moves" in the end, after being given the "flashing green light".

 

Are you so handsome that you don't have to work for it? Waiting for the woman to make the moves seems too passive, and a recipe for missing the good, but not hyperaggressive, women who would never initiate the moves on someone.

[Rocker71]

Rocker your writing is so vivid and frank. I enjoyed reading your story more than almost anything recently on Love Shack. My compliments.

 

I have never really heard of the "showing photos of guys with boners" as an invitation to sex, so I don't blame you for not picking up on this clue.

 

If you are still thinking about her, just text her and tell her you are still thinking about her, and see what happens. What will you lose by that?

 

I am puzzled by your statement that you are used to the woman making the moves. I am about as shy as they come, and I have often waited for the woman to give all of the signals, but it has always been me who has "made the moves" in the end, after being given the "flashing green light".

 

Are you so handsome that you don't have to work for it? Waiting for the woman to make the moves seems too passive, and a recipe for missing the good, but not hyperaggressive, women who would never initiate the moves on someone.

 

I'm often mistaken for being mid 30's. I like to leave the house clean, looking and smelling good. 'handsome' is irrelevant.

 

My experiences with initiating has almost always been the woman puts her leg over mine, she rubs my inner thigh, kiss my neck, or more. I wouldn't necessarily call them hyper-agressive. Even my ex gf did this on a regular basis. She left no doubt in my mind what she wanted to happen.

 

The way this blond touched my hand that night when she talked seemed rehearsed - like someoone gave her advice and she sat in her room and rehearsed it over and over because she's inexperienced dating and probably shy. I do feel bad for disappointing her.

 

Her showing the pictures of guys' boners in underwear threw me off. That never happened before. I now know that as shy as she was, she was letting me know in a covert way she was comfortable enough with me to get sexual. I didn't know at the time, that women sometimes communicate like that. I should have ignored the content and comprehended the meaning. I let her down there.

 

I failed to initiate because I didn't understand how shy she was and I was supposed to take the lead. I didn't understand this because my experience has been the opposite. If she would have rubbed my inner thigh my light would have turned on - BRIGHT.

 

I am having success with initiating with 2 other women I met while out dancing/seeing live bands. This is why I'm so hard on myself concerning the blond. I didn't know it could be so easy and still I was too afraid to take the risk. We could be together today if I'd had the nuts to take a risk and be sexual with her back in October. I was afraid to offend her by being sexual. It's embarrassing.

 

What she must think of me now! I wonder what she told her friends.

 

A woman that listens to classic rock, in particular Led Zep, has my attention. So we have that in common and a few values. It felt very natural being with her. Almost as if we're just reuniting after not seeing eachother for years. So yes, sex would've been nice, but I like her otherwise also.

[basil67]

Her showing the pictures of guys' boners in underwear threw me off. That never happened before. I now know that as shy as she was, she was letting me know in a covert way she was comfortable enough with me to get sexual. I didn't know at the time, that women sometimes communicate like that. I should have ignored the content and comprehended the meaning. I let her down there.

 

I don't agree that it was simply about her being ready for sex.

 

Rather, I think it was a sign that she's into multi man group sex. Just think: In what regular situations do men get together all with boners? And to top if off, have photos taken of them all together!! It just doesn't happen....at least not with straight guys.

 

Are you into multi guy sex?

[Rocker71]

I don't agree that it was simply about her being ready for sex.

 

Rather, I think it was a sign that she's into multi man group sex. Just think: In what regular situations do men get together all with boners? And to top if off, have photos taken of them all together!! It just doesn't happen....at least not with straight guys.

 

Are you into multi guy sex?

 

The pics she showed me were selfies taken by individual guys depicting their erections with underwear on. She claims she downloaded from Craigslist. It wasn’t a group photo.

Anyone can do a Google search and it would return a plethora of these pictures.

Like I said, I think she’s just inexperienced about communicating to a potential lover that she wants sex and someone told her to do that so, in her mind, she wouldn’t look like she was a slvt.

It was my fault for not picking up on it, however strange it was.

[Rocker71]

Are you into multi guy sex?

 

I’m totally straight. I am not into sex with guys at all. I’m into females who were born female.

 

This is why I was taken aback with her showing me those pictures. Alternatively, what she could've done was take some selfies of herself in various stages of undress and show me those if she was a little too shy to rest her hand on my thigh.

 

Or I could have been more playful and ask her of she wanted to take pics of me like that.

Edited June 21, 2018 by Rocker71

[Lotsgoingon]

I don't think this fits in the alpha/beta framework.

 

The truth is ... if I'm out with a woman and she shows me pix of guys with boners ... I'm gone ... That's just straight-up weird to me ... More a sign that she wants group sex ... or anonymous sex ...

 

By showing those pix, she totally distanced herself from you. You would have been a character in whatever fantasy game she has going on in her head and that game was way beyond simply having hot sex. Most likely she would have wanted your pic in same pose ... and your pic would be all over the net as we speak.

 

Far from blowing things, you got insanely lucky. She's probably freaked out five to ten more guys with those photos by now.

 

When things are getting hot and heavy, I want a woman who will kiss me and squeeze my hand hard ... and say, walk faster to the car ... so we can get to a place to do our thing. I don't want the woman to pull out a phone to show pix of guys with boners.

 

Definitely strange ... which is OK ... but clearly you ain't on the same strange wavelength that she is on.

 

Credit yourself for that! Seriously, I think you're lucky.

Edited June 21, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[Rocker71]

I don't think this fits in the alpha/beta framework.

 

The truth is ... if I'm out with a woman and she shows me pix of guys with boners ... I'm gone ... That's just straight-up weird to me ... More a sign that she wants group sex ... or anonymous sex ...

 

By showing those pix, she totally distanced herself from you. You would have been a character in whatever fantasy game she has going on in her head and that game was way beyond simply having hot sex. Most likely she would have wanted your pic in same pose ... and your pic would be all over the net as we speak.

 

Far from blowing things, you got insanely lucky. She's probably freaked out five to ten more guys with those photos by now.

 

When things are getting hot and heavy, I want a woman who will kiss me and squeeze my hand hard ... and say, walk faster to the car ... so we can get to a place to do our thing. I don't want the woman to pull out a phone to show pix of guys with boners.

 

Definitely strange ... which is OK ... but clearly you ain't on the same strange wavelength that she is on.

 

Credit yourself for that! Seriously, I think you're lucky.

 

I thought her showing those pictures to me was wierd too. If anything is gonna give me the hint she wants sex to happen it'll be rubbing my thigh/crotch or kissing my ear etc. Definitely not showing me pics of other dudes junk. If showing pics was her way of giving a hint, I would've picked up the hint if the pics were of HER in skimpy lingerie or even less.

 

But really, I should've been taking the lead and making it obvious what I wanted.

This was a learning experience. I really liked this chick. She was totally my type and that's rare for me to find.

 

Thanks to everyone for your input and not making fun cuz I was a wussy.

[O'Malley]

I don't think this fizzled because you were too nice. General interests and physical attraction aside, your personalities didn't seem like they meshed well. You can find someone incredibly attractive and they might be your "type" on paper, but at the end of the day if you can't establish a good rapport it's going to go fade out quickly.

 

It sounds like you're both similar in having expectations about being pursued and assuming prospective dates will be the initiators, so it's good that you've stepped out of your comfort zone a little. That doesn't mean you can't be a nice guy - plenty of nice, normal men initiate but also have good boundaries. If she wanted to have sex with you on date one or date three she had ample opportunities to make that apparent, not show you some silly dick pics. Imo both parties should be stepping up to the plate, in terms being clear about what they're seeking and escalation, that didn't seem to be the case here.

[Rocker71]

I don't think this fizzled because you were too nice. General interests and physical attraction aside, your personalities didn't seem like they meshed well. You can find someone incredibly attractive and they might be your "type" on paper, but at the end of the day if you can't establish a good rapport it's going to go fade out quickly.

 

It sounds like you're both similar in having expectations about being pursued and assuming prospective dates will be the initiators, so it's good that you've stepped out of your comfort zone a little. That doesn't mean you can't be a nice guy - plenty of nice, normal men initiate but also have good boundaries. If she wanted to have sex with you on date one or date three she had ample opportunities to make that apparent, not show you some silly dick pics. Imo both parties should be stepping up to the plate, in terms being clear about what they're seeking and escalation, that didn't seem to be the case here.

 

The whole thing was one side. I almost always initiated calls/texts. Although she did intiate texting maybe 3 times and a call one time in 9 months, I always was the one to ask her out. She never asked or even suggested we get together.

 

It would make sense that she also wouldn't be too clear about wanting to have sex too. I'm sure she found someone to step up since I didn't. Sometimes I'm not too sure if I even want another chance with her. This is L.A. She's not the only pretty girl around. I'm putting myself out there and surprisingly getting attention from other cute women. I learned my lesson and it was painful. I'm nice guy no more. The mr. nice guy is dead.

 

Thanks everyone for your input. I guess this is one of those cases where I leave the pieces on the ground and move on. It's the price of growth.

[Casio167]

You waited two weeks to text her when yous got back in contact...why?

 

If someone did that to me it’s a sign they’re 1. Not interested and 2. If they bother to get in contact after that time whoever else they had lined up in those two weeks didn’t work. I wouldn’t wait around.

There’s no excuse for not arsing yourself any contact with someone you actually like. I dont buy it.

[littleblackheart]

I'm a pretty inexperienced dater (though not a prude at all) and find the pics thing very weird too. I'd be very surprisrd if, at 49, this woman didn't know what she was doing.

 

My assumption is that she was not after a relationship...

 

Lesson learnt!

[Rocker71]

You waited two weeks to text her when yous got back in contact...why?

 

If someone did that to me it’s a sign they’re 1. Not interested and 2. If they bother to get in contact after that time whoever else they had lined up in those two weeks didn’t work. I wouldn’t wait around.

There’s no excuse for not arsing yourself any contact with someone you actually like. I dont buy it.

 

Are you on the right thread? Where did I put anything about two weeks?

 

I'm a pretty inexperienced dater (though not a prude at all) and find the pics thing very weird too. I'd be very surprisrd if, at 49, this woman didn't know what she was doing.

 

My assumption is that she was not after a relationship...

 

Lesson learnt!

 

She did say she only ever had 3 relationships. She gives the impression she doesn't date much. Thus the pictures thing.

I'm pretty sure she just wanted hook up too. But I ruined it by pushing relationship energy. Believe me, my lesson has been learned the hard way. Thank you for your observations.

Edited June 25, 2018 by Rocker71

[kendahke]

. But I ruined it by pushing relationship energy.

 

You didn't ruin anything. You were just dealing with the wrong woman for relationship goals.

 

She sounds more like a good-time girl.

[Casio167]

Hey, you put it towards the end of your thread, after you re-initiated contact with her.

 

 

“I texted her 2 weeks lated telling her I was thinking of our first date together. She waited 4 days to respond and it was short. Her last text to me before I decided to go NC was "I'll text u another day". April 2018.

It hurt to read that because I know it's a soft rejection”

 

 

She probably waited 4 days to respond because you took 14 days to continue contacting her in the first place?

[coolheadal]

Are you on the right thread? Where did I put anything about two weeks?

 

 

 

She did say she only ever had 3 relationships. She gives the impression she doesn't date much. Thus the pictures thing.

I'm pretty sure she just wanted hook up too. But I ruined it by pushing relationship energy. Believe me, my lesson has been learned the hard way. Thank you for your observations.

 

Your dating other women now why do you want to go back to something you wasn't really into. She's older but you still had fun. Now you can date someone else like you said you did. Nice guys yeah but we men who are like this can change and be more alpha stand-up lead, and make the arrangements where you want to go, don't have to buy flowers, don't have to please them. You had aggressive woman there she lead you into the pickup truck for sex but you as nice guy back down. Alpha would have had the sex but he would have been more control over that act. I would have back out too. Some women go too far for sex..

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Women will always give second chances for the man they truly love or want something from.

 

When a woman stops giving you chances, you know it's time to move on regardless of how you feel about it!