Why does this keep happening?

[RILEY82]

Girls keep flaking me I get to know a girl have a laugh and flirt.

Then we go out I get them flowers be a gentleman hold the door and pay.

I compliment them then after a few weeks I get messed around not turning up.

Or coming out with excuses.

In the past I got invited to a party at New Year’s Eve and one girl flaked on me 30 mins before supposed to pick her up.

I went to the party on my own and people said you never really had a girl to come with when I did do people don’t believe me because this keeps happening.

My family and friends keep asking me and don’t believe me when I am in contact or seeing a girl the girl won’t come out I end up getting laughed at.

This has happened at least over 4 times in the last year.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry. That sucks. Unfortunately as the common denominator, you have to figure out what you do to attract the same type of person.

 

Maybe wait longer on the flowers. While I think that is a lovely gesture, all across these boards I read a lot of posts from women who find that to be too much. Wait until you are official.

[carhill]

OP, are these women you approach cold and ask out on dates or is some rapport built first or do they approach you or??

[smackie9]

Dump the flowers and just be casual. You may come of as too serious. Just do quick coffee dates and cheap dates like grab a slice of pizza or whatever. The girls bail because they gave you a shot and are not interested. You can't expect a relationship right after a date or two. You have to go on many dates with many girls because it only takes one, right? You gotta kick a lot of tires to meet your match.

[RILEY82]

OP, are these women you approach cold and ask out on dates or is some rapport built first or do they approach you or??

 

Hi thanks for the reply i have built up rapport with some of them.

One we were talking for months she even started making plans for me and her to (her words and idea) eventually move in together we were getting on well chatting opening up to each other she even told me she enjoys having me in her life then 3 days later told me she has no room i her life for me.

She messaged me originally out of the blue as we knew each other for years.

During the months talking i tried to get her to come out for coffee but she would not she always had an excuse then she would text me saying i cannot lose you as you mean the world to me.

 

I agree that maybe i should relax with most of them take it easy have casual dates but most will not even come out for that they just flake.

[RILEY82]

Dump the flowers and just be casual. You may come of as too serious. Just do quick coffee dates and cheap dates like grab a slice of pizza or whatever. The girls bail because they gave you a shot and are not interested. You can't expect a relationship right after a date or two. You have to go on many dates with many girls because it only takes one, right? You gotta kick a lot of tires to meet your match.

 

I cannot do quick coffee dates if they wont come out they just come up with excuses all the time or cancel last minute.

[FilterCoffee]

You sound like the typical “nice guy”. Start being bolder on your first dates.

[d0nnivain]

You may need a better filter / BS meter. The ones who talk about living together or more early on are gonna flake. They are unrealistic dreamers.

[coolheadal]

Girls keep flaking me I get to know a girl have a laugh and flirt.

Then we go out I get them flowers be a gentleman hold the door and pay.

I compliment them then after a few weeks I get messed around not turning up.

Or coming out with excuses.

In the past I got invited to a party at New Year’s Eve and one girl flaked on me 30 mins before supposed to pick her up.

I went to the party on my own and people said you never really had a girl to come with when I did do people don’t believe me because this keeps happening.

My family and friends keep asking me and don’t believe me when I am in contact or seeing a girl the girl won’t come out I end up getting laughed at.

This has happened at least over 4 times in the last year.

 

My friend how would you describe yourself to me? Meaning what type of guy are you?

 

1. Nice will do anything to please a woman

2. Really a cool guy but plays hard to get?

3. Won't take just anyone out, you have to be very good looking!

 

Which type are you and be honest about yourself.

 

I guess all of us here with experience need to focus on who and what you stand for. So we experts can figure out what the best course of action you need to take on your professional date next time. Forget what your doing now and lets start off fresh.

 

Explain to me what your do and what your thinking your doing wrong. Forget those that don't show-up because it's there lost not yours. You move on to the next girl. To me there type of girls your asking out are not really your type or the type you can be happy with. They have their own plans which don't include you!

[Purrrfect]

Ditch the flowers. Save them for the 5th date or later. You come off as too nice and a little desperate.

[coolheadal]

Girls keep flaking me I get to know a girl have a laugh and flirt.

Then we go out I get them flowers be a gentleman hold the door and pay.

I compliment them then after a few weeks I get messed around not turning up.

Or coming out with excuses.

In the past I got invited to a party at New Year’s Eve and one girl flaked on me 30 mins before supposed to pick her up.

I went to the party on my own and people said you never really had a girl to come with when I did do people don’t believe me because this keeps happening.

My family and friends keep asking me and don’t believe me when I am in contact or seeing a girl the girl won’t come out I end up getting laughed at.

This has happened at least over 4 times in the last year.

 

Well today holding the door an etc might work on some but not all. To many are so independent and really won't welcome the gesture of flowers and door openings. Not going to cut it. You have to stand-up and think the other way. Like the confident guy's are doing. They just get out and let the girl open the doors themselves. Don't buy them anything. Be more aggressive. Don't play into their games. You have to out think them. This is where you need help with.

[smackie9]

I cannot do quick coffee dates if they wont come out they just come up with excuses all the time or cancel last minute.

 

 

Have you even offer a casual meet up? How do you ask them out? You doing online dating?

[lurker74]

You're too nice. It happens. I'm nice and often times women, especially those who have dated/married jerks, find that psychologically, if you're being nice to them it must be because they're too good for you...so they go back to dating DBs.

 

That's a pretty wide brush I just painted with but it happens to plenty of nice guys. I've been on ~50 first dates in the last 4 years and only 1 of those has declined to have a second date, so it's not that I'm not confident or charming. BUt eventually, my eagerness to please sends many of them running so I've had to reign it in and lower my expectations.

 

Women want you to be nice and romantic but they also want you to be a little dangerous and a lot confident. It's a sad, weird game but it's also biology so there's not a lot you can do about it.

[preraph]

Although your formula is generally a pleasant one, I think maybe you're starting it all too soon and maybe they smell desperation (or imagine it). So I agree to just not go all in like that. Yes, pay for the dates, but don't overdo the expensiveness of it. Don't do any gifts for at least a couple of months of steadily dating. Don't do flowers unless she has a birthday or graduation or something. Flowers is something you see more in movies and tv than in real life. Flowers are really expensive and unless you're loaded, spend your money more wisely and save them for special occasions and don't rely on them solely. I mean, once you've been together a year, you can buy a fairly decent little necklace for the price of a big bouquet of flowers and it won't die!

[RILEY82]

Have you even offer a casual meet up? How do you ask them out? You doing online dating?

 

Thanks for the reply i have genuinely tried to ask for a casual meet up and still they flake.

[RILEY82]

Well today holding the door an etc might work on some but not all. To many are so independent and really won't welcome the gesture of flowers and door openings. Not going to cut it. You have to stand-up and think the other way. Like the confident guy's are doing. They just get out and let the girl open the doors themselves. Don't buy them anything. Be more aggressive. Don't play into their games. You have to out think them. This is where you need help with.

 

Thanks for the great reply i think you are right i am trying to change.

If i do not buy flowers etc and not hold doors anymore that is a start i have to be a bit more confident.

[RILEY82]

Thanks for all the messages i really appreciate them.

Some of the dates are from online dating and some are from people i meet.

One of them lives in the same town as me and when i see her she just puts her head down.

I have no problem with them if i see them.

[Gaeta]

Thanks for the great reply i think you are right i am trying to change.

If i do not buy flowers etc and not hold doors anymore that is a start i have to be a bit more confident.

 

 

Hold on here. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. I agree with not buying flowers. Those are expenses and gestures you should keep for a woman that is your official girlfriend. I totally disagree with becoming a bum with no courtesy that cannot hold a door. Women expect some basic courtesy during a date like holding doors. Not only we will appreciate you holding a door but you will impress us by holding the door for someone else while we are with you. On your few first dates you don't shed money on a new woman. The few first dates are to get acquainted, you size each other and look for compatibility and chemistry. Take her out to a coffee shop, for a walk in a part, to a museum, on your 2nd or 3rd date you can invite her to dinner but keep it casual and nice.