Staystronger Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 meh...what is it? whats the deal? i hate ambiguous ****. just to preface, we talk and text for over a month after work constantly. Anyway-- this guy from work and I planned to "hang" out several weeks back. When the time came closer he brought it up again and asked me if we still planned to hang out and I said of course. So we picked the exact date. The day came we decided where to meet and he sent me two different subway directions to ensure that I made it there without getting lost. Which I really appreciated as I am not from the city. Unsure of the night entailed exactly-- i got ready got myself together and met him at the bar. I was already upset about a roommate situation so I was looking forward to this night. Then he briefly mentions ANOTHER friend might be joining us. He kept saying we were hanging out. So i was like well damn, since I was already upset about something else I just started drinking. The other friend never came but he planned the entire night. Took my three different places and early morning pizza. But I was so stupid and got so drunk but he never left my side and never ran off and we spent 6 hours together. Mind you this entire time not one hug, nothing the entire time..eh.Of course- i told him he was cute ( he said your not bad yourself) and apparently felt him up..so embarrassing. He ended the night saying hopefully we can hang out next month ( we both have crazy schedules). The following days after-- i thought I would not get a response from him at all after my behavior but he keeps responding to my texts, texting me first and even briefly called me. We started talking about making plans for next month. I told him I am never like that and I wont be like that next time. He went on and said that I was really wasted and I felt him up but it was all good and got a good laugh at it. No hug but hung with me the entire time of my sloppy moment. Invited someone else but didn't come. Paid for half the night. does this sound like just friends or what? I dunno guys-- hanging out is confusing. what say you? lol Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 does this sound like just friends or what? It sounds like he's covering his bases. Which considering you're work colleagues, is very sensible in today's social climate. The workplace is a minefield for men who want to ask women out. They may end up facing sexual harassment charges and dismissal just for talking to a woman or even looking at her, let alone offering her a compliment or asking her on a date. Welcome to the snowflake generation. I think he figured it's much safer to ask you out in a casual environment and to not make ANY moves whatsoever, until he's sure that you want it. And making moves on a drunk woman is definitely a major RED LIGHT these days, even if you're apparently making moves on him. If you're drunk then you're incapable of giving consent. hanging out is confusing. what say you? Next time he asks you to hang I would say "no thanks, but if you asked me on a date instead I'd definitely say yes". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 It's not confusing in the slightest. You are confused because you want it to be something else. Hanging out means this is platonic, friendly & not romantic at all, hence the open invitation to others & the absence of hugs. Dating is a planed specific activity to test romantic compatibility; there are no others; there is some physical contact -- hugging, kissing, hand holding etc. I suppose the wild card in here is your level of intoxication. If you hadn't tried to mask your other problems with alcohol this may have gone differently. If you really want to test that theory, keep communicating but stay sober during your next "hang out" 2 drinks max. Somehow slip this Q into the conversation -- what is the difference between dating & hanging out. Yes it will put him on the spot, but not so much that you can't resume a non awkward professional interaction the next day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Staystronger Posted May 23, 2018 Author Share Posted May 23, 2018 Honestly I have gone out with men that meant hang outs as dates. I’ve even asked before hand. This one I new it wouldn’t really be a date. I put that there in the beginning bscause hangout vs dates because the verbiage depending on the person can be used differently and I hate it lol. I honestly was in a horrible mood and didn’t want extra company that’s just how I am .. was a mess. Just felt like typing it out. Still talk to him everyday and have plans already. Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 It was a date. The friend either was not real (in case he needed to bail) or was waived off by text when things seemed to be going well. I can tell you 100% of the time when I hang with a female for more than an hour, I am interested, unless she is married with kids and been a friend for 10 years. As for him being stand-offish, you work with him. He needs to be careful in today's day and age, which by in large is a good thing for a man to be but can get a bit confusing for us (which is why I will never date in the workplace again). Honestly? I'd just ask him...was that a date? He'll probably laugh but admit that it was. Then tell him you want to do another one. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 You agreed to "hang out" and that is exactly what you got. Not a smart thing to do, but that is past now. Because of your drunken behavor he is unsure of you. He is not going to TELL you that so don't bother expecting him to. The guy screwed up by presenting the evening as "hanging out" instead of a date. That makes him look gutless,...a soy boy,...a beta. He needs to grow a pair and offer you a real date, or if he is too unsure of you to just forget it and move on to another woman. If he offers you another "hang out" you need to be smart enough,...and bold enough,...to tell him that is has to be a real date or nothing at all,...unless of course you only want a non-commital "hang out",...then fine, but you get what you ask for. Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 Honestly I have gone out with men that meant hang outs as dates. That is usually the soy-boy betas that do that. A guy who has a pair of balls will be straight with you. Keep that in mind next time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyLove Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 Hmmm making plans for next month!!? I realize next month is next week but if the plan is further into the month I would say its more on a platonic level. A guy who is interested probably will not go weeks without seeing you unless there are valid reasons (business trip, vacation...). Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 Hmmm making plans for next month!!? I realize next month is next week but if the plan is further into the month I would say its more on a platonic level. A guy who is interested probably will not go weeks without seeing you unless there are valid reasons (business trip, vacation...). Two weeks,...yea, two weeks is no biggie. Three or more weeks not generally. But certain occupations could make it longer. Over-the road truck drivers can easily be gone 3-4 weeks between times they get home. Some railroad workers are similar,...then there is military,...airline pilots,...law enforcement/intelligence jobs. Some jobs have a swing-shift, where it may be three weeks before they are back to working "days" instead of nights. Some medical people only get one weekend off a month. The list can go on. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 Honestly I have gone out with men that meant hang outs as dates. I’ve even asked before hand. This one I new it wouldn’t really be a date. I put that there in the beginning bscause hangout vs dates because the verbiage depending on the person can be used differently and I hate it lol. I honestly was in a horrible mood and didn’t want extra company that’s just how I am .. was a mess. Just felt like typing it out. Still talk to him everyday and have plans already. Well my dear, you like to hangout without obligations with the guy friend that's hanging out with you. Just friends from work. Nothing else is expected by you or him. What's wrong with just hanging out. But when you cross the line from hanging out to making out then you have to determine is this action right for you or not. Being drunk and then forgetting he's just there as a buddy for hanging out than a lover for making out. You have made things between you and him complicated ,but he's still your hangout buddy which you made him out to be. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 This was definitely platonic for him. You gave him plenty of signals after a few drinks (calling him cute, feeling him up) and he didn't act on them. The absence of hugs also tells me he's not interested. As a side note, the presence of hugs doesn't really mean anything (with most of my friends, it's a standard greeting). Generally I see "hanging out" means either the relationship is platonic, or the person inviting is too shy/nervous to ask you out on a proper date. Either way, this is unambiguously heading for the friend zone. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 Impossible to tell ... I think he was in the early stages of checking you out ... Like genuinely checking you out ... meaning just enjoying your presence and seeing what you are like ... And really, you can chill ... You'll get more information the next time you hang ... whether you enjoy him and whether he seems to enjoy you ... There is something really nice about relaxed meetings like this. No need to fret. Just see what happens in you and in him ... and between you and him ... the next time. Link to post Share on other sites
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