Girlfriend sometimes just wants to cuddle?

[Flame Aura]

Due to us both doing shift work, we normally see each other once, sometimes twice a week. Usually she stays over at mine.

 

After not seeing her for this period of time, I'm missing her like crazy, and missing that special intimacy only we can share. I can't wait to have magical sex with her. And we do nearly every time she stays over.

 

But she tells me sometimes she would like for me to just hold her, hug her, and fall asleep together. That we dont need to do it EVERY time. We can give it a miss once in a while and just enjoy our time together other ways.

 

Im trying but struggling to get my head around this/understand. When we do have sex its great and sometimes she wants round 2 and 3 and 4 etc and wont let me get to sleep!

 

But I just cant understand that after not seeing each other for a week, shes doesnt want me to just jump on her and be intimate, every time? To me thats how a couple should be.

 

Can any females explain?

[Lorenza]

It could be anything starting from pms pain, bloated stomach to simple tiredness or a need to be held without any sexual activities. Relax.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

Can any females explain?

 

Yes. Sometimes she doesn't want to have sex. It's not rocket science. Just because you don't feel that way doesn't mean she doesn't or invalidate her feeling that way. I would imagine she also sometimes isn't in the mood for mashed potatoes or having a manicure....both very good things, but not something you are in the mood for 100% of the time.

 

Is cuddling a bad thing to you?

 

It's probably a GREAT idea for you to start understanding that two people can have different needs, likes, and desires some of the time and it doesn't make either person wrong.

[BluesPower]

Due to us both doing shift work, we normally see each other once, sometimes twice a week. Usually she stays over at mine.

 

After not seeing her for this period of time, I'm missing her like crazy, and missing that special intimacy only we can share. I can't wait to have magical sex with her. And we do nearly every time she stays over.

 

But she tells me sometimes she would like for me to just hold her, hug her, and fall asleep together. That we dont need to do it EVERY time. We can give it a miss once in a while and just enjoy our time together other ways.

 

Im trying but struggling to get my head around this/understand. When we do have sex its great and sometimes she wants round 2 and 3 and 4 etc and wont let me get to sleep!

 

But I just cant understand that after not seeing each other for a week, shes doesnt want me to just jump on her and be intimate, every time? To me thats how a couple should be.

 

Can any females explain?

 

Dude it is a thing... not a female though.

 

And I get it. But you know if she is not feeling it, do you really want to go there in the first place.

 

Plus, the cuddling thing is good too even if it is not high on your needs, it makes her feel special.

 

And usually, you can make love in the morning anyway.

 

Now if it happens a lot, you might have a problem, but once in a while you can deal with it...

[BaileyB]

It takes two to tango... Perhaps, she is feeling tired, sick, or stressed out from work. There are definitely many nights when we just cuddle, and it's wonderful.

[smackie9]

Ummmm I agree with you, I would wonder too because I know if I was really into someone I would be tearing their clothes off the min I get in the door. It's sexual incompatibility IMO, kinda like your schedules are incompatible. Just me but I wouldn't date someone one that has a different schedule than me. I like consistency. For me this whole thing wouldn't last.

[preraph]

Yeah. Not everyone wants sex every time they are around you. Sometimes cuddling or just curling up with a bologna sandwich and without the sweaty Sticky Vickieness of it all sounds better after a hard day at work.

 

Also, no woman likes to think the ONLY thing you ever want to do is have sex. It makes you seem one-dimensional and, well, like all you want is sex from her. Your girlfriend now wants something from you that isn't sex. Don't know why this comes as a shock to you. Intimacy is WAY more than having sex. From a woman's perspective, ALL guys act like they love you during sex. Women want someone who is interested in them apart from just their body and intimate with them emotionally instead of only sexually.

 

Also, when you do have sex, just be sure she's not doing all the work, i.e., always has to be on top or going down every session. It's rare both people in a couple are on the exact same libido course or even that they want sex for the same reasons. Men tend to be willing to do it even right after they've told a woman they're stupid, while women require respect and well-rounded attention to their needs in and out of bed. Not saying you're guilty of all these acts, just giving you some ideas to consider.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Your girlfriend now wants something from you that isn't sex. Don't know why this comes as a shock to you. Intimacy is WAY more than having sex. From a woman's perspective, ALL guys act like they love you during sex. Women want someone who is interested in them apart from just their body and intimate with them emotionally instead of only sexually. .

 

Yes, this. Hopefully, OP, you can understand this.

[coolheadal]

You sound like you have very high HSD and she sounds like she has very low LSD. What's wrong with cuddling?

 

ESD = Extreme Sex Drive (usually sex driven to the point of sex addict)

HSD = High Sex Drive (usually every day more than twice in day)

LSD = Low Sex Drive (usually once a week or once a month)

[carhill]

OP, have you learned to delineate physical intimacy from sexual intimacy? That would be helpful. Intimacy not focused on genitals or sexual release but rather on other erogenous zones, aural intimacy, touching, kissing, not to go anywhere but rather being its own destination.

 

IMO, try some of that, then disengage and go to something else non-intimate. Get her used to regular non-sexual intimacy and tell her you really enjoy it (I presume you do if you love her). Then watch what she does with initiation and content and see how that milieu flows over into sex when that happens.

 

In general, the person who wants to make love the least has the most sexual power in the relationship because they control sex since sex must be voluntary and desired.

 

If you want to see a man replaced fast, have him lose his sex drive when his wife wants sex. Whee! Why? She knows there's a lineup of guys ready to have sex with her and she can eject the current one and get with any of the others. That's what power is all about. Are you afraid to exert your power or do you believe your GF holds all the sexual power? IMO, I'd try some middle ground stuff first but, if no joy, move on.

[bathtub-row]

I think this is odd behavior and not typical of someone who loves and misses someone. While you need to be respectful of her not wanting sex, you should also be wary that she might be one of those types who really doesn't like sex but who cons you into marrying and then stops sex altogether. That's a nightmare of unbelievable proportions. Whatever the reason, the two of you may be mismatched when it comes to sex. I'd be careful about this, if I were you.

[Els]

Sure. Sometimes people (and this applies to both men AND women) just want to cuddle and not have sex, just like how sometimes they want to spend time hiking together or going to a new restaurant together or watching TV together instead of having sex 100% of the time. IMO a couple that does NOTHING together besides have sex are FWBs, not romantic partners.

 

 

 

That being said, if you are only seeing each other once a week, I understand that it would be frustrating, because if you give it a miss then you have to wait a whole other week. But in that case the bigger question is whether or not your schedules will get any better. It is going to be difficult for your R to progress if you are only seeing each other 1 night a week for the foreseeable future.