jogaker Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 I can NOT stop overthinking EVERYTHING. For as long as i can remember I’ve been an over thinker. About the world and death and pretty much any aspect of my entire life. Now i have started dating and i am constantly overthinking everything about my relationship. When he says something, I’m always asking myself “does he really mean that?” “What does that really mean?” I find myself overthinking his past relationships “did he love them more than me?” “Why did they end?” “Does he ever wish he was still with them??” I have spoken briefly to him about my thoughts and he’s always reassured me. But i just can’t force myself to stop thinking his way. It is literally driving me insane and i don’t want it to damage my relationship Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 It will damage the relationship if you constantly seek reassurance from him (and even if you only share it with others and not him, you will still reek of insecurity if you are not working on this, and it's not appealing). Sorry to say, this is something you will have to work on and it shouldn't be on him to try and fix the feelings you are having. Have you done any reading about this, or therapy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 If you have more questions and doubts, than answers and beliefs, then you haven’t been really thinking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 It is literally driving me insane and i don’t want it to damage my relationship It will damage every relationship you'll be in until you can get it under control. The good news is that you *can* get it under control. You should consider consulting with a professional who can help you through the process. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jogaker Posted March 26, 2018 Author Share Posted March 26, 2018 It will damage every relationship you'll be in until you can get it under control. The good news is that you *can* get it under control. You should consider consulting with a professional who can help you through the process. I made an appointment already! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jogaker Posted March 26, 2018 Author Share Posted March 26, 2018 It will damage the relationship if you constantly seek reassurance from him (and even if you only share it with others and not him, you will still reek of insecurity if you are not working on this, and it's not appealing). Sorry to say, this is something you will have to work on and it shouldn't be on him to try and fix the feelings you are having. Have you done any reading about this, or therapy? Yes I’ve looked up YouTube videos, googled steps and ways to overcome this. So far they have all only helped temporarily. Then a few days pass and these thoughts pop back up in my head. I guess ultimately I’m afraid to let my guard down and trust him just to be made to look like a fool down the road. So therefore i constantly feel on edge like I’m trying to catch him doing something so i don’t look stupid. I know that’s not healthy but as all bad habits. Quitting this toxic behavior is easier than said than done. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 I made an appointment already! Smart move. You need to discover the cause of this insecurity and develop strategies to manage it - rather than seeking constant reassurance because that will drain any relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 Get distracted and involved in other things. It will take the focus off of you and your supposed "relationship problems" and make you be involved with other things. Make them good, wholesome things. Maybe you need to focus on your career or getting involved with your community. Summers are a good time for me because I am involved in a lot of things, be they my theater company as a set builder or an adult literacy organization (as a tutor and committee member). I am looking for another third this summer because it will give me something else to do rather than just sit around and overthink my lack of relationship status. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted March 26, 2018 Share Posted March 26, 2018 along with what you learn in therapy, try to change your mindset to one of passively reacting or accepting or dealing with your life and what comes your way and try to think of yourself as the CREATOR and active decision maker in your life. A lot of insecurity and anxiety is because a person is waiting and worrying about the choices OTHERS will make. Change the dynamic and ACTIVELY participate in your life in advance of the choices other people make. Also speak up about how you feel in lots of situations--not for reassurance per se but to say what you like/don't like and want/need. This should help. Lastly work on building your self-esteem/self-worth. If you feel like you have every right to be where you are it should generate less questions and worries. But you really need to believe in yourself. That takes some practice. This is just helpful for dating overall, so why not! Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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