Dork Vader Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 I have been friends with a woman since we were in jr. High. I’m now 33 and she is 32. We have maintained a very close friendship over the years. I have had feelings for her on and off over the years. She’s never been single. She has been single the last 3 years, doing rebounds and so on. Recently she moved in with me, it’s only temporary. She is moving to NYC for a year for work and needed a place to stay while she leased her home and got everything in order for the move. Living together has really made my feelings for her pop up. I’m OCD and living with people is typically very difficult for me. But because of our long established friendship it’s been easy. She confides everything to me, things she does not tell her parents or anyone else. I really want to try being more than friends. Everything is just easy and fu. with her. I know her extremely well and understand her quirks, like wise she Knows and understands mine. Aside from no intimacy, our friendship is what Inwould want a future relationship to look like. She has suggested she is the perfect woman for me. But it was more so when I was talking about what I needed in a woman. That lead to her saying that’s me. The flip side is she does also say things that would be clear signs of “friends” only. But she does play games with guys she’s interested in, the hot and cold. How do I put it out there that i’d be interested in more with out damaging our friendship? Nothing physical has ever happened between us. I think the 2 biggest problems she would have with dating me are.. 1. Me smoking and Me having herpes. She is a germaohobe. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 So stop smoking. Because yes anyone who doesn't smoke isn't going to kiss someone who does because it's gross. Her being a germaphobe I'm surprised she could stand to be in your house with smoke. So what has she said about being just friends. You mentioned she has said things like that so what was it? Generally if a woman's confiding everything to you, they don't see you romantically. But since she said she's the perfect woman for you, assuming you didn't sort of set her up and make it seem that way first so that she felt obligated to come in that way, all you can do is ask her if she ever consider dating you. I mean you know her long enough you should be able to ask her. After this long she will likely say no or let you down easy. But at least you'll know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dork Vader Posted March 25, 2018 Author Share Posted March 25, 2018 She was cooking and I was just eating. I was saying I need someone who likes to cook, is good at managing money and a few other things.. she than said that’s me. I did not corner her into it. Example of her putting up the friendship.. last night we were eating and I joked about marrying her if I ever get terminally ill, so she could collect Social Security survivor benefits. She laughed and smiled and said only if I get a side dude. There is a back and forth sometimes she’ll suggest more other times not.. She was talking about how guys had hit on her at work. That guys never do and that a mutual friend said he liked her. I joked and said it’s something about marry (but with her name) than I joked and said since everyone else is, I guess Inwill. She said come on your my homie. But like wise I’ve done the same to her. She’s made suggestions about more and I’ve thrown out the no. I almost feel like we are both caught in a cycle of doing that to each other and it will never have potential to change unless one of us bends eventually. We are literally each other’s “best” we never fight and are always there for each other. She’s never been single so us being more has never been an option. It would be a really good relationship all it needs is the intimacy and label. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 I wonder when she said "that's me," if she didn't mean she also needed someone who could do all those things for HER. Anyway, she's shot you down a couple times jokingly already, so don't think this is going anywhere. Sorry. You're a brother to her. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Wait for her to move out then take her out for dinner. Ask her if it has ever crossed her mind to date you. That will open the conversation...... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 She's just about to move to NYC for a year. According to your profile, you're in Cali. I think this could be a significant stumbling block too. Why would she start a relationship if she's just about to leave? Link to post Share on other sites
coledvids Posted March 25, 2018 Share Posted March 25, 2018 Wait for her to move out then take her out for dinner. Ask her if it has ever crossed her mind to date you. That will open the conversation...... Isn't your usual advice just to 'date other women'? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts