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About my first crush.


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Old 9th February 2018, 2:54 PM   #1
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About my first crush.

Sorry if this thread is long.
I had a crush on a guy in highscool but never confessed. (I am an introvert girl but am very frank with only few people i am close with). I dated a guy in college after that for 5 years but seperated (mutually) due to his family pressure. Took me 2 years to move on. After that my highschool crush somehow came in contact with me and turned out he had the same story. His ex got married too but he couldn't move on from 2 yrs. I came close and we become good friends and i have very strong feelings for him which he knows. Suddenly he ask me to be physical with him to help him get over his ex. I only been with one guy because we were in love.I have very strong feelings for my highscool crush but he doesn't ,I can't get physical without love. I don't know what guys think or what he want although he seems is a genuine person. Confused.

Last edited by Kumari; 9th February 2018 at 3:29 PM..
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Old 9th February 2018, 3:49 PM   #2
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Don't get physical with him.
He wants to USE your body to help him get over his ex.
Let that sink in.
You WILL feel used and probably more attached and it won't likely help him move on.
Since he still loves his ex, he will just compare the two of you and she will come out on top.

I wouldn't invest any more emotional energy in him.
Find someone who is emotionally available to date.
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Old 9th February 2018, 4:15 PM   #3
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Sometimes we don't have the best judgement when we desire someone so much. Tell him thanks, but no thanks.

Now you know what his opinion is of you...ok to have sex with but not good enough for a relationship. He is showing his true colours. I get it, when we have a crush on someone, we get this mental picture of them, mixed in with our fantasies created by our imagination. Truth be told, that person doesn't exist.
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Old 9th February 2018, 4:49 PM   #4
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You feel things very deeply. When you have sex your body releases hormones that bind you to a partner. Do not have sex with your crush knowing that he doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about him. It will be emotionally devastating for you.

There's an old adage that says "the fastest way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else." Your HS crush want to use you to make himself fell better. He wants you to be the bridge from the pain of his break up to his next relationship.

Meanwhile, if you have sex with him you will fall for him & when he's gone you will be in more pain.

This guy does not have your best interest at heart & he's in no emotional position to start a relationship with you. However, he's being honest so he's not a complete snake. If you sleep with him, he will break your heart. He's telling you that up front. Believe him.
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Old 9th February 2018, 5:44 PM   #5
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He doesn't need sex with you to get over his ex--he needs a therapist to do that.

What he is saying is that he wants to use you to deal with his own baggage that should have been sorted and resolved before he picked up the phone and got back in touch with you.

Using people to get over someone else is manipulative.
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Old 10th February 2018, 5:09 AM   #6
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Thankyou for supporting...as i was feeling something like that but i i don't have much dating experience... Told him to stay away, will take my time to forget him.. I thought may be guys need physical relationsip to move on...thats why i was confused.... But not anymore.... Thankyou very much...
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Old 10th February 2018, 7:32 AM   #7
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I thought I'd jump in and say this guy probably does feel like sex with someone else will help him "get over it," but this ultimately will not happen. You probably seemed like a logical choice, FWB, both being in similar circumstances with your breakups, and I can understand his logic. How many people decide to "get their feet wet" in the general dating pool in an effort to get over their exes, get back out there, get back on that horse? It's not an unreasonable thought process. I think he's deluding himself into thinking that sex will cure him of longing and hurt for his ex, but that's what he thinks he needs right now.

For you, OP, it wouldn't work because your feelings for him run deeper than his for you, and you'd get way too attached, expect a relationship, and you'd get hurt in the process. If you were in a mindset that you could turn off your emotions and just enjoy the ride, maybe...huge maybe...I don't think you can with any guy, but especially not this one. I think your ability to maintain friendship in the friendzone is pretty precarious as well, and you probably have to make a division; just take it a day at a time...don't dwell on him as a potential partner. Maybe later on down the road...or not...the time isn't right. Good on you for deciding to put the stop on things.
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Old 10th February 2018, 10:13 AM   #8
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Do not have sex with him!!

He was your crush in HS but he never dated you. He knows how much you liek him and that he can take advantage of you b/c he thinks you will let him. Again he will never date you, but chase after women like his ex. He wants to only use you for sex to get over his ex but he will never want a relationship with you. The types of women he dates are women similar to his ex.
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