emzara Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 A week ago, my boyfriend left for a trip he had planned since before he met me. He regularly goes to a spiritual centre (that I'm very familiar with) that is about a 12-hour drive from here. Apparently, before he left I hurt his feelings. He left the house and kept coming back in because he forgot something. The very last time, he came back in for one last goodbye, but I didn't realize that. I was eating something to settle my stomach because I was feeling nauseous and apparently I called out goodbye from the couch. He felt hurt that I didn't come to the door to kiss him goodbye again. I had no idea that's what he wanted because he gets distant when he's travelling, so I was giving him space. He and I agree that he would text me when he got in safely. 15 hours into his drive, I hadn't heard from him and started to worry and texted him to see if he was ok. The tires on his car had been complaining about not enough tire pressure, so I was worried. He finally texted me and said he was another 90 minutes away. I never heard from him once he actually arrived. He was barely communicative while he was gone. He wrote me to ask about a practical thing and then nothing. He did text me on New Year's Eve and then phoned, but he barely said anything and got off the phone before I wanted to. He told me nothing about his time at the spiritual centre. It seemed to me that he was putting distance between us again. Then, the day he was scheduled to return home, I texted him to ask when he would be back (so I could have dinner ready at his place). He texted me 4 words: Probably Sunday Staying longer Sunday was 5 days away He didn't text me again for about 6 hours. He gave no explanation. Who does that?! I felt very hurt and panicked. I thought it was so inconsiderate of him to have just introduced me to his family and talked about starting a family and then poof, do his own thing with no phone call, nothing. Just 4 words. I texted him, saying: I am feeling so upset with you right now He didn't phone that night. If my guy texted me and said he was upset with me, I would PHONE! I broke up with him saying that he was rude and inconsiderate. Well, it turns out that his very dear friend - the one he's staying with - is dying of cancer. He was distant with me because he felt hurt by me not getting off the couch to kiss him goodbye. And he made a promise to his friend that he wouldn't tell anyone about the cancer, so him keeping that promise meant telling me nothing. Of course my mind made up all kinds of possibilities, including he's cheating on me. I also remembered something he said a few months ago that I found very hurtful. He had been away on another trip for another spiritual gathering and when he returned he said something about not wanting to be back and still wanted to be there. He said, "I missed you and I'm happy to see you, but..." Link to post Share on other sites
sour_pikle Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 this is easy, tell him your sorry about his friend, tell him you overreacted and that you feel silly for it. And you may want to let him know you still want to be with him? That's that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 Say your sorry? No! you are not a frickin mind reader, and he needs to grow up. He could have simply said "What?! is all I get for a goodbye? Come and give me a kiss babe!" As for his dying friend....what a guilt trippin excuse he laid on you. This is all headgames/manipulation to get back at you. Like I said he needs to grow up and be a man. It's no excuse to be rude/inconsiderate no matter what. He's just turning blame on you...don't you dare feel guilty or play into his game. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 I call total BS on that story. He used the he's mad at you not saying goodbye as an excuse to be distant so you wouldn't suspect anything. He sounds extremely untrustworthy and like a terrible boyfriend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author emzara Posted January 5, 2018 Author Share Posted January 5, 2018 Interesting to see such different responses. His "story" is not BS. His friend is dying of cancer. Completely agree that I'm not a mind reader! I'm not so convinced I overreacted. I'm really not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 You didn't overreact. If this is someone who can only "manage" one relationship at a time (you and his "friend"), I can't imagine what he'll be like when kids enter the mix! Think long and hard about this one..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 He is allowed to be distant with you after a fight and at a spiritual retreat. Neither of you communicate well. You text him "I'm upset with you" and expect a reply? You broke up with him before talking with him? Yes you can do all that, but only if you can take the consequences. You overreacted, because you are not happy with the outcome. If you thought it through before breaking up with him and you stand by that decision, you wouldn't be posting here. Link to post Share on other sites
LilySun Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 Being upset is understandable... The breaking up part was over-reacting though. Should have tried talking it out before going that far. However things are suspicious... All the traveling and being distant when he does, and trying to make you feel bad for not kissing when he wanted to, something is off. I think anyone would wonder about cheating here. But if you want to mend things then apologize for over reacting. Link to post Share on other sites
Iseult Posted January 5, 2018 Share Posted January 5, 2018 OP, you both messed up at communicating. Now go make up before daddy has to separate you two to your respective calm-down corner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emzara Posted January 6, 2018 Author Share Posted January 6, 2018 He is allowed to be distant with you after a fight and at a spiritual retreat. Neither of you communicate well. You text him "I'm upset with you" and expect a reply? You broke up with him before talking with him? Yes you can do all that, but only if you can take the consequences. You overreacted, because you are not happy with the outcome. If you thought it through before breaking up with him and you stand by that decision, you wouldn't be posting here. There was no fight. And it wasn't a retreat. He is staying with a friend and he went to some gatherings with friends at the spiritual centre. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emzara Posted January 6, 2018 Author Share Posted January 6, 2018 OP, you both messed up at communicating. Now go make up before daddy has to separate you two to your respective calm-down corner. Agreed. We both messed up at communicating. The rest of your post I'm going to ignore because... wtf? ew! Link to post Share on other sites
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