blackchild Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 i knew this guy for about four months and we were really good friends. well one day i noticed how sexually frustrated i was i thought it would be a good idea to sleep with him on the night of my birthday. the catch is that i have only been sexually involved with one person for two years; i was over it and ready to move on. i thought it would interesting to have cansual sex. for one because my ex- made it seem like i was a slut so i was like if the man who i onced loved can hurt me so bad the next guy won't hurt as bad and second i was just horny! so anyways it's the night of my birthday and he's still trying to see if i really want to go there with him. i'm like whatever let's just go at it. i felt if a man can have cansual sex and no emotions attached a woman could also. well i did have my cansual sex and i didn't feel anymore feelings for him than usual. everything went well until three days later he's asking me if we made the right decision (i know sex is important but we were as safe as possible) anyways he's telling me that he feels awkward and he feels bad because he feels as though he stole my innocence. this is the same guy that slept with 5 girls before me and trust me he put it on them and thought nothing of it! when i brought this up he told me that he didn't care for those girls. anyways i decided to remain friends and stop kissing and what not. later on that day i sent him a text message saying that i believed that he just wanted to hit it and quit it! after that he blocked all incoming calls on his phone. was this story about stealing my innocence a bunch of bullsh*t or the truth? Link to post Share on other sites
DesertDweller Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Wow. My first reaction is that he meant it. It seemed like he wanted more from you than just sex. Give him another chance...Apologize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackchild Posted May 30, 2005 Author Share Posted May 30, 2005 true you're right but this whole time (even afterwards) i was talking about a relationship and he said that he did not want one, and even when we were having our talk i told him that i thought that it was understood that we were friends to the end. he said taht he still wants my friendship so that's all good. but man this guy is starting to confuse me because he tells me that he sees us as more than friends and then when i talk about all that couple stuff he says that we're just friends. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 Could it be he's trying to play the good guy who respects you and cares for you in order to draw you closer to him for sex? That he was trying to push the right button? I'd be careful and watch him how he is around other people. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 If you told this man that you believed he only wanted sex from you, and then he ignored you, he might not have actually felt that way. Maybe he actually did feel bad about doing that with you, because he respects you more than that. Maybe he even had feelings for you. People don't always act in ways which show how they feel. This is probably a very confusing situation for you. You will never know what this man's intentions were unless you talk to him at length about it, and allow him to explain to you what he wants to, if he wants to explain anything. He may not have been BS'ing you, but then again he may have been. It is up to you if you want to still talk to this man. If you do want to talk to him, it might help to try to explain why you said what you said to him, and to apologize for how you came across if you feel you might have upset him. On the other hand, it might be for the best if the two of you don't talk anymore; I think that the situation could get very messy if the two of you kept it contact, but that isn't certain at all. It really is entirely up to you about where you want to go from here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackchild Posted May 31, 2005 Author Share Posted May 31, 2005 [color=red]that's a good idea faux but i can't talk to him when he puts a block on all incoming calls on his phone.[/color] it's weird because after we had sex i felt no clinginess, or anymore emotion toward him than normal (kinda like how a guy feels) Honestly i bought into his story about him taking my innocence because the next morning i felt as though i lost my innocence because i had sex with someone else ( it was weird because i had sex a lot before him, so i thought that innocence was long gone) he said that he believed the innocence was gone because i didn't love him and he felt that the sex was rushed and that we should have waited but it's weird because i know his ex and she's ugly and he ****ed her all the time! not to mentioned that he admitted that he had rushed into sex before and had no regrets. but i don't believe the story that he only cared about me, because i just didn't see it.we only had sex once and trust me he enjoyed it because he feel asleep before i did! anyways i didn't care about us having sex (as a matter of fact i didn't talk to him until two or three days later until he contacted me)i got my nooky and i was ready to continue my life. but i got offended because it seemed as though he maded an issue out of us having sex. i thought we were just going to be friends and kick it when we're bored and have sex when we're both horny! no strings attached! we both made the agreement that emotions were not going to be brought up. i definitely know that something is up cause we only had sex once, he loved it, and he had a small one ( and trust me when you have a little one you can't front like you can just dismiss pussy like you can put it on any girl, especially when you admitt that you have a little one!) Link to post Share on other sites
noname Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 looks to me like he probably likes you more than he let on. or he was worried about the impact that sex would have on your relationship. he was trying to tell you in so many words. and he probably put a block on his phone because you insulted him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackchild Posted June 1, 2005 Author Share Posted June 1, 2005 well he took off the block on his phone and now i don't know what to say. i kindajust wanna but like whatever and play hard to get. becausei sent hima text message asking him y he was ignoring me and if he didn't want to be friends anymore . well he sent me a message back explaining y his phone was off and told me that he was fine with not being friends anymore and that it ws up to me if i wanted to or not and honestly that insulted me so i don't know what to do now Link to post Share on other sites
DesertDweller Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 Could he be embarrassed because his secret ("small one") is out? Plus, you didn't contact him after sex--he contacted you. That's okay, the girl shouldn't do all the work--but what did you say? Did you hurt his feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackchild Posted June 1, 2005 Author Share Posted June 1, 2005 i didn't really say anything out of the ordinary. when we did talk he said that he will awkward the next time he sees me! i guess because that night when he pulled it out i said "whoa" and i turned my head smiling really hard! but i lead him to believe that i did it because he had a killer! ha ha! I know i'ma bitch but that's cool Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackchild Posted June 1, 2005 Author Share Posted June 1, 2005 oh yeah i asked him if we could go 4 another round and had told that he didn't know. i asked him what the deal was and that i thought that we agreed to have sex without the emotion he has yet to respond to what i had to say. i have also noticed that we talk but it's nothing really but small talk and he's trying to avoid seeing me in person. i know now that he's not trying to hit and quit it because he still responds to me but i cannot figure out why he's acting so weird, when i try to talk to him about it he always says that he believe that it was rushed and that he feels horrible because he felt as though he took my innocence away from me. He never truly wants to speak of the situation so what's a girl to do? Link to post Share on other sites
noname Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 Originally posted by DesertDweller Wow. My first reaction is that he meant it. It seemed like he wanted more from you than just sex. Give him another chance...Apologize. Originally posted by faux If you told this man that you believed he only wanted sex from you, and then he ignored you, he might not have actually felt that way. Maybe he actually did feel bad about doing that with you, because he respects you more than that. Maybe he even had feelings for you. People don't always act in ways which show how they feel. This is probably a very confusing situation for you. You will never know what this man's intentions were unless you talk to him at length about it, and allow him to explain to you what he wants to, if he wants to explain anything. Originally posted by noname looks to me like he probably likes you more than he let on. or he was worried about the impact that sex would have on your relationship. he was trying to tell you in so many words. if you really care what he thinks, ask him what is going on in his mind instead of making him feel like something is wrong with him. he might actually care for you a lot but he can't break through the barriers of things like... Originally posted by blackchild not to mentioned that he admitted that he had rushed into sex before and had no regrets. but i don't believe the story that he only cared about me, because i just didn't see it.we only had sex once and trust me he enjoyed it because he feel asleep before i did! anyways i didn't care about us having sex (as a matter of fact i didn't talk to him until two or three days later until he contacted me)i got my nooky and i was ready to continue my life. but i got offended because it seemed as though he maded an issue out of us having sex. i thought we were just going to be friends and kick it when we're bored and have sex when we're both horny! no strings attached! we both made the agreement that emotions were not going to be brought up. i definitely know that something is up cause we only had sex once, he loved it, and he had a small one ( and trust me when you have a little one you can't front like you can just dismiss pussy like you can put it on any girl, especially when you admitt that you have a little one!) Originally posted by blackchild i didn't really say anything out of the ordinary. when we did talk he said that he will awkward the next time he sees me! i guess because that night when he pulled it out i said "whoa" and i turned my head smiling really hard! but i lead him to believe that i did it because he had a killer! ha ha! I know i'ma bitch but that's cool Originally posted by blackchild oh yeah i asked him if we could go 4 another round and had told that he didn't know. i asked him what the deal was and that i thought that we agreed to have sex without the emotion he has yet to respond to what i had to say. i have also noticed that we talk but it's nothing really but small talk and he's trying to avoid seeing me in person. i know now that he's not trying to hit and quit it because he still responds to me but i cannot figure out why he's acting so weird, when i try to talk to him about it he always says that he believe that it was rushed and that he feels horrible because he felt as though he took my innocence away from me. He never truly wants to speak of the situation so what's a girl to do? looks like the writing is on the wall. he still talks to you so he didn't quit it. he probably likes you and is embarrassed that he caught feelings when he said he wouldn't. regardless if you only did it one time, people don't need sex to catch feelings. sounds like he was trying to open up to you and he got let down so now he doesn't know how to approach you. you can either try and make it easier on him by being understanding or tell him staight up that you don't want that kind of relationship and either start over as friends or go your seperate ways... Link to post Share on other sites
Author blackchild Posted June 3, 2005 Author Share Posted June 3, 2005 you're right but i just feel as though he's playing the "nice guy" role in order to sleep better at night. it's not fair that i do all the work by calling and texting him but he won't do the same! that's why i believe that he was trying to hit it and quit it because he doesn't try to contact me but when i contact him that's when he responds. my intution is telling me that he did want to connect on a deeper level and feels that sex with no strings attached ruined the opportunity ( it's stupid because he was the main one trying to puruse casual sex!). now i feel bad because i believe that he thinks that i'm just trying to use him for sex. i honestly don't care because guys use girls for sex all the time and i'm just trying to return the favor! i take that back i do feel bad but i'm trying so hard to portect my heart because he' s so wishy washy! one moment he wants me to be his girlfriend and the next moment he only likes me as a friend. it's so complicated because he changes like the weather and here i am my feelings are remaining the same and i don't know how to act around him. i don't know whether to just be his friend or give him a hug and a kiss because he changes his emotions about me every other day! i'm trying so hard to leave him alone but he's so cute and he's so sweet! and Ladies just because he has a little one he can still put it down! just not all the way! Link to post Share on other sites
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