N2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 I have a rather negative view on this, because I am a believer in committed relationships and saving sex for people who you deeply care about and love. I just want to see what other people think and why. Also, on a related note to this, the same guy who I really fell for and got mad because I wanted to wait to have sex and cut me off started to come back. Telling me he was never over it and he was just angry because he really wanted me and all this mushy stuff like he misses me and I make him happy like no other girl. After I said no to him asking to see me and spend time with me again I said no because I told him I have an issue with doing that stuff when you're not committed. He's (we're both) young and he's been able to get what he wants from girls without committing. Anyway, then I ran into him a week later and he was coming out of a restaurant with another girl. I understand I said no I shouldn't care but it still affects me. Like all that he said meant nothing. All that happened for a year meant nothing. Thoughts? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 Of course all that you said meant nothing to him because he doesn't care about your needs and wants it's all about his needs and wants. He's doing whatever it takes to get them. You really don't need a guy like that as someone you want to go steady with. He's not one for you! I myself have dated a lot and learn a lot about different behaviors. I don't just jump into the bed to have sex why not get to know the person first. Sex comes when it comes but I am in no rush. So many have sex so fast. I believe they just don't care and just do it anyway. You should really be in love with that person and if want it to happen the right way wait no getting to the finish line! I want to care and feel that deep love for the woman I choose to be with. Shouldn't have to ask for sex either I met one like that. "Can we have sex tonight" Wow made it sound like it was a choice or not. Suppose to come natural and if both are ready. Anyway odd behavior causes that to happen to have to ask for sex in that sort of matter anyway. It's better to wait to get to know the person and see if you have some sort of chemistry instead of doing it and not knowing who your doing it with makes no sense with me. There is no score card for me either for sex. I also have issue with women who had all the kids they want and yet cut/disable their abilities to have kids with another man they want to be with yet you as the other man has to raise someone else kids. You'll never have kids with her of your own. This is my opinion, others who are in this boat might agree or disagree. When you never have kids you can say otherwise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetgirl75 Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 I was in my first and last FWB relationship for 14 months. Worst 14 months of my life. I learned a very valuable lesson. Stick to the way your parents raised you. I settled for less. I settled for a sex offender. I settled for a manipulative and very narcissistic man who when I was rushed to the hospital with a mini stroke did not give a damn. I know it was a non committed relationship and he was very into himself. He could care less about other people's feelings or who he hurt. I am into loving and committed relationships but I was lonely and he gave me attention at first. I was settling for breadcrumbs. No one deserves that. If I am to be single the rest of my life I am okay with that. I won't put myself through that pain again. Honestly I hope he meets someone just like him. I did not know this dude was a sex offender until I was checking out the DPS registry for my friend who had a child in a certain county near me. I threw up knowing I had this monster in my home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyRose Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 I have a rather negative view on this, because I am a believer in committed relationships and saving sex for people who you deeply care about and love. I just want to see what other people think and why. Also, on a related note to this, the same guy who I really fell for and got mad because I wanted to wait to have sex and cut me off started to come back. Telling me he was never over it and he was just angry because he really wanted me and all this mushy stuff like he misses me and I make him happy like no other girl. After I said no to him asking to see me and spend time with me again I said no because I told him I have an issue with doing that stuff when you're not committed. He's (we're both) young and he's been able to get what he wants from girls without committing. Anyway, then I ran into him a week later and he was coming out of a restaurant with another girl. I understand I said no I shouldn't care but it still affects me. Like all that he said meant nothing. All that happened for a year meant nothing. Thoughts? Thanks. FWB becomes negative if one party becomes emotionally attached and starts wanting more serious. FWB could be a positive thing if both parties show mutual respect to one another and each other's feelings. They both enjoy the FWB setup and both are very clear that it's nothing more. Some people just likes sex and what better way to get some than getting it from someone you already know, friends with? The guy you mentioned sounds lovely. Smell the sarcasm. He just cares about himself and not give a damn about you. He knows you care about him and he used that to try and get in your pants. When he said he wants you he meant what's inside your pants. FWB is not for everybody. I have done it a LONG time ago and it worked for me because we were good friends and we only did it when we were both single. We didn't always do it whenever we hangout because I would say no and he would respect that. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 You can just as easily encounter terrible people in any relationship. I've had a fwb for 7 months and it was fantastic. Indeed I'd count it as one of my best relationships, even if technically it might not have been. It only started to go south towards the end when she wanted more, which is a common problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 I have no problem with FWB between 2 people who both want that & who are capable of divorcing the physical from the emotional. Most people can't. The human body secrets hormones which foster a bond between sex partners. Somebody usually gets hurt. If you believe in sex only inside a committed relationship then that is how & where you should have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 I have had a successful FWB. I would never get into a FWB situation with someone that I have feelings for or would want a relationship with. There is usually some hard deal breaker why he is not a relationship material. I also don't get attached through sex so long term FWBs are no problem. I get attached through deep conversations much more than sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 I don't attach via sex at all, however I find it gross to sleep with guys that are having it with others. So I'm against FWB, except with exes. I had FWB arrangements with each of my exes and I think it helped me and them to transition smoothly to singlehood. Link to post Share on other sites
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