I'm so mad I could scream! Should I give him a taste of his own medicine? OR DUMP HIM

[Cranberri]

My boyfriend ignored me for a whole day one day & I told him it bothered me and all i want is a text saying he's okay. Couple days later he ignores me for a day again. Just sends one text. Then he ignores me for 3 days and just acts like nothing is wrong. I have already expressed to him that I don't like a lack of contact. I seriously thought maybe he had gotten in an accident or something.

 

I'm so pissed I don't even want to talk to him anymore! What's the point? He'll probably just ignore me anyway. He works a lot so I don't see him very often. I don't even know what to say to him anymore. Should I ignore him like he's been doing to me? I know that's immature but I'm so frustrated. Even if I reply.. like I said, he'll probably ignore me again and I will freaking lose it. What should i do? Tell him AGAIN that it bothers me or should I just dump him? I honestly feel like dumping him. This doesnt feel like a relationship anymore.

 

Should I dump him thru text? He lives an hour away so I'll be going really out of my way just to break up with someone who cant be bothered to spend 10 secs out of their day to say "hey sorry ive been really busy".

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

How old are you guys? How long have you been dating? How did you meet?

[coolheadal]

My boyfriend ignored me for a whole day one day & I told him it bothered me and all i want is a text saying he's okay. Couple days later he ignores me for a day again. Just sends one text. Then he ignores me for 3 days and just acts like nothing is wrong. I have already expressed to him that I don't like a lack of contact. I seriously thought maybe he had gotten in an accident or something.

 

I'm so pissed I don't even want to talk to him anymore! What's the point? He'll probably just ignore me anyway. He works a lot so I don't see him very often. I don't even know what to say to him anymore. Should I ignore him like he's been doing to me? I know that's immature but I'm so frustrated. Even if I reply.. like I said, he'll probably ignore me again and I will freaking lose it. What should i do? Tell him AGAIN that it bothers me or should I just dump him? I honestly feel like dumping him. This doesnt feel like a relationship anymore.

 

Should I dump him thru text? He lives an hour away so I'll be going really out of my way just to break up with someone who cant be bothered to spend 10 secs out of their day to say "hey sorry ive been really busy".

 

I know the feeling at times, but mine told me she doesn't like to talk long on the phone and wasn't into texting. I not into texting either and I rather talk on the cell. She's more in person type. I can get her to talk about other things like today's events. I don't care much about the news and media.

 

So the point is you are just like me we expect contact by communications when we both don't' get that from the other we kind a loose it. I try to control the temptation to text back or call even. But in your case your 1 hr away that's really 2 hrs round trip. He works more than he contacts you that's something you either deal with now or just exit this whatever you have with him. Then again he might not be interested in you at all. That's why he's ghosting you (or giving you the cold shoulder).

 

If you can do better than him then do so, remember tell the next guy what you expect from him! Communication daily, if not you going to drop him like a tin can on a string..

[LovelyRose]

My boyfriend ignored me for a whole day one day & I told him it bothered me and all i want is a text saying he's okay. Couple days later he ignores me for a day again. Just sends one text. Then he ignores me for 3 days and just acts like nothing is wrong. I have already expressed to him that I don't like a lack of contact. I seriously thought maybe he had gotten in an accident or something.

 

I'm so pissed I don't even want to talk to him anymore! What's the point? He'll probably just ignore me anyway. He works a lot so I don't see him very often. I don't even know what to say to him anymore. Should I ignore him like he's been doing to me? I know that's immature but I'm so frustrated. Even if I reply.. like I said, he'll probably ignore me again and I will freaking lose it. What should i do? Tell him AGAIN that it bothers me or should I just dump him? I honestly feel like dumping him. This doesnt feel like a relationship anymore.

 

Should I dump him thru text? He lives an hour away so I'll be going really out of my way just to break up with someone who cant be bothered to spend 10 secs out of their day to say "hey sorry ive been really busy".

 

 

 

How long have you been together? How do you approach him and what was his response? What was his reason for not texting?

 

Was he like this before? If not, then ask him nicely what changed. If he's always been like this then you need to first understand him like his routine and his way of thinking, what type of communication he prefers. You need to work together and meet halfway.

 

My beginning stage with my bf he would also disappear for a day or two. I hated it. The first time he did it I thought he had an accident or something. Then slowly realized it was his thing. So I constantly talked to him what I want. I didn't tell him what to do but I told him nicely what I want and explained my side. He didn't stop it overnight but eventually he stopped doing it. Also I was kind of whiney in the beginning so it went nowhere.

 

But then I learned to communicate better and mirror his silence that eventually he caught on. If I send a one word text or reply with one word he knows something is up.

 

If you attack him and make it seem like you're nagging and whining he most likely will not listen to you. It could actually annoy him and make him do it more. Nobody likes to be told what to do.

 

If you feel like you have done everything you can and he just doesn't care to listen and meet you half way. Yeah..he may no longer be interested and time to dump him.

 

By the way, I see my bf once a month or maybe twice. He lives 6-8 hour drive away from me.

Edited October 5, 2017 by LovelyRose

[Cranberri]

I'm 20 and he is 24, we have been together for 3 months, met him through my friend's bf

[Cranberri]

How long have you been together? How do you approach him and what was his response? What was his reason for not texting?

 

Was he like this before? If not, then ask him nicely what changed. If he's always been like this then you need to first understand him like his routine and his way of thinking, what type of communication he prefers. You need to work together and meet halfway.

 

My beginning stage with my bf he would also disappear for a day or two. I hated it. The first time he did it I thought he had an accident or something. Then slowly realized it was his thing. So I constantly talked to him what I want. I didn't tell him what to do but I told him nicely what I want and explained my side. He didn't stop it overnight but eventually he stopped doing it. Also I was kind of whiney in the beginning so it went nowhere.

 

But then I learned to communicate better and mirror his silence that eventually he caught on. If I send a one word text or reply with one word he knows something is up.

 

If you attack him and make it seem like you're nagging and whining he most likely will not listen to you. It could actually annoy him and make him do it more. Nobody likes to be told what to do.

 

If you feel like you have done everything you can and he just doesn't care to listen and meet you half way. Yeah..he may no longer be interested and time to dump him.

 

By the way, I see my bf once a month or maybe twice. He lives 6-8 hour drive away from me.

 

This was pretty helpful thanks. I don't want to be naggy. We have been together for 3 months, so pretty new relationship. I just told him that when I don't hear from him it worries me and also makes me feel neglected. He just says sorry and that he just gets too tired to reply. He did this when we were not official yet, but it wasn't that big of a deal for me, since we had just started seeing each other. By "mirror his silence" do you think I should just go silent like he has done with me and wait? What do you think made your boyfriend finally realize to stop doing that?

[Cranberri]

I know the feeling at times, but mine told me she doesn't like to talk long on the phone and wasn't into texting. I not into texting either and I rather talk on the cell. She's more in person type. I can get her to talk about other things like today's events. I don't care much about the news and media.

 

So the point is you are just like me we expect contact by communications when we both don't' get that from the other we kind a loose it. I try to control the temptation to text back or call even. But in your case your 1 hr away that's really 2 hrs round trip. He works more than he contacts you that's something you either deal with now or just exit this whatever you have with him. Then again he might not be interested in you at all. That's why he's ghosting you (or giving you the cold shoulder).

 

If you can do better than him then do so, remember tell the next guy what you expect from him! Communication daily, if not you going to drop him like a tin can on a string..

 

This is a pretty new relationship, how do I find out if this is just who he is or if he is just not interested?

[Cookiesandough]

live an hour away...so much drama...doesn't sound good

[Terry8889]

Honestly I'd just forget about him. The early stages of a relationship is the time where he should be getting out of his way to win your heart and show you the best of him. Instead he is choosing to ignore you for days, he already knows it bothers you but he just doesn't care. Nobody is that busy to the point one cannot take 5 seconds to reply to a text. To me it sounds like he is not that into you. You are wasting your time and energy. Just move one and find someone who can give you his attention without begging for it. Good luck!

[basil67]

This is a pretty new relationship, how do I find out if this is just who he is or if he is just not interested?

 

Either way, the result would be the same: incompatibility. If it's new and already not working, just end it.

[LovelyRose]

This was pretty helpful thanks. I don't want to be naggy. We have been together for 3 months, so pretty new relationship. I just told him that when I don't hear from him it worries me and also makes me feel neglected. He just says sorry and that he just gets too tired to reply. He did this when we were not official yet, but it wasn't that big of a deal for me, since we had just started seeing each other. By "mirror his silence" do you think I should just go silent like he has done with me and wait? What do you think made your boyfriend finally realize to stop doing that?

 

 

How long has he been single before you? Mine was not in a serious relationship for 3 years before me so he's not used to having to check in with someone. My cousin (his best friend) even told me he disappears on people and don't respond to texts until 2-3 days after.

 

He used to tell me that he likes to have a day where he doesn't have to care about anything. But I explained that I prefer daily contact. Most especially we are LDR. I said that it's not that he's wrong or right, he's just different from me. If he can't manage daily phone call then I would appreciate a good morning and good night. It only takes 10 seconds each text.

 

Telling him you feel neglected could come across as needy. Try to avoid that from now on. I used to tell my bf, "although I wouldn't stop breathing if you don't call or text, but those simple text greetings bring me joy. I like you a lot so of course I like to hear from you everyday. When I wake up in the morning and first thing I see is your text, it makes me smile".

 

Communicate with your bf. Show him your independent but let him know you prefer daily contact. Ask him if that is unreasonable. If he says yes, then ask what is fair? The key is not to make him feel you're whiney, and dictating what to do. Also don't make him feel that he's doing something wrong. Because at this point he's not. You're just two different people that needs time to learn each other's wants and needs.

 

If your bf is bad with communication like mine, he will need guidance and patience from you. Both of you need to put in effort. It won't change overnight and you need constant calm and mature communication.

 

When I say mirror, whenever my bf don't text I stopped texting too. Well depending on my mood. Sometimes I will send one I miss you text. When he finally texts me I would respond with just a thumbs up or one word answer. He started noticing it and once I do that then he would give me more attention. Or I would calmly tell him I missed him more since he went MIA for a day.

 

If your bf is as interested in you as you are to him, then over time you two will find a good meeting point. Only way to know if he really likes you and just bad with texting is if he always listens to you and not get defensive (given you weren't nagging). How well he treats you when you are together and how do you feel when you're actually talking and texting. Don't base it off one negative thing.

 

My bf likes me a lot and only wants me to be happy. So he always listens to me and never stops putting more effort. So as the time passed by and with lots and lots of talking, he finally got to where I want him to be (took about 4 months). We still have lots of discovering to do I'm sure. But right now we are on the right track.

 

Remember, stay calm and don't attack. Patience my dear.

[N2017]

You know he's busy and works a lot. Try to make yourself busy as well and it won't bother you. He's not ignoring you if he sends one text. Some guys don't like texting. But this guy you say works a lot. If it bothers you that much you should dump him, but I think you'll regret that.

[health]

Ok he's busy. He wants a day away from people.

 

You like him alot and something so simple he can do to put you at ease - he doesn't.

 

Give it some time. If it's not a win/win leave it alone.

 

Have you had similar relationships in the past?

 

Be honest.

 

He's disrespecting your feelings when you rwo should be crazy about each other at this point.

[Cranberri]

Honestly I'd just forget about him. The early stages of a relationship is the time where he should be getting out of his way to win your heart and show you the best of him. Instead he is choosing to ignore you for days, he already knows it bothers you but he just doesn't care. Nobody is that busy to the point one cannot take 5 seconds to reply to a text. To me it sounds like he is not that into you. You are wasting your time and energy. Just move one and find someone who can give you his attention without begging for it. Good luck!

 

You know, sometimes I really do feel like I'm begging for his attention. Yikes.

[Cranberri]

How long has he been single before you? Mine was not in a serious relationship for 3 years before me so he's not used to having to check in with someone. My cousin (his best friend) even told me he disappears on people and don't respond to texts until 2-3 days after.

 

He used to tell me that he likes to have a day where he doesn't have to care about anything. But I explained that I prefer daily contact. Most especially we are LDR. I said that it's not that he's wrong or right, he's just different from me. If he can't manage daily phone call then I would appreciate a good morning and good night. It only takes 10 seconds each text.

 

Telling him you feel neglected could come across as needy. Try to avoid that from now on. I used to tell my bf, "although I wouldn't stop breathing if you don't call or text, but those simple text greetings bring me joy. I like you a lot so of course I like to hear from you everyday. When I wake up in the morning and first thing I see is your text, it makes me smile".

 

Communicate with your bf. Show him your independent but let him know you prefer daily contact. Ask him if that is unreasonable. If he says yes, then ask what is fair? The key is not to make him feel you're whiney, and dictating what to do. Also don't make him feel that he's doing something wrong. Because at this point he's not. You're just two different people that needs time to learn each other's wants and needs.

 

If your bf is bad with communication like mine, he will need guidance and patience from you. Both of you need to put in effort. It won't change overnight and you need constant calm and mature communication.

 

When I say mirror, whenever my bf don't text I stopped texting too. Well depending on my mood. Sometimes I will send one I miss you text. When he finally texts me I would respond with just a thumbs up or one word answer. He started noticing it and once I do that then he would give me more attention. Or I would calmly tell him I missed him more since he went MIA for a day.

 

If your bf is as interested in you as you are to him, then over time you two will find a good meeting point. Only way to know if he really likes you and just bad with texting is if he always listens to you and not get defensive (given you weren't nagging). How well he treats you when you are together and how do you feel when you're actually talking and texting. Don't base it off one negative thing.

 

My bf likes me a lot and only wants me to be happy. So he always listens to me and never stops putting more effort. So as the time passed by and with lots and lots of talking, he finally got to where I want him to be (took about 4 months). We still have lots of discovering to do I'm sure. But right now we are on the right track.

 

Remember, stay calm and don't attack. Patience my dear.

 

You know that's something I never took into consideration. He had been single for 3 years as well. I think it is a great idea if I ask him what he thinks is fair in terms of communication. I really was about to just break up with him, because like some other users have said he should be trying harder. But your advice is making me want to give it one last chance. At least then I could tell myself I tried everything I could. Me and patience do not get along lol

[Cranberri]

Either way, the result would be the same: incompatibility. If it's new and already not working, just end it.

 

I have been thinking about this as well. Incompatibility. The only reason I have not just ended it already is because my relationship with my ex was rocky in the beginning and then blossomed into something pretty amazing. I keep hoping this will happen here too. I'm gonna give it one more shot and if it doesn't work, then you are right & I need to just end it.

[Fishforbreakfast]

This happened to me to a guy I was dating, he did it once before we had even gone on a proper date and I went mental and he said sorry he just gets tired works a lot etc ect so I gave him the benefit of the doubt since we hadn't statues dating yet, then he did it again I didn't respond well and he said sorry he fell asleep then the third time he did it I went mental and called it off. (Wed been on maybe 5 dates) I just couldn't handle not getting a response I now regret going mental at him because I did like him but acted so crazy and needy and accused him of cheating on me with his ex and other randoms that there's no way j can repair it. So don't do what I did lol. In hindsite I would of just rolled with it and let it pan out how it will... until it gets serious

[S2B]

This is a pretty new relationship, how do I find out if this is just who he is or if he is just not interested?

 

Ask him.

 

If you're expectations don't match up then you have your answer.

 

It may be that you aren't a good match.

[ToGoFruit]

So sorry this is such a frustrating time between you and your boyfriend! These moments in relationships are always so tough. I would suggest having a conversation with him to see where he stands in this relationship. Maybe he has been going through some things he hasn't been able to adequately verbalize, or maybe it's something else. Either way, I think it would be beneficial for you as well to gain clarity on this. Having a conversation with him could relieve the stress and frustration you're experiencing, as well as avoid actions that could hurt either you or him. No matter the outcome, I hope it's positive and you feel a sense of peace with it. Good luck!

[d0nnivain]

At 90 days in (3 months) I would personally find daily contact smothering. Have you ever asked him how he feels about it?

 

When two people are on different pages this early on it's not a good sign. It may be an adjustment period like your prior relationship but I'm a firm believer that you get the best behavior during the honeymoon period which is now. If your needs aren't being met this may not be a good fit.

 

 

You should not play games with him -- like going silent when he does.

 

 

If you have any shot at making this work you may need to talk in person about your expectations. If you want daily contact but he doesn't are you willing to deal with something less frequent, like every other day? would you be OK with something little like a good morning or good night text?

 

 

IMO opinion you are not being neglected. You simply want more then he has to give. I also think it's unreasonable -- and unhealthy -- for you to assume that he got in an accident simply because you didn't hear from him. Work on that extreme response.