heavenonearth Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Whenever we are out, and my boyfriend sees a child, he starts talking to OR about the child. He also has nieces and nephews that he constantly talks about and always sends me photos of himself with them or of him with his friends' kids. I find it sweet, but it almost feels like he is trying to send a wink, because it's getting a bit out of hand. I almost feel a bit pressured, because he's been talking about kids so much. Bear in mind, we have only been together for two months! I love him, and would love to have a family with him one day, and think it's very likely that that will happen maybe 2-3 years down the line, but until then, I rather talk sensibly about it, without feeling pressured. He has not specifically said it, but it's so in my face all the darn time, that I just wish we could have a conversation about it and get it out of the way. He is, however, very shy, and I know he'd have trouble initiating a conversation about it, which is why I have a feeling he's been sending 'signals' instead. I am sure a lot of it is just natural, as he wishes to soon be a dad, but often it also just feels purposefully done, as if he's trying to say 'Look, this could be us!'. Should I approach him about it? How can I be sensible? This may sound like a stupid question to some of you, but I never had to have this conversation before in my life, and I have no clue.
alphamale Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Should I approach him about it? it depends on how old both of you are
Author heavenonearth Posted August 11, 2017 Author Posted August 11, 2017 it depends on how old both of you are Sorry, I forgot to mention. I am 30, he is 38.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Whenever we are out, and my boyfriend sees a child, he starts talking to OR about the child. He also has nieces and nephews that he constantly talks about and always sends me photos of himself with them or of him with his friends' kids. I find it sweet, but it almost feels like he is trying to send a wink, because it's getting a bit out of hand. I almost feel a bit pressured, because he's been talking about kids so much. Bear in mind, we have only been together for two months! I love him, and would love to have a family with him one day, and think it's very likely that that will happen maybe 2-3 years down the line, but until then, I rather talk sensibly about it, without feeling pressured. He has not specifically said it, but it's so in my face all the darn time, that I just wish we could have a conversation about it and get it out of the way. He is, however, very shy, and I know he'd have trouble initiating a conversation about it, which is why I have a feeling he's been sending 'signals' instead. I am sure a lot of it is just natural, as he wishes to soon be a dad, but often it also just feels purposefully done, as if he's trying to say 'Look, this could be us!'. Should I approach him about it? How can I be sensible? This may sound like a stupid question to some of you, but I never had to have this conversation before in my life, and I have no clue. I can imagine. ONLY AFTER 2-MONTHS!? He is talking about babies and you are in 'love' with him....wow. Everything is going too quickly to my taste. I would have a gentle conversation about this. It needs to be addressed. Tell him that it would be a wonderful thing 2-3 years down the line. Give him your reasons, stability, finances, etc. He'll accept it as reasonable or not...then another conservation needs to be had. 4
alphamale Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Sorry, I forgot to mention. I am 30, he is 38. well you have some time to have children. just tell him that you want to have kids but not right now. 2
Miss Spider Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Ohhhh he might have 'baby fever' not only chicks get this, but since he's only hinting and hasn't explicitly stated, yet you still feel pressure, you can try to bring up casually with him you don't think you'll be ready for kids for a few years. Good rships are about good communication 2
alphamale Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Ohhhh he might have 'baby fever' not only chicks get this, but since he's only hinting and hasn't explicitly stated, yet you still feel pressure, you can try to bring up casually with him you don't think you'll be ready for kids for a few years. Good rships are about good communication that's great advice
Gaeta Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Men don't send hits, it's a concept they don't understand. He send you pictures of his nieces and nephews because he loves them very much and they are part of his life. 5
No_Go Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 1) Very (most) likely it is not a hint, he just loves his nieces/nephews and therefore talks about them a lot or 2) He's in a life stage that there is a pressure to have kids. This is a thing that has nothing to do with relationship status/relationship with you. I see nothing concerning here except the over-reading part, and the part that it is difficult for you to talk to him about serious topics (i.e. emotional intimacy is not good). 1
Robratory Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Whenever we are out, and my boyfriend sees a child, he starts talking to OR about the child. He also has nieces and nephews that he constantly talks about and always sends me photos of himself with them or of him with his friends' kids. I find it sweet, but it almost feels like he is trying to send a wink, because it's getting a bit out of hand. I almost feel a bit pressured, because he's been talking about kids so much. Bear in mind, we have only been together for two months! I love him, and would love to have a family with him one day, and think it's very likely that that will happen maybe 2-3 years down the line, but until then, I rather talk sensibly about it, without feeling pressured. He has not specifically said it, but it's so in my face all the darn time, that I just wish we could have a conversation about it and get it out of the way. He is, however, very shy, and I know he'd have trouble initiating a conversation about it, which is why I have a feeling he's been sending 'signals' instead. I am sure a lot of it is just natural, as he wishes to soon be a dad, but often it also just feels purposefully done, as if he's trying to say 'Look, this could be us!'. Should I approach him about it? How can I be sensible? This may sound like a stupid question to some of you, but I never had to have this conversation before in my life, and I have no clue. Don't put words in his mouth. Maybe he just likes kids? Because if we go with your theory, then he's basically a passive-aggressive guy, and you'll soon start seeing him trying to manipulate you in other ways. "Oh, I so enjoy a clean house! A clean house is wonderful!" And then you'll be, like, omg, do I have to clean his house? As far as knowing whether someone wants kids or not, that should be discovered early on. Even if you don't plan to marry this person, if you have opposite ideas about having kids, why even waste time with each other? You don't have to do anything special. Just next time you're having a general conversation about different topics, ask him how he feels about having kids (not just how he feels about kids in general -- you already know that).
Ieris Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 He isn't talking about having kids with you though...? So he may not be hinting anything. I would take it as he really likes kids, just as some people always gush about animals because they find them adorable. 1
smackie9 Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 it's just the way he is...he loves kids and loves his nieces and nephews like any proud uncle would. It would be like a woman that loves shoes. She shows pictures of her shoe collection and wearing them with pride....but that doesn't mean she hinting to her husband that he needs to buy her shoes! 1
elaine567 Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 All this "he just loves his nieces and nephews and kids in general" would be fine apart from the fact he just got out of a 15 year relationship, 6 months ago and they had no kids. I could be wrong but I guess there is just a teeny tiny bit of moving too fast here and I guess it could very well be pressure from him for the OP to give him the kids he wants, the sooner the better... He has most likely just found a substitute woman and has slotted heavenonearth into the space his long term ex gf vacated and that is all a bit worrying for her. The conversation needs to be had and cards put on the table, because if he is envisaging a kid on the way before his next birthday for instance, the OP needs to be well aware of that.
coolheadal Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Whenever we are out, and my boyfriend sees a child, he starts talking to OR about the child. He also has nieces and nephews that he constantly talks about and always sends me photos of himself with them or of him with his friends' kids. I find it sweet, but it almost feels like he is trying to send a wink, because it's getting a bit out of hand. I almost feel a bit pressured, because he's been talking about kids so much. Bear in mind, we have only been together for two months! I love him, and would love to have a family with him one day, and think it's very likely that that will happen maybe 2-3 years down the line, but until then, I rather talk sensibly about it, without feeling pressured. He has not specifically said it, but it's so in my face all the darn time, that I just wish we could have a conversation about it and get it out of the way. He is, however, very shy, and I know he'd have trouble initiating a conversation about it, which is why I have a feeling he's been sending 'signals' instead. I am sure a lot of it is just natural, as he wishes to soon be a dad, but often it also just feels purposefully done, as if he's trying to say 'Look, this could be us!'. Should I approach him about it? How can I be sensible? This may sound like a stupid question to some of you, but I never had to have this conversation before in my life, and I have no clue. You both are in your thirties, sounds like he wants to make babies. You seem a little withdrawn to that. You should tell him you enjoy the fact he wants to have kids with you but your not ready yet. So please respect my wishes for now. Then tell him the time frame you want to set aside to have kids with him. He should accept your wishes without any issues.
No_Go Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Could be, but it is reading way too far. He hasn't said anything to OP. I feel like she over-analyzes every word / action of this guy... It appears more like insecurity from her end. The guy may be blissfully unaware that he's though of as someone that wants kids (and being in 1 years childless marriage, and being artistic freelancer if I remember correctly - I even moreso think he's not in a rush) All this "he just loves his nieces and nephews and kids in general" would be fine apart from the fact he just got out of a 15 year relationship, 6 months ago and they had no kids. I could be wrong but I guess there is just a teeny tiny bit of moving too fast here and I guess it could very well be pressure from him for the OP to give him the kids he wants, the sooner the better... He has most likely just found a substitute woman and has slotted heavenonearth into the space his long term ex gf vacated and that is all a bit worrying for her. The conversation needs to be had and cards put on the table, because if he is envisaging a kid on the way before his next birthday for instance, the OP needs to be well aware of that.
Miss Spider Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 All this "he just loves his nieces and nephews and kids in general" would be fine apart from the fact he just got out of a 15 year relationship, 6 months ago and they had no kids. I could be wrong but I guess there is just a teeny tiny bit of moving too fast here and I guess it could very well be pressure from him for the OP to give him the kids he wants, the sooner the better... He has most likely just found a substitute woman and has slotted heavenonearth into the space his long term ex gf vacated and that is all a bit worrying for her. The conversation needs to be had and cards put on the table, because if he is envisaging a kid on the way before his next birthday for instance, the OP needs to be well aware of that. yep. I knew a guy through a mutual friend...he was 38 too, matter of fact. I just wanted to be friends with him, but I found myself on a date with him and he expressed romantic interest in me. He just got divorced about 8 months prior...He asked me if I wanted kids soon, if I was good with them...freaked me out. Some men have bio clocks. If anything, it's a conversation to be a had when you're thinking long term
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Hmm I don't think there is anything to worry about just yet. I agree with Gaeta that men are much more direct and dropping hints, especially about having babies, doesn't sound like something a guy would do. Maybe YOUR man is different, not sure. Being 38, out of a LTR and childless, can seem like he's could have baby fever but I suspect it's more about him just enjoying kids and looking forward to the day he can have a few of his own, with you or someone else. Good luck.
amaysngrace Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 You see yourself having children with this man in two or three years from now but don't even know how to talk about things that matter to you both? That seems a little strange to me.
Miss Spider Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 You see yourself having children with this man in two or three years from now but don't even know how to talk about things that matter to you both? That seems a little strange to me. This is a conversation many people casually bring up at the beginning of dating. It's even something you enter on dating sites to make sure you have aligned goals. A lot of times someone will say "oh I want kids, but not anytime soon". That means if you're looking to have kids within the next yr you probably aren't a good match 2
No_Go Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 yep. I knew a guy through a mutual friend...he was 38 too, matter of fact. I just wanted to be friends with him, but I found myself on a date with him and he expressed romantic interest in me. He just got divorced about 8 months prior...He asked me if I wanted kids soon, if I was good with them...freaked me out. Some men have bio clocks. If anything, it's a conversation to be a had when you're thinking long term Ah this reminds me for one guy that I know (who btw is bisexual preferring men... so I'm sure it wasn't du to undying love to this woman) - he was just getting divorced and decided it is time for babies - knocked up an old acquaintance in a different country (presented her as a gf of course), and then a couple of years later - again. But I think it was an explicit arrangement between them. 1
amaysngrace Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 This is a conversation many people casually bring up at the beginning of dating. It's even something you enter on dating sites to make sure you have aligned goals. A lot of times someone will say "oh I want kids, but not anytime soon". That means if you're looking to have kids within the next yr you probably aren't a good match It just seems really odd to me that anybody would possibly want to marry someone and have a family with someone that they don't even know how to talk openly with. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 It just seems really odd to me that anybody would possibly want to marry someone and have a family with someone that they don't even know how to talk openly with. That may be HER feelings, not necessarily his...yet. They are only 2 months into a relationship. That may be enough time to know she really likes even loves him, and if she's of child-baring age, even entertain the idea of a family together...one day. Kind of like trying him on for size, fantasizing about a life together. That doesn't necessarily mean she is ready to discuss kids and marriage and china patterns with him just yet. 1
preraph Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 Tell him, "Well, if all goes well, I can see us starting to have kids a few years down the road after we know each other completely." Also, he's so nuts about them, you'd need to find out if he even believes in discipline of any type or if it would prove impossible to get on the same page about how to raise them because he might just want to be the friend dad and not be that much help. So don't assume anything. He also might be loving kids because he's still a bit of a big kid himself and may have some maturing to do. 2
guest569 Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 This is a conversation many people casually bring up at the beginning of dating. It's even something you enter on dating sites to make sure you have aligned goals. A lot of times someone will say "oh I want kids, but not anytime soon". That means if you're looking to have kids within the next yr you probably aren't a good match I agree. It's important to find out about each other's life plans early on before you fall in "love" and consider a future! It would be sad if you discover a huge incompatibility in 3 yrs time over something you could easily have found out. Casually talking about it! yes it can feel awkward but it's not specific to the two of you.. just ask if he wants kids and how many and when. Have you discussed what you are both looking for in a relationship and in life, values, marriage. Might be a good time since you're already in "love" and planning your future with him! 1
amaysngrace Posted August 11, 2017 Posted August 11, 2017 That may be HER feelings, not necessarily his...yet. No joke they're her feelings. She said that in her opening post. But he's the one who keeps sending pictures of his nieces and nephews. All she has to do is show an interest in those kids. Ask him about them. Let him talk about them. But she doesn't seem to even do that or maybe I'm wrong? 1
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