Online Dating: Observations from my first month

[Jammer25]

I decided to start giving OLD a shot a few weeks ago. Main reason was my new job and commute leave me little time or energy to meet women in more conventional ways so far. Wanted to write out some observations (as a late-20s male on OLD) from my experiences so far, and hopefully get thoughts on whether I'm looking at things in a reasonable manner or if I have weird expectations.

 

Women hold all of the power

This would seem fairly obvious, and something I expected in terms of response rates and engagement. I always try to send personalized messages to profiles that catch my eye, and it took me a few days for it to really hit that I'm probably just a speck in an inbox full of messages from all kinds of guys (good or bad). So in a way it makes me oddly appreciative/attentive of getting a message back.

 

You don't owe people anything

This one kind of goes against how I am as a person. Sure, it's online, but I always respond to messages I get even if I'm not interested. Sort of a "I'd want the same courtesy" deal in my mind. Though no hard feelings if it is a No.

 

A lot of people like the "idea" of a partner rather than the real thing

I guess this is more of a psychological aspect of OLD, but I have found that a lot of women surprisingly only want to chat online or text. Even if they write that they'd like to meet people in person, and we have been chatting for a while. (And yes, everyone is different in comfort of taking that step but I pick up on the tone of their messages and engagement.) I still wonder if it's a consequence of projecting one's ideal onto the online image of someone you haven't met in person. I just don't have time or patience for that kind of thing, so I try to weed that out in terms of willingness or openness to meet.

 

Don't force the conversation

This one died out for me in a few days, but in the beginning I would try to keep conversations alive with the idea that "who knows, maybe she's a great fit for me if I just keep trying" in the back of my mind. But I quickly learned that I don't need to settle or sell myself short, and it has helped me learn what I want and only to pursue that. I'm surprisingly thankful for going on OLD for this in major part.

 

Make your intentions clear

This one should be fairly obvious too, but it's still something I make sure to practice every time I start chatting with someone new. Can't stress enough that I'm not into hookups, open relationships or casual dating. Again, no time for confusion or games.

 

Don't limit your "type"

For me, this one more so applies to appearances. I've found that sharing common interests and intellectual connection is way more important to me than looks. Although of course, there still has to be some level of attraction for things to go further for me. At first I had so many filters on who I viewed or wanted to view me, that I realized I was shortchanging myself in potentially meeting people who shared a lot in common with me.

 

Also, OkCupid and Match have been great for me in terms of actually chatting and meeting women in person. POF and eHarmony not so much, like at all.

 

Any thoughts on the above, am I possibly looking at things the wrong way? Anything others would caution me on other than the obvious? (Catfish, etc.) Feel free to share your experiences as well. Thanks!

[telemakus]

Yep. That's just about it.

[Mkn1010]

I completely agree with all the points you've raised! I like that you're seeking substance and aren't trying to draw out connections with people where there aren't any!

 

I would say, though, that I recommend some introspection around being sure that you're in a spot to really give to a relationship (one that you've expressed that you want, that isn't casual or a hookup). I find many men think they can do this, only to realise that baggage or some other issues makes them incapable. As a 30yr old female, I would find it incredibly refreshing to come across a guy like you in the over-flowing inbox of d-bags! But make sure you can walk the walk and not just talk the talk, if you know what I mean!

 

Lastly, I want to say that your courtesy levels sound lovely and I truly hope that the process doesn't beat this out of you. You will stand out by not being disconnected and cut-throat in the realm of 'don't owe people sh*t'.

 

I wish you all the best! Don't lose sight of you

[Ruby Slippers]

Yes, I agree with everything you said. In my experience, OLD is similar to conventional dating in that it's always a search for a needle in a haystack. On dating sites, I've messaged with hundreds of men, been on dates with a couple dozen, and had a serious, meaningful relationship with just one man.

 

I'm sure some people meet their future husband/wife early on, but I think for most people, it's a numbers game where you have to chat with lots and lots of people before you find that special someone.

 

I totally hear you on the "idea" of a partner. I think a lot of people are just lonely and want a virtual gf/bf to break up the monotony of their day. I got off the dating site a while ago, and this one guy who never even called me (though I invited him to) is still texting me that he misses me. We never met, never even spoke, exchanged a couple dozen texts, and he misses me

[Cookiesandough]

I decided to start giving OLD a shot a few weeks ago. Main reason was my new job and commute leave me little time or energy to meet women in more conventional ways so far.

This excuse( I notice people often feel the need to excuse why they're there as if they feel it's something wrong) for turning to OLD always intrigues me. You don't come in contact with women at all? No activities or anything social where you could meet a woman ? Not a single time you can go out, meet, chat/flirt with women in person, perhaps doing an activity you enjoy, or even at the checkout line of the coffee shop before work? How do you find time to date?

Women hold all of the power

This would seem fairly obvious, and something I expected in terms of response rates and engagement. I always try to send personalized messages to profiles that catch my eye, and it took me a few days for it to really hit that I'm probably just a speck in an inbox full of messages from all kinds of guys (good or bad). So in a way it makes me oddly appreciative/attentive of getting a message back.

 

 

It's interesting to consider it a form of power to reject advances(Personally, I've never felt any sense of power from deleting countless "hey"s, but I could be alone), but not to initiate them? Even today, it is still seen as a bit unusual for a woman, especially an extremely attractive one, to initiate. So much so that many men might see it as a red flag - that she's desperate for some reason, 'a lady of the night', or there's a hidden camera somewhere. Women do approach, but the onus is still on men and there is power in that that fewer these days are willing to acknowledge, much less use. Or they do so mostly behind a LCD screen.

You don't owe people anything

This one kind of goes against how I am as a person. Sure, it's online, but I always respond to messages I get even if I'm not interested. Sort of a "I'd want the same courtesy" deal in my mind. Though no hard feelings if it is a No.

Considering you just acknowledged you are nothing more than a speck in the average woman's inbox, can you really lay blame on her not responding "no thanks" to each one as some personal fault? If she did that she would be on her computer all day and still have work left over. Wouldn't be an issue if you approached in person.

 

A lot of people like the "idea" of a partner rather than the real thing

Because it's not the real thing. It renders so much that's fundamental to human attraction impossible to assess.

Make your intentions clear

This one should be fairly obvious too, but it's still something I make sure to practice every time I start chatting with someone new. Can't stress enough that I'm not into hookups, open relationships or casual dating. Again, no time for confusion or games.

This is no critique to you, just thinking aloud here about how this is the reason I left. It's so means to an end-y. Cart before the horse. "I'm looking for a seriou relationship" I'm not looking for a person who completes

Don't limit your "type"

For me, this one more so applies to appearances. I've found that sharing common interests and intellectual connection is way more important to me than looks. Although of course, there still has to be some level of attraction for things to go further for me. At first I had so many filters on who I viewed or wanted to view me, that I realized I was shortchanging myself in potentially meeting people who shared a lot in common with me.

 

Also, OkCupid and Match have been great for me in terms of actually chatting and meeting women in person. POF and eHarmony not so much, like at all.

 

Any thoughts on the above, am I possibly looking at things the wrong way? Anything others would caution me on other than the obvious? (Catfish, etc.) Feel free to share your experiences as well. Thanks!

 

This is not a critique to you, just thinking aloud and maybe more a critique to OLD, or the people who use it in general, but this all sounds so desperate.

 

Maybe I'm wrong, or maybe many, including myself, who have turned to online dating do so as some last resort in the dating realm. It turns dating into a chore or a means to an end. "I am looking for a relationship" No "I am fine being single, finding someone I'm attracted to, talking to someone I think seems interesting, getting to know them, falling in love." I am looking for a relationship(or casual sex) right now, and all that other stuff comes after. I get many people on there are there because they are no longer want to be single or 'alone'. They want a partner (or NSA sex) like yesterday , but it's no wonder to me why so many go on there with a shopping list and are looking to find an idea, rather than a human being.

 

 

People on here talk about how busy and full their lives are so they can't possibly meet people in person, yet their OLD behavior seems to suggest otherwise. Endless conversations with virtual strangers(sometimes spanning weeks before meeting), trying to "squeeze in" multiple dates with different people all week even though they don't even want to or are barely interested in the person(s), post after post of issues pertaining to online dating, dating people from distances that require 45 min + commutes, etc.

 

It's just not adding up. I think there's something else at play here. A life so full and bustling but can't meet people anywhere besides the internet? Perhaps they live in the really middle of nowhere, or their "irl" socialization skills need work, or they have a case of approach anxiety and the internet acts as a buffer or.....idk something. Regardless, sounds like they aren't living right.

Edited April 3, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[LookAtThisPOst]

I decided to start giving OLD a shot a few weeks ago. Main reason was my new job and commute leave me little time or energy to meet women in more conventional ways so far. Wanted to write out some observations (as a late-20s male on OLD) from my experiences so far, and hopefully get thoughts on whether I'm looking at things in a reasonable manner or if I have weird expectations.

 

Women hold all of the power

This would seem fairly obvious, and something I expected in terms of response rates and engagement. I always try to send personalized messages to profiles that catch my eye, and it took me a few days for it to really hit that I'm probably just a speck in an inbox full of messages from all kinds of guys (good or bad). So in a way it makes me oddly appreciative/attentive of getting a message back.

 

Yep, and this is contrary to the women who post in their profiles who say they want a well thought out email as opposed to 'Hi" or "What's up"

 

You don't owe people anything

This one kind of goes against how I am as a person. Sure, it's online, but I always respond to messages I get even if I'm not interested. Sort of a "I'd want the same courtesy" deal in my mind. Though no hard feelings if it is a No.

 

Women may sometimes throw a disclaimer in there saying, "If I don't response, it means I wasn't interested." That right there pretty much discourages me from even bother contacting them. They somehow feel that this gives them an "out" for even responding with a, "Thanks, but no thanks"

 

 

lot of people like the "idea" of a partner rather than the real thing[/u][/b]

I guess this is more of a psychological aspect of OLD, but I have found that a lot of women surprisingly only want to chat online or text. Even if they write that they'd like to meet people in person, and we have been chatting for a while. (And yes, everyone is different in comfort of taking that step but I pick up on the tone of their messages and engagement.) I still wonder if it's a consequence of projecting one's ideal onto the online image of someone you haven't met in person. I just don't have time or patience for that kind of thing, so I try to weed that out in terms of willingness or openness to meet.

Yep...this explains why I see so many women on these dating sites for years. There's this one that keeps changing her profile pictures out constantly. She seems rather selfie obssessed, not unlike women do on Facebook.

 

A "Mirror, mirror on the wall" complex. They tend to use dating sites as an extension of their main social media platforms.

 

Just seeking attention/validation "Let's do lunch? What's that?"

 

Don't limit your "type"

For me, this one more so applies to appearances. I've found that sharing common interests and intellectual connection is way more important to me than looks. Although of course, there still has to be some level of attraction for things to go further for me. At first I had so many filters on who I viewed or wanted to view me, that I realized I was shortchanging myself in potentially meeting people who shared a lot in common with me.

What's very ironic about this whole online dating thing, and this last statement kind of ties into the above statements. When personaliziing my first emails to them...I'd used to carefully select women based on our common interests, goals, value system, etc.

 

I'd come across some women so nicely matched with me, it's almost like another version of me in a way in where we align so greatly in all of the above.

 

I recall this one woman in my area, kind of chubby, but cute face...average looking. Was big into sci-fi, values, and common interests. Her idea of dating was shared with mine...

 

It was uncanny...

 

I emailed her, and even though she did respond, she said, "Thanks for the email, but I don't think we'd make a good match."

 

And I was kind of landblasted that I picked her out based on the fact I thought we were a good match.

 

Later on, this is where later the numbers game comein because men get sick of carefully choosing women is when they get responses like this when theythink, "Well, I guess having things in common doesn't attract them...so..I might as well use the shotgun method and email every cute face that I come across...regardless of how much in common we have!"

 

It's quiet self-perpetuating.

Edited April 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[Dtrain2EtOWN]

This is in response to the young mans plague in the OLD world. Although I still turn heads in the real world online I am effectively obsolete. For me OLD was like a mosh pit. It was fun. I got picked up and passed across a sea of hands that seemingly suddenly dropped me just beyond the fence on the periphery. Some will say "hi" on the way back to the pit from the bathroom or bar. They are three to five years my senior. I could live with that. I am not thrilled but I look closer as we women do and there is nothing about them that works for me. But what I want is of zero consequence. These fools are getting their ego smashed in the pit and look to me for a boost and quickie and that is all they need to go again. Behind me lies a swarm of men who speak to me like I am used to, only they qualify for the senior discount at Mickey Ds. RL in my world is ships in the night.

 

While this may sound like just desserts I will tell you after being in both worlds where the real problem lies. I know what the young girls are struggling with and why they don't respond in many instances. Pictures are awkward and over or underestimate what they capture. The vast majority of people mock any picture that does not contain subjects facing front and center and smiling at the camera. Selfies mean you are a lunatic who has no friends and no interests. People live when they are playing and not taking pictures. Besides if the camera does come out everyone better assume the proper position and look right in the camera and say 'cheeeeeese".

 

These OLD venues want a captive audience. My iPhone takes animated photos. In a matter of 3 seconds this device shows the essence of me or whomever I point it at. I was playing grocery store with a friend's child whom is one of few kids I like on par with the best of adults. When she wasn't aware I took photos. Later when I paged through them standing in my kitchen I found my self laughing and scrolling and guffawing. At one point I was drawn to tears.

 

 

If these billionaires app owners didn't love being billionaires so much they would step it up and offer the option to attach a 12 second video to the profile. I could work with five seconds. That is how long it takes me IRL to determine if I am game and I am a girl. Dudes know where they are at with me before my eyeballs have a chance to focus.

 

 

These app owners would rather steer the few live cattle they do rope in to their partner sites. It stinks. Even if I did maintain a career destroying on-line presence I wouldn't want a string of people 'following" me just for the sake of video animation. I get that there is blocking but there is also hacking. I am old fart and paranoid I guess but OLD is ancient. It blows. :bunny:However you are still in the pit. I met some fantastic guys there and when I was bar hopping IRL. On tinder one roped me with a picture of a monkey. IRL he was drop dead gorgeous and later wanted to marry me.

[LookAtThisPOst]

This is in response to the young mans plague in the OLD world. Although I still turn heads in the real world online I am effectively obsolete. For me OLD was like a mosh pit. It was fun. I got picked up and passed across a sea of hands that seemingly suddenly dropped me just beyond the fence on the periphery. Some will say "hi" on the way back to the pit from the bathroom or bar. They are three to five years my senior. I could live with that. I am not thrilled but I look closer as we women do and there is nothing about them that works for me. But what I want is of zero consequence. These fools are getting their ego smashed in the pit and look to me for a boost and quickie and that is all they need to go again. Behind me lies a swarm of men who speak to me like I am used to, only they qualify for the senior discount at Mickey Ds. RL in my world is ships in the night.

 

While this may sound like just desserts I will tell you after being in both worlds where the real problem lies. I know what the young girls are struggling with and why they don't respond in many instances. Pictures are awkward and over or underestimate what they capture. The vast majority of people mock any picture that does not contain subjects facing front and center and smiling at the camera. Selfies mean you are a lunatic who has no friends and no interests. People live when they are playing and not taking pictures. Besides if the camera does come out everyone better assume the proper position and look right in the camera and say 'cheeeeeese".

 

These OLD venues want a captive audience. My iPhone takes animated photos. In a matter of 3 seconds this device shows the essence of me or whomever I point it at. I was playing grocery store with a friend's child whom is one of few kids I like on par with the best of adults. When she wasn't aware I took photos. Later when I paged through them standing in my kitchen I found my self laughing and scrolling and guffawing. At one point I was drawn to tears.

 

 

If these billionaires app owners didn't love being billionaires so much they would step it up and offer the option to attach a 12 second video to the profile. I could work with five seconds. That is how long it takes me IRL to determine if I am game and I am a girl. Dudes know where they are at with me before my eyeballs have a chance to focus.

 

 

These app owners would rather steer the few live cattle they do rope in to their partner sites. It stinks. Even if I did maintain a career destroying on-line presence I wouldn't want a string of people 'following" me just for the sake of video animation. I get that there is blocking but there is also hacking. I am old fart and paranoid I guess but OLD is ancient. It blows. :bunny:However you are still in the pit. I met some fantastic guys there and when I was bar hopping IRL. On tinder one roped me with a picture of a monkey. IRL he was drop dead gorgeous and later wanted to marry me.

 

Very good, original take on OLD. I see you've posted only 3 times, and it's amazing we get FIRST time posters that respond to these thought provoking posts. Getting them out of the workers. lol. IT is refreshing to see that those lurking, reading this site...are motivated to now add their take.

 

It's interesting as I've heard a story from a man on another message board regarding online dating on POF. He said like most men, he gets ignored intially. There was this one woman that did this...he moved on, but in public he spotted her at a public event, approached her and chatted her up.

 

She immediately took to him, and after a few dates he revealed he had emailed her on POF some time ago, but she didn't answer.

 

She was rather flabbergasted as she said, "Woah! If I knew you were like you are now back when you contacted me, I would have responded!!"

 

It was like she regretted, in hindsight, that she didn't respond to him via his online only presence.

 

So people will pass up on someone on online dating they would NOT normally pass up in real life. This event, and many others like it, just proves that online dating is a crutch, a handicap.

[codest]

OP: A very nice write-up, thank you!

[TunaInTheBrine]

I decided to start giving OLD a shot a few weeks ago. Main reason was my new job and commute leave me little time or energy to meet women in more conventional ways so far. Wanted to write out some observations (as a late-20s male on OLD) from my experiences so far, and hopefully get thoughts on whether I'm looking at things in a reasonable manner or if I have weird expectations.

 

Women hold all of the power

This would seem fairly obvious, and something I expected in terms of response rates and engagement. I always try to send personalized messages to profiles that catch my eye, and it took me a few days for it to really hit that I'm probably just a speck in an inbox full of messages from all kinds of guys (good or bad). So in a way it makes me oddly appreciative/attentive of getting a message back.

 

You don't owe people anything

This one kind of goes against how I am as a person. Sure, it's online, but I always respond to messages I get even if I'm not interested. Sort of a "I'd want the same courtesy" deal in my mind. Though no hard feelings if it is a No.

 

A lot of people like the "idea" of a partner rather than the real thing

I guess this is more of a psychological aspect of OLD, but I have found that a lot of women surprisingly only want to chat online or text. Even if they write that they'd like to meet people in person, and we have been chatting for a while. (And yes, everyone is different in comfort of taking that step but I pick up on the tone of their messages and engagement.) I still wonder if it's a consequence of projecting one's ideal onto the online image of someone you haven't met in person. I just don't have time or patience for that kind of thing, so I try to weed that out in terms of willingness or openness to meet.

 

Don't force the conversation

This one died out for me in a few days, but in the beginning I would try to keep conversations alive with the idea that "who knows, maybe she's a great fit for me if I just keep trying" in the back of my mind. But I quickly learned that I don't need to settle or sell myself short, and it has helped me learn what I want and only to pursue that. I'm surprisingly thankful for going on OLD for this in major part.

 

Make your intentions clear

This one should be fairly obvious too, but it's still something I make sure to practice every time I start chatting with someone new. Can't stress enough that I'm not into hookups, open relationships or casual dating. Again, no time for confusion or games.

 

Don't limit your "type"

For me, this one more so applies to appearances. I've found that sharing common interests and intellectual connection is way more important to me than looks. Although of course, there still has to be some level of attraction for things to go further for me. At first I had so many filters on who I viewed or wanted to view me, that I realized I was shortchanging myself in potentially meeting people who shared a lot in common with me.

 

Also, OkCupid and Match have been great for me in terms of actually chatting and meeting women in person. POF and eHarmony not so much, like at all.

 

Any thoughts on the above, am I possibly looking at things the wrong way? Anything others would caution me on other than the obvious? (Catfish, etc.) Feel free to share your experiences as well. Thanks!

 

If you're responding to all of the women who write you, then you can't have that messages in your inbox. Women don't respond to everyone because it'd be too time-consuming to do so, nevermind then having to deal with the responses they will then get from guys who they gave a 'courtesy rejection' letter to who are now wondering: "why not?"

 

Ask yourself this: "What can I do to get women to notice me online and then chase me? How can I write messages so that I seem like the one with the power of options?" I like to think of OLD as what would happen in real life if a bunch of men started approaching women every day, because it used to be more like that until the internet came out. And similar to life online, women are typically more attracted to men who they have to work to get as opposed to men who work to get them.

 

Think about it. Despite however many messages women are getting on OLD, every now and then, they are browsing matches independently and are definitely going to email guys who they see as a catch and haven't written to them.

 

I receive messages through OkCupid and Match daily. About a year or so ago, I wrote a profile and put up pictures that targeted the kind of women I was attracted to. I basically made a profile that created an emotional experience for the woman reading it and so that she felt it was harder to NOT reach out to me than it was to message me Now, I probably initiate contact with 1 woman for every 10 who initiate contact with me. The script has flipped. I don't have time to respond to every woman, and I only browse matches on my own once in a while since I have enough messages coming in to keep me busy. I find this approach so much less stressful because things are easier when the girl is already interested in me. In fact, many times when I receive a message, I intentionally wait a couple of days and write back on a night when she's likely to be home (a Sunday night or Tuesday night, for example). Let her take the emotional risk of sending a message to you and then let her feelings marinate. The reply will be that much sweeter to her when she gets it. Don't even bother writing back to women who just say "hi" or "you're hot" or "i like your profile. what do you do for fun?" They're not interested enough and not worth the energy. Focus only on the women who are interested in you and who convey that in their email. As a practical tip, I'll tell you that I tell women exactly in my profile what kind of women I'm attracted to and what kind of relationship/lifestyle I like, and that I'm going to be scanning for those qualities in their messages to me That gets the ones who are really interested to emotionally invest in the message they craft. Then I wait a couple of days, let their curiosity marinate, and respond with a "let's get together" email and tell them to text me. I usually hear from them the same day. It works almost every time. She is chasing me from day 1. The script is flipped.

 

Have you done much research on OLD or marketing strategy? I highly recommend both if you have the time and interest to do so. I can tell you it's worth it.

 

PS: I'm a shorter than average male who is balding and with a big nose. I'm not ugly, but I'm definitely not Adam Levine either. Any guy who thinks their height or overall looks are going to deter women should think again. Like in real life, if you know how to trigger the right emotions, and you appear to be a scarce resource, women WILL chase you.

Edited April 3, 2017 by TunaInTheBrine

[CptInsano]

I

Women hold all of the power

This would seem fairly obvious, and something I expected in terms of response rates and engagement. I always try to send personalized messages to profiles that catch my eye, and it took me a few days for it to really hit that I'm probably just a speck in an inbox full of messages from all kinds of guys (good or bad). So in a way it makes me oddly appreciative/attentive of getting a message back.

[...]

 

No, they really don't, at least when the cards are on the table and you meet IRL. The OLD environment is hyper-competitive, that much is true. But it's like a game at a fair, where you compete against others to win a prize. You struggle, beat others, and get your prize. It must be worth a lot, right? Otherwise people wouldn't fight over it. But no, it's a false scarcity marketing scam, and what you end up with is a cheaply-made stuffed animal.

 

There is no shortage of women in North America, and the rest of the continent leans toward a shortage of men. Unless you are talking about very attractive women in their 20s, you really shouldn't have a problem finding women. But OLD suggests otherwise.

[Titanll]

About a year ago a buddy and I both opened OLD accounts as sort of a dare/bet. He's a year younger than I am (I was 40 at the time). We both shave our heads, have facial hair and are fit. He's leaner but I am bigger and stronger. I look ok but he looks like a friggin model. We posted our best pics and I took time to write a nice profile, he did not. We both posted one shirtless pic.

 

I recall just two women that we both contacted that turned him down or did not reply to his contact. Tons of women would not reply to me after he contacted them haha! I was doing ok until he came along!

 

Some things that we learned (in our experience)

 

-Several women stating that they were not looking for a hookup were, in fact, looking for a hookup.

-Women claiming that shirtless pics were a no no had no problem with our pics.

-Women that I had set a date with suddenly had something come up to break our date to be available for my buddy.

-If a woman is interested in you, she will get you off the site asap. She will give you her number and more than likely start sending you pics.

-If a woman is interested she will care less how nasty you talk to her (within reason)

-If a woman is not interested, you will get burned for saying something that can be misconstrued as sexual.

-If you are really good looking, you are going to get more attention (no surprise, right?)

-If you are decently good looking, you will get plenty of attention and possible better potential partners for a long term relationship (I have no actual proof of that fact, though)

-If you are not attractive at all? Who knows...you are probably out of luck for the most part.

-Women are not as courteous as you will probably be.

 

I'm not bashing women at all but, in my experience, they can be exactly like the men that they supposedly despise.

 

***My best advice for OLD is to shoot and scoot. That is, message her once and only again after she replies.

Keep shooting messages to other women in the mean time.

Short replies get either a short reply in return or no reply at all.

Stay on the offense at all times...even if you get a date.

Early on, even if you are "dating", keep in mind that she can dump you in a heartbeat if a Chad comes along and sweeps her off her feet.

 

The women that I have dated where we met IRL seemed to be more interested in long term and more "stable" in the relationship.

OLD=better for hookups

IRL=better for LT relationships

YMMV...

[Cookiesandough]

We both posted one shirtless pic.

...

The women that I have dated where we met IRL seemed to be more interested in long term and more "stable" in the relationship.

OLD=better for hookups

IRL=better for LT relationships

YMMV...

This really isn't fair! Not one woman who is both interested in a relationship and sane is going to bother with a man with a shirtless pic no matter how Chadly he is.

[Titanll]

This really isn't fair! Not one woman who is both interested in a relationship and sane is going to bother with a man with a shirtless pic no matter how Chadly he is.

 

That's your opinion and my opinion is based on experience. Oh, and I have met women at the beach when I had no shirt on...I have met sane women that wanted a relationship there.

 

P.S. Our shirtless pics were pics at the beach...the context was neutral and would be no different than a woman wearing a two piece. Regardless of context, it was still a shirtless pic.

 

P.S.S. I made no blanket statements like you...I never said "all" or "not one" like you did.

 

P.S.S.S. I call pure BS on the Chadly part! You must be kidding! A great looking guy can get away with the exact kind of things that will repulse most women if it's done by a less Chadly guy. I suppose the same holds true in reverse as well.

[Cookiesandough]

That's your opinion and my opinion is based on experience. Oh, and I have met women at the beach when I had no shirt on...I have met sane women that wanted a relationship there.

 

P.S. Our shirtless pics were pics at the beach...the context was neutral and would be no different than a women wearing a two piece. Regardless of context, it was still a shirtless pic.

 

P.S.S. I made no blanket statements like you...I never said "all" or "not one" like you did.

 

P.S.S.S. I call pure BS on the Chadly part! You must be kidding! A great looking guy can get away with the exact kind of things that will repulse most women if it's done by a less Chadly guy. I suppose the same holds true in reverse as well.

 

Hahaha. Okay, if you're at the beach, your shirt has a reason to be off.

 

I don't know all that much about the male experience there. What you said was pretty funny to me. A mentally stable woman looking for a rship messaging a good looking guy with a shirtless pic is really hard to believe . Whether he's at the gym or beach or in bed.

Edited April 3, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Titanll]

Hahaha. Okay, if you're at the beach, your shirt has a reason to be off.

 

I don't know all that much about the male experience there. What you said was pretty funny to me. A mentally stable woman looking for a rship messaging a good looking guy with a shirtless pic is really hard to believe . Whether he's at the gym or beach or lying in bed.

 

Ok...so hypothetically a woman joins an OLD site with the intentions of finding a long term relationship. She "finds" a very attractive guy that also happens to have a shirtless pic and let's say this pic is a bathroom selfie instead of a beach pic. Should she immediately say screw it and move on and forget about this guy? Of course not! The pic will more than likely be more of a reason to contact the guy than not.

 

Sure, there are a whole lot of dynamics going on here and people can hide their true intentions but my gut feeling is that women can be more shallow than men about perceived attractiveness. Again, in my experience, the women definitely went for the more attractive guy even after making a date with the less attractive guy (me). Women, in my opinion, get to cherry pick the behaviors that suit them best when they want. Raging nympho one minute and nun the next. I know of not a single guy that has a celebrity crush (which to me is the most shallow of shallows) but I don't know a single woman that does not have one or several. This crap carries over into real life...Chads have it made, us mere mortals have a hard time, haha!

[Cookiesandough]

Ok...so hypothetically a woman joins an OLD site with the intentions of finding a long term relationship. She "finds" a very attractive guy that also happens to have a shirtless pic and let's say this pic is a bathroom selfie instead of a beach pic. Should she immediately say screw it and move on and forget about this guy? Of course not! The pic will more than likely be more of a reason to contact the guy than not.

 

Sure, there are a whole lot of dynamics going on here and people can hide their true intentions but my gut feeling is that women can be more shallow than men about perceived attractiveness. Again, in my experience, the women definitely went for the more attractive guy even after making a date with the less attractive guy (me). Women, in my opinion, get to cherry pick the behaviors that suit them best when they want. Raging nympho one minute and nun the next. I know of not a single guy that has a celebrity crush (which to me is the most shallow of shallows) but I don't know a single woman that does not have one or several. This crap carries over into real life...Chads have it made, us mere mortals have a hard time, haha!

 

 

Well, I mean, I would?? I wouldn't see a guy with a shirtless pic as a candidate to date. It's just insta not attractive to me,regardless of how attractive he is(I'm sure there are female equivalents of this). But a lot of people say I'm way too picky.

 

I am with you that women probably care as much about looks as men, though. Maybe in a more honed in way Lol.

Edited April 3, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[CarbonCopy]

Maybe I'm dumb, but what's a Chad? Lol.

[Jammer25]

This excuse( I notice people often feel the need to excuse why they're there as if they feel it's something wrong) for turning to OLD always intrigues me. You don't come in contact with women at all? No activities or anything social where you could meet a woman ? Not a single time you can go out, meet, chat/flirt with women in person, perhaps doing an activity you enjoy, or even at the checkout line of the coffee shop before work? How do you find time to date?

 

Not that there is literally no time for me to do so in those ways, it wasn't intended as an absolute statement. Just less time, and I figured OLD was a decent alternative to try out and weed through.

 

It's interesting to consider it a form of power to reject advances(Personally, I've never felt any sense of power from deleting countless "hey"s, but I could be alone), but not to initiate them? Even today, it is still seen as a bit unusual for a woman, especially an extremely attractive one, to initiate. So much so that many men might see it as a red flag - that she's desperate for some reason, 'a lady of the night', or there's a hidden camera somewhere. Women do approach, but the onus is still on men and there is power in that that fewer these days are willing to acknowledge, much less use. Or they do so mostly behind a LCD screen.

 

More so a figure of speech on the "power" thing. I can see the above as reasons IRL for questioning a woman's initiative, but for OLD I don't think those perceptions are there to the same degree.

 

Considering you just acknowledged you are nothing more than a speck in the average woman's inbox, can you really lay blame on her not responding "no thanks" to each one as some personal fault? If she did that she would be on her computer all day and still have work left over. Wouldn't be an issue if you approached in person.

 

Of course not, and I did say I don't hold any grudges or whatnot if they don't respond. I was stating how I view it, and yes as someone else said I don't have as many messages so I can afford them a little more attention for the courtesy response.

 

 

This is not a critique to you, just thinking aloud and maybe more a critique to OLD, or the people who use it in general, but this all sounds so desperate.

 

Maybe I'm wrong, or maybe many, including myself, who have turned to online dating do so as some last resort in the dating realm. It turns dating into a chore or a means to an end. "I am looking for a relationship" No "I am fine being single, finding someone I'm attracted to, talking to someone I think seems interesting, getting to know them, falling in love." I am looking for a relationship(or casual sex) right now, and all that other stuff comes after. I get many people on there are there because they are no longer want to be single or 'alone'. They want a partner (or NSA sex) like yesterday , but it's no wonder to me why so many go on there with a shopping list and are looking to find an idea, rather than a human being.

 

Indeed. I always hear people go on a woe-is-me trip about being the only single friend in their circles. Funny enough for me though, OLD has made me more comfortable being single. I think it's sort of the idea that OLD will be there as an alternative but I don't have to depend on it or focus on trying to force a relationship. Just wanted to post out a few thoughts for discussion I suppose.

 

It's just not adding up. I think there's something else at play here. A life so full and bustling but can't meet people anywhere besides the internet? Perhaps they live in the really middle of nowhere, or their "irl" socialization skills need work, or they have a case of approach anxiety and the internet acts as a buffer or.....idk something. Regardless, sounds like they aren't living right.

 

I'm definitely more of an introvert, and sure now that I think about it maybe there is a sense of OLD being a buffer to ease into meeting someone. The other end of that spectrum for me though, I haven't really had trouble per se in pursuing a relationship. Although I can see a question about the initiative (or lack thereof) I needed to exercise for me to make that happen - it was always through my circle of friends or extended work friends, things like that. (And how that plays into my mentality in OLD.)

 

No, they really don't, at least when the cards are on the table and you meet IRL. The OLD environment is hyper-competitive, that much is true. But it's like a game at a fair, where you compete against others to win a prize. You struggle, beat others, and get your prize. It must be worth a lot, right? Otherwise people wouldn't fight over it. But no, it's a false scarcity marketing scam, and what you end up with is a cheaply-made stuffed animal.

 

There is no shortage of women in North America, and the rest of the continent leans toward a shortage of men. Unless you are talking about very attractive women in their 20s, you really shouldn't have a problem finding women. But OLD suggests otherwise.

 

Interesting. I think until now I perceived OLD and IRL as separate buckets, their own worlds if you will. At first I got caught up in the initial excitement of possibility, I'll admit that. (I never did OLD before now.) I guess that's how they get you...

[TunaInTheBrine]

About a year ago a buddy and I both opened OLD accounts as sort of a dare/bet. He's a year younger than I am (I was 40 at the time). We both shave our heads, have facial hair and are fit. He's leaner but I am bigger and stronger. I look ok but he looks like a friggin model. We posted our best pics and I took time to write a nice profile, he did not. We both posted one shirtless pic.

 

I recall just two women that we both contacted that turned him down or did not reply to his contact. Tons of women would not reply to me after he contacted them haha! I was doing ok until he came along!

 

Some things that we learned (in our experience)

 

-Several women stating that they were not looking for a hookup were, in fact, looking for a hookup.

-Women claiming that shirtless pics were a no no had no problem with our pics.

-Women that I had set a date with suddenly had something come up to break our date to be available for my buddy.

-If a woman is interested in you, she will get you off the site asap. She will give you her number and more than likely start sending you pics.

-If a woman is interested she will care less how nasty you talk to her (within reason)

-If a woman is not interested, you will get burned for saying something that can be misconstrued as sexual.

-If you are really good looking, you are going to get more attention (no surprise, right?)

-If you are decently good looking, you will get plenty of attention and possible better potential partners for a long term relationship (I have no actual proof of that fact, though)

-If you are not attractive at all? Who knows...you are probably out of luck for the most part.

-Women are not as courteous as you will probably be.

 

I'm not bashing women at all but, in my experience, they can be exactly like the men that they supposedly despise.

 

***My best advice for OLD is to shoot and scoot. That is, message her once and only again after she replies.

Keep shooting messages to other women in the mean time.

Short replies get either a short reply in return or no reply at all.

Stay on the offense at all times...even if you get a date.

Early on, even if you are "dating", keep in mind that she can dump you in a heartbeat if a Chad comes along and sweeps her off her feet.

 

The women that I have dated where we met IRL seemed to be more interested in long term and more "stable" in the relationship.

OLD=better for hookups

IRL=better for LT relationships

YMMV...

 

This all sounds pretty legit. I was laughing at the part you wrote about women who say they're not looking for a hookup because a buddy of mine and I observed the same thing. My theory is that these women are sexually adventurous and have been burned before for it, so they say mean it when they write it, but when put in a situation where they are given permission to be sexually open they will forget about the time they got burned and go for it again with you. Just a theory.

[Chris2016]

Maybe I'm dumb, but what's a Chad? Lol.

 

A Unicorn.

[Mkn1010]

I just wanted to express that I think the approach on 'flipping the script' offered by TunaInTheBrine could be successful if you're looking to get a flood of messages from insecure women who like the 'chase' (you know, the type that feel personally validated by 'winning' that rare catch).

 

 

This will never lead you to feel like they like you for YOU, that something in your profile speaks to them on the type of connection level you're seeking.

 

 

But yeah, if you want cheap thrills, then go with these tips from the 'manipulative d-bag handbook'.

 

 

Seriously, just be yourself. Quality attracts quality. Just my two cents!!

[TunaInTheBrine]

I just wanted to express that I think the approach on 'flipping the script' offered by TunaInTheBrine could be successful if you're looking to get a flood of messages from insecure women who like the 'chase' (you know, the type that feel personally validated by 'winning' that rare catch).

 

 

This will never lead you to feel like they like you for YOU, that something in your profile speaks to them on the type of connection level you're seeking.

 

 

But yeah, if you want cheap thrills, then go with these tips from the 'manipulative d-bag handbook'.

 

 

Seriously, just be yourself. Quality attracts quality. Just my two cents!!

 

Online or offline, with women you're interested in or people in general, you are always in a better position if you know how to "be inside" the other person's emotional experience. What exactly is douchebag about that? It's quite the opposite, actually. It's emotionally considerate and win/win. Someone who is not very considerate or win/win in their interactions with others tends to think only of their own experience and has little to no care of the effect that their behavior or language has on other people (*eh em*). I'm not sure where thinking about other people's emotional experiences and trying to be win/win is going to only attract insecure women as you suggested. Lots of good 'Nice' guys who are 'just being themselves' can attract some pretty insecure women and people into their lives, if you ask me.

 

Sincerely,

Your Douchebag

Edited April 4, 2017 by TunaInTheBrine

[Mkn1010]

Online or offline, with women you're interested in or people in general, you are always in a better position if you know how to "be inside" the other person's emotional experience. What exactly is douchebag about that? It's quite the opposite, actually. It's emotionally considerate and win/win. Someone who is not very considerate or win/win in their interactions with others tends to think only of their own experience and has little to no care of the effect that their behavior or language has on other people (*eh em*). I'm not sure where thinking about other people's emotional experiences and trying to be win/win is going to only attract insecure women as you suggested. Lots of good 'Nice' guys who are 'just being themselves' can attract some pretty insecure women and people into their lives, if you ask me.

 

Sincerely,

Your Douchebag

 

If that's what you call considerate, then I have misinterpreted the meaning of that word for years.

 

 

Sincerely,

No Games

[Jammer25]

I had dinner with someone yesterday, and it shed light on not taking much at face value until you meet the person.

 

She had apparently slept around a lot in her "fling" phase a while back in OLD.

 

Nope. It was a fun dinner but I let her know via text afterward that it's a no go.