M_1609 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 So, I have been dating a guy for the past 3 months and he is very caring and nice with me but I have ended crying like in 4 times that we have seen. For example, he starts to ask me personal questions about my life that I will prefer not to talk because it hurts or he calls me insecure, complicated and difficult all the time. He said that I am too closed because I do not share my problems with him but when I do he calls me complicated. Every time with him is starting to feel like a psychological therapy and lately I have cried in front of him but is his fault because he made me talk about this. Other thing, is that he asked me to be exclusive with him and not date anyone else but he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 (edited) So, I have been dating a guy for the past 3 months and he is very caring and nice with me but I have ended crying like in 4 times that we have seen. For example, he starts to ask me personal questions about my life that I will prefer not to talk because it hurts or he calls me insecure, complicated and difficult all the time. He said that I am too closed because I do not share my problems with him but when I do he calls me complicated. Every time with him is starting to feel like a psychological therapy and lately I have cried in front of him but is his fault because he made me talk about this. Other thing, is that he asked me to be exclusive with him and not date anyone else but he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend. Do you feel he's genuinely asking because he wants to get to know you, or do you feel as if you're being interrogated and treated as if you are a liar because you dont' feel comfortable sharing what he feels you owe him an answer on? If he's making you feel this way, then you need to honor your feelings. You dont' owe him a relationship. Him being nice is being cancelled out by his actions making you feel uncomfortable to the point where you are in tears. He's draining you in the most extreme way--and people like that are best avoided. Dont' let his so-called "nice" demeanor fool you. His behavior, in my book, are red flags, especially when he's judging your motives negatively. Edited March 20, 2017 by kendahke 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_1609 Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 I am not sure, I know I have a lot f issues but he always forces me to talk about them. Yesterday it was to the point that he made me cry in his car and I told him that he could leave if he wanted it and that I could understand because no one will ever liked me and he just told me that he likes me the way I am and that he wanted to help me but I do not know. Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 His behavior, in my book, are red flags, especially when he's judging your motives negatively. Dude sounds like a jackass. Why are you dating someone who makes you uncomfortable? Ridiculous.... Someone who is good for you will make your life "easier" not feeling like therapy. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 I am not sure, I know I have a lot f issues but he always forces me to talk about them. Yesterday it was to the point that he made me cry in his car and I told him that he could leave if he wanted it and that I could understand because no one will ever liked me and he just told me that he likes me the way I am and that he wanted to help me but I do not know. Does he have any training in psychotherapy? Because you cannot push someone to reveal painful things about themselves if they're not prepared to talk about them. If he had any kind of "niceness" about him, he would see that he's causing you a lot of discomfort and would put his "need to know" behind what you're comfortable telling him. You don't owe him an answer if you're not ready to talk about it. My advice would be to scale back your interactions with him. He's not the right kind of "nice guy" to be dealing with. He's calculating and hard hearted going by what you've said so far. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 So, I have been dating a guy for the past 3 months and he is very caring and nice with me but I have ended crying like in 4 times that we have seen. For example, he starts to ask me personal questions about my life that I will prefer not to talk because it hurts or he calls me insecure, complicated and difficult all the time. He said that I am too closed because I do not share my problems with him but when I do he calls me complicated. Every time with him is starting to feel like a psychological therapy and lately I have cried in front of him but is his fault because he made me talk about this. Other thing, is that he asked me to be exclusive with him and not date anyone else but he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend. Why, oh why are you putting up with this jerk's nonsense? Dating, especially early on should leave you feeling happy and better about yourself. If your dates end in tears because you feel pressured to discuss painful topics, it's time to abort course. If someone is tearing you down to the point of tears, calling you insecure, difficult, etc., abort...abort...abort!!! Honestly, if you're that difficult, why is he even trying to date you!?! A date shouldn't feel like psychological therapy that leaves you feeling traumatized to the point of tears. The only thing complicated about this scenario is why you haven't drop-kicked this insensitive asshat to the curb and moved on to dating someone who is a better fit for you. What have your previous relationships been like? How old are you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Better question is: why are you still dating him? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 I can see it happening the first time, but after you actually cried over it that first time, if he kept pushing to do it anyway I'd have to wonder why. He's crossing a clear boundary you're trying to put down. Can I ask why it is you want to be with him? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 A relationship where you cry a lot doesn't sound loke much fun. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 This guy is NOT CARING, he is being disrespectful and inconsiderate. It's abuse. Dump this chump...punt his butt to the curb. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 I am not sure, I know I have a lot f issues but he always forces me to talk about them. Yesterday it was to the point that he made me cry in his car and I told him that he could leave if he wanted it and that I could understand because no one will ever liked me and he just told me that he likes me the way I am and that he wanted to help me but I do not know. He's already manipulating you emotionally.....he is a sick individual. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 He sounds emotionally abusive... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Dump the jerk, he's trying to manipulate you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 (edited) So, I have been dating a guy for the past 3 months and he is very caring and nice with me but I have ended crying like in 4 times that we have seen.I didn't connect these dots until angel.eyes highlighted the above. 4 times in 3 months? That's barely once month. You don't have a relationship. You have an involvement and as such, he's not owed that kind of information. Nope. This is way too much for so little investment on his part. I agree with the others--he's not nice or caring--that's his sick lure he uses to manipulate you. He's already gaslighting you. You feel uncomfortable talking about sensitive issues which aren't his business and then he tells you you are insecure, complicated and difficult "all the time". All what time? He's only seen you 4 times in 3 months. Yeah, I wouldn't be divulging sensitive, personal information to a basic stranger, either. I told him that he could leave if he wanted it and that I could understand because no one will ever liked me Stop downgrading your worth like this. This is what abusers look for--someone to do their dirty work for them. There is nothing wrong with you. You have things in your life that you'd prefer to keep to yourself at this point, not give him ammunition to emotionally beat you down in the future. The right man hasn't crossed your path yet--and my dear, this guy ain't that guy. As you can see from the guys who have posted on your thread, they're in support of you and can see through this manipulating jerk. and he just told me that he likes me the way I am and that he wanted to help me but I do not know.He's lying. If he liked you the way you were, you wouldn't be in tears behind his interrogation. If you didn't ask him for help, then his brand of "help" isn't required or needed. He is the equivalent of a crazy kid pulling the wings off of butterflies then stomping on them when they react in pain. Edited March 20, 2017 by kendahke 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tressugar Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 This is strange behavior. I've never heard of anything this bizarre. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_1609 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Share Posted March 21, 2017 I didn't connect these dots until angel.eyes highlighted the above. 4 times in 3 months? That's barely once month. You don't have a relationship. You have an involvement and as such, he's not owed that kind of information. I mean that we have dated a lot during this 3 months but 4 of all those times I have cried. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 I mean that we have dated a lot during this 3 months but 4 of all those times I have cried. You're still in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. You should not be engaging in any behavior that's causing you to cry, especially at this point in things. Link to post Share on other sites
KBob Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 So, I have been dating a guy for the past 3 months and he is very caring and nice with me but I have ended crying like in 4 times that we have seen. For example, he starts to ask me personal questions about my life that I will prefer not to talk because it hurts or he calls me insecure, complicated and difficult all the time. He said that I am too closed because I do not share my problems with him but when I do he calls me complicated. Every time with him is starting to feel like a psychological therapy and lately I have cried in front of him but is his fault because he made me talk about this. Other thing, is that he asked me to be exclusive with him and not date anyone else but he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend. The bold is reason enough to break up with him. I agree with everyone, he's emotionally abusive. Nobody should make you feel bad for feeling sensitive. I must ask: are you sensitive to these talks to the point that you cry very easily? If so maybe you should talk to a therapist about these problems, because they will come into play in future relationships. Obviously you've already seen how you could be forced to face them in ways not ideal to you, so better to deal with them on your terms and in a healthy, positive way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M_1609 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Share Posted March 21, 2017 The bold is reason enough to break up with him. I agree with everyone, he's emotionally abusive. Nobody should make you feel bad for feeling sensitive. I must ask: are you sensitive to these talks to the point that you cry very easily? If so maybe you should talk to a therapist about these problems, because they will come into play in future relationships. Obviously you've already seen how you could be forced to face them in ways not ideal to you, so better to deal with them on your terms and in a healthy, positive way. I am too sensitive and is hard for me to open up to someone, I have always keep things to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 I am too sensitive and is hard for me to open up to someone, I have always keep things to myself. IMO you are not with the right person. When you meet Mr. Right, you will feel safe, secure, comfortable, and have no fear showing your vulnerability to him. Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 So, I have been dating a guy for the past 3 months and he is very caring and nice with me but I have ended crying like in 4 times that we have seen. For example, he starts to ask me personal questions about my life that I will prefer not to talk because it hurts or he calls me insecure, complicated and difficult all the time. He said that I am too closed because I do not share my problems with him but when I do he calls me complicated. Every time with him is starting to feel like a psychological therapy and lately I have cried in front of him but is his fault because he made me talk about this. Other thing, is that he asked me to be exclusive with him and not date anyone else but he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend. do not give him the POWER to make you UPSET....it seems like he is controlling you in an emotional way which is HORRIBLE....real MEN do not WANT to make or see a woman cry especially due to their actions 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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