Girl says she will only meet me if I pay for lunch

[ChickenGuy]

Hi everyone, I had a strange incident that I was hoping to get some advice / opinions on.

 

I matched with a girl on Happn and started chatting to her. Our very first exchange was as follows:

 

Me: Hi, I like your photos you have a nice smile What kind of nurse are you?

Her: Er Thanks. Meet?

 

This seems unusual, but I like people who get to the point and don't waste time! So I suggest a place where we could go to eat tomorrow. She says she has already been there and wants to go somewhere new, so I suggest a second place, and mention I am looking forward to meeting her. Throughout this exchange I send full sentences, whereas she sends very short replies, sometimes only a single word.

 

After I suggest the second place, she writes: "Lol Your treat". At this point I am a little conflicted. The place I suggested is cheap (but nice) so I am not really concerned about the money. And I usually offer to pay for the girls food anyway. But in this case I feel like I am getting taken advantage of.

 

So I write back: "Haha nope sorry. Go out with me because you like me as a person or not at all :)" She replies: "If you went out with a filipina you treat me, if not leave it".

 

I write: "I feel weird making it a condition of seeing you. Kind of like I am paying you to spend time with me". She replies: "Its being a gentleman, that's ok forget it. You have a different mentality, bye."

 

After this I say: "Bye, hope you have a nice day! :)" And this is the end of the chat.

 

At the time I felt like I was making the right decision. However, now I am thinking that it was such a small amount of money, maybe I should have just agreed to pay for her and gone to meet up to see what happened.

 

It seems unlikely that this situation will occur again, but I thought I would try and figure out how I feel about this, just in case it does. So to anyone reading this, I would like to ask: What would you have done in this situation?

[d0nnivain]

I would have done what you did.

 

 

She asked you to meet so she should pay. Sorry but I believe in asker pays.

 

 

That said, I suspect you may have offered to treat but to be told by a stranger that you have to pay, nope.

 

 

 

 

You made the right call. . . next!

[Lilyana76]

Wow, seems very tactless on her part. If she can't afford to pay for her own meal, she shouldn't be asking anyone out.

 

You did the right thing... I would have handled it the same way.

[act00]

That would put me off as well. I think you made the right call. This is probably her way of assuring she hooks up with someone who has money, whether it's to provide for her long term, or just to make sure all their dates are fully covered, and she can have fun for free.

[GemmaUK]

You did the right thing.

 

She didn't even appear to want to get to know you in any way at all.

 

Don't second guess your decision - it was the right one.

 

I'd block her if I were you.

[ChickenGuy]

Thanks everyone for your replies, I feel reassured knowing I am not the only one who saw it this way!

 

At the time it seemed like the right choice. It was just afterwards I started questioning myself, thinking: "It was something I probably would have offered to do anyway.."

 

However I think it is different when you offer, because you maintain your self respect, rather than feeling like you are being taken advantage of. Most likely those thoughts were just due to FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).

 

Well in other news, I already found another girl who actually seems interested in me, rather than just where we will eat! So good riddance to the first one!

Edited March 18, 2017 by ChickenGuy

[salparadise]

The fact that she brought it up that quick and made it a condition of meeting indicates something's out of whack. Not enough info say precisely what it is, attitude of entitlement perhaps, but it's extremely distasteful. The message she was sending was that she was doing you a favor for which she expected compensation, and that she had little interest unless there was a free meal in it for her. I think you did the right thing. It would put most people off.

[coolheadal]

Hi everyone, I had a strange incident that I was hoping to get some advice / opinions on.

 

I matched with a girl on Happn and started chatting to her. Our very first exchange was as follows:

 

Me: Hi, I like your photos you have a nice smile What kind of nurse are you?

Her: Er Thanks. Meet?

 

This seems unusual, but I like people who get to the point and don't waste time! So I suggest a place where we could go to eat tomorrow. She says she has already been there and wants to go somewhere new, so I suggest a second place, and mention I am looking forward to meeting her. Throughout this exchange I send full sentences, whereas she sends very short replies, sometimes only a single word.

 

After I suggest the second place, she writes: "Lol Your treat". At this point I am a little conflicted. The place I suggested is cheap (but nice) so I am not really concerned about the money. And I usually offer to pay for the girls food anyway. But in this case I feel like I am getting taken advantage of.

 

So I write back: "Haha nope sorry. Go out with me because you like me as a person or not at all :)" She replies: "If you went out with a filipina you treat me, if not leave it".

 

I write: "I feel weird making it a condition of seeing you. Kind of like I am paying you to spend time with me". She replies: "Its being a gentleman, that's ok forget it. You have a different mentality, bye."

 

After this I say: "Bye, hope you have a nice day! :)" And this is the end of the chat.

 

At the time I felt like I was making the right decision. However, now I am thinking that it was such a small amount of money, maybe I should have just agreed to pay for her and gone to meet up to see what happened.

 

It seems unlikely that this situation will occur again, but I thought I would try and figure out how I feel about this, just in case it does. So to anyone reading this, I would like to ask: What would you have done in this situation?

 

Listen you don't need a selfish women in your life. This one dares you to say "you would be a gentleman to pay for her" She doesn't even know you yet? Still strangers and you are forced to take her to a place she hasn't been there prior. Never take them to a place where everyone knows her, then she'll say "do not embarrassed me in front of my friends. This woman is just about taking her out and never about getting to know you. Short answers means she's chatting with other men at the same time with you. You want her full attention not half of it or very little. There is another word but I won't say it here. You did the right think and brush her wasted space off your side hip. Now go and find a real woman that will respect any place you care to take her or even cook her a home cooked meal instead.

[Ieris]

There are some people who go on dates just for a free meal and she sounds like one of them..

[Arieswoman]

ChickenGuy,

 

First of all may I gently suggest that you change your name to something more positive?

 

Let's look at the interaction ;

 

Me: Hi, I like your photos you have a nice smile What kind of nurse are you?

Her: Er Thanks. Meet?

 

So, she doesn't want to engage with you as a person, or answer your question she just wants to meet you? Big red flag IMO.

 

The following interaction shows that she wants a free lunch.

 

Maybe I'm cynical but she could be a hooker.

 

Yes, you did right. good for you.

 

Keep your standards up and find out a bit more about these ladies before you agree for a "meet".

 

Good luck - and take care.

[montie1]

Lol she's a girl douche if you ask me. Sorry for the next guy. But hey. You got away

[Curiousroxy86]

Hi everyone, I had a strange incident that I was hoping to get some advice / opinions on.

 

I matched with a girl on Happn and started chatting to her. Our very first exchange was as follows:

 

Me: Hi, I like your photos you have a nice smile What kind of nurse are you?

Her: Er Thanks. Meet?

 

This seems unusual, but I like people who get to the point and don't waste time! So I suggest a place where we could go to eat tomorrow. She says she has already been there and wants to go somewhere new, so I suggest a second place, and mention I am looking forward to meeting her. Throughout this exchange I send full sentences, whereas she sends very short replies, sometimes only a single word.

 

After I suggest the second place, she writes: "Lol Your treat". At this point I am a little conflicted. The place I suggested is cheap (but nice) so I am not really concerned about the money. And I usually offer to pay for the girls food anyway. But in this case I feel like I am getting taken advantage of.

 

So I write back: "Haha nope sorry. Go out with me because you like me as a person or not at all :)" She replies: "If you went out with a filipina you treat me, if not leave it".

 

I write: "I feel weird making it a condition of seeing you. Kind of like I am paying you to spend time with me". She replies: "Its being a gentleman, that's ok forget it. You have a different mentality, bye."

 

After this I say: "Bye, hope you have a nice day! :)" And this is the end of the chat.

 

At the time I felt like I was making the right decision. However, now I am thinking that it was such a small amount of money, maybe I should have just agreed to pay for her and gone to meet up to see what happened.

 

It seems unlikely that this situation will occur again, but I thought I would try and figure out how I feel about this, just in case it does. So to anyone reading this, I would like to ask: What would you have done in this situation?

 

I am going to say I don't know what's it like for you men when most people do expect the man to pay. So take what I say with a grain of salt. I understand that you felt off. I dated a guy who (even though I was planning to pay) would ask me to pay this go round and it Annoyed the shiz out of me. I wasn't mad about paying. I was mad that he expected me to pay instead of allowing me to offer to pay like I was already going to do. I never did that to him. i believe men and women should pay because they want to. If you don't want to pay for the other then say go dutch. But how I operate personally I never ask the man to pay. If he pays then I reciprocate on my own. So that being said. It did annoy me but I didn't argue with him because it wasn't a big deal it was just annoying. I put it in perspective. He did pay last time. I was going to pay anyway. Him asking me is annoying. But I believe in choosing battles. I paid this go round. Life goes on. Him asking didn't make him a bad guy. So that being said I think you should forgive the ignorance. I think this within itself is small. You were going to pay anyway. If I were you I would have went on the date and see how it goes. If she turned out to be delightful then see how it goes in more dates. She could be a selfish gold digger or she could be a great girl who just so happen to believe that men who ask her out should pay and she will reciprocate.....don't sweat the small stuff. People are not perfect. Small annoyance doesn't necessarily mean a person is bad for you . Have a wait and see attitude and let people reveal their true selves over time and not just by one message. Good luck.

[TheTraveler]

There are some people who go on dates just for a free meal and she sounds like one of them..

 

Yep, I know someone who does this and she calls it groceries for the week. She schedules a ton of dates and the men take her out to lunch/dinner/drinks

[Popsicle]

So I write back: "Haha nope sorry. Go out with me because you like me as a person or not at all :)" She replies: "If you went out with a filipina you treat me, if not leave it".

 

There you have it. Some Asians are very strict on what they expect financially from their partners. It's their culture and it's no joke or something you're going to talk or argue them out of.

[SevenCity]

She had a clear lack of interest. Even if she did like youbwhen meeting she would expect you to pay for everything. That gets old real quick.

 

When women mention they are looking for a "gentleman" they typically don't mean holding open doors. They mean a meal ticket.

 

You handled this perfectly. Let some other sucker foot her bill.

[Purepony]

You did much Better than me I would have stood her up because of how crummy she was being over messaging

[Popsicle]

When women mention they are looking for a "gentleman" they typically don't mean holding open doors. They mean a meal ticket.

 

It could mean a wide variety of things, it depends on the woman. We are not homogeneous. For me, when I say I'm looking for a gentleman, I mean a man who will hold open doors and carry my heavy bag for me.

[preraph]

You two are not compatible. I wouldn't go out with someone who found it necessary to discuss who pays before I even meet them. I wouldn't go out on a first date with a guy dutch because I don't want a cheap guy though broke one is okay if they say so and suggest a walk in the park instead of dinner. That doesn't mean I won't pay my own way once we're established, but I don't want to be with someone who is counting each penny, that's for sure.

[MovingOnIsHard]

As a Filipina, she makes me look bad.

 

But to be honest, a lot of Asian females are raised to have this 'princess' mentality.. Despite them being able to spend money on themselves. My parents did this too, but like with everything else they want me to do, i refused lol

 

I think you did the right thing. Don't give this girl a free meal.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I would simply say...bye, bye!

[SevenCity]

You two are not compatible. I wouldn't go out with someone who found it necessary to discuss who pays before I even meet them. I wouldn't go out on a first date with a guy dutch because I don't want a cheap guy though broke one is okay if they say so and suggest a walk in the park instead of dinner. That doesn't mean I won't pay my own way once we're established, but I don't want to be with someone who is counting each penny, that's for sure.

 

I doubt she's compatible with anyone. She'll find guys who are so insecure they feel the need to buy her affections. Then she'll quickly bore of them.

[basil67]

I'm with Aries. I also wondered if she was a hooker.

[curiouslysearching]

I have never let a lady pay for anything while on a date.

I guess I am old school in that I just think the guy

should always pay regardless......I was brought up that

way and just how I see things

[TunaInTheBrine]

Hi everyone, I had a strange incident that I was hoping to get some advice / opinions on.

 

I matched with a girl on Happn and started chatting to her. Our very first exchange was as follows:

 

Me: Hi, I like your photos you have a nice smile What kind of nurse are you?

Her: Er Thanks. Meet?

 

This seems unusual, but I like people who get to the point and don't waste time! So I suggest a place where we could go to eat tomorrow. She says she has already been there and wants to go somewhere new, so I suggest a second place, and mention I am looking forward to meeting her. Throughout this exchange I send full sentences, whereas she sends very short replies, sometimes only a single word.

 

After I suggest the second place, she writes: "Lol Your treat". At this point I am a little conflicted. The place I suggested is cheap (but nice) so I am not really concerned about the money. And I usually offer to pay for the girls food anyway. But in this case I feel like I am getting taken advantage of.

 

So I write back: "Haha nope sorry. Go out with me because you like me as a person or not at all :)" She replies: "If you went out with a filipina you treat me, if not leave it".

 

I write: "I feel weird making it a condition of seeing you. Kind of like I am paying you to spend time with me". She replies: "Its being a gentleman, that's ok forget it. You have a different mentality, bye."

 

After this I say: "Bye, hope you have a nice day! :)" And this is the end of the chat.

 

At the time I felt like I was making the right decision. However, now I am thinking that it was such a small amount of money, maybe I should have just agreed to pay for her and gone to meet up to see what happened.

 

It seems unlikely that this situation will occur again, but I thought I would try and figure out how I feel about this, just in case it does. So to anyone reading this, I would like to ask: What would you have done in this situation?

 

I understand your hesitancy to pay, but in my experience, women who are going to use you for your money will not make it obvious and it will take you at least several weeks or months to figure out that that's their motive. This seems more like a straightforward, basic, cultural difference in dating expectations. I would have went along with it, and when I paid for her at the register, would have said something self-amusing like: "Don't worry, I got this one, but the lobster is on you." And watch her laugh.

[BluEyeL]

I also like the man to pay for the first date, but I think it was extremely bad form for her to bring it up as a condition. You did the right thing.