Suzan Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 I've been out about 5 times (dinners, dinner/movie, lunches) with a guy I met through an online dating service. We're in our mid 40's, have very different pasts, but with common interests, mutual long term goals and many similar likes and dislikes, our personalities are well suited at this point. My cause for concern is that I'm not overly attracted to him physically. He's an average looking guy, nothing odd about him, but we haven't kissed yet and that's been okay with me because of my lack of attraction toward him. Maybe once we do kiss I will feel differently and have some of my own answers. But in the meantime, at this point in my life I realize the important things in a relationship and at this very early stage of what may be a relationship, he possess what I feel are important things. I'm keeping an open mind and want to see what may develop; somewhat thinking that because of all the other positives I may grow to be attracted to him. Am I fooling myself to think this may happen? What have the experiences of others been? Link to post Share on other sites
snipit3172 Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 it can happen i met an ex of mine over 3 years ago and at first i did not think much of him looks wise and i was not attracted to him but after spending time with him the good stuff from inside came through and i fell in love with him as they say beauty is only skin deep what would you rather have someone who is drop dead gorgeous but not a nice person inside or some who has a lot to ofer and you could come to love think about it Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 Susan, Kiss him and get it over with for goodness sakes! What are you afraid of? Find out for sure so that you're not wasting any-ones time. It's only a kiss.......it will tell you everything you want to know. bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 attraction can definitely grow, suzan. if you genuinely like this man and feel he would be a good partner for you, you may very well find his attractiveness increases the more you learn to love and respect the inner man. i have never, not once, had a decent relationship with a man i was physically attracted to from the outset. so i've learned my chemical responses are no judge of who is kind, considerate, faithful and mentally compatible. look around you. many, many, many very ordinary looking people have happy and passionate relationships. someone took the time to get to know them and now finds them adorable. don't let a good man slip through your fingers until you're SURE he's wrong for you. i don't think you are, yet. kiss him. see how it feels. then kiss him again. and again. then maybe kiss him again. and oh go on, just once more. with feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 I had the same reaction to my current b/f when I first met him (met him online too) - I found that I had absolutely no attraction. But once he kissed me - MY TOES CURLED!!!!!! Go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 so i've learned my chemical responses are no judge of who is kind, considerate, faithful and mentally compatible. This is SO important a lesson to learn!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 I'm with everyone here. It seems the drop dead gorgeous ones are so busy playing the field, coasting in life on their looks that it leaves you eventually unfulfilled. However, the average ones bend over backwards with generosity and kindness that carry a relationship a much greater distance and leave you feeling special. But if your not attracted than your not, it's one of those things that happens on our own and we shouldn't have to try. Link to post Share on other sites
Hungryhorse Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 I went out with a guy not so very long ago who was just perfect, he was kind, decent, very generous, bought me flowers, phoned me every night and wanted to get married, we got along very well in fact our friendship was perfect as well it was just I wasn't attracted to him. I went out with him for a number of months hoping I could overlook this, I really did want to, I thought this guy is so completely perfect that maybe the attraction might grow but unfortunately it did not. In fact I wish I could have been attracted to him because he was perfect but you can't force what isn't there. I feel attraction has to be there in a relationship or else you just end up dissatisfied and may end up seeking it and also wasting time which you could be using to find someone else you are attracted to. Link to post Share on other sites
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