My boyfriend hasn't told his parents yet about us.

[freckles14]

I've been with him for about 2 years now. We do have a history in our school days, but we aren't the same people that we used to be. I don't know if I am overreacting or if this is a red flag. Every time I bring it up to him, he tries to avoid the topic. They live in the same town as us, and it just makes me resent him for not telling them. I knew it would bother him if I didn't tell my parents about us, so I told them a couple months after we started dating. They let him come over and invite him to sports games and all that kind of stuff. I didn't want to tell them at first for a while, but then I did and everything turned out alright. He keeps saying he is scared to tell his parents, but he doesn't even live with them. I want to be involved with his family. I'd like to be invited over to their house for breakfast with him and with the holidays coming up, I'd like to spend christmas with him and he told me he wants to spend it with me as well. But thats not going to be possible if they don't know. It's just frustrating me, because he promised me he would tell them and its been about 6 months since he made that promise and he still hasn't told them. His mom and dad really liked me back in high school and he said he didnt get them involved in our relationship problems back then. So I don't know....Am i overreacting? Or what is up with him? I feel like he gets annoyed everytime I ask, so I've been trying to convince myself its nothing. He said we are in a serious relationship. I don't get how he can keep me a secret. I like talking about him to my family...i don't understand how he doesn't.

Its seriously bothering me, but I don't want to annoy him anymore or pressure him to tell his parents. Please help. Sometimes I just really want to be able to go tell his parents myself but I won't do that. Its just been 2 years and I would like to be part of his family life as well.

 

The reason I am bringing this up now is because on Thanksgiving, we will be working together and carpooling to and from work, and I asked him if we can spend thanksgiving night together and he said hes going to drop me off at home and go to his parents. His sisters are allowed to bring their bf's to dinner so why can't i go.

Thank you

Edited November 22, 2016 by freckles14

[LD1990]

It doesn't sound like he's that serious about the relationship. If he was, he'd want you around for holidays. He'd want his family to know about you.

 

I wouldn't stay with someone who didn't want their family to know about me.

[Poe77]

It doesn't sound like he's that serious about the relationship. If he was, he'd want you around for holidays. He'd want his family to know about you.

 

I wouldn't stay with someone who didn't want their family to know about me.

 

 

Yeah its ether this OR he has someone else that his family dose know about? it doesn't make sense if you never had issues with them why he would be "so afraid to tell them" that in 2 years he hasn't im sorry but something is up..

[ElizabethIII]

Does he have someone else?

 

Is it possible he is keeping you away from his parents because there is something he doesnt want you to find out about?

 

How can he introduce you to his parents now? This is freckles and we've been together for 2 years...wtf.

 

I dont think he is ever going to tell them and that there is something not right here.

[mortensorchid]

Hon, he's not that serious about you. Doesn't matter how long you have known each other or how long you have actually been together, his actions are telling you that he does not care whether or not you are there are not. He's keeping it as casual as possible either because he has someone else or he just doesn't want to commit for some reason. Remember, if and when it's time for him to pay it forward, he will have another reason or excuse as to how and why he can't. MOVE ON NOW or you will be very hurt later.

[Methodical]

You've dated for two years and he has kept you a secret?

[MarkIVSteel]

Maybe he has family issues he doesn't want you to know about.

[TheTraveler]

Maybe he has family issues he doesn't want you to know about.

 

It's been two years... C'mon man. Even the sisters are bringing dates and I bet they'be been together less

[Poe77]

Maybe he has family issues he doesn't want you to know about.

 

 

My bfs family are bunch of putrid self serving hieniyas and I met them day one..

[MarkIVSteel]

My bfs family are bunch of putrid self serving hieniyas and I met them day one..

 

Everyone's different.

[Saracena]

What do you mean by 'history in your school days'? Have you asked him why he's scared to tell his parents? Sounds to me they might disapprove of you for some reason. How old are you two?

[Gaeta]

I am with Saracena on this one.

 

What is this history you had in school? Sounds like something bad happened and he doesn't want to tell his parents he's dating a girl that cheated on him in the past? or something similar.

[VeveCakes]

He has another gf....hands down. Show up there on Thanksgiving, bet she is with him.

[freckles14]

Thanks for all the replies. The history we had in high school was us breaking up because he wanted to see more people, so we got in a big fight. And we said things we regretted saying such as calling each other names. I've never cheated. I've always loved my boyfriend. It just hurts because my parents knew why we broke up and in the end I still told them. They were angry at first but now it's fine. So I don't get why he can't tell his parents if he is as serious about me as he says he is. I don't understand why he promised to tell them if he wasn't going to. I don't think hed cheat on me because he works so much and makes time for me along with his crazy work schedule, but it could be a possibility

[ElizabethIII]

Thanks for all the replies. The history we had in high school was us breaking up because he wanted to see more people, so we got in a big fight. And we said things we regretted saying such as calling each other names. I've never cheated. I've always loved my boyfriend. It just hurts because my parents knew why we broke up and in the end I still told them. They were angry at first but now it's fine. So I don't get why he can't tell his parents if he is as serious about me as he says he is. I don't understand why he promised to tell them if he wasn't going to. I don't think hed cheat on me because he works so much and makes time for me along with his crazy work schedule, but it could be a possibility

 

He dumped you back then as he wanted to see other people.

 

Now you have him back, you are kept a secret from his family.

 

Why did you take him back after dumping you to date other people?

 

He wasnt serious about you in high school and he isnt serious now.

 

You've wasted another 2 years being kept a secret. How much more are you prepared to waste?

[Gaeta]

Thanks for all the replies. The history we had in high school was us breaking up because he wanted to see more people, so we got in a big fight. And we said things we regretted saying such as calling each other names. I've never cheated. I've always loved my boyfriend. It just hurts because my parents knew why we broke up and in the end I still told them. They were angry at first but now it's fine. So I don't get why he can't tell his parents if he is as serious about me as he says he is. I don't understand why he promised to tell them if he wasn't going to. I don't think hed cheat on me because he works so much and makes time for me along with his crazy work schedule, but it could be a possibility

 

It's ok to not want anything serious in high school. Breaking up with you instead of cheating on you was the right thing to do.

 

The name calling though is less impressive. You moved on and reconnected later and forgot about it but family will never forget that your boyfriend or girlfriend called you names. NEVER. For your parents he will always be the loser that dumped you, and for his parents you will always be the girl that acted like a B toward their son.

 

After 2 years it's obvious his parents opinion of you is more important and he is unwilling to rock that boat, you're not worth it in his book.

 

Why you accepted to be a secret for 2 years is hard to understand. You have given him enough time, I think it's time to break up and start fresh with someone else. For both of you.

[kendahke]

His sisters are allowed to bring their bf's to dinner so why can't i go.

Thank you

 

The simplest answer is: because he doesn't want you there.

 

He doesn't want to have to explain you to his parents.

 

Around this time of year is when couples whose relationships are not really all that strong find out exactly how really not strong their relationship is... because of familial patterns and the whole stress of the holidays in general. If in 2 years time, he has refused to breathe your name in front of his parents--and he's a grown man on top of that?--that means that you're not going to be getting a seat at their family holiday dinner table.

 

I'd be taking time right now to rethink this relationship instead of pretending you don't have an elephant crapping up a storm in your living room just because we're headed into the holiday season. You'll feel far worse on 1/2/17 when you still haven't met the parents and are no closer to that goal than you are today, but you sold yourself out to keep from being alone.

[Methodical]

So I don't get why he can't tell his parents if he is as serious about me as he says he is. I don't understand why he promised to tell them if he wasn't going to.

 

He isn't serious. He made that promise to appease you, and you bought it. After two years of being a hidden lover, I hope you realize he isn't going to tell them.

[No_Go]

I did that. Never told my family about my BF until 1.5 year in, and the relationship was already falling apart at that time...

 

I just have atypical relationship with my family. If the dude I was with was more understanding, maybe I'd have been introducing him finally around our 2 year anniversary... Well, he chose to be a little boy that wants to meet the mama - it is never going to happen now....good riddance.

 

If you want to keep your bf, stop pressuring him. It is not necessarily about you.

[Mittens]

The simplest answer is: because he doesn't want you there.

 

He doesn't want to have to explain you to his parents.

 

Around this time of year is when couples whose relationships are not really all that strong find out exactly how really not strong their relationship is... because of familial patterns and the whole stress of the holidays in general. If in 2 years time, he has refused to breathe your name in front of his parents--and he's a grown man on top of that?--that means that you're not going to be getting a seat at their family holiday dinner table.

 

I'd be taking time right now to rethink this relationship instead of pretending you don't have an elephant crapping up a storm in your living room just because we're headed into the holiday season. You'll feel far worse on 1/2/17 when you still haven't met the parents and are no closer to that goal than you are today, but you sold yourself out to keep from being alone.

 

Could not like this post more...why? Because I've been there...in fact, I let my ex H keep me a secret from his family for 5 YEARS.

 

Biggest mistake of my life. Like you, we lived in a small town - and he had a large family. Why did I put up with it? Because when I met him I was still shell shocked from my divorce, and at age 25 had convinced myself no one would ever want me again. My self esteem was in the toilet. I met the ex through work, and I was the one who did all the chasing...he was stunningly immature and didn't want a girlfriend. He liked the regular sex, but looking back, I don't think he was ever truly in love with me. Hence why he didn't introduce me to his parents. There was absolutely nothing wrong with them, or his relationship with them. He was an only child and had the perfect idyllic childhood. I still miss his mother (she died 4 years ago).

 

I can still vividly remember how horrible it felt, being a dirty secret. I have no family here, so he was the only close relationship I had. I totally devalued myself by letting him get away with it for so long.

 

Sadly, I made things worse. I let my mother get into my head when I went back to my home country for two months. Came back, demanded I spend Christmas with his family (even went as far as ambushing his mother in the local supermarket and telling her that we were dating)...after I did that he had no choice. I should have never let it get that far. I then proposed to him two months later (he has previously said he didn't want to get married)..he said yes, but then wouldn't tell his family that we were engaged for a year!

 

Ultimately he was a crap husband as he was barely invested in the relationship in the first place. I was an easy option, I was convenient. I ended up wasting 15 years in total on him. If I could go back in time, after punching myself in the face I would tell myself to RUN.

 

You are worth more. Leave this loser and go and find it.

[Poe77]

Everyone's different.

 

That different? baring two situations that I can think of 1 being were some one lives far away from their family and are kinda detached from distance and 2 were some one just down right hates their family other then these I can see no reason that the conversation of oh hey I got a new GF wouldn't come up in normal small talk you mean to tell me in 2 years his mother never asked him if hes seeing anyone? I guess it could happen but not likely espicuaily like now with the holidays rolling around and everyone showing off their new BFS/Gfs..bottom line the OPs bf is blatantly hiding her for some reason..