blind_otter Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 I wanted to take an informal poll because of questions asked by someone else to me.... But when I am hanging out, before I get serious with someone, we always date other people. Is this weird? Does this have to do with my fear of committment? In the past, I have dated multiple guys, not having sex with any of them necessarily, but we do "date like activities" and talk on the phone, etc. The person I was talking to made the assumption that you only date one person at a time. I do this, but only after we have a conversation about being exclusive. Prior to that, I feel like I should be free to hang out with whoever, on a casual basis. Is this weird? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 I don't think it's wierd.. I'm with ya sista.. unless or until there has been an actual conversation regarding being exclusive AND both of the people involved has decided thats what they are down for.. then I would consider yourself (or him/her) a *Free Agent* so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 No I do the same. When I am single anyways. A friend of mine once told me..when you are single and not serious date as many guys as you want. 100 even. But when you are with someone..and are somewhat comitted and you meet someone else..don't do the pimp thing and do it one guy at a time. You are single and free to date..if you are doing date like things..then ok your feeling them out but you could still feel other people out to. Why not? If you then have a conversation saying hey I only want to see you and date you then ok..you stop hoochiying around. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 I think it all depends on how much you like the guy. I certainly don't expect anyone to be exclusive until A. we've had THE talk or B. had sex and after that had the talk. I've dated guys whom I was tellingI was seeing other people but didn't really do it. I like to keep my possibilities open until I know that person better and I'm sure I'm not waisting my time or other possibilities by actually dating him. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Exclusivity isn't a 'given' for me. I've gotta have a mutual agreement and conversation with that person about being exclusive. Until then, you're free to date and hang out with whom you choose! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Ok, good, I'm not the only ho who does this I make it a point to be clear that I am hanging out with other people. Everyone needs to know when they have competition. Makes them step up to the plate more. Or back from the plate, if they are weenies. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Or back from the plate, if they are weenies. Word! Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Or back from the plate, if they are weenies. Yeah we dont want weenies we want sausages!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by EC Yeah we dont want weenies we want sausages!!! I Love Sausage. Link to post Share on other sites
Linlin Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I Love Sausage. :lmao: Oh my god!!! Will you girls stop. I have to make it through the afternoon of work and I am trying not to think about it. How about foot long dot dogs? You are all right IMO. Not exclusive unless it is agreed upon!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Sausage minus head cheese. Order up! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 We're all in agreement here- and I've been OUT of the dating scene for a while. BF and I had the conversation- before that I assumed we could both date other people. I didn't because although I was asked out by someone, I didn't have the time to make plans with that person. He says he never went out with anyone since the day we met- but of course he counted how many steps we made that day on the little walk we took too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 At this point in my life, if I became exlusive with anyone I would probably end up being a total bitch, not on purpose, but because I just don't want to be in that kind of interaction. I have leap-frogged from relationship to relationship my whole life. I am just now getting to the point where I can sleep alone without waking up all the time, and take care of myself relatively well. I am getting happy to be me!! I like the snausage though. I purchased a relatively expensive sex toy. It works ok,but you know, in all honesty, 2 fingers works just as good. Ohhhh now you can't back it up to a sex toy. Link to post Share on other sites
Linlin Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I like the snausage though. I purchased a relatively expensive sex toy. It works ok,but you know, in all honesty, 2 fingers works just as good. Made a purchase myself recently. It whirls and twirls and has all kinds of beads and lights. However, I still need some good old kissing.l Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I wanted to take an informal poll because of questions asked by someone else to me.... But when I am hanging out, before I get serious with someone, we always date other people. Is this weird? Does this have to do with my fear of committment? In the past, I have dated multiple guys, not having sex with any of them necessarily, but we do "date like activities" and talk on the phone, etc. The person I was talking to made the assumption that you only date one person at a time. I do this, but only after we have a conversation about being exclusive. Prior to that, I feel like I should be free to hang out with whoever, on a casual basis. Is this weird? I am totally with you, BO! Gotta have the talk to make it exclusive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 Isn't it weird, though, when you are seeing multiple people? I was thinking abotu this on saturday in the shower, actually, I remember pulling the curtain closed and thinking about this thread. I went out on a fantabulous date with a guy who is great for a short-term thing (exactly what I am looking for right now), and then when I was talking to my crush on Sunday he was all, "Oh, you went out on Saturday. That sucks I wish I knew. Who did you go out with?" And I was all "Uh, heh, um, this guy that I had lunch with -- we ended up hanging out that night, too" Moment of silence.... blah. But I still think I have a chance with my crush for some reason. Does that make sense? I would rather not hear about his expeditions into dating, although he has some hilarious stories.... Link to post Share on other sites
Illusion24 Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 You can have as many men as you want...but one at a time! That's my perspective...more than one guy it gets to confusing...or at least I make sure my feelings are just for one guy and if I get feelings for both...make a decision quick or leave them both. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 I don't plan on having a steady boyfriend for at least a few months, but I still like dating and going out with people. My crush and I were joking about how perfect my set up was with the other guy I went out with on saturday because he will only be in the country for a few weeks on vacation. Neither of us wants to have a LTR right now. Sometimes you just need a break. I mean, what is casual dating other than....casual dating? Maybe this is because I can hang out with someone for a long time and not develop serious feelings for them....like with my crush, I have a feeling we will eventually get together but it won't be for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 5, 2005 Share Posted April 5, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Isn't it weird, though, when you are seeing multiple people? I was thinking abotu this on saturday in the shower, actually, I remember pulling the curtain closed and thinking about this thread. I went out on a fantabulous date with a guy who is great for a short-term thing (exactly what I am looking for right now), and then when I was talking to my crush on Sunday he was all, "Oh, you went out on Saturday. That sucks I wish I knew. Who did you go out with?" And I was all "Uh, heh, um, this guy that I had lunch with -- we ended up hanging out that night, too" Moment of silence.... blah. But I still think I have a chance with my crush for some reason. Does that make sense? I would rather not hear about his expeditions into dating, although he has some hilarious stories.... Yes, it has been weird when I've seen multiple people. I'm sure that it's even weird for you too right now, what with liking this other guy and all. (It's funny because I ended up having "the talk" this weekend with my new boy, so I'm back to my serial monogamist ways...) Have fun with the short term guy, but it does indeed sound like eventually you'll end up with the crush. .. What's his name again? Sarge? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 5, 2005 Author Share Posted April 5, 2005 Originally posted by shamen Yes, it has been weird when I've seen multiple people. I'm sure that it's even weird for you too right now, what with liking this other guy and all. (It's funny because I ended up having "the talk" this weekend with my new boy, so I'm back to my serial monogamist ways...) Have fun with the short term guy, but it does indeed sound like eventually you'll end up with the crush. .. What's his name again? Sarge? I call him Sgt. Bosco, from the A Team. I wish I could date, but not yet -- he wants to wait I think until my exhusband gets out on work release to test it out and see if I get back together with exhusband....blah...well if life weren't so confusing it wouldn't be fun! Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 Maybe the waiting will be better so you'll have to time to get ready to really date again, ya know? Probably a good decision in the long run. Ah, poor guy, thinks that you're still thinking about your ex in some sort of positive light! NOT! Link to post Share on other sites
Ms_Sweetness Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 I feel the same as you all do. I won't stop dating people until I've had the talk with one of my guys. It's funny though, all of the guys I've dated in the past have just [assumed that we were exclusive and ended up getting flamed because I was seeing others. What the heck am I? A mind reader? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted April 6, 2005 Author Share Posted April 6, 2005 Originally posted by shamen Maybe the waiting will be better so you'll have to time to get ready to really date again, ya know? Probably a good decision in the long run. Ah, poor guy, thinks that you're still thinking about your ex in some sort of positive light! NOT! Oh my psycho exBF was AFTER my exhusband...I've actually been broken up with my exhusband for like 2 years and I haven't seen him in over a year now. My exhusband was an ok guy, but he is in prison for cultivating weed, and he was always a bit weak and didn't really know how to "deal" with me. Link to post Share on other sites
royGbiv Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 I know when my ex-H and I were separating and I was seeing someone else, plus confiding in a male co-worker about alot of issues. I kept repeating my stories and forgetting who I told what and then forgetting to tell someone something and then getting the "you never told me that" and I'm like"yes I did...didn't I?". Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 6, 2005 Share Posted April 6, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Oh my psycho exBF was AFTER my exhusband...I've actually been broken up with my exhusband for like 2 years and I haven't seen him in over a year now. My exhusband was an ok guy, but he is in prison for cultivating weed, and he was always a bit weak and didn't really know how to "deal" with me. Whoops, got them confused. Wasn't there something else weird about him? (Get this, I'm gonna post a thread about it in a minute, but I just got broken up with over the phone by the guy that I just had the talk with on Sunday! What the hell?) Link to post Share on other sites
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