ccxc910 Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 My boyfriend keeps finding ways to call me selfish and be very nit picky. I ordered in two salads to go from a restaurant one he liked one I liked. He bought them. When we got home he just reached over and said "let me have some of your egg." And just grabbed my salad and dumped out what he wanted cause he didn't like his enough that day. I didn't say anything but he could read my face it bothered me. Then told me later I am selfish for not wanting to share. Yesterday there was not even enough wine left from the night before for a full glass. I had a rough day at work and just poured the little bit in a glass and started drinking. I didn't even get halfway through when he said I am selfish because he would've split the last bit of wine so both of us could have at least a sip. He keeps starting arguments over the dumbest things!! Dishes, wine, salad, food in general he gets weird about. He tells me all the time I am very selfish with food. Am I really!? I feel like he is crazy for even getting upset about the tiniest little crap! Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 It's hard to know if you're selfish for sure but he does sound like a whiner. (Also a bit of a douche for appropriating your salad. Stay classy bro.) 7 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatGreekLady Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 Try not to argue over silly stuff. If you think he's too inconsiderate maybe talk to him about it in a civil manner. Also, maybe ask him how he wants you to be less selfish? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 He is absolutely rude and inconsiderate!! Let me guess....you just moved in together? For me, this would be a deal breaker and an eye opener that this isn't working out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 What a crying baby. It was very ill-mannered of him to pick in your plate without asking you first AND depriving you of half your dinner. He is the one selfish. Same with the wine. He cries because you took the little bit that was left, he is so selfish he cannot even let his girlfriend enjoy the last bit of wine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Larryville Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 keeps finding ways to call me selfish and be very nit picky. I agree with Smack, but please tell me you did not just move in with this jackass. This will only get worse... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 I ordered in two salads to go from a restaurant one he liked one I liked. He bought them. When we got home he just reached over and said "let me have some of your egg." And just grabbed my salad and dumped out what he wanted cause he didn't like his enough that day. I didn't say anything but he could read my face it bothered me. Then told me later I am selfish for not wanting to share. My wife and I first went out when she was 16 and I was 18. I took her to a nice place (Shanghai Reds in Houston, if anyone remembers that place). She got the shrimp, and when our food came I reached over to grab a shrimp off her plate (no big deal in our family). Well, she grew up with four brothers and was pretty adept at protecting her food, in this case by sticking a fork in the back of my hand. It smarted, but I laughed. I still tease her about it to this day. So in my book it's not so much that he snagged some of your food but that's he's such a crybaby about your reaction. And no, you're not selfish, you merely have boundaries. Don't necessarily stab him with a fork (unless you think that will help get the point across) but likewise don't be shy about enforcing them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 In and of itself, taking a shrimp or a piece of broccoli or w/e is pretty meaningless, but it's the intent and lack of respect implicit in the act that's meaningful. And that's why letting it slide is a bad thing - you're not at risk of starving to death, but you are at risk of establishing a baseline where respect for you isn't a priority. That's why anybody who tried that w me would be wearing whatever they were trying to snatch - I don't actually care about the food but you won't dis me that way. (And I don't mean you specifically GT - I'm sure the intent behind your shrimp-stealing was fundamentally different than OP's guy and I'd see it for what it was in your case. But if someone goes all "give me your food"/snatchy/humorless w me it won't end well for them.) 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 (And I don't mean you specifically GT - I'm sure the intent behind your shrimp-stealing was fundamentally different than OP's guy and I'd see it for what it was in your case. But if someone goes all "give me your food"/snatchy/humorless w me it won't end well for them.) In didn't end too well for me other than, you know, the marriage and 8 kids thing; that was pretty cool. But you can bet I never pulled the food grab maneuver again. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 What is your background with this guy? How long have you dated? Age range? Do you live together and if so, how long? I ask bc if this is a fairly new relationship, he apparently needs to have some boundaries clarified. As Smackie suggested, if you have recently moved in together, the things you dismiss and accept from the start kind of sets the precedent for future expectations. Btw, nit picking your every move and constantly calling you selfish screams control freak! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ccxc910 Posted September 13, 2016 Author Share Posted September 13, 2016 What is your background with this guy? How long have you dated? Age range? Do you live together and if so, how long? I ask bc if this is a fairly new relationship, he apparently needs to have some boundaries clarified. As Smackie suggested, if you have recently moved in together, the things you dismiss and accept from the start kind of sets the precedent for future expectations. Btw, nit picking your every move and constantly calling you selfish screams control freak! No we are not moved in together I was over at his house. We have been dating for about 5 months. He is 46 I am 25 so yes, we are a May December relationship. I know he is weird about sharing food and grew up eating "family style" where everyone shares and grabs from other plates. I grew up with food allergies where my plate was my plate and no one wanted to grab from it anyway. But even without food allergies no one just shared plates of food and everyone passed around everything. Your plate is YOUR freaking plate! I don't pick at it you don't pick at mine. But over a tiny half glass of wine?? An entire upset and argument? I would never let myself get upset over a teensy bit of drink. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 (edited) No we are not moved in together I was over at his house. We have been dating for about 5 months. He is 46 I am 25 so yes, we are a May December relationship. I know he is weird about sharing food and grew up eating "family style" where everyone shares and grabs from other plates. I grew up with food allergies where my plate was my plate and no one wanted to grab from it anyway. But even without food allergies no one just shared plates of food and everyone passed around everything. Your plate is YOUR freaking plate! I don't pick at it you don't pick at mine. But over a tiny half glass of wine?? An entire upset and argument? I would never let myself get upset over a teensy bit of drink. If he's at age 46 (why are u wasting ur youth on a old man idk) anyway if he's 46 and he's being really stingy with his amenities food, personal items, things like that it's prob because he cannot afford to spare for you and won't say anything about it because at his age the older you get the more embarrassing it is for a person to be broke he's likely dating you, a 25 yr old woman because you don't see the flaws a woman his own age would. Likely he sees you being privileged with overconsumption of things without the same financial worry he has, if you don't live with him I suggest not taking from him. Edited September 13, 2016 by Omei 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 No we are not moved in together I was over at his house. We have been dating for about 5 months. He is 46 I am 25 so yes, we are a May December relationship. Now you know why this crying baby is dating 25 years old. A woman his age wouldn't put up with this juvenile behavior for 30 seconds. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 My boyfriend keeps finding ways to call me selfish and be very nit picky. He keeps starting arguments over the dumbest things!! Dishes, wine, salad, food in general he gets weird about. He tells me all the time I am very selfish with food. Am I really!? I feel like he is crazy for even getting upset about the tiniest little crap! I actually view this as him attempting to control you, via knocking you down, causing insecurity, such that you will feel so bad and unsure of yourself you would never leave him, as (in your eyes) what other man would want such a selfish loser as yourself!! Please leave this joker, immediately. It will only get worse. Causing your self-esteem to hit such a low that you will actually begin to believe his BS about how selfish you are, and whatever other derogatory negative insults he proceeds to toss at you. NEXT. Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 But over a tiny half glass of wine?? An entire upset and argument? I would never let myself get upset over a teensy bit of drink. Exactly! He gets bent out of shape over something as simple as glass of wine. He calls you names i.e. stingy, selfish, etc. He is a control freak and I suspect it'll guess worse. I'm will to bet there are plenty of examples you could state off the top of your head that points to him being controlling or manipulative. Red flags! Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 I don't share food and if *anyone* had done to me what he did to you, I would have stabbed his hand with a fork, just like GT's wife did to him. If you ask nicely, maybe you'll get to try some of my food. But in general, no, my plate is MY plate and what's in it is for ME and ME alone. No sharing. I wouldn't say you're the selfish one. He seems pretty inconsiderate and eager to start arguments... If there isn't enough wine... why not go buy more if he wanted some so much??? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 Now you know why this crying baby is dating 25 years old. A woman his age wouldn't put up with this juvenile behavior for 30 seconds. So true. If he's 46, he should know how to behave better... He sounds selfish and his behavior is very rude. I would not be very impressed by his behavior... Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 13, 2016 Share Posted September 13, 2016 So true. If he's 46, he should know how to behave better... He sounds selfish and his behavior is very rude. I would not be very impressed by his behavior... Actually sounds like a controller - "I'll keep her in her place by making a he-man show with her salad." Link to post Share on other sites
ThisOverThat Posted September 14, 2016 Share Posted September 14, 2016 I'm pretty selfish with food while generous with most everything else and I don't apologize for it. If you are as well, it's okay. Don't be ashamed. Just let him know that you don't like him picking in your plate (uninvited, not to mention) and that he shouldn't expect food or liquor to be put aside for him if he doesn't mention that he wants some beforehand. I would view this as a non-issue, regardless of his stance/view/opinion. You do not have to consider changing every habit of yours that someone else doesn't agree with especially if you see no problem with it and are content concerning that particular trait. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted September 14, 2016 Share Posted September 14, 2016 (edited) He is 46 I am 25. Holy moly, he's 46 and acting will all the class of a 10yr old. I expected him to be 19 or so. Honey, if he hasn't learnt some basic boundaries by now he won't. He is also nit picking you 5 months in. Expect this to go south quickly. This is who he is, an inconsiderate and ill-mannered individual who projects onto anyone who doesn't give him what he wants when he wants it. If you're up for this kind of behaviour then take it from another 25yr old who at least isn't so set in their ways they can learn some manners. This guy is not worth the hassle. This is why he's single at 46. The whole point of dating older is to get some qualities in a partner that people your own age have yet to develop. Things like maturity, wisdom, patience, tolerance, more balanced outlook on life and attitude. This guy has none of those. You're just dating an aged person with few redeeming qualities. Edited September 14, 2016 by Buddhist Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted September 14, 2016 Share Posted September 14, 2016 Go buy yourself a nice bottle of wine and when he comes home, open it, put a straw in the bottle and start sipping. Bet he wont ask for a glass after that. Then blow in the straw and make the bubbles and noise in the bottle. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted September 14, 2016 Share Posted September 14, 2016 I have a feeling he'll be happy to slurp her wine through the straw once she's done blowing bubbles...whilst complaining between gulps that she was selfish not to get his favorite bottle for him. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 14, 2016 Share Posted September 14, 2016 He's rude. I think for the most part, one has proprietorship over one's plate unless they are feeling occasionally generous and offer ONE bite just to taste. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 My guess is it's something other than what he is nitpicking over. If it isn't then it's just an attempt to control you (which could be why I wants to date so much younger - many older men look at younger women as easier to control). In any case being with someone who is such a whiner will probably be difficult over the long haul. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts