Dating A Muslim Girl...

[Vansteubanson]

Hi

 

My girlfriend and I have been going out for quite some time, and we love each other more than anything our world can measure.lol, but its true. She is Muslim, I am Catholic. We have discussed our differences, and it is has come down to this: 1. our different countries dont matter (she was born and lived in Bangladesh with her family as a child) 2. her religion DOES matter, a whole damn lot!

 

I can respect this very much so, but she has said that there realy is no room for much compromise in her faith, esp. since she believes dearly in it. It is a way of life for her. I, as a Catholic, dictate my life by how I believe a person should be inherently-compassionate, caring, honest, undestanding, etc. I find that these same ideals are the roots of Islam.

We talk of how this could work without major problems, but I have come to a possible way to do so, please tell if this is appropriate, right, or possible at all.

 

1. We continue to be together, following the following things

2. We respect each other's religion. I have no problem learning to live life as a Muslim and

finding love and the way of life I lead right now in it. just as long as I am not pressured

into converting (well, not just yet, read below) or changing my religion, or believing

in two religions at the same time, which is kinda wrong.

3. According to the Muslim faith, how a person "believes" is how they should live, in essense, their faith is a way of life. I love her, and it is for this reason that I absolutely respect her beliefs, and am willing to adjust, adapt, or bend to make things easier. Also, is it appropriate for a Muslim girl to not bring home a man, or the man introduce himself to the parents, unless the two plan to marry each other. WE are not quite at the point where marriage is on our minds, but I think, that since we won't move in together, haven't met each other's families yet, that how my girlfriend lives her live in her faith won't be affected by us being together.

 

4. If it did come to the point where marriage was in our future, I would honestly and lovingly share the same faith as her.

 

Please, any help is appreciated!

Regards,

Van

[Tameson]

The first question for you to think about is God.

 

You have your religion. All the three book religions, Judiasm, Christinaity and Islam all are the same thing in terms of the God. However, certain traditions are offshoots from each other. The ignorant people of today have caused violent differences between them. If you can see beyond tha then you are on the right track.

 

Secondly, forget about your "love" for just a minute. We are God's creation. So if you truely love God, then you must find a way of worshippng or loving Him in a way that suits you best. If you force yourself to love God in a way you are not confortable, then you are cheating your FAITH (not your girlfriend). So if you don't honestly want to convert, then you will be cheating GOD. And that my friend, I recommend you don't do.

 

You see my friend, you have to choose what you heart says. In my opinion, God is first. Then your love. If your love forces you to choose him/her above God then there is a huge problem. Can you imagine yourself going to church if you are deep down Muslim? Will you feel confortable going to a Synagogue if you are deep down Christian but your spouse isn't? You see what I mean?

 

Children also will raise up a questoin. Which religion will they follow? Woud they want a Christmas tree and go to church on December 24? Or will you forbid this in a country based on Christianity?

 

Children MUST NOT get into your "conflict" of religion. This is your problem, not your children or future children. So talk everything out first.

[Tameson]

In Islam, it is tradition and more accepted for the parents of both families to meet FIRST, then setup their children to meet together. Either way, times are changing today, however in Islam the parents of both families are usually the Kings and the children have less freedom than those in the Christian religion. In Judaism as well, marriage outside the religion is also forbidden, although nowadays it is unrecommended.

 

Nevertheless, think about your future as well. Would you want your children to be able to date freely, or will you put them under the boundaries of Islam. Islam is a great religion, however if one is not accustomed to their belief system then one will think it strange and unreasonable.

 

You have to sit down alone, one on one with God and talk this religion together, since it is your life we are talking about. You cannot change your faith back to Christianity, if one day you get divorced. You see what I mean? Its not good to play tug of war if religion. If you take it, then you take it forever.

[noname]

usually never post on these things, i actually came to this sight to check out an issue of my own. i decided to help you because you are getting (i hope not to offend anyone) misleading advice...

 

religion is a very hairy issue when considering marriage. this is partly because every religion swears they have the one true path. mostly though, it is just because people are ill informed about others' religions. it doesn't matter that much, but for the sake of argument, i am Muslim.

 

i have but a few things to say to you.

 

first of all it is ABSOLUTELY untrue that you have to convert in order to marry. even in early Islam, Muslims married Christians and Jews (believers in the one God/people of the book). truth-be-told, it is not recommended that people marry out of the faith in Islam(any faith mainly because of the difficulties that you are experiencing and will continue to experience), but it can and does happen in the real world. it is not uncommon for people say that you must convert. and this comes not only from the uninformed, but also from scholars. what i say to you is for you to question your sources. you have you first source sitting in front of you, ask her if she knows and find out for yourselves. it could be healthy to the relationship for you guys to find out what you are up against together.

 

when will people understand the differences between faith and tradition? Just because some countries engage in certain coupling rituals does not mean that every Muslim everywhere in the world does the same. just as Catholics have regional customs, so do most humans. There is not one collective conscience.

 

it sounds like the faith thing between you two is already solved and that you have to figure out how to translate that into the rest of your lives. for instance, more importantly you have to figure out how her parents feel and how exactly that is going to fit into your relationship. also, if and when you have children, will you bring them up in a specific faith? will it be in their best interest to have mixed messages. will you feel comfortable if she tells them that she does not believe Jesus is God's son? or will she flip because your family wants to have a Christmas tree or the Easter Bunny? they may all seem like little questions, but when you introduce family and children, things get complicated. i will say this, i know a great deal of people from Bangladesh and they are all very sweet, hospitable, and understanding. however, there may be other issues. i have some friends in the exact same position as you. he is Catholic and she is a Bengali Muslim. together for 12 years and just got up the cahones to confront her parents. oddly enough, the issue was not because he is Catholic, they can work with that. he is Black and they were disappointed that she could not be with someone from her own country.

 

i am with Tameson on this. Please do not convert unless it is something you do for yourself and for God. you will be doing everyone a disservice if you do not have it in your heart. understand this. i am sure that you know that God wants those to serve him who have it in their hearts. in Islam this is strongly believed as well. for you to convert for the love of a woman is taking away from your faith in God. and you, being Catholic know that this is in direct violation of the first commandment, as you would be worshipping something before God. Contrary to popular belief Islam does not encourage or openly accept those that do not submit to God unless it is deep in their heart. If and ONLY if you learn more about Islam and you choose it for your path, should you even consider converting an option. learn first and then ask yourself if you would convert even if this woman were not in your life. if the answer is no, stay with your path.

 

i guarantee, in the long run, you will be better respected by yourself, your companion/wife, her family, and most importantly, God. real faith and worship beats token submission any day (says that in just about every religious text i have ever read). she sticks to her guns, and you respect her for it. i am sure that she appreciates that and will lend you the same, and if she doesn't ---call her on it. conversion for the wrong reason can be mistaken for weakness rather than compromise. it is better to be yourself than to live under suspicion. and if she is as serious about God as you say she is, than she will only love a man more who loves God more than anything and will not put anything before Him. and let's not forget how you will feel about yourself...

 

all in all, bend, compromise, but do not break yourself. speak to her about it and be open if she knows God is your priority than she will respect you for it.

 

btw. it sounds like you have learned some interesting similarities between the religions. some have been trying for thousands of years and haven't learned ****. and if you decide not to convert, just as well. we need more people like you on all sides. thanks for caring. good luck in your soul searching. keep your mind open and you'll get where you need to be...

 

and oh yeah, Tameson, not that i condone playing tug-o-war with faith, i just want to know why he would not have the option to go back to being a Catholic? i understand that Catholism would welcome him back with open arms. is not God oft forgiving? please do not consider this as bait to debate a religious issue as that is not my intention. it is merely to enhance my own understanding...

[RecordProducer]

Dear Van, for you religion is a part of life. For Muslims it comes first then everything else. I have a friend who was in a relationship with a Christian for 8 years. She never mentioned him in front of her parents. She wanted to marry him eventually and was prepared to the fact that her parents might disown her even. Finally they broke up, because he fell in love with another girl.

That far they go with this way of their lives. If your girlfriend has this fear, it is possible that you will have to convert in to Islamic religion and respect their rituals and way of life, such as go to Mosque on their holidays, not drink alcohol (although many Muslims do), etc. Would you do that for love?

[ntovrhm]

I am not religious, but I do believe in a moral way of living regardless of religion. I don't know if there is enough info for me to give you advice, but I will just impart on you the story of my friend, and take from it what you want. I will preface this by saying that his and his wife's marriage is one of the few that I truly respect (coming from my perspective . . . in how they treat each other, and their perspective on life in general).

 

She was Muslim, but had been in America for most of her life (originally from India). She was dating throughout college, but had to hide that from her parents for the most part. She wasn't that religious, he wasn't that religious, but they were both good people who fell in love. When her parents found out, they did not approve (well, her sister had an arranged marriage, which turned out to be miserable, but it was more her mom that wanted to keep with tradition, more than the dad.)

 

Anyway, they eventually went threw hell and high water to be together, and he conformed more to the traditional way to date her, as far as her family was concerned. They didn't hold it against him, but he did decide to convert so he could marry her.

 

Now, keep in mind, neither of them were concerned about formality of religion, and I am not sure what they are going to do with their children in the future (although I think they will be lapsed Muslims). But. I know they are good people, and they loved each enough to compromise. It depends on how fervent you bare to your own religion to be able to tell how this would work.

 

Although her family was opposed to it initially, he turned out to be their best son-in-law that they had. Because he kept her and his and her family's best interest in mind, because that is the type of person he was. He also was not not caught up in the catholic vs. Muslim thing - not that there is anything wrong with feeling very sure about your religious beliefs, but he doesn't care as long as he is living a morally good life.

 

Just a true story to through out there, for what it is worth. (they have two very beautiful boys by the the way. . . no problems yet.)

[megadeth]

I'm sorry for butting into your relationship like this, but I'm a Muslim too. I have certain things to say in regards to this Muslim woman that you are dating.

 

1. If her religion was so dear to her heart, then she would've taken into consideration that Islam prohibits dating in any way, shape, or form. I'm Muslim and I don't date. Choosing a woman to marry is different than dating. Dating is prohibited in Islam, but choosing a woman of your own choice to marry is allowable should it be through talking.

 

2. Again, I apologize for intruding like this: if you two have made physical contact whether it be kissing or even a simple holding hands, she can not enter heaven because she has committed "zinna" or pre-marrital sex (it is not coherent with the english definition please remember). The only way for her to enter heaven would be to either die in war or convert a non-Muslim to Islam which would in this case be you.

 

I understand that you love her very much, but I'm question that love. If you really did love her, then you would've done research on the topic of dating and Islam. Any Muslim who dates outside of Islamic terms which is only talking and no touch is commits pre-marrital sex and cannot enter heaven. And, if she has kept this from her parents, then she is in even deeper trouble. Parents have more rights over her than anyone and she has seriously got herself in trouble.

 

I'm sorry for intruding. I'm Muslim and I had to tell you the facts because this is a fellow Muslim we're talking about. Each Muslim that goes astray makes us even weaker as a whole. Nevertheless, I'm sorry and I know that some of the stuff may come as a shock and I know I use some harsh and descriptive language.

[sami]

I have been reading alot about Isalam lately. I'm sorry to say that Islam that I came to know does not say this anywhere. This's only your own reading and interpretation Megadeth.

[megadeth]

Please continue to read about Islam. I will find some sources. The Quran has some stuff about pre-marrital sex. I'll be back.

[megadeth]

Hold it! This isn't just my interpretation of it. You may have read something, but you need to understand that there are different kinds of zinna. Pretending to be married and having children is one form zinna and deception which is forbidden. Looking at a woman with amorous intentions as guys do (firstly look at her breasts) is a form of zinna. Dating, alone, is forbidden in Islam. Obviously, her religion, Islam, isn't very dear to her as she has said many and again. I did more research because my Islamic knowledge, despite the fact that I know a lot, is still limited and I learned that men and women in Islam are only aloud to meet in the house of the woman's father, in a public meeting area such as a restaurant with a male relative of the woman like a brother, or simply with a guardian from the woman's side, specifically to talk and converse for only a short period of time. Islam is very open and open to interpretation, specifically the Quran. But it is like a puzzle. The meaning is always there and hidden. It isn't opinionated. It is just that the reader needs more than one source of information or piece of literature to extract the meaning for the particular topic they are looking for. If you would like to prove me wrong, then please check the following: seerah (life) of the Propeht (SAW), Quran, and life of Prophet (SAW)'s companions. This should give you enough information to have a strong, but I can guarantee you that I'm right (every arrogant piece of me). This is a serious matter. The only two solutions for entering heaven, if Islam is really dear to her heart, are dieing in war or converting a non-Muslim to Islam and in this case, is you (starter of this topic). And, let me add one more clause; if she has tasted even a drop of wine, then she cannot enter heave under any circumstances.

[sami]

where are getting this from????

[mehim]

I'm going to support megadeth about almost everything that has been said, I am a muslim as well and its ture that Islam forbids dating, and that its a sin to do anything pysical with another person if they are not married. therefore i dont what this girl is trying to tell u how her reiligion is so important, she is obviously doing what she likes to do with it.

 

what i mean is that she likes to do or believe certian things about the religion, therefore i think u need to talk to her about this. how come she is so committed to one part of the religion and not other parts.