mmx Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 I have known this guy for about a year. We started off just being friends I guess you could say. We have talked almost daily for about a year. In the last 4 months we have started doing more physical things..kissing/making out, cuddling, hand holding, etc. I have met some of his friends and he usually invites me to hangout with him and his friends. I have met his family. It wasn't planned, but it just happened. I know he isn't seeing anyone else. A relationship talk has never occurred. I don't want to be the one to bring it up, but would like to know where this is headed. So what are we?
preraph Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Has he taken you on real dates, where he picks you up and pays your way and you go to a movie or dinner? If not, I'd say he's not sure he really wants to put you in the girlfriend category. If he wants you to be his girlfriend, he will be definite and you will know he wants that. I would not bring it up first. I would just try to enjoy it in case he's not sure himself what he wants yet, but probably don't sleep with him unless he steps up and acts like a real boyfriend. Let him bring it up. I mean, don't let it go more than another 3 months if he just keeps doing what he's doing, but give him a chance to decide what he wants because talking about it scares a lot of guys off, especially in an uncertain situation. 2
Els Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Do you go out on dates? Did he introduce you as his gf to his parents and friends? That's pretty much the definition right there.
leogirl876 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Don't bring it up, let him do it. All the guys that have become my boyfriend were the guys that made sure to let me know he was my boyfriend. Let me ask you, when he introduces you to people, what does he say? Does he say this is my friend, mmx? Or does he say this is my girlfriend mmx? If he says friend, that's all you are to him. 1
Author mmx Posted August 18, 2016 Author Posted August 18, 2016 He usually just says my name. How do I get him to bring it up? I can't wait forever.
Author mmx Posted August 18, 2016 Author Posted August 18, 2016 Do you go out on dates? Did he introduce you as his gf to his parents and friends? That's pretty much the definition right there. We usually hangout and one or the other persons place and cook dinner. Then either stay in or do something outdoorsy that doesn't cost money.
preraph Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 You can't make him do anything. You can only control what you do. And what you can do is not act like a girlfriend if he's not treating you like one, and hanging out still isn't very datey. 1
Author mmx Posted August 18, 2016 Author Posted August 18, 2016 So how do I stop acting like a girlfriend without making it seem like I am now not interested?
leogirl876 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 So how do I stop acting like a girlfriend without making it seem like I am now not interested? Don't sleep with him, don't give him girlfriend benefits until he says that's what you are. Keep seeing other guys and keep your options open. Don't let him take you for granted.
Author mmx Posted August 18, 2016 Author Posted August 18, 2016 What would you consider girlfriend benefits? If we were previously doing something that is consider a girlfriend benefit and I stop allowing it and he asks why? What do I say?
Redhead14 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 What would you consider girlfriend benefits? If we were previously doing something that is consider a girlfriend benefit and I stop allowing it and he asks why? What do I say? Don't go all the way. Don't be available all the time. Don't make him the center of your life. You are walking a fine line here. Sex should not be used as a tool of manipulation, so you are correct about raising that flag. You've been making out, etc. So you shouldn't stop doing it. But, if it gets to the point of having sex, you would then be within the boundaries of being able to bring up exclusivity yourself. Once intimacy is involved, the woman can and should take that up herself if he doesn't do it first. Do it fairly soon after you've been intimate if he doesn't. Not the same day. But don't just go on for another month without clarity. Be prepared for him to say he doesn't want that though. In that case, you can tell him you are moving on because you two aren't on the same page in terms of dating goals.
leogirl876 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 What would you consider girlfriend benefits? If we were previously doing something that is consider a girlfriend benefit and I stop allowing it and he asks why? What do I say? Having sex, being exclusive, not seeing other guys, being available on regular basis, etc. Don't keep your weekends open for him, make plans with friends and other men. If he wants a relationship, he'll make sure to take you off the market. Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's too serious about you, otherwise, he'd be wanting to make sure you're not dating other guys.
Author mmx Posted August 18, 2016 Author Posted August 18, 2016 I won't have sex with him. I can't contuine not knowing where this is going. Will he bring it up? How do I get him to so I don't have to? By being less available?
KatZee Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 Sounds more like friends with benefits at this point. Friends for a year, hooking up for 4 months, not asking you on dates, just going over your place, you going over his place. It's a convenience relationship, not a romantic relationship. He's not taking you out on dates, not referring to you as anything. You can't *make* him do anything. Guys really aren't that dense. They know what women want to hear, they know that when they are REALLY into a girl, they lock them down. He's not really doing much to progress anything beyond what it is. It's a good time, he's known you a while, it's comfortable, and you're allowing it. I'd stop asking him over your house to be honest. I'd stop going to his place. I'd only see him outside of your home, don't put yourself in situations where you're just hooking up. I'd push it back to where you're just friends again. Possibly then he'll ask you what's up and have that discussion. 3
Redhead14 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I won't have sex with him. I can't contuine not knowing where this is going. Will he bring it up? How do I get him to so I don't have to? By being less available? Will he bring it up? - We don't know. Don't start playing games. Being less available isn't about making him do something he may or may not intend to do. It's about having a rich, full busy life of your own so that he isn't the center of your world. If by chance, the fact that you are busier makes him come to you to try to get more of your time, great. I can't contuine not knowing where this is going. -- Be careful here, this will cause you a problem because you are sounding desperate. Keep this in check. Be patient, yet hopeful. If you are getting yourself wound up about this, you will drive him away. Desperateness comes across to people in ways you don't realize sometimes. Keep your cool.
basil67 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I'd just ask him if I were you. If the question scares him away, then he was never going to be yours. 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I have known this guy for about a year. We started off just being friends I guess you could say. We have talked almost daily for about a year. In the last 4 months we have started doing more physical things..kissing/making out, cuddling, hand holding, etc. I have met some of his friends and he usually invites me to hangout with him and his friends. I have met his family. It wasn't planned, but it just happened. I know he isn't seeing anyone else. A relationship talk has never occurred. I don't want to be the one to bring it up, but would like to know where this is headed. So what are we? Only the pair of you can decide that. You have known this guy for a year. Surely that is long enough to have built up enough trust and openness to actually talk to each other about things that really matter? You should talk to him about this. Don't wimp out and wait for him to say something, take ownership of what you want and be honest. If he is truly boyfriend material, then shouldn't he be someone you can open up to? Why play games and keep guessing indefinitely when you could find out how he feels by just asking? At least you will know exactly where you stand. Good luck. 3
preraph Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 So how do I stop acting like a girlfriend without making it seem like I am now not interested? Date around. Get busy going out with friends. Don't depend on him for your social life. Stop being always available. Make plans with friends or accept a date and when and if he contacts you for that same evening, don't give him details at all but just say, "Sorry I already have plans. I'll talk to you tomorrow." It might get him to stop taking you for granted and actually step up if he's interested.
bighearted Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 The advice of "don't bring it up" and "wait until he brings it up" is kind of ridiculous considering that men are told the exact same thing. Then it's just a game of which of the two will hold out longest. If it's a relationship you want, you need to just talk to him about where it's going. You've been "dating" long enough. 1
stillafool Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I have known this guy for about a year. We started off just being friends I guess you could say. We have talked almost daily for about a year. In the last 4 months we have started doing more physical things..kissing/making out, cuddling, hand holding, etc. I have met some of his friends and he usually invites me to hangout with him and his friends. I have met his family. It wasn't planned, but it just happened. I know he isn't seeing anyone else. A relationship talk has never occurred. I don't want to be the one to bring it up, but would like to know where this is headed. So what are we? Have you asked him what you two are?
Author mmx Posted August 18, 2016 Author Posted August 18, 2016 I have not asked what we are. I was hoping it would just naturally progress to that, but it never did. A little more background info. We use to live a couple of hours away from each other and we would take turns visiting or meeting half way maybe once a month or so. Now we have both lived in the same city to about a month. It just worked out that we both have jobs closer. We did not move to be closer to one another.
Redhead14 Posted August 18, 2016 Posted August 18, 2016 I have not asked what we are. I was hoping it would just naturally progress to that, but it never did. A little more background info. We use to live a couple of hours away from each other and we would take turns visiting or meeting half way maybe once a month or so. Now we have both lived in the same city to about a month. It just worked out that we both have jobs closer. We did not move to be closer to one another. There isn't a reason that you can't/shouldn't bring it up. It's just really nice if he does it first. If you are stressing so much about it, go ahead and simply talk to him.
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