Emmatapdance Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 (edited) My first and only boyfriend and I have been on and off for about 4 years. He is 18 and I am 20 years old. He never usually made any comments about what I wear, but around this year, he started calling me names.. We recently went on a vacation which we were all super excited about. We went with my sister. During vacation we did some swimming, which required me to wear a swim suit. My swimming suit is a bikini. I've always been comfortable wearing those and have worn those around him a lot before. He was on the porch, and I decided to surprise him and kind of try to show off to him, because he used to call me sexy all the time when I wore one. This time, he looked at me, and said "Eww", and I asked "whats wrong?" and he muttered, "nevermind...." . We went paddleboarding with my sister, and she was wearing a bikini too. He never said anything to her. A lot of girls were wearing bikinis, and he said he wishes that "society wasnt so used to girls dressing so revealing". Everytime I tried to tell him how I feel, which is that I feel like crap everytime he says that, because Ive always worn what i wanted to and have been comfortable in my clothes, and now I feel really nervous to wear them. The worst thing I wear is bikinis, short shorts, and tanktops, nothing really provacative.And he makes it seem like I dress like a prostitute or something. It hurts my feelings when he mutters things under his breathe, and I ask him what he says and then he says nevermind. I also take pictures with my sister of us doing cool yoga poses or dance poses alot. And i was wearing long pants and a tank top that day on vacation. I wanted to post the picture on instagram, but he told me "he doesn't like that picture." because the pose is too provocative..... so i did not post it. but i really wanted too... I am going on vacation with my dad and sister in about a week and i am scared that he will be texting me things that are passively aggresively calling me a slut for wearing a bathing suite. (we are going to california so) He is also mad that i am going there without him. He said, he doesn't like me traveling so far. Even though, Ill just be sitting at home while he is at work. Im only going for 4 days. The whole vacation we took him on was supposed to be fun, but the whole time he was muttering about how we went here alot, and how he never gets to go on vacations. and he says it really rudely. He calls me rich, even though I am not rich. it just makes me feel bad. I know his family didnt take him on vacations alot but he shouldnt take it out on me I just need help. What is his problem? And what should I do?Save Edited July 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language ~T
Redhead14 Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 (edited) My first and only boyfriend and I have been on and off for about 4 years. He is 18 and I am 20 years old. He never usually made any comments about what I wear, but around this year, he started calling me names.. We recently went on a vacation which we were all super excited about. We went with my sister. During vacation we did some swimming, which required me to wear a swim suit. My swimming suit is a bikini. I've always been comfortable wearing those and have worn those around him a lot before. He was on the porch, and I decided to surprise him and kind of try to show off to him, because he used to call me sexy all the time when I wore one. This time, he looked at me, and said "Eww", and I asked "whats wrong?" and he muttered, "nevermind...." . We went paddleboarding with my sister, and she was wearing a bikini too. He never said anything to her. A lot of girls were wearing bikinis, and he said he wishes that "society wasnt so used to girls dressing so revealing". Everytime I tried to tell him how I feel, which is that I feel like crap everytime he says that, because Ive always worn what i wanted to and have been comfortable in my clothes, and now I feel really nervous to wear them. The worst thing I wear is bikinis, short shorts, and tanktops, nothing really provacative.And he makes it seem like I dress like a prostitute or something. It hurts my feelings when he mutters things under his breathe, and I ask him what he says and then he says nevermind. I also take pictures with my sister of us doing cool yoga poses or dance poses alot. And i was wearing long pants and a tank top that day on vacation. I wanted to post the picture on instagram, but he told me "he doesn't like that picture." because the pose is too provocative..... so i did not post it. but i really wanted too... I am going on vacation with my dad and sister in about a week and i am scared that he will be texting me things that are passively aggresively calling me a slut for wearing a bathing suite. (we are going to california so) He is also mad that i am going there without him. He said, he doesn't like me traveling so far. Even though, Ill just be sitting at home while he is at work. Im only going for 4 days. The whole vacation we took him on was supposed to be fun, but the whole time he was muttering about how we went here alot, and how he never gets to go on vacations. and he says it really rudely. He calls me rich, even though I am not rich. it just makes me feel bad. I know his family didnt take him on vacations alot but he shouldnt take it out on me I just need help. What is his problem? And what should I do? What is his problem? -- Whatever his problem is, give him another problem -- a girlfriend who refuses to be verbally abused and moves on. You've been off and on for a reason(s) . . . time for you to be Off and let him be a MorOn.Save Save Edited July 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language in quote~T 4
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 You should dump him immediately. What other option is there, really? He's a little punk. Find someone who isn't. 9
basil67 Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 Have you told him how you feel when he says this stuff to you? I mean, you shouldn't have to tell him not to be this offensive, but perhaps he just needs a good kick up the rear end. If you have told him and he ignores your feelings, then you must end the relationship. 1
joseb Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 (edited) You are both too young to be n a relationship. But regardless, his treatment of you deserves nothing less than a dumping. Muttering these things under his breath is in no way defendable. If I tried to be diplomatic and defend him, perhaps he lacks the skills to end a relationship he is no longer happy in and is resorting to this in an attempt to get you to do it. Edited July 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T 3
Redhead14 Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 Have you told him how you feel when he says this stuff to you? I mean, you shouldn't have to tell him not to be this offensive, but perhaps he just needs a good kick up the rear end. If you have told him and he ignores your feelings, then you must end the relationship. "Everytime I tried to tell him how I feel, which is that I feel like crap" She did tell him.
Garnetgirl89 Posted July 30, 2016 Posted July 30, 2016 You're 20. I would just breakup with him. There's no way he didn't know that he was being disrespectful and he's not even man enough to talk to you about whatever it is that's bothering him. I have yet to meet a passive aggressive, disrespectful boy that's worth being with. I can guarantee you this behavior isn't going to change any time soon because he has an issue with women in general. Ignorance isn't something you can reason out of someone. If you really want to try to salvage the relationship you can try to talk to him but I feel like he's a total waste of time. 2
basil67 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 "Everytime I tried to tell him how I feel, which is that I feel like crap" She did tell him. Thanks for that Redhead. In that case, dump him. 3
Redhead14 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 She's young and she should learn now how to set boundaries and be a secure, independent, zero abuse tolerant person (not that you shouldn't give them a heads up if they make a "mistake" and let them demonstrate that they "get it"). This has not been a stable relationship anyway (on and off). There are, I'm sure, other reasons that they shouldn't be together besides the fact that they are very young and it's her first . . . 2
bachdude Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 He's telling you what he thinks of you. How is it possible to be in a relationship with someone who thinks that about you? 2
preraph Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 You are 20 years old and have the whole world at your fingertips. Do NOT waste one minute with anyone who is mean to you. Dump him and move on. He's a little prig. 2
Gaeta Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 I was so disgusted by his words I could not read through it. About you tell your parents and see what they think about it? Let your dad solve his case. Hon, time to break up. 4
Zapbasket Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 You are 20 years old and have the whole world at your fingertips. Do NOT waste one minute with anyone who is mean to you. Dump him and move on. He's a little prig. Memorize the bolded. Never accept anyone shaming your body, or anything that is intrinsically YOU. If EVER you feel less in someone's eyes, walk away. Whether you're twenty or seventy, life is too short and too precious to willingly choose to be around anyone who disparages you. Believe it--you'll save yourself a lot of heartache that way. 3
leogirl876 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 Dump the loser!!! He's verbally and emotionally abusing you, that's how it starts, next it'll be physical abuse. Dump him so fast that you hope the door doesn't hit him in the a*** and knock him flat on his face! 2
Taramere Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 (edited) Rid yourself of this jealous guy, before his issues start becoming your issues. Or even more your issues than they already are. Edited July 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T 2
LexiB Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 (edited) I was so disgusted by his words I could not read through it. About you tell your parents and see what they think about it? Let your dad solve his case. Hon, time to break up. I was thinking the same thing. What would your father or mother, or sister have said to you if you told them any of the things he said to you?! His language aside, now he's guilting you for going on a vacation with your parents?? He doesn't want you to go 'so far away without him'? End this one, and end it quickly. This relationship is descending into hell fast.Save Edited July 31, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T 4
smudge21 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 He does this because you allow it. Others treat us in the way we allow them to treat us. He's treating you like garbage and clearly has done for such a long time that to him it seems normal. He cares little about how you feel and just wants to bring you down and control you. If you let this carry on, this will be your life - not just with him, but with any guy after him. Your self esteem and pride will be destroyed and you'll just end up dating guys who treat you badly, whilst pushing away guys who treat you with respect (as they will be foreign to you). The bad guys will become your norm. You're still so very young and now is the time to make a stand and walk away. If you don't, then be prepared for this to continue for aslong as you allow it.
William Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 After doing some clean-up on this thread I'd like to remind everyone of our Site-wide individual and group berating policy and that the use of terms covered by that policy are flagged regardless of context or who said them first. ~T
BaileyB Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 (edited) If you have told him and he ignores your feelings, then you must end the relationship. This. I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to tell him that this is offensive and hurts you. Because you have told him and he continues to behave this way, you need to let him go. This behavior is abusive and it may only get worse. You are very young, but it's time for you to learn that you have the right to stand up for yourself and that healthy, supportive relationships should make you feel good, not like he has been making your feel. It's also time for him to learn that this kind of behavior is unacceptable to a woman. Best of luck. Edited July 31, 2016 by BaileyB 3
lostboys Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 This. I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to tell him that this is offensive and hurts you. Because you have told him and he continues to behave this way, you need to let him go. This behavior is abusive and it may only get worse. You are very young, but it's time for you to learn that you have the right to stand up for yourself and that healthy, supportive relationships should make you feel good, not like he has been making your feel. It's also time for him to learn that this kind of behavior is unacceptable to a woman. Best of luck. yep dump him quick 1
thecrucible Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 My opinion is that I dated an abusive guy when I was 17 and I wish had ended it even though doing so would have hurt. Because I can tell you it hurts more now looking back at it as early relationships do have an impact going forward. You start to realise what you missed out on and how it has impacted your self-esteem. Take a chance of ending it if you are unhappy and you won't regret it. You have lots of time to meet someone much better and he is out there somewhere. You're at an age when having fun is really important so prioritise your happiness now. Honestly, if I could go back in time and not waste a year on the wrong guy, I would totally do that. 2
VaniIIa Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I once dated someone who was very rude to me and called me names whenever we argued. I brushed it off because it only happened during arguments. Eventually I got sick of it and dumped him. It was only after I left him that I realized what an a-hole he was. It was difficult to leave someone I really cared about, but I wasn't happy. From your post, it sounds like you aren't either, at least not to your fullest. Find someone who respects you and is more mature. You tried talking to him about it and it didn't work. Your relationship has been unstable for years. Don't wait around for him to change. You deserve a lot better because "The One" wouldn't treat you this way. How can you find "The One" if you're stuck in this toxic relationship? 3
smackie9 Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 I too have been in a abusive relationship. He wanted me to dress more conservatively, he called to make sure I was home, he really got worse over time, accusing me of things I never did, called me names etc. I wasted 2 years on that jerk. I see you heading down that path with your BF...he is being controlling and abusive. just because he is your first doesnt mean he has to be your last....Get OUT NOW!
Toodaloo Posted August 1, 2016 Posted August 1, 2016 Congratulations you have discovered his true colours. Time to throw this fish back in the pond, hug your sister and move on. Easier said than done but you will feel better and you will date better men than this. Chin up chook there is more to life than this. 2
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