Tells me she loves me, then that she has commitment issues and we should go nc

[HumanMachine]

I was chilling with a girl i've been seeing for a while when out of the blue she started crying. "I need to tell you something but i'm scared how you'll react" oh god.. "Go on" "I love you"

 

Later that day I decided I needed to understand what we actually are, I asked her to be my girlfriend and she replied she can't because she doesn't want a relationship. She said she's cheated in the past and lost special people due to her actions and she couldn't trust her self not to mess it up with me (risk losing me forever).

 

I asked her what she wanted to do, she told me to go on my business trip (2 months - could have easily been rearranged to a closer location) and we wouldn't talk for the duration but when I get back we'll work on it (this would supposedly give her time to sort herself out).

 

I told her that I couldn't wait for her, it's all or nothing. She replied that she is desperate to be in a relationship with me but simply couldn't get over her issues.

 

On one hand I am grateful for her honesty, the other incredibly frustrated as this girl has blown me away..

 

Thoughts? Dodged a bullet? Stick with it?

 

Thank you in advance

[ExpatInItaly]

You dodged a bullet.

 

She's actually telling you she will probably cheat on you, too.

 

Believe her.

 

Don't be surprised to learn there's already someone else in the picture that she's seeing while you're gone.

 

Thank her for her honesty, and move on.

[HumanMachine]

Thank you Expat, whilst I already knew the answer it definitely helps other people reassuring me. Boggles me how you can proclaim your love to somebody then a few hours later basically say "i'm going to cheat on you"

 

[Gaeta]

She is going to cheat on you, her own words, and she probably does not want to be gf-bf for now so she can sleep around while you are away on your trip.

 

Drop it all, she is not worth your time and don't keep a friendship or contact. She is toying with you.

[longjohn]

I'd give her credit for being honest. She isn't interested in a relationship so she has the freedom to get with other guys without it being "cheating". Hopefully you used protection if not time for an std check and move along.

[Jabron1]

Thoughts?

 

I think you're taking what she says far too seriously.

 

Don't let women effect you so much. In one ear, and out the other.

 

If you're going to play the game, play it cool

 

 

Listen to Billy's old-school advice

[SevenCity]

Agree with others. You dodged a bullet and should never talk to her again.

 

She has no idea what love is and will hurt you if you let her.

[stillafool]

At least she is honest about who she is. If you are strong and don't get emotionally involved then see her again. If you are looking for a one on one relationship it isn't going to happen with this woman. She's a player and doesn't want to give it up.

[HumanMachine]

Thank you fellas, appreciate your comments.

[gorf]

1) I asked her to be my girlfriend and she replied she can't because she doesn't want a relationship. She said she's cheated in the past and lost special people due to her actions and she couldn't trust her self not to mess it up with me

 

2) replied that she is desperate to be in a relationship with me but simply couldn't get over her issues.

 

3) Dodged a bullet?

 

1) She's telling you upfront what would take others months or years to hear. Thank her for it and move on.

 

2) She's reiterating her first statement.

 

3) Yes.

[HumanMachine]

Sorry to bump..

 

Struggling today, i've replayed what she said a hundred times today and still can't comprehend it. How can you tell somebody that you love them and are desperate to be with them when really there isn't any truth in either statement?

 

There is no way i'm ever talking to her again, and i am grateful that she didn't let it go any further, i'm just angry someone has looked me in the eyes and lied to me..

[kolleamm]

Lesson 1 - words don't mean a thing.

Lesson 2 - trust your instincts

 

I believe in second chances but when it comes to dating, one red flag is enough to make it clear things won't go anywhere.

[HumanMachine]

Lesson 1 - words don't mean a thing.

Lesson 2 - trust your instincts

 

I believe in second chances but when it comes to dating, one red flag is enough to make it clear things won't go anywhere.

 

 

Thank you.. All i can do is learn from this

[gorf]

i'm just angry someone has looked me in the eyes and lied to me..

 

Nah dont be angry. Maybe the relationships, or whatever she had been in, warped her perception of love. She might have meant what she said, its just that she didnt really mean it and didnt realize it. Dont beat yourself up.

[joseb]

Sorry to bump..

 

Struggling today, i've replayed what she said a hundred times today and still can't comprehend it. How can you tell somebody that you love them and are desperate to be with them when really there isn't any truth in either statement?

 

There is no way i'm ever talking to her again, and i am grateful that she didn't let it go any further, i'm just angry someone has looked me in the eyes and lied to me..

 

Maybe in her head that is exactly how she feels.

She has a lot of feelings for you (love is thrown around by everyone these days, people are "in love" with online profiles before they even meet half the time).

 

She just doesn't want to or is incapable of being in a monogamous relationship. She wants to bang around.

[HumanMachine]

Update

 

I deleted everything to do with her and had no means to contact her. Last night she called me (i didn't know her number) apologising and asking if we can go for a drink. Stupidly I accepted.

 

On the way to the bar all she kept saying was "i wouldn't want to be with anyone else in the world right now" and a bunch of other nonsense. We get to the bar and she asks me if I would like to go to her family holiday home for a couple of weeks. A free holiday in a hot country when I have a few weeks spare before my trip was simply too good an offer to turn down. I accepted; she called her dad, introducing me as her BOYFRIEND?! She said we'd have to meet him before we go next week.

 

Fast forward to right now (this morning), she's asleep and her phone flashes-

 

"Yeah I'll be free later" from a guy she previously had a thing with..

 

I've never met a more broken/mental/crazy girl in my life.. Fortunately I can remove myself emotionally fairly quickly from these situations!!

[phineas]

Fortunately I can remove myself emotionally fairly quickly from these situations!!

 

Keep telling yourself that.

[elaine567]

I've never met a more broken/mental/crazy girl in my life..

 

She told you who she was from the start. She is not looking for a relationship, she is just looking for fun.

If you do not like that, then move on, forget her.

 

No-one would call a man who acted like this, "broken/mental/crazy"...

[gorf]

She told you who she was from the start. She is not looking for a relationship, she is just looking for fun.

If you do not like that, then move on, forget her.

 

No-one would call a man who acted like this, "broken/mental/crazy"...

 

I agree. She told you no to a relationship. No to bf/gf. She does not want it. She wants a comfort of a guy like you, thats why she is stringing you along and calling you a bf now. But she's not done with her ways, unfortunately.

 

I dont believe you overlooked anything in your mind when you saw that text.

Sorry things turned this way, but hopefully you really do get her out of your life before she drags you down to her "broken/mental/crazy" level