Erik30 Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 I met this girl online a couple of months ago, we have a lot in common and been texting almost every day. (She's in her mid 20's btw) Our previous two dates went okay, but I felt it was slightly awkward at times. Nothing really happened, both ended with a kiss on the cheek. Maybe because we've been talking online so much, I still have to get used to hanging out with her irl. The reason I've only seen her twice is because there's a pretty big distance between us, a 3 hour drive. So on our dates we picked somewhere halfway. Last week I asked her if she would like to come to my town for a future event. She said that it sounds fun, but added to ask me if it was okay if she brings a friend along. I immediately took that as a bad sign, as if she wants to make sure that it's not a date. Plus we already seen eachother twice, so I'm not a complete stranger and we're both adults. I wanted to say no thanks because I wasn't looking forward to hanging out with a group of friends on a "friend date" and possibly becoming a third wheel, but after thinking about it, I'm not sure. She is willing to come all the way over, and she's not taking any advantage of me since the event is free. The event isn't even that special. Maybe she has doubts about me, and/or wants to hear what her friend thinks? Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Yeah - she is moving you to the Friendzone. Call the date off and just move on. You don't need this sort of complication. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 The kissing "on the cheek" put you in the friendzone. Next time if you want a kiss go for it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 I don't think it is a bad sign. She would have to drive 3 hours to get to your town, she is not going to drive 3 hours back that night I expect, so she would be staying in your town and doesn't want to stay alone and doesn't want to stay at your place so soon. I think it's a pretty normal request given the circumstances. She doesn't want to drive 3 hours alone and then stay in your town alone, and if you were planning on her staying at your place instead of a hotel I would expect her to want a friend there as well, you barely know her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Yeah - she is moving you to the Friendzone. Call the date off and just move on. You don't need this sort of complication. My thoughts as well. After two dates w/o the need of other companionship and now inviting friends? Sounds like she is friend-zoning you. This is a strategy that is often used to make things a lot less private and more uncomfortable for you. It makes it far less likely for anything intimate to happen, thus, making it less likely that you will get to know her better on a more personal level. Just my take... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Garnetgirl89 Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Maybe she doesn't want to do all of the driving so she's bringing a friend to drive back? Or maybe she thinks you think she'll spend the night and is bringing a friend to proactively prevent that. I wouldn't assume you're getting friend zoned. I'd never drive 3 hours for a dude Ive already decided that I only like as a friend after 2 dates. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Erik30 Posted July 19, 2016 Author Share Posted July 19, 2016 Thanks for the comments, I think it's pretty much done anyway. Contact has really slowed down these last few days after she mentioned bringing her friend. I wouldn't be surprised if she'd flake on me if I actually tried to set up that third date. So she probably lost interest, or is talking to some other guy. Kinda sucks because I enjoyed our conversations and now I seem to have lost even that, but on to the next one I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 That's a healthy way to think "on to the next one". That's life. But hey, go ahead and directly ask her what's going on. Tell her you would appreciate an honest answer, and that you won't be hurt...is she attracted to you or does she feel you're better as friends? In the chance she's interested, then you can ask what it means that she is bringing a friend. Personally, I prefer the clarity over protecting my ego. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 I dated a girl who asked to bring her girl friend at the last second on a second date. I agreed (internally very reluctantly) and knew going in it was not going to work out. I was right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Erik30 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Share Posted July 20, 2016 That's a healthy way to think "on to the next one". That's life. But hey, go ahead and directly ask her what's going on. Tell her you would appreciate an honest answer, and that you won't be hurt...is she attracted to you or does she feel you're better as friends? In the chance she's interested, then you can ask what it means that she is bringing a friend. Personally, I prefer the clarity over protecting my ego. I actualily texted her about it yesterday in a joking manner, (which we usually do) and she hasn't replied yet. I know she could be busy but I think her silence is telling because she normally replies pretty quick. I only reached out twice before that and she took hours to get back to me and kept it short. In my dating experience, a change in texting behaviour like that meant it was over. I"ll give it some time, but in a week or so I'll just ask her directly since I would like tot have her as a friend Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 You should say yeah no problem! She may be friend-zoning you but who knows, her friend might like you. Worst case scenario you get to hang out at an event with 2, presumably nice, girls. Just two caveats: the friend is female, and the event is either free or she will be paying her own way. If either of those aren't true then I would bail. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 I"ll give it some time, but in a week or so I'll just ask her directly since I would like tot have her as a friend Hell no! Why would you willingly become a beta orbiter? Your next move should be a cancellation text, without giving a reason. Just say, sorry, need to cancel and leave it at that. She knows what she's doing and so do you. Let her come to you. Grow a pair man! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Tell her you are flattered, but you are not really interested in threesome right off the bat. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Tell her you are flattered, but you are not really interested in threesome right off the bat. What a wasted opportunity if that really was her intention! Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 What a wasted opportunity if that really was her intention! Maybe he should rephrase it to allow the possibility... "cool you are bringing a friend - I'm not that used to threesomes but always up to try something new" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
biker23 Posted July 20, 2016 Share Posted July 20, 2016 Tell her you are flattered, but you are not really interested in threesome right off the bat. well, this took a turn. lol I think the fact the texting has slowed down is more indicative than her inviting a friend. A single woman driving 3 hrs for an event with a guy shes met twice? Where will she stay and will he know where shes staying? Safety first in this crazy world we live in. Unfortunately I think it will be very difficult to develop a relationship with that distance regardless. I would move on. Probably useless to know her true intentions with the friend but up to you if you want closure or something. Beware, you will feel pain from the lack of daily text contact, but that may not have to do with her as much as the contact. You'll find more 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Erik30 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Share Posted July 20, 2016 well, this took a turn. lol I think the fact the texting has slowed down is more indicative than her inviting a friend. I would move on. Probably useless to know her true intentions with the friend but up to you if you want closure or something. Beware, you will feel pain from the lack of daily text contact, but that may not have to do with her as much as the contact. You'll find more Yeah, this is basically what I'm thinking now. With other girls I dated in the past, the same thing happened with the texting near the end. Like they would always get back to me almost immediately, then it suddenly becomes several hours or the next day. Losing that contact sucks because you get so used to it, but it usually takes me about a week or so to "recover." I agree, it's not really about her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Erik30 Posted July 20, 2016 Author Share Posted July 20, 2016 Maybe he should rephrase it to allow the possibility... "cool you are bringing a friend - I'm not that used to threesomes but always up to try something new" Funny, I actually did say something like that in my last text. (Stil no reply) Not that explicit, I just said it was fine if she wants to "share Erik" with her friends. I was joking, I doubt she's mad about that Link to post Share on other sites
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