Dork Vader Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Okay so I've met this amazing woman who I care about a lot. With out going into a lot of detail this weekend was extremely stressful for me. We did a day trip to Universal studios which was a 3 hour drive. When we got home at 10:00PM I found out that my dog (who had colon cancer) was not doing well. I picked up my dog from my parents and spent the night with her. The next morning I had to squeeze in putting her down. Then we were off to my best friends graduation from college. It was extremely hard for me to put my dog down, I was extremely close to her. Friday night we were hanging out at my girl friends place and she just unloaded on me. Saying that the way I handled a situation with a guy in the park scared her. That the way I drove scared her and so on. She compared me to her ex boy friend. Saturday was kind of odd she went and spent time with her best friend and we hung out in the afternoon. Then she spent the evening with her mom. Sunday she admitted she had been selfish and wanted to make what was left of the day all about me. We watched a little bit of a TV show we both like. Then had to go to a meeting at 6:00. I run the meeting we attended and at that meeting I had to have a very awkward and uncomfortable conversation with one of the people who attend the meeting. My girl friend knew this. During the meeting I had to tell someone they were going into a topic that was not appropriate. All I said was Okay that's enough, we are here to help others grow spiritually Politics are not an acceptable topic. I did say it sternly, but did not shout or yell. When I got home I called my girl friend and she again unloaded on me saying I handled that situation poorly, yet all my friends in the program agreed I did the right thing. One friend said I handled it well but could have put some sugar on it. Anyways, I had a bit of a melt down after that conversation. It was all to much for me and I had to tell my girl friend, I need some time to deal with all these emotions I'm having. I just had to put my best friend down on friday and a lot has happened this weekend. Is it acceptable for me to have done this? I feel like she is being overly sensitive to somethings. I also feel like my emotional needs were not met or important this weekend with the exception of about 2 hours Sunday.
Gaeta Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 I am so sorry for your loss, my deepest sympathy. I don't know how you were able to carry on with the weekend I would have cancelled everything and mourn quietly. I don't think it's normal to openly criticize you after only 2 months dating. I remember going on a road trip with my boyfriend at 5 month and I felt he was driving too fast a lot of the time. I just told him honey, it scares me when you drive over ** km-hr, I didn't lash at him after the fact but communicated to him my fear in respectful way. I truly think that we see the true face of someone in difficult moments. You've seen her. She sounds like a nag that is insensitive of your feelings. Yes I would vote that you take a break from her, and everything else for a good week maybe 2. Take time to mourn your dog and spend time with people that fully understand your loss.
Mikau Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 (edited) This. It sounds like the OPs girlfriend is a little self centered at best. However, the fact that she realised it and apologised for it is a good sign. I don't think the OP did anything wrong, both in wanting a little space and how he handled it. It doesn't sound like the relationship is beyond saving though, it seems like something that can be talked out after a few days of space. If she doesn't accept this or makes it all about her again, maybe you should consider ending things. Edited May 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Toodaloo Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Sorry to hear about your dog. Horrid isn't it when you have to make that final decision for them. Take your time with it. I am devastated every time I have to do it and while some say you shouldn't get a pet if you can't put it down... well I don't go by that. Yes you should be able to make that decision but it is also perfectly OK for it to hurt. I have had to do it far too many times and it never gets any easier. Back to your girlfriend. All the other stuff aside she sounds like a real old nag. Doesn't sound like you can do right for doing wrong around her. Personally I think you need to tell her to shut up and if she doesn't like it get lost. There is only so much a person can take and she is just dishing out left right and centre. Its as though she can see no good in you and has nothing positive to say at all. Perhaps it was a bad weekend but no - you are not wrong in asking for time on your own. 2
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 My condolences on the loss of your dog. If you need help check out a website called www.petloss.com I got so much support from them when my furbabies went to Rainbow Bridge. If you don't know that story read it. It's heartwarming. That said your GF is allowed to say if something you did scared her. But her constant criticism of your conflict resolution skills is problematic. She may be someone who can't handle any type of disagreement. If you had really done something over the top in the Park, Universal personnel would have been all over you. In the meeting it seems like you handled it diplomatically but drew clear boundaries. Your GF meanwhile seems to think that other people get to run roughshod over you all in the name of peace. She's wrong. Early on in a relationship there is a tendency to want to spend a lot of time together but as you are finding constant togetherness can be stifling. You have not grieved your loss. You don't have a moment's peace. You do need a day off. However, when you tell her you can't see her she's going to flip. She's going to mis-read it that you are breaking up with her or taking a break or something else other than you simply want a day to yourself. If you can manage to pull back, perhaps going forward drop it down to 4-5 days per week, not 7. I can tell you that after a full day together like you had at Universal, I would not have wanted to see my new SO for 24-48 hours. Too much togetherness is not all it's cracked up to be. Take time to self soothe. You need it. 1
SilverAccount Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Take time to get over the death of your pet, I'm so sorry, I have a Teagle (terrier crossed with beagle) and God forbid anything to happen to him. She needs to understand your current situation but I think you did the right thing, take some time and get your head straight. 1
GemmaUK Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 I am so so sorry for your loss ((virtual hugs)). Your best friend is pain free now, you chose the right thing to do for her when you had to - she knows that. You did nothing wrong OP. Anyone with any empathy at all would have taken the loss of your best friend into consideration when having any thoughts about your actions. However, it honestly doesn't sound like your actions should have been questioned. I like Gaeta would have cancelled everything that weekend in order for time for myself, I would likely have cried all day on the Sunday (even posting this has brought a tear to my eye for you) - but cancelling can't always be done and it sounds like you did the best you could. Does she often criticise you or was this weekend a one off so far? 1
Author Dork Vader Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 This was a one off so far. I can understand needing to tone down my driving. I can also understand her being sensitive too what she perceives as anger. She might be cycling. But I am going to be telling her tonight, that I have emotional needs too and I felt they were not met this weekend. I also intend to tell her certain things might remind me of her ex. It's not appropriate or fair to me to compare me to him. I also plan to ask if she feels she might be overly sensitive to what she perceives as anger and that she might possibly be mis interpreting my actions as anger. When it's really just nervousness or pain. The only other thing I want to talk about is us both bringing outside opinions into the mix. The thing that happened at the meeting I was told I handled it perfectly. She talked to a few women and claimed I scared them all. I did talk to one of those women and she said that's not what she said. She said I handled it well but could have done it in a more polite/sugar coated way. It's not fair to either us to bring in outside opinions on matters like that. Those opinions can be misconstrued and taken out of context. Which is what she has done.
Recommended Posts