New relationship is amazing but....

[twowaystreet]

Hey guys. This may get sort of long winded but I feel like if I don't explain the backstory here my story won't full make sense.

If you read through it thank you in advance, I could really use the advice.

 

I've been dating my now girlfriend for two months. I am point blank crazy about her,

this is the first time in over 5 years that I've felt this way about anyone,

I yearn to be around her and could see marrying her even this early on. We are pretty serious about each other.

She also feels the same way about me too, verbally tells me and shows me all the time. I get this is the honeymoon period and all but I really can see her being my life partner.

 

With the relationship being so new it puts me in a weird position, I'm not trying to be controlling or crazy or jealous for that matter.

Last month we sort of had a situation arise which was less than favorable.

 

Basically she met some dude online as a purely platonic friends deal,

they had only been hanging out not much longer than her and I have been dating.

She does not have many friends and that's what prompted her to make a platonic friends post.

Then she met me. As far as she was concerned she had no feelings for the guy and they were totally just friends.

 

Early on he asked her to go to wondercon which is kind of like comic con.

It was an over the weekend thing and she had already agreed bought tickets and the room was already booked in advance.

Even though I trust her completely, I really didn't like the idea of her spending the weekend in a hotel with some other guy, one who I've never met before.

I expressed my concerns and asked about sleeping arrangements which she assured me there would be two beds and she had no feelings for this person

and that it was purely platonic and she would be in constant communication with me the entire time

 

Being as how our relationship is new, and these plans were already made before things got serious

I didn't want to come off as a jealous,possessive,controlling jerk. Really a catch 22 situation.

 

Long story short she ends up going. Gets to the room and of course there's only one bed at this ridiculously fancy hotel.

She tells him right off the bat I'm not sharing the bed with you and makes a makeshift bed on the floor.

Texts me and of course I'm pretty unhappy but I'm trying to remain calm because I do trust her.

Of course as the night goes on he professes his feelings for her and the only reason he got one bed was because he thought things were going to happen between them.

But then gets pissed because he saw she was texting me all night. This was late into the night and she tells me about all this the next day.

 

It being a two day affair I tell her I'm completely not ok with her sharing the room with this person and if she wants to go to day two she needs to find alternate arrangements.

 

To her credit she cut the trip short. Dropped him off at home and came straight to my house and slept over.

When she did I told her that if this relationship goes forward I would not be ok with her staying in a hotel, or at some guys house or going away with any guy for the weekend.

She agreed and apologized.

 

I predicted this would all happen before it did to the letter. One bed and all.

I feel like she was being 100% genuine with me as to what happened, which was nothing and she felt really awkward about the whole thing.

She could have lied to me about there being one bed but she didn't,she could have lied about him professing his feelings but she didn't

It was certainly a relationship trial and something I told her I really didn't want to go through again.

 

So we got through that but now there's something new on the horizon that's bothering me.

 

Another one of these guy friends that she met online that she hangs out with a lot asked her to go to his home country of China with her in the summer.

She's known him for about 5 months.

She told me that she might go. He's straight and single.

I didn't say much because I didn't want to pick a fight especially after the whole hotel incident where I made my feelings pretty clear.

 

Her reasoning is if she sees someone as just a friend it does not matter what they think because she'll never see them as anything but

and maybe that's why she's not able to see the Forrest for the trees here but it really bothers me she would even consider doing something like that after the previous incident.

 

Whereas this guy may have no bad intentions, this is just simply not something you do when you're in a relationship,

we have also already talked about taking a trip to Mexico city together to see the pyramids as well.

 

So I guess I want to know what should I do?

Am I right in feeling this way? I'm sure this guy has other friends, why is he inviting her of all people?

 

I feel like I have my head screwed on straight and I'm thinking clearly and this just does not feel right.

I would trust her if she went but I feel really strongly about her not going.

 

How do I broach this subject without sounding like a possessive jerk or sounding controlling especially after the whole previous hotel incident?

Our relationship is so new and that would make it twice that I've told her I don't want her going somewhere with some guy.

I really don't want to sound like I'm trying to tell her what to do, and this is who I am because I'm usually really laid back but this has me on high alert.

 

Thank you so much in advance for your opinions and advice!

Edited April 8, 2016 by twowaystreet

[SwordofFlame]

Go with her on this trip if you like to travel too.

 

On another note, are you sure she isn't the type of woman that needs to have a group of orbiters? That or she's incredibly naive.

[AndOrchid]

It is possible that she was completely oblivious to the first guy's feelings when she went with him on the overnight trip. But I think the more likely explanation is that she enjoys having attention from men and pretends she doesn't see their interactions as anything but platonic.

 

As for your current situation, I don't think you can really say anything. Your relationship is too new and I think you are a lot more invested than she is. You can try to make plans about traveling together instead but if she chooses to go on this trip, you should re-evaluate if this is the right girl for you.

 

P.S. Do these guys even know she has a boyfriend?

[twowaystreet]

I'd love to go on this trip with her, I guess she would be staying at his family's home there because his family is rich or something.

So It's not like I was exactly invited. I don't get the attention seeker vibe from her, she acts very devoted to me and says as much all the time.

She was a pretty big introvert her whole life which may explain the want for having friendships.

[Gemma1]

1) She's very naive.

 

2) She's absolutely wrong about her [lack of] feelings toward these guys being the only thing that matters. It's wrong for a girl to go on these sorts of vacations with men who are interested in her while she isn't interested in them. It is a blatant disregard for their feelings/wants/needs and is also a sign of a HUGE immaturity on her part: namely, that she doesn't understand that 95% of the effort required to stay faithful in a relationship is having the fortitude to not put yourself in these risky situations in the first place.

[twowaystreet]

Thanks for that Gemma1. That's pretty much how I feel and told her as much that you would never even find me in a situation that you would have to question me about what I'm doing.

[Gaeta]

You should date women, not little girls. She has no idea what being in a relationship is about, she is naive and borderline dumb.

 

It would be a make it or break it for me.

 

Guess what I did with my recent-online-guy-friends when I met my boyfriend? I dumped them. I sent a memo to all of them, I am happy to tell you I finally met someone! and I prefer we do not keep in touch. Good luck - good buy!

[Poutrew]

You know the old saying: "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me." The lesson of the single bed is already fleeing her betwittered mind. Now she wants to make it a permanent bad decision by going to another country, where the rules are different. Once she gets there she may find that she can NOT leave. OP, it seems your GF is twice the fool. Tell her there's a shortage of females in China, and as soon as she steps off that plane and gets into the strangers car, she becomes a valuable breeding asset - if she texts you for help from China there wont be anything you can do. Especially if the 'family' is rich, or politically connected. Even your embassy wont be able to do much... You need to find a smarter, less naïve GF in the future.

[Gloria25]

Go with her on this trip if you like to travel too.

 

On another note, are you sure she isn't the type of woman that needs to have a group of orbiters? That or she's incredibly naive.

 

Or is she an online, on-call, traveling call-girl?

 

I mean, who in the world would travel to meet someone for the first time that they've only known online ? Talk about 'stranger danger'

[twowaystreet]

To be clear she actually knows this guy in person and he lives in the same city as us. I haven't met him yet.