fosterrd Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I need some help. There was a guy that had been giving me a lot of attention at the gym; mostly with staring, coming near me whenever he saw me, never looked away when I caught him looking, and so on. This occurred for two months until yesterday. I figured he must be attracted to me in some way and I also find him very attractive as well. Anyway, last week, I decided to get on a machine next to him (on purpose) and I can tell he was watching me basically the whole time. It didn't even look like he was working out once I came by, unless we were taking our rest periods at exactly the same time. A few moments later, I went on another machine. Well, as I was just about to finish my last set of exercise, he jumped right in front of me and then to the machine next to me. Instead of pretending that I needed to work out longer and stayed put, I got off the machine and walked away. I walked right passed him and didn't even look at him. As I was walking away, I could see him standing on the floor watching me walk away. He looked a little puzzled. He must of picked up my cue when I purposely went on a machine next to him, and so he did the same to me, but then when he did it to me, I basically turned him away. After this, I realized what I had just done. If he did that to me, I would've thought that "Yep, this guy is not interested in me." It has been bothering me ever since. I told myself that I would make it up to him when I saw him again, like at least going up to him and saying hello. That didn't happen either. When I saw him again, and saw him looking at me again, I looked away, never made eye contact at all. WTH is wrong with me?? The truth is, I am so attracted to him that I can't look at him in the eye. And instead of flirting back, I'm acting like I don't like him, when I do. I think he lost interest (some or most of it already), because when I saw him yesterday, he no longer looks at me like he used to. No more direct staring, no more coming near me. I even went on a machine near him twice yesterday and he walked away both times. I can see he still glances my way every now and then, but that's it. How can I fix this? It's the gym, so it's very hard to flirt. I was thinking of walking by and slipping him a note with my number, but scared that he may not even call me, then I'd be too embarrassed and have to switch my schedule. Bad idea? I don't want to let this go because I do like him, but feel so bad now. It was really just a misunderstanding. (P.S. we haven't even said hi to each other, just eye contact.)
Mrin Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I think you already know this but..... I need some help. There was a guy that had been giving me a lot of attention at the gym; mostly with staring, coming near me whenever he saw me, never looked away when I caught him looking, and so on. This occurred for two months until yesterday. I figured he must be attracted to me in some way and I also find him very attractive as well. Anyway, last week, I decided to get on a machine next to him (on purpose) and I can tell he was watching me basically the whole time. It didn't even look like he was working out once I came by, unless we were taking our rest periods at exactly the same time. A few moments later, I went on another machine. Well, as I was just about to finish my last set of exercise, he jumped right in front of me and then to the machine next to me. Instead of pretending that I needed to work out longer and stayed put, I got off the machine and walked away. I walked right passed him and didn't even look at him. As I was walking away, I could see him standing on the floor watching me walk away. He looked a little puzzled. He must of picked up my cue when I purposely went on a machine next to him, and so he did the same to me, but then when he did it to me, I basically turned him away. After this, I realized what I had just done. If he did that to me, I would've thought that "Yep, this guy is not interested in me." It has been bothering me ever since. I told myself that I would make it up to him when I saw him again, like at least going up to him and saying hello. That didn't happen either. When I saw him again, and saw him looking at me again, I looked away, never made eye contact at all. WTH is wrong with me?? The truth is, I am so attracted to him that I can't look at him in the eye. And instead of flirting back, I'm acting like I don't like him, when I do. I think he lost interest (some or most of it already), because when I saw him yesterday, he no longer looks at me like he used to. No more direct staring, no more coming near me. I even went on a machine near him twice yesterday and he walked away both times. I can see he still glances my way every now and then, but that's it. How can I fix this? It's the gym, so it's very hard to flirt. I was thinking of walking by and slipping him a note with my number, but scared that he may not even call me, then I'd be too embarrassed and have to switch my schedule. Bad idea? I don't want to let this go because I do like him, but feel so bad now. It was really just a misunderstanding. (P.S. we haven't even said hi to each other, just eye contact.) The note idea is good. You could probably just walk towards him when he's on a machine and when he looks at you i want you to do this: look at him right in the eye and smile. Eye contact and a smile will do the trick. Right now he's probably thinking you're a stone wall. 2
hhastings17 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 I was in your EXACT situation a few months ago. There was an attractive man at the gym I go to and we would always make eye contact and it also got to a point where I couldn't even look at him anymore because I was so nervous! And I also got to be in the same boat where I realized that if I didn't make a move, he never would because I had practically turned him down with my body language. I talked myself into asking him some things about his workout and that lead to us going out to dinner and now two months later we are still seeing each other... My advice to you is to just bite the bullet and say something to him. Ask him about an exercise he is doing or if he can spot you and then introduce yourself, and then if it feels right just ask him if he would want to grab coffee or lunch or something! You will never know unless you try! Love that line from "We bought a zoo"..." You know, sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, just literally 20 seconds of embarrassing bravery, and I promise you something great will come of it.” You got it! 5
Author fosterrd Posted March 30, 2016 Author Posted March 30, 2016 I was in your EXACT situation a few months ago. There was an attractive man at the gym I go to and we would always make eye contact and it also got to a point where I couldn't even look at him anymore because I was so nervous! And I also got to be in the same boat where I realized that if I didn't make a move, he never would because I had practically turned him down with my body language. I talked myself into asking him some things about his workout and that lead to us going out to dinner and now two months later we are still seeing each other... My advice to you is to just bite the bullet and say something to him. Ask him about an exercise he is doing or if he can spot you and then introduce yourself, and then if it feels right just ask him if he would want to grab coffee or lunch or something! You will never know unless you try! Love that line from "We bought a zoo"..." You know, sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, just literally 20 seconds of embarrassing bravery, and I promise you something great will come of it.” You got it! Ah, thanks. Your story gives me some hope.
jcromp Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 If you're not ready to make the first move, stare at him until he looks back, then smile at him. Or walk by him while looking his way, he's bound to give you a glance, then smile. Since you've given him the wrong impression, you've got to make the first move somehow. He's probably just looking for some hint that you like him back. 1
Mccoy321 Posted March 30, 2016 Posted March 30, 2016 You've never spoken to him so you know nothing about him. Get over it. He might be a weirdo for a all you know. 1
thecrucible Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 You've never spoken to him so you know nothing about him. Get over it. He might be a weirdo for a all you know. That's a bit blunt but I see what you mean. It helps to think to yourself "hey I don't really know this guy. He could be anyone". Plus you never know whether the guy is married, not straight, a cad, has nothing in common with you or whatever. If you don't idolise another person too much, it's easier to start conversation with them and break the ice.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 God created mouths. Open yours and start using it. Seems you like to be chased. A man doesn't always chase if a woman has given no indication that she's interested. Act like your interested. Woman up and talk to him. You can always just brace it and say take out your hand and say " hey, my name is such and such" break the ice. You know you've been checking him out, you know he's been checking you out. I say someone needs to make the first move. Don't be too proud to make it yourself. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I say, go for it 2
Mccoy321 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 That's a bit blunt but I see what you mean. It helps to think to yourself "hey I don't really know this guy. He could be anyone". Plus you never know whether the guy is married, not straight, a cad, has nothing in common with you or whatever. If you don't idolise another person too much, it's easier to start conversation with them and break the ice. I know more about the hot woman who does the numbers game on Countdown than she knows about this guy. If I came on here asking whether I should try and contact her, I wonder what the response would be. 1
basil67 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 I know more about the hot woman who does the numbers game on Countdown than she knows about this guy. If I came on here asking whether I should try and contact her, I wonder what the response would be. Should a guy try to chat with a girl at the gym who appears as if she doesn't like him? Of course not!
Mccoy321 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Should a guy try to chat with a girl at the gym who appears as if she doesn't like him? Of course not! Well considering she's getting herself worked up over a guy she's never even spoken to, I'd say he would be dodging a bullet by not talking to her. Why would he be interested in someone so shallow?
mikeylo Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Well considering she's getting herself worked up over a guy she's never even spoken to, I'd say he would be dodging a bullet by not talking to her. Why would he be interested in someone so shallow? Visit a gym for a day. You will see many 'predator' women on the prowl. Thrusting boobs out and swinging hips all over and many cheap guys drooling over them. These women target a certain kind of men and those men think they are special because those hotties are giving them attention. These women jump from one guy to another in a blink. Not someone a decent guy would take home to make her a girlfriend or wife. Who is shallow here ? Both. OP, you basically rejected him. He is doing the right thing by staying away. He doesn't want to make it awkward. Let it go.
Mccoy321 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Visit a gym for a day. You will see many 'predator' women on the prowl. Thrusting boobs out and swinging hips all over and many cheap guys drooling over them. These women target a certain kind of men and those men think they are special because those hotties are giving them attention. These women jump from one guy to another in a blink. Not someone a decent guy would take home to make her a girlfriend or wife. Who is shallow here ? Both. OP, you basically rejected him. He is doing the right thing by staying away. He doesn't want to make it awkward. Let it go. I think they converted your gym into a lap dancing club when you were away sometime.
Author fosterrd Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 (edited) Visit a gym for a day. You will see many 'predator' women on the prowl. Thrusting boobs out and swinging hips all over and many cheap guys drooling over them. These women target a certain kind of men and those men think they are special because those hotties are giving them attention. These women jump from one guy to another in a blink. Not someone a decent guy would take home to make her a girlfriend or wife. Who is shallow here ? Both. OP, you basically rejected him. He is doing the right thing by staying away. He doesn't want to make it awkward. Let it go. You know, some of us women have curvier bodies, so no matter what we wear, our curves will still show (unless I wear a coat to the gym). I actually think I look my worst to the gym - little or no makeup, yucky hair, and t-shirt. I do wear my yoga pants and I admit I have a great behind. I am not targeting anyone on purpose. I get stares everywhere else I go even when I don't try to look my best. I can't help it, but it's not because I'm doing it on purpose. It was him that kept staring at me and it made me noticed him. The gym is all based on physical attraction at first anyway. It's not completely shallow because that is just natural to be drawn to physical attraction initially. I don't like living with regrets, so I'm going to go talk to him or let him know that I am interested. If he rejects me, I'm just going to think he's a creep for staring at me so much and will just ignore him. BUT, I hope that this one will lead into something because I find him incredibly hot, and it's hard to meet anyone I'm attracted to these days. Edited March 31, 2016 by fosterrd
Mccoy321 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 BUT, I hope that this one will lead into something because I find him incredibly hot, and it's hard to meet anyone I'm attracted to these days. Sounds like the basis of a deep connection. I cannot see what could go wrong. 3
Author fosterrd Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 Sounds like the basis of a deep connection. I cannot see what could go wrong. Would you rather meet someone who you're not physically attracted to and try to get to know them? You're trying to make it like I'm guilty for being attracted to someone physically. It's all I know about him right now. AND one of the best relationships I had started out like this - strong physical attraction at first and was pleasantly surprised that he had an outstanding personality.
Mccoy321 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Would you rather meet someone who you're not physically attracted to and try to get to know them? You're trying to make it like I'm guilty for being attracted to someone physically. It's all I know about him right now. AND one of the best relationships I had started out like this - strong physical attraction at first and was pleasantly surprised that he had an outstanding personality. Well let's hope he's not equally superficial and doesn't reckon he can find hotter than you. I'd hate to see the next Romeo and Juliet fail before the first act is over. 1
mikeylo Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 OP, you find him hot but he may not be relationship material. It's possible that when he looked you close up, he lost attraction. Some people do make it look like a lap dance place. True that. I heard around that the gym sometimes pays such women to attract guys to keep coming to the gym. It works. Many women have curvy bodies but only few twist and turn them , and wear suggestive clothes. It's about how they carry themselves.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 You have put so much thought into this. You have never spoken to the guy and you are assigning him all this thoughts and feelings when in reality you have no idea what he thinks or feels. Even if he finds you attractive, I very much doubt he gives your every interaction that doesn't even include talking this much thought. I also very much doubt that he was "hurt" and that you need to "make it up to him". 2
despgirl Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Well let's hope he's not equally superficial and doesn't reckon he can find hotter than you. I'd hate to see the next Romeo and Juliet fail before the first act is over. How is the OPs situation any different than men picking up women in bars/night clubs? Or are you trying to say that men only go after personality when they are trying to score women out in the night life?
MidwestUSA Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 How is the OPs situation any different than men picking up women in bars/night clubs? Or are you trying to say that men only go after personality when they are trying to score women out in the night life? I think men manage to hit it in one night, not play passive/aggressive games and spend two months building a scenario in their heads. Two months = 60 hits. I guess you could say men are more efficient! 1
Mccoy321 Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 How is the OPs situation any different than men picking up women in bars/night clubs? Or are you trying to say that men only go after personality when they are trying to score women out in the night life? Where did I say it was any different? Have I advocated that anywhere?
Author fosterrd Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 You have put so much thought into this. You have never spoken to the guy and you are assigning him all this thoughts and feelings when in reality you have no idea what he thinks or feels. Even if he finds you attractive, I very much doubt he gives your every interaction that doesn't even include talking this much thought. I also very much doubt that he was "hurt" and that you need to "make it up to him". Probably or probably not. I doubt he's that hurt, but I do know his demeanor towards me changed after I indirectly rejected him. I guess my real question is giving him a note in the gym an okay move, or too teenager like? Like I said, it's a busy gym and very hard to flirt there. I'm too shy to strike a conversation to someone I'm attracted to, but not shy if he initiates the conversation, which at this point, he will won't do anymore.
Author fosterrd Posted March 31, 2016 Author Posted March 31, 2016 I think men manage to hit it in one night, not play passive/aggressive games and spend two months building a scenario in their heads. Two months = 60 hits. I guess you could say men are more efficient! The gym is a different environment. It's rare that someone will hit on someone the first time they see them there.
SwordofFlame Posted March 31, 2016 Posted March 31, 2016 Probably or probably not. I doubt he's that hurt, but I do know his demeanor towards me changed after I indirectly rejected him. I guess my real question is giving him a note in the gym an okay move, or too teenager like? Like I said, it's a busy gym and very hard to flirt there. I'm too shy to strike a conversation to someone I'm attracted to, but not shy if he initiates the conversation, which at this point, he will won't do anymore. If you can walk up to him and give him a note, you can say hi and strike up a conversation instead. Unless you're planning to slip a note into his gym bag...wouldn't recommend that.
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