I'm Sick Of The BS

[Lovelorn00]

I'm so sick of being faded on, stood up, ghosted on, lied to, cheated on, and just generally emotionally stomped on by guys. I stopped dating a couple of months ago for this reason. I can no longer trust men. Like, at all. I've been told my whole dating life that my "picker" is broken, but I'm not picking these guys. They're picking me, because I apparently have "please treat me like crap" written on my forehead.

 

Sorry for the rant, but I ran into a Casanova over the weekend who spent two days wooing me and lying to me in attempt to get me into bed and then ghosted. I wasn't even trying this time. I'm not actively looking for dates or a relationship like I used to be. I was just out, enjoying my life, minding my own business, and I still managed to get blindsided by an a*****e. That's on me for getting my hopes up, but I'm just kinda sick of it.

[katiegrl]

I'm so sick of being faded on, stood up, ghosted on, lied to, cheated on, and just generally emotionally stomped on by guys. I stopped dating a couple of months ago for this reason. I can no longer trust men. Like, at all. I've been told my whole dating life that my "picker" is broken, but I'm not picking these guys. They're picking me, because I apparently have "please treat me like crap" written on my forehead.

 

Sorry for the rant, but I ran into a Casanova over the weekend who spent two days wooing me and lying to me in attempt to get me into bed and then ghosted. I wasn't even trying this time. I'm not actively looking for dates or a relationship like I used to be. I was just out, enjoying my life, minding my own business, and I still managed to get blindsided by an a*****e. That's on me for getting my hopes up, but I'm just kinda sick of it.

 

First off I am so sorry LL, yeah that totally sucks!

 

But just outta curiosity, you said he spent two days "wooing" you? How so, can you describe some of the ways in which he was wooing you?

 

I am extremely leery of guys who attempt to "woo" me. I can see right through that BS, don't trust them from the get go.... and dismiss them IMMEDIATELY!

 

The best advice I can give you is to choose wisely. I realize they are choosing you, but if you are responding to/falling for their BS (wooing tactics, etc), then you are essentially choosing them too.

 

But again I am sorry, good luck moving forward!

Edited March 29, 2016 by katiegrl

[DominicWayne]

What do you love to do? What is the thing that gets you excited to live life? What hobbies do you love to do?

 

Be clear on that and see if there are any events in your city regarding the thing you love to do. You'll meet better people, new friends, and higher quality guys because you two happen to love the same thing.

 

And additional tips for in screening guys.

There are jackasses that are there for the sex and just ghost. I understand that. But most people in this world are damaged goods. No self-esteem, self-love, confidence, etc. It's your job to find out if someone harbors low self-esteem and the like. If you try something with these guys, they will most likely toxic to your life and only drag you down.

 

Ways to find out low self-esteem and self-love:

-They do a job they hate.

-They do things they hate but are told to do.

-They get easily butthurt at a neutral remark.

-They get angry easily.

-They're unsure about life.

-They believe in doing things "realistically" and believe most people's dreams are "unrealistic".

-They insult others liberally.

 

Those are the ones I can list right off the bat. See if anyone has these traits and screen them out if they do.

 

You'll meet an affectionate guy soon enough.

 

Keep charging forward badass. You'll make it.

[Lovelorn00]

First off I am so sorry LL, yeah that totally sucks!

 

But just outta curiosity, you said he spent two days "wooing" you? How so, can you describe some of the ways in which he was wooing you?

 

I am extremely leery of guys who attempt to "woo" me. I can see right through that BS, don't trust them from the get go.... and dismiss them IMMEDIATELY!

 

The best advice I can give you is to choose wisely. I realize they are choosing you, but if you are responding to/falling for their BS (wooing tactics, etc), then you are essentially choosing them too.

 

But again I am sorry, good luck moving forward!

 

Hey, Katiegrl. You know, just the usual crap:

 

“I really, really like you.”

“I’m really digging you.”

“You’re so beautiful.”

“We’re SO similar! It’s like we’re the SAME person!”

“Let’s hang out next weekend.”

“When you meet my friends….”

“When you see my log cabin….”

 

The usual “future faking” BS. In addition to being SUPER attentive all weekend, he kept asking me to join him for all sorts of activities:

 

“Hey, wanna grab brunch this morning?”

“Hey, I’m taking my dog for a walk. It’s beautiful outside – wanna come with us? I’d love for you to meet him.”

“My buddy and I are having a bonfire tonight, would you like to come?”

 

All of that was on Saturday. I couldn’t do most of it, because I had things to do, but he kept at it until I finally agreed to meet up with him that night.

 

I just can’t believe I fell for it, and I’m really beating myself up about it. I thought I had come a long way. I stopped dating. I’m learning how to enjoy my own company. I took myself off the dating sites and joined Meetup.com groups who have similar interests. I’ve gotten to a point where I’m okay being single, yet I still wound up in the same boat I was in when I was actually trying to date. At the end of the day, I really shouldn’t have given this dude the time of day.

[Larryville]

I'm so sick of being faded on, stood up, ghosted on, lied to, cheated on, and just generally emotionally stomped on by guys. I stopped dating a couple of months ago for this reason. I can no longer trust men.

 

So how did you get here….

 

I Googled My Date & Was Shocked By What I Found - So, I’ve been on a few dates with this guy. I like him well enough, suspect was charged with 3 counts of possession (weed, cocaine, and bath salts) and attempting to falsify a drug test. There are other crazy things that were mentioned in this article (hallucinations, claims of robbery), but I think the drug bust is enough. I’m not a drug user (besides the occasional alcoholic beverage), so this is pretty heavy stuff to me.

 

Met a guy. We hit it off. We begin to really like each other over the course of 1.5 months. Suddenly, someone close to his family is diagnosed with a serious illness and he must step in and help.

 

Those of you who have read some of my previous posts know that I have been dating a guy that I really like for a little over two months. Recently, I started to get the feeling that he’s pulling away and/or not interested anymore.

 

I'm Scared That I'm Going To Screw This Up - I've had unhealthy obsessions with the men, The problem is, the more I get to know this guy, the more I like him. My unhealthy ways are starting to show again. I obsess over him. I wonder if he feels the same way.

 

It's because I don't believe I could do any better than him.

 

When desperate we settle...

 

What DW lists are good points Ways to find out low self-esteem and self-love – to help guide your choices but you have to take a break and do some mental inventory or you will continue to have these issues…

 

most people in this world are damaged goods. No self-esteem, self-love, confidence...

 

while true, it is still up to us (you) to fix what might be broken, there is a reason and it could be something way back in your past, your relationship role models from your past, family patterns, you need to examine that or else this cycle will never EVER stop.

 

In relationships or life in general - “We repeat what we do not repair.”

[SammySammy]

In relationships or life in general - “We repeat what we do not repair.”

 

That's SO good. So applicable to many threads on this site.

 

I guess the question for the OP is ... where does she go from here?

 

How does she grow? How does she get better? Put herself in a place that allows better relationships?

[Lovelorn00]

What do you love to do? What is the thing that gets you excited to live life? What hobbies do you love to do?

 

Be clear on that and see if there are any events in your city regarding the thing you love to do. You'll meet better people, new friends, and higher quality guys because you two happen to love the same thing.

 

And additional tips for in screening guys.

There are jackasses that are there for the sex and just ghost. I understand that. But most people in this world are damaged goods. No self-esteem, self-love, confidence, etc. It's your job to find out if someone harbors low self-esteem and the like. If you try something with these guys, they will most likely toxic to your life and only drag you down.

 

Ways to find out low self-esteem and self-love:

-They do a job they hate.

-They do things they hate but are told to do.

-They get easily butthurt at a neutral remark.

-They get angry easily.

-They're unsure about life.

-They believe in doing things "realistically" and believe most people's dreams are "unrealistic".

-They insult others liberally.

 

Those are the ones I can list right off the bat. See if anyone has these traits and screen them out if they do.

 

You'll meet an affectionate guy soon enough.

 

Keep charging forward badass. You'll make it.

 

Thanks, DominicWayne. I’ve DEFINITELY dated guys in the past who fit that list of traits, but this guy didn’t seem to have any of them. He has a really cool, fascinating job, and we talked extensively about how much he loves it. He used to be in the military, and I’m getting the sense that he feels like he made a mistake doing that, but he seems to be doing what he loves now and seems very proud that he’s achieved his goals. Most of our conversations centered around ways we’ve found happiness in life. He had just returned from a Buddhist retreat a few months ago, so he was all about meditation and finding peace within. These are ideas that I love exploring, so our conversations got really deep, really fast.

 

Looking back, I’m sure I missed some red flags here and there. After a few drinks, he talked about his family and how much he hated his father. He talked about the new people he’s been meeting in the town where he works and how much he hates their lifestyle and ways of life. At one point, he said he wanted to punch one of these people in the face for “being a bigot.” Hmmm… now that I think about it, that should’ve tipped me off. How can someone return from a Buddhist retreat and be filled with so much anger? Haha!

 

Okay, you’re right. Maybe he does fit some of the traits on your list, but I was too snowed over to see them. This is great. Very eye-opening.

 

As far as hobbies, I’ve already joined a couple of Meetup.com groups that are centered around things that I love doing. Going to movies, shows, festivals, etc. I often do these things alone, because most of my friends are married and have kids or are just too busy. I’ve already gone to a couple and had a great time, so I’m looking forward to doing more of that. I haven’t met anyone yet, but that wasn’t my intention when I joined the group. I just like hanging out with friendly people.

[Lovelorn00]

In relationships or life in general - “We repeat what we do not repair.”

 

Well, that’s the thing. I thought I had repaired it. I’m a different person that I was years ago. After years of therapy and horrible relationships, I thought that I had beat this.

[katiegrl]

Well, that’s the thing. I thought I had repaired it. I’m a different person that I was years ago. After years of therapy and horrible relationships, I thought that I had beat this.

 

Not if you're still falling for this crap after one or two dates:

 

“I really, really like you.”

“I’m really digging you.”

“We’re SO similar! It’s like we’re the SAME person!”

“When you meet my friends….”

“When you see my log cabin….”

 

JMO but this is too much after only one or two dates, seriously.

 

I would run from a guy who said these things so soon (before really even knowing me) especially the bolded.

 

I suppose it's easy to be flattered, but (and I hate to say this) but if you felt better about yourself (on the inside) you would not be so easily taken in by flattery.

 

You would run from it, again this early on. It's too much... and mostly BS to -- yup you got it -- create a false intimacy to get you into bed.

 

That said, are you sure he's ghosted you? Has he just not contacted you at all since Saturday night? Or whenever you had sex with him?

 

Have you tried to contact him?

 

Not that I am recommending that, just asking.

[Larryville]

JMO but this is too much after only one or two dates, seriously.

 

I would run from a guy who said these things so soon (before really even knowing me) especially the bolded.

 

I suppose it's easy to be flattered, but (and I hate to say this) but if you felt better about yourself (on the inside) you would not be so easily taken in by flattery.

 

Excellent point!

 

Lovelorn00 – I think you need to walk away and just stop dating meeting dudes for a time. Rediscover yourself.

Until you return your mind to develop the mindset that you don’t NEED to be with anyone, you won’t or can’t heal.

 

I’ve said often when I was not cool for a time, I finally took my mom’s advice, learn to enjoy your own company before enjoying the company of others. What Katie said you need to feel better about you.

[Lovelorn00]

Not if you're still falling for this crap after one or two dates:

 

“I really, really like you.”

“I’m really digging you.”

“We’re SO similar! It’s like we’re the SAME person!”

“When you meet my friends….”

“When you see my log cabin….”

 

JMO but this is too much after only one or two dates, seriously.

 

I would run from a guy who said these things so soon (before really even knowing me) especially the bolded.

 

I suppose it's easy to be flattered, but (and I hate to say this) but if you felt better about yourself (on the inside) you would not be so easily taken in by flattery.

 

You would run from it, again this early on. It's too much... and mostly BS to -- yup you got it -- create a false intimacy to get you into bed.

 

That said, are you sure he's ghosted you? Has he just not contacted you at all since Saturday night? Or whenever you had sex with him?

 

Have you tried to contact him?

 

Not that I am recommending that, just asking.

 

Well, that’s the thing – I actually do really love myself. I have an awesome life, I enjoy doing things alone, I make myself laugh, I think I’m attractive, I take good care of myself. Sure, I have bad days, but we all do. Each day when I go home from work, I’m truly grateful for the life that I have and the person that I’ve become. I don’t understand how much more I have to “love myself.”

 

Sorry, I should’ve clarified earlier – we didn’t sleep together. We came close, but I put a stop to it. I don’t sleep with anyone until I’m in a committed relationship with them, and that’s a rule that I’ve never, ever broken (self-love/respect). I’m pretty sure that’s the reason I haven’t heard from him since then. No, I haven’t tried to contact him. We made plans to hang out this upcoming weekend, but I’m not holding my breath. I haven’t decided if I want to reach out to him closer to the weekend to confirm or if I want to just let it go and make other plans. I’m leaning towards just letting it go.

[LydiaLong]

The problem is that you mistake a man acting on his biological impulses as affection. Hold off on sex until you're sure he's worth it.

[fitnessfan365]

As hard as it is, you should still try to take men on a case by case basis. By lumping everyone into the same category, you ultimately set yourself up to be your own worst enemy. You'll meet a guy who actually deserves your trust, full sex drive, etc and you'll be too busy walking on egg shells to fully invest yourself.

 

Don't get me wrong. Everyone has baggage. But if you live in the past, you won't have a future.

[thecrucible]

Like you I am learning and I sometimes take far too long to see through a guy who isn't really all that.

 

To state the obvious, it's all about growing through experience. You get more cynical with the more experiences you have. I'd say I'm more cynical now but it hasn't made me hate all men, it's just given me the ability to suss out poor characters quicker (again I'm still learning and still make mistakes). The key point is to be strong in your opinions and strongly comfortable with who you are because you've got to put out your true self to weed out the nasties and the ones who aren't the one for you. For instance, last week I met a guy who was interested in me but I decided within an hour that he wasn't the one. He started getting on his soapbox about politics which is something I have an opinion on but he was very holier-than-thou and I just found it irritating that he deliberately brought the conversation to politics in order for him to show off his profound views (sarcasm). Several years ago I would not have pegged him but life experience of similar people made me suss him out quicker.

 

If the guy is a nasty one, you'll find that his interest is purely superficial and that his questions are very bland and not particularly in-depth, you'll see the very canned compliments. Oh and I agree with others on the negativity point. I don't expect everyone's life to be perfect but when we're on a date it should be all focused on the positive and I don't want to be an emotional sounding-board for any guy.

 

I totally know how you feel and I'm rooting for both of us.

[thecrucible]

As hard as it is, you should still try to take men on a case by case basis. By lumping everyone into the same category, you ultimately set yourself up to be your own worst enemy. You'll meet a guy who actually deserves your trust, full sex drive, etc and you'll be too busy walking on egg shells to fully invest yourself.

 

Don't get me wrong. Everyone has baggage. But if you live in the past, you won't have a future.

 

You're right. Sometimes it's easy not to give the benefit of the doubt if you are judging someone by the same criteria that you would judge someone else by and it leads to a lot of misunderstandings. Like OP, I've experienced the same and am working on it (so I see where she is coming from). Personally I still have a bit of a guard up but I try not to make any assumptions about anyone.

[neowulf]

I recently read a fascinating book that you might find useful;

 

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Factually-Proven-Steps-Wish-ebook/dp/B00QO35NM2

 

Given what you've mentioned, you're clearly and attractive woman, getting frequent attention. So attracting a man isn't the issue.

 

What you need are better filters that allow you to screen these men early, to avoid the players.

 

Honestly, the easiest way to achieve this is time. Slow down the whole process to *your* speed, not theirs.

 

The more they beg, the harder they push, the more they indicate that they don't respect your boundaries.

 

Men trying for an easy score aren't known for patience. Force them to slow down and yes, they'll probably ghost on you... but that's a GOOD thing. You want to filter those men out as quickly as possible.

 

The men worth getting to know will respect your boundaries and be willing to give the relationship a few weeks to mature.

 

Finally, as tough as it is, sometimes relationships just don't work out, even when you are dating decent men. Learning to roll with the punches and modify your expectations can also help.

 

I'm truly sorry you've been treated so poorly. Not all men will treat you this way. Please don't let the few rotten apples spoil you for the right man

[lino]

Why did you sleep with a guy after 2 days of 'wooing?'

 

Perhaps you should start picking and approaching guys to avoid this. There are many good guys alone at home being brushed aside for the players. Find one of them, do some 'wooing' yourself and your problems will disappear.

 

Hey, Katiegrl. You know, just the usual crap:

 

“I really, really like you.”

“I’m really digging you.”

“You’re so beautiful.”

“We’re SO similar! It’s like we’re the SAME person!”

“Let’s hang out next weekend.”

“When you meet my friends….”

“When you see my log cabin….”

 

The usual “future faking” BS. In addition to being SUPER attentive all weekend, he kept asking me to join him for all sorts of activities:

 

“Hey, wanna grab brunch this morning?”

“Hey, I’m taking my dog for a walk. It’s beautiful outside – wanna come with us? I’d love for you to meet him.”

“My buddy and I are having a bonfire tonight, would you like to come?”

 

All of that was on Saturday. I couldn’t do most of it, because I had things to do, but he kept at it until I finally agreed to meet up with him that night.

 

I just can’t believe I fell for it, and I’m really beating myself up about it. I thought I had come a long way. I stopped dating. I’m learning how to enjoy my own company. I took myself off the dating sites and joined Meetup.com groups who have similar interests. I’ve gotten to a point where I’m okay being single, yet I still wound up in the same boat I was in when I was actually trying to date. At the end of the day, I really shouldn’t have given this dude the time of day.

 

This passes for wooing now? No wonder the f*ck and chuck guys have such an easy time!

 

Struggling guys read and learn.

[xpaperxcutx]

OP,

 

 

I understand what you're going through. I dated plenty of players and jerks in my life and I have to say one of the biggest habits that women like us have to break is, having sex too early on.

 

 

Call it playing hard to get or whatever else, the fact is simple, if a man doesn't work hard to earn the sex, then he will just ghost you after getting it.

 

 

And why did you sleep with him after only knowing him for two days?

 

 

Even if sex is more obtainable in this day and age, having sex with a guy that you barely knew would accomplish nothing (for you).

 

 

As someone has said, you must learn to filter out the players. No matter how sweet you think they are in the beginning, you must remember that initial appearances can be misleading.

 

 

People should prove to you by earning your trust. That means showing that they are reliable and trustworthy.

 

 

You are only feeling jaded now. Take some time for yourself so that you can recover from this. Trust me, it will get better. But remember, never trust a man with anything, even your body, until they worked hard enough to earn it.

[Buddhist]

You know what? It's actually a lot more fun to seduce a guy than to be seduced. Being the passive operator in a couple situation sucks, you end up taking what shows interest in you. And this is nothing to do with you, but what generally shows interest out there, is the bottom of the barrel. They have to, they want to get laid and that isn't chasing them.

 

Decent guys don't go about seducing women, they show interest just once and then bolt if it isn't reciprocated. And by showing interest, they aren't propositioning you or telling you you're the most amazing woman ever. They are more subtle than that, it's in the eye's the lighting up of the face when they talk to you and yes even a little nervousness. Beware of any guy who shows no fear when approaching an attractive woman, that's practice which tells you they've done it a lot.

 

I like seducing men. It's a subtle little dance between the two of you that can take as long or as little time as you like. It isn't about coming on strong it's about showing subtle interest and then escalating it just a little bit each time. It's encouraging a guy with normal levels of confidence and sensitivity to possible rejection that he's safe with you.

 

When you engage in this, you get to choose who comes into your sphere or not. Being passive just makes you a ripe target for those casanova types.

[Buddhist]

Well, that’s the thing. I thought I had repaired it. I’m a different person that I was years ago. After years of therapy and horrible relationships, I thought that I had beat this.

 

This happened to me too. I spent 5yrs supposedly learning to love myself, fix my issues etc and walked straight into one of the worst relationships to date that left me shattered and with PTSD.

 

Often when we think we are facing issues we are really just putting a happy sticker on top of it. Looking back at myself. Yes I was indulging in my interests, yes I got a new job I loved, yes I was enjoying time on my own. But that's all I was really doing. While it was nice excursion into the realm of nurturing my interests it still failed to go deep to the heart of the issue. The end of that terrible relationship actually went to the heart of the issue.

 

I was dating my mother, who is basically a narcissist. I'd been programmed into accepting non-reciprocal relationship arrangements and thinking that was love. When it was just self-denial, abuse and hatred. I stayed in these non-reciprocal relationships continually trying to turn myself inside out in order to make the relationship right. But that's an impossibility with someone with narcissistic personality disorder.

 

It's only now after reliving the nightmare that was my childhood with a romantic partner that I became fully cognisant of what the real issue was. I discovered that nurturing your interests, hobbies etc isn't the real work in life. It's a nice little by-product of healthy self esteem, but it won't give you healthy self-esteem. Only becoming aware of the issues will do that. From my place of non-awareness and just trying to mimic someone with healthy self-esteem I was still a beacon of light to abusive personalities and I still allowed that situation to establish itself in my life and I persisted in my old habit of trying to make their behaviour right with my own.

 

Now, after reliving the trauma, after facing the reality of things and seeing my familial relationships as the root cause, after learning to deal with the aftermath of trauma in myself. Only now am I able to have some semblance of reciprocation in relationships. Sadly I'm still not fully healed and I'm impaired in my present ability to love fully again. But I'm working on that everyday.

[Lovelorn00]

As hard as it is, you should still try to take men on a case by case basis. By lumping everyone into the same category, you ultimately set yourself up to be your own worst enemy. You'll meet a guy who actually deserves your trust, full sex drive, etc and you'll be too busy walking on egg shells to fully invest yourself.

 

Don't get me wrong. Everyone has baggage. But if you live in the past, you won't have a future.

 

Thanks, FitnessFan. I can feel it happening. I can feel the resentment building up, and every time I meet a man, I automatically think he’s a jerk, because he has a penis. I really need to be careful of this, because I’m sure it’s coloring my interactions with men. I look at them all sideways now.

[Lovelorn00]

Like you I am learning and I sometimes take far too long to see through a guy who isn't really all that.

 

To state the obvious, it's all about growing through experience. You get more cynical with the more experiences you have. I'd say I'm more cynical now but it hasn't made me hate all men, it's just given me the ability to suss out poor characters quicker (again I'm still learning and still make mistakes). The key point is to be strong in your opinions and strongly comfortable with who you are because you've got to put out your true self to weed out the nasties and the ones who aren't the one for you. For instance, last week I met a guy who was interested in me but I decided within an hour that he wasn't the one. He started getting on his soapbox about politics which is something I have an opinion on but he was very holier-than-thou and I just found it irritating that he deliberately brought the conversation to politics in order for him to show off his profound views (sarcasm). Several years ago I would not have pegged him but life experience of similar people made me suss him out quicker.

 

If the guy is a nasty one, you'll find that his interest is purely superficial and that his questions are very bland and not particularly in-depth, you'll see the very canned compliments. Oh and I agree with others on the negativity point. I don't expect everyone's life to be perfect but when we're on a date it should be all focused on the positive and I don't want to be an emotional sounding-board for any guy.

 

I totally know how you feel and I'm rooting for both of us.

 

Thanks, thecrucible. I’m rooting for us both as well! I just get a little tired of always beating myself up and taking the full blame for these things. “YOU don’t love yourself enough.” “YOU pick the wrong guys.” “YOU are too naive.” Consider this crazy idea, if you will. At the end of the day, what if – WHAT IF – there are just a lot of a******s out there right now. What if it has less to do with us not loving ourselves enough and more to do with the sheer concentration of a******s out there in the dating pool right now? What if our current dating culture is to blame? What if it’s the “swipe-right-hook-up-once-then-ghost” culture that we’re attempting to navigate? What if it’s all of those things together? I didn’t sleep with this guy. I didn’t fall in love with him. I didn’t marry him. I didn’t get knocked up by him. He’s gone. I was just expressing my frustration that there are people out there in the world like this. It makes me sad. Wars, murderers, and sick babies also make me sad, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love myself. Overall, I had a fun weekend with this guy. It just sucks to get ghosted on when I was looking forward to doing more fun things with this person.

 

That became more of a side rant – sorry.

[Lovelorn00]

I recently read a fascinating book that you might find useful;

 

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Factually-Proven-Steps-Wish-ebook/dp/B00QO35NM2

 

Given what you've mentioned, you're clearly and attractive woman, getting frequent attention. So attracting a man isn't the issue.

 

What you need are better filters that allow you to screen these men early, to avoid the players.

 

Honestly, the easiest way to achieve this is time. Slow down the whole process to *your* speed, not theirs.

 

The more they beg, the harder they push, the more they indicate that they don't respect your boundaries.

 

Men trying for an easy score aren't known for patience. Force them to slow down and yes, they'll probably ghost on you... but that's a GOOD thing. You want to filter those men out as quickly as possible.

 

The men worth getting to know will respect your boundaries and be willing to give the relationship a few weeks to mature.

 

Finally, as tough as it is, sometimes relationships just don't work out, even when you are dating decent men. Learning to roll with the punches and modify your expectations can also help.

 

I'm truly sorry you've been treated so poorly. Not all men will treat you this way. Please don't let the few rotten apples spoil you for the right man

 

Yes, and that’s one of the many things I am grateful for. Attracting dates has never been my problem, and I thank the high heavens every day that I’m doing okay in the genetics department.

 

But you’re right – I just need to “roll with the punches” a little better. I’m upset about this incident in the same way that I get really upset when a bad driver cuts me off. I’m okay. They’re okay. No one died. It just sucks.

 

I’ll check out that book.

[Lovelorn00]

Why did you sleep with a guy after 2 days of 'wooing?'

 

Perhaps you should start picking and approaching guys to avoid this. There are many good guys alone at home being brushed aside for the players. Find one of them, do some 'wooing' yourself and your problems will disappear.

 

 

 

This passes for wooing now? No wonder the f*ck and chuck guys have such an easy time!

 

Struggling guys read and learn.

 

Didn't sleep with him, but thanks.

[Lovelorn00]

Didn't sleep with him, but thanks.

 

Additionally, these were just a few examples. This dude was laying it on thick the entire weekend. This wasn't all he said.