Torn Between Two Lovers

[sallygirl]

Greetings everyone. I’m a 31-year-old woman torn between two lovers and I need help deciding what course of action to take with my relationship/s.

 

To put it simply, two years ago, I started dating a man two years younger than me who, because of his traditional Middle Eastern upbringing, had never been in a relationship before. At that time, I had just gotten over a painful breakup with someone else, and although I was not particularly attracted to him, I decided to date him often to learn more about him.

 

A few months into our relationship, he expressed his interest in moving into my apartment. To this, I reacted hesitant at first because for one, we both knew that him being a graduate student and always short of money, he would not be able to afford half the apartment rent. Also, I was not keen on living with someone whom I was just getting to know. However, after much persuasion from him, I gave in and thus began our lives together.

 

Our live-in situation lasted for about nine months, and as I had expected, it was fraught with problems. First, I was uncomfortable living with the fact that I was paying the entire apartment rent. Then came his reluctance to help with daily chores inside our living area. He would often insist that because I was a woman, he expected me to be more gentle and kind and not complain so much about him not contributing his part on household chores. As I look back, he was also peculiar in his ways because at times, it seemed as if he shared his emotions and showed me he cared deeply for me, but at other times, he would appear cold and distant. The latter, he would attribute to him being busy with his graduate work. At any rate, one great aspect about this man was that he was 100 percent committed to our relationship, for better or for worse, and I began to love him for that in my own way.

 

After he graduated from college, he moved to another state, and landed a spectacular job. We continued our relationship long distance and soon, he proposed marriage. However, I was not able to answer ‘yes’ to his proposal because at the back of my mind, I still remembered our prior, uncomfortable live-in situation. Another few months went by and to my amazement, he announced that he became tired of waiting for me and that he would go back to his home country and marry someone else through an arranged marriage.

 

I was somewhat heartbroken, but I only waited few weeks after this announcement and decided to date another man who had become a close friend of mine. This new boyfriend, whom I have been dating for the past four months, has quickly proven to be the romantic and caring type and his level of commitment to the relationship is stellar. He is mature, a great listener and best of all, when we are intimate in bed, we have the most wonderful time together.

 

But here comes the dilemma. Boyfriend #1, who was supposed to marry someone else, ended up not marrying after all, and is now asking me to go back with him. He says I am the only girlfriend he has ever had in his life and he cannot think of dating or marrying anyone else again. He is also willing to change things about him that bothered me. Meanwhile, Boyfriend #2 keeps showering me with attention and care and is looking forward to a future with me.

 

I am extremely confused about this situation because on one hand, I miss Boyfriend #1 but very much enjoy Boyfriend #2’s maturity, warmth and company.

 

Is there a solution to this dilemma? Please help.

[emotionsmessmeup]

totally ur decision

[clynn]

#2!

 

No, I don't know.

 

Answer is only in your heart.

 

Try being friends with both for a while.

 

You need space to figure it out, it sounsd like,