On and Off Again Blues

[Badace3569]

There's this girl, at my school, and I've known her for a few years. Well, we've always been friends (off and on), and until she got a boyfriend this past year she had a BIG crush on me. At the time, I wasn't interested...I don't know why. I think I was scared of commitment or some such thing. Regardless, her boyfriend completely broke her heart on New Year's. They broke up, and I talked to her (I didn't know they broke up) about the 16th of January. She wrote me this email saying how great a friend I am, if we could ever work out, stuff like that - and I said we could. Well, she started thinking about her boyfriend (Don't get me wrong, I'd probly do the same thing). In other words, 'we' stopped. I backed off, let her do what she wanted to, and then she started talking to me again...and she thought about about her boyfriend and it happened ALL over again. Well, that's been a couple of weeks ago...and now she's started talking to me again. In fact, we watched a movie (with our friends) last night....she wore my class ring and snuggled up and all that, held my hand...I'm just wondering if she'll think about her boyfriend again...because this is messing with my heart like seriously. I don't want to move on...any help you guys (and gals) can give me would be great...I just don't know what to do. Should I ask her about it? Should I ask her to do something on Valentine's? I just need some advice... Thanks!

[upsetnhurt]

You should ask her to do something on Valentines if you feel for her. Just take my advice as I am severely heartbroken for over two months now over a gal I dated for a year. She started dating me right after getting out of a relationship and although I could tell she enjoyed my company and tried real hard to make it work, her mind kept on running back to her ex of four years. Not to say that she wanted to go back to him (maybe she did) yet she had not reconciled why their relationship had not worked out, thus she was not able to be emotionally available completely to me. I didnt see it and let my heart get too involved. Based on your message here it seems like you are asking yourself the right questions and you should be worried about her going up and down with you. Talk to her about your concerns and hold back just a bit of your heart as she is probably real confused at the moment. Does not mean you can't be great friends who hang together yet you don't want to become her rebound/transitional guy. When I say that you don't want her to associate yourself with him in the future.

[Badace3569]

Thanks for the advice, upset. I know she still feels a little bit for her ex, but I do know why they broke up - it was really horrible....He couldn't even bring himself to make the phone call. He said (through his friend) that he didn't love her...that he hadn't ever loved her...he had just said it....believe me, I wanted to kill this kid. But it helped her move on, I believe - she doesn't think about him near as much as she did. And she only thinks about him every once in a while...it just hits her all of the sudden. But I think I am going to ask her to do something with me tomorrow. Thanks, upset - you were a great help.