Flirting, when you really like someone

[Chris2016]

How do you get out of your own head and flirt with someone you really like?

[dispatch3d]

Practice with waitresses, they are usually pretty receptive. Thats how I got my flirting down more, and just practicing in general with all girls, even ones I'm not that interested in.

 

I don't really do that anymore because I feel like its leading them on.

[carhill]

IMO, one shouldn't need to get out of their own head to express desire, rather practice remaining in one's head and expressing it.

 

I did my best practicing while traveling, primarily with married women or otherwise unavailable or unattainable women like the FA's on my flights. There was always an end date and the results were inconsequential since we'd never see each other again. Hence, it was live in the moment and don't worry about expectations. Good practice.

 

The key is becoming comfortable with being a little uncomfortable, which is what attraction is about and, further, overcoming any inhibitions to do what males are required to do, adapt and overcome challenges and show confidence in themselves and their dealings with others. Show how attractive you are. Good luck!

[mike_89]

just practicing in general with all girls, even ones I'm not that interested in.

Basically this. Flirting is fairly innocent and it's much easier with any girl you aren't seriously interested in until you got some experience.

[hasaquestion]

How do you get out of your own head and flirt with someone you really like?

 

Part of getting out of your own head is having the right perspective.

 

The goal isn't to seek out someone you 'really like' and then make them like you. The goal is to find people who really like you.

 

The constructive role you have in dating isn't to directly 'pursue' people. Its to improve yourself and your appeal, and indirectly increase the odds that someone will really like you.

 

Never single out someone and treat them like a princess to be won over. What did they do to earn that? IMO people have a certain amount of respect for you when you treat everyone equally. Women don't want to be put on a pedestal.

 

Don't worry about 'talking to people who you really like'. Worry about connecting with people in general. Talk to people everywhere and work on your nonverbals - speech habits, body language, eye contact. Practice being your most charismatic self to make that version of you a habit.

[jen1447]

Flirting's not about putting on a show, it's about just being you believe it or not. I mean the whole purpose is to put out compatibility feelers, so you want to audition that, not some pretense. Once you figure that out you can be relaxed, which'll help you present the best you. So don't make it so goal-oriented, just let it happen.

 

That said, there are a lot of dumb things you should avoid, like randomly walking up to strangers who don't look receptive. Bscly the path to success assumes you already have some legit access to this person.

[AMJ]

What are the thoughts that are running through your head? When there's too much going on in your own head, it's overwhelming. Consider each negative thought, one by one, and shut it down. For example- "I can't smile at her, she probably doesn't like me." Tell yourself- "Well all people like to be smiled at, and she's already talking to me, so smiling at her will put her in a good mood."

[hasaquestion]

Flirting's not about putting on a show, it's about just being you believe it or not. I mean the whole purpose is to put out compatibility feelers, so you want to audition that, not some pretense. Once you figure that out you can be relaxed, which'll help you present the best you. So don't make it so goal-oriented, just let it happen.

 

That said, there are a lot of dumb things you should avoid, like randomly walking up to strangers who don't look receptive. Bscly the path to success assumes you already have some legit access to this person.

 

This is the problem with a lot of men. They've made up their mind before they open their mouth, and it shows. They come off hurrying through conversation, like there's a point they're trying to get to. OP, when you interact with people it should be truly exploratory and without expectations. Point A: now, Point B: getting her number... girls/women sense that desperation.

[jen1447]

This is the problem with a lot of men. They've made up their mind before they open their mouth, and it shows. They come off hurrying through conversation, like there's a point they're trying to get to. OP, when you interact with people it should be truly exploratory and without expectations. Point A: now, Point B: getting her number... girls/women sense that desperation.

 

Yeah, you should never flirt w/the intent of getting a number. That should just happen if it's right (and timely to the situation). You'll always know bc you won't have to 'pull' it from her, she'll just let you have it. And if you haven't gotten that signal then it means don't try. She'll at least respect your dignity.

[AMJ]

This is the problem with a lot of men. They've made up their mind before they open their mouth, and it shows. They come off hurrying through conversation, like there's a point they're trying to get to. OP, when you interact with people it should be truly exploratory and without expectations. Point A: now, Point B: getting her number... girls/women sense that desperation.

 

This is SO TRUE! I've never been able to articulate it this well, but this bothers me all the time!

[hasaquestion]

This is SO TRUE! I've never been able to articulate it this well, but this bothers me all the time!

 

Another one that cracks me up is when you go to a bar, and dudes are prowling around, leering all over the place. You're here to have fun, not look like a lion roaming the savanna during a scene from Planet Earth.

[AMJ]

One of my guy friends was like this when he was single. We'd all go to a bar, he'd start circling around- prowling more like it- and when he found no prospects, he'd say, "ok, time to leave!" I'd be like- "no way! I'm having fun here! Why can't you just have fun and not be looking for a$$ all of the time?" So so lame when men do that.

[carhill]

Men are results oriented. Watch one shop in a store. They make a beeline to the products desired, snatch them up, blaze through checkout and on to the next item on their list.

 

To watch a guy who isn't results oriented, watch a married man flirt with someone other than his wife. He's fine with window shopping all day long

[Chris2016]

I can chat/tease/flirt/be comfortable, when I know nothing is going to happen; don't expect an outcome; person is unavailable/unattainable.

 

A co-worker I manage to attract many years ago, she was I guess receptive, and flirtatious. Not just with me, but other male co-workers. I really didn't care--wasn't really jealous. I liked her, but wasn't crushing on her.

 

One time, she asked if I came over to help. I said no, I came here to see you. It was just out of the blue of me. I said it right in front of her (male) co-workers too, if I recall.

 

Out of the corner of my eye, she gave me a look of, who is this guy. Eventually, I got 3 fun dates out of it.

 

That's what I want to get back to. That confidence, which I don't always have turned on.

 

But boy when I'm crushing on somebody, like I am now, I can't do squat. I freeze up. But like mentioned, I shouldn't have crushed on her in the first place.

[mike_89]

Well, if you want to regain your confidence you could also start a good workout regime. You'll feel better and more attractive (and 99 out of 100 cases you'll become more attractive as well). It's a hell of a lot easier to flirt with girls when you know you're quite attractive as opposed to just another guy with a sedentary lifestyle, and the testosterone that gets released to rebuild your damaged muscle makes you feel more confident.

[Chris2016]

Men are results oriented. Watch one shop in a store. They make a beeline to the products desired, snatch them up, blaze through checkout and on to the next item on their list.

 

To watch a guy who isn't results oriented, watch a married man flirt with someone other than his wife. He's fine with window shopping all day long

 

That's what's happening to me right now.

 

A crush I have at work, I can't flirt with her for squat. I'm nervous around her. Anticipating things. Looking for outcomes.

 

She yawned one time, I tried to tease her and said there's no yawning at work, she said nice try. I was crushed. Didn't eat dinner for 2 nights.

 

Later though, once I got over that; I busted her balls on something, and she said I was cruel. I didn't play off of that. I should have said, Yes I am. But I stopped, and didn't go further.

 

Meanwhile, whenever she's around a married co-worker, she's always giggle/laughing, and I'm like this sucks!

 

Yeah, it's my fault for crushing on her, and crushing on a co-worker. Never again.

[Chris2016]

Well, if you want to regain your confidence you could also start a good workout regime. You'll feel better and more attractive (and 99 out of 100 cases you'll become more attractive as well). It's a hell of a lot easier to flirt with girls when you know you're quite attractive as opposed to just another guy with a sedentary lifestyle, and the testosterone that gets released to rebuild your damaged muscle makes you feel more confident.

 

I'm running and working out currently. It definitely makes me feel good. If I can keep it up, trying to get a six pack, and ab Vs ... for once in my life, for myself, because I'm getting old (39). Not sure how long I can keep it up. But hey if it can supplement attracting a mate, I'm game.

[carhill]

Don't worry, you'll work it out. You're in the reproductive stage and all this stuff is elemental and dramatic. Perfectly normal. Each guy figures things out in his own time and way.

 

The more you practice the less each iteration will matter. To plagiarize a bit of an old

, tear down that pedestal.

[Chris2016]

I can chat/tease/flirt/be comfortable, when I know nothing is going to happen; don't expect an outcome; person is unavailable/unattainable.

 

A co-worker I manage to attract many years ago, she was I guess receptive, and flirtatious. Not just with me, but other male co-workers. I really didn't care--wasn't really jealous. I liked her, but wasn't crushing on her.

 

One time, she asked if I came over to help. I said no, I came here to see you. It was just out of the blue of me. I said it right in front of her (male) co-workers too, if I recall.

 

Out of the corner of my eye, she gave me a look of, who is this guy. Eventually, I got 3 fun dates out of it.

 

That's what I want to get back to. That confidence, which I don't always have turned on.

 

But boy when I'm crushing on somebody, like I am now, I can't do squat. I freeze up. But like mentioned, I shouldn't have crushed on her in the first place.

 

The crazy thing with this co-worker I managed to attract, if you would have asked me months prior, could I hook up with her, I would have said no. She could have been another unrequited love/crush.

 

But it didn't turn out that way. I guess because she was receptive, reciprocating, and flirtatious, it made me confident to be me, and flirt back. I guess she was just the right person, right time, right place.

[Chris2016]

IMO, one shouldn't need to get out of their own head to express desire, rather practice remaining in one's head and expressing it.

 

I did my best practicing while traveling, primarily with married women or otherwise unavailable or unattainable women like the FA's on my flights. There was always an end date and the results were inconsequential since we'd never see each other again. Hence, it was live in the moment and don't worry about expectations. Good practice.

 

The key is becoming comfortable with being a little uncomfortable, which is what attraction is about and, further, overcoming any inhibitions to do what males are required to do, adapt and overcome challenges and show confidence in themselves and their dealings with others. Show how attractive you are. Good luck!

 

Thanks. This one change of thinking is good. I tried it on a co-worker crush. I know I shouldn't, because it's work. But I don't have many opportunities. I just wanted to practice. And I don't think she's interested. I'm careful not to be sexual though.

 

Instead of freezing/being stuck in my own head, I changed my thinking. I'm going to get out of my own head, and playfully banter her. It was through email. I think she liked it. She playfully responded back.

 

Later, she would initiate bantering/poking at me in-person, which she hasn't done before.

 

I have another problem though:

- I get a hard-on around her.

- I get a hard-on when thinking about my banters with her.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/569563-hard-when-talking-crush

 

- I can't banter with her in-person, because I get a hard-on and freeze up.

 

My thoughts go to, I need to quell my hard-on, so I think of other things, instead of playfully bantering back at her.

 

I would like to be able to banter with her in-person. Any suggestions?

[thecrucible]

If you really like someone this is always going to be hard. The best thing is not to put yourself under too much pressure. I can tell you honestly that I'm not expecting some grandiose opening from a man. I don't need some "killer line" or great one liner. I really am quite happy with a few flirtatious looks and a man asking me questions about me and getting to know me. It's surprising how seldom that happens. I mostly get men groping my arse in clubs. Euurgh.

 

I get nervous too. If I genuinely fancy the guy, it's very difficult for me to have much composure so I hope that the guy will break the ice and make me feel comfortable so I can open up more.

[AMJ]

]

 

She yawned one time, I tried to tease her and said there's no yawning at work, she said nice try. I was crushed. Didn't eat dinner for 2 nights.

 

Later though, once I got over that; I busted her balls on something, and she said I was cruel. I didn't play off of that. I should have said, Yes I am. But I stopped, and didn't go further.

 

Meanwhile, whenever she's around a married co-worker, she's always giggle/laughing, and I'm like this sucks!

 

 

I am not sure this woman is interested in you romantically. I'd try flirting with someone else. Flirting is basically expressing that you're interested. Making the other person laugh is a great way to open that door. If you're more confident, you go right for the flattery and tell her you love her eyes, her smile..but I think making someone laugh is more ideal.

[Chris2016]

It's always going to be hard when you really like someone. No pun intended.

 

I guess it's just another area to practice on, "becoming comfortable with being a little uncomfortable", and thus being able to be in the moment.

[Chris2016]

I am not sure this woman is interested in you romantically. I'd try flirting with someone else. Flirting is basically expressing that you're interested. Making the other person laugh is a great way to open that door. If you're more confident, you go right for the flattery and tell her you love her eyes, her smile..but I think making someone laugh is more ideal.

 

Yeah, I don't think she's interested either. She never asks me personal questions. Never compliments me. Responds with anti-whatever I said.

 

I'm trying to adjust my thinking also, from co-worker crush, to I'll use her for practice. Practice flirting, practice ball busting. Practice being confident, in the midst of it, I guess.

 

I know that may sound bad, using her, but I'm trying to get over her also. I see/hear her almost daily.

 

Of course too, the flirting/practice is affecting me more than I would like to think, so I need to cool it there also.

 

They say the easiest way to get over someone, is to find someone else. I wish that was true in my case.

[AMJ]

Yeah, I don't think she's interested either. She never asks me personal questions. Never compliments me. Responds with anti-whatever I said.

 

I'm trying to adjust my thinking also, from co-worker crush, to I'll use her for practice. Practice flirting, practice ball busting. Practice being confident, in the midst of it, I guess.

 

I know that may sound bad, using her, but I'm trying to get over her also. I see/hear her almost daily.

 

Of course too, the flirting/practice is affecting me more than I would like to think, so I need to cool it there also.

 

They say the easiest way to get over someone, is to find someone else. I wish that was true in my case.

 

But you can't practice flirting with someone who isn't going to reciprocate your actions...also, don't give her the satisfaction of your attention if she doesn't appreciate it. That rule applies to all women, but since she's your coworker, it's important for obvious reasons. You don't want to get in trouble at work.

 

Flirting is meant to grow into affection and ultimately sex..a ripple effect, like throwing a pebble into a lake. First there's little flirting, then she reciprocates, then you flirt more intensely, she likes it, then you ask her out, flirting continues on a date, etc, etc, until you guys sleep together at some point.

 

If you're practicing with someone who doesn't at least enjoy your flirting, it's like throwing that pebble at a brick wall. Not good practice.