The last stand

[amkxoxo]

I feel like my life is falling apart. Years ago my ex and I dated for months while in college and I was very into him. I loved him. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and he needed to get his life together and we parted ways for years due to us graduating college. We didn’t talk for close to a year, then we started talking once in a while, but we lived in different places so it never amounted to anything.

 

In the last year, we now live in the same place and have been talking a lot. This past summer he flirted a lot with me and we had some fun times together hanging out. He would cuddle with me and tickle me until I cried. Flirting. But like years before, it never went further than that. I had a guy friend surface and claim feelings for me at the time. I held him off in favor of my ex. Finally, I opened up to my ex that someone else was interested in me. I asked him what he thought. He told me that he wasn’t happy about it.

 

That to me says “I have feelings for you. I’m not happy if you see someone else.”

 

I told my guy friend I wasn’t interested in favor of my ex. But time passed and my ex never stepped up. Eventually I confronted him and he said how he wasn’t ready for a relationship still and he had a lot to figure out. I told him he would lose me, but he claimed we could get back together eventually if it was meant to be.

 

My guy friend subsequently came out of the shadows and begged for me back. I couldn’t resist. Here was a guy begging for me, wanting to take me out and shower me with attention. We started dating. Things weren’t perfect, but he gave me the time and effort I wanted from my ex.

 

My ex and I remained friends. Eventually I told him I was in a relationship with someone else. He seemed rigid and stoic when I said it. I felt bad. But he didn’t fight for me. My boyfriend did, multiple times.

 

As time went on my boyfriend and I grew to have some problems. Our personalities didn’t fit very well and we had different ideas of what we wanted in a lifestyle. We broke up and got back together many times. I still missed my ex. He and I had similar personalities, backgrounds, lifestyles.

 

Finally my boyfriend and I called it quits. I started talking to my ex a lot. I let him know I was single again. He wanted me to talk about my breakup with him, but I felt like it was no one’s business, especially his. He and I started talking more and more. We had that instant chemistry that we always have. It just worked.

 

Recently he came out with the fact that he was dating a girl after he and I parted ways a long time ago and stopped talking for a year. I was surprised, since he was very clear that wasn’t ready for a relationship with me, why would he date someone else? It hurt a little, but he wasn’t with that girl anymore, so I wasn’t worried.

 

Then he starts saying very often in conversation how he might move away again in a few months. It was like a flash back to us in college all over again. The “I might not be here in a few months so I’m not ready for a relationship thing. “

 

I started getting anxiety over it. Why was I going to start pining over someone who could move away?

 

We started texting all this past weekend. There was some flirting, but it was very light hearted. I mentioned something about him coming to do this fun activity where some of my family members would be. He started going on and on about how my family probably hates him for breaking my heart in the past and that he probably wasn’t welcome around them. All excuses. I agreed with him that he broke my heart, but that had nothing to do with my nice, accepting family.

 

He insisted he wouldn’t put himself in that situation. We started talking about the past and it spiraled into this whole conversation where I accused him of continuing to flirt with me now, but it never going anywhere. I also reminded him of him telling me he wasn’t super happy with me seeing someone else. Making me think he was interested. He claimed he doesn’t lead me on and he never told me not to see the other guy.

 

Saying “I’m not too thrilled about it.” To me, says that you like me. I feel like anyone would get that impression. He claims that he doesn’t lead me on, that its actual feelings for me. Then he started twisting it around saying that I ran off with someone else.

 

I did not want to run off with someone else. I wanted him. I told him I waited for him to step up, but he never did, so I went with someone who did. He told me he still wasn’t in the mindset to commit to a relationship.

 

He has taken me out for lunches and dinner and insisted on paying for me. He makes flirty comments about us cuddling together. He sends me shirtless pictures of him. But he wasn’t leading me on? He has actual feelings for me, but he doesn’t want a relationship? Makes no sense.

 

I told him that I was sick of waiting so I tried out the reliable guy who fought for me. And it did not work out with him.

 

He then goes into this rant about not being ready and wanting to be ready for a committed relationship and wanting to work on himself. He also mentioned how he felt threatened by his competition. (Meaning other guys who were pining for me, my recent ex-boyfriend)

 

He said being unsure of himself makes him feel that way. I assured him I was in no rush to just throw him aside for someone else. I never was and that’s not my style.

 

He told me I deserved the best and everything he ever said about me was all truthful.

 

I told him I appreciated that, but hearing constantly that he might move away any day, stings a little. I acknowledged that he is trying to get his life together and I understand that.

 

I told him that in the last many years of us knowing each other, that I have done everything I can possibly do to win him over and make him realize that he is good enough for me. I assured him that I am not made at him about what happened in the past, because I am contented that I tried on my end with him. That I fought that good fight. I told him I am not perfect, but I tried with him. I didn’t expect a lot, but I did expect reasonable things like effort and time. Time making an effort, and effort making time. For someone to fight for me and show me I’m worth it.

 

I never heard from him. I waited/ He is a busy guy, so I chalked it up to that. I waited and waited. I never got anything. I was driving myself crazy waiting. I couldn’t concentrate on my job or my priorities. I knew I needed to squash it for my own sanity.

 

This morning I sent him something more heartfelt and less accusatory.

 

I said

 

“ I have been thinking all night long about what was talked about, since it has been bothering me. I think some topics were better left for in person instead of through text messaging where they can be misunderstood.

 

It’s very clear to me now that it seems you need to go away and figure out what you want. To be on your own for a while. I want your happiness more than anything in the world. I just truly want you to be happy. So I feel you need to be alone and figure out what you want. I hope that I’m still here when you’re ready. But for now, I need someone that’s completely in, because I wouldn’t want to be with someone who isn’t 100% into being with me. “

 

I left it like that and haven’t heard from him since. I’m afraid I drove him away for good. I am really upset. My heart is broken. If he likes me he needs to fight for me. He needs to pin me down. He doesn’t do that. I can’t keep holding onto breadcrumbs waiting and waiting to be constantly disappointed. I’m afraid maybe I hurt his feelings, or he thinks I’m crazy. I don’t know. I think all my arguments have been truthful and valid. I have done everything I could possibly do.

 

Any help, advice, comments?

[truth_seeker]

First thing, let go of this guy friend. You don't like him. You like his attention. You are not over your ex and you need to move on from him. I feel like he's messing with you, knowing he can have you when he wants.

 

This is going to be hard but you're going to have to block this ex boyfriend. If he gets in touch, tries to sweet talk you, you ignore him. If you don't you will be stuck pining over him and your life will come to a standstill.

[Zahara]

1) At what point do you start to realize that when a man keeps telling you that he isn't ready to date you or wants to date you -- it's time to let go and move on?

 

2) You keep mentioning "fight for me". He's established that he cannot fight for you over and over again.

 

It seems you know the reality yourself but you can't accept it.

 

You didn't drive him away. You didn't hurt his feelings. He's not responding because 1) if he agrees with you he will likely lose you, in turn he will lose his benefit 2) if he agrees with you, it will hurt you. Lastly, he can't disagree with you because he knows it's the truth.

[VeveCakes]

Your partner shouldn't have to "fight for you".

 

He said he doesn't want a relationship. Believe him. He is keeping you there for comfort and entertainment.

 

Time to go NC and move on.

[Toodaloo]

I am seriously considering a new thread titled

 

"How to recognise that you are obsessed with a person and what to do about it"

 

Having said that I doubt any of these would actually listen so I will say it again.

 

He doesn't want you. Quit the drama.

 

Stop screwing around with your own and others emotions.

 

Quit seeing both and sort your life out. Its not all about boys and who fancies who all the time.

 

When did it get so damned hard?

[introverted1]

OP, it seems pretty clear that your ex is not interested. And you are being unfair toward your current bf. What has he done to deserve being strung along while you pine for the first guy? Would you be ok with him flirting with and trying to get back together with his ex while presumably professing exclusivity with you?

[amkxoxo]

I'm not with anyone right now. I am single. I'm pretty sure I mentioned that in the first post. That guy and I broke up.

 

I think many people would feel utterly confused if a guy was coming over, cuddling with you, tickling you, laughing with you, making you dinner, paying for things for you, but wasn't ready for a relationship.

 

So you think Oh he's isn't ready for a relationship, but he comes back and kisses you and tells you he likes you. It's an emotional whirlwind.

[losangelena]

I can’t keep holding onto breadcrumbs waiting and waiting to be constantly disappointed.

 

This is the most salient point in your entire post.

 

You're right; you shouldn't be content with breadcrumbs. Instead of wondering when and if he's going to come around, if I were you, I'd start to ask myself why I've waited oh so very long for something that is seemingly not going to happen.

 

But, I think the reality of the situation is that, if you DO truly want to be with someone who's 100% in, it's going to mean letting go of this guy and doing it for good. Yes, it hurts, yes it may turn him off, but girl, in the long run, that is a GOOD thing. He is never going to give you what you want or need, so instead of clinging to that, you need to say "buh-bye" to him and move on.

 

It is crappy now, yes, but if this is it, then this is as bad as you're going to feel. You will only feel better the more time and space you have from him.

 

My advice? Stick to your word and disappear. Do not let him come back to you, cuddling and being affectionate, when you ALL he keeps saying is "I'm not ready for a commitment." When someone says that to you, it's up to YOU to maintain a boundary around yourself and to not allow him to continue playing with your emotions. If you've said what you said, and now he comes back and you welcome him with open arms, you are perpetuating your own cycle of madness. You're the one who needs to short out that circuit.

[VeveCakes]

I'm not with anyone right now. I am single. I'm pretty sure I mentioned that in the first post. That guy and I broke up.

 

I think many people would feel utterly confused if a guy was coming over, cuddling with you, tickling you, laughing with you, making you dinner, paying for things for you, but wasn't ready for a relationship.

 

So you think Oh he's isn't ready for a relationship, but he comes back and kisses you and tells you he likes you. It's an emotional whirlwind.

 

He's doing those things because he is lonely and probably horny. Sorry to be harsh but if he wanted to date you he would. He's using you to fill time. Cut him off.

[Zahara]

I think many people would feel utterly confused if a guy was coming over, cuddling with you, tickling you, laughing with you, making you dinner, paying for things for you, but wasn't ready for a relationship.

 

So you think Oh he's isn't ready for a relationship, but he comes back and kisses you and tells you he likes you. It's an emotional whirlwind.

 

No, actually.

 

There are people that can do all those things without wanting to be in a relationship. The moment he said that he didn't want to date you, you should have placed a boundary.

[amkxoxo]

I'm so heartbroken. I love him very much. When I question his feelings for me he claims there is no way he is leading me on because someone who leads you on lies about having feelings. I haven't heard from him. I know him so well I know he's saying...I am hurting this girl again so I am stepping back and not going to hurt her anymore. I just wish things could be different. I keep feeling like maybe I said something wrong and scared him away. I know he has feelings for me. I see it. Friends of mine notice it while he's around me.

[Zahara]

I'm so heartbroken. I love him very much. When I question his feelings for me he claims there is no way he is leading me on because someone who leads you on lies about having feelings. I haven't heard from him. I know him so well I know he's saying...I am hurting this girl again so I am stepping back and not going to hurt her anymore. I just wish things could be different. I keep feeling like maybe I said something wrong and scared him away. I know he has feelings for me. I see it. Friends of mine notice it while he's around me.

 

Yes, he has all these feelings -- he's known you for years and he's never been able to commit to you. He may have "feelings" but those feelings aren't strong enough for him to want to be with you. And I've dated a couple of guys in the past that claimed to have feelings for me only to cut and run when talk of commitment was around the corner. Words mean nothing when his actions are telling you everything.

 

Yes, you scared him. Your wanting for more has scared him off because he can't give you what you want. But I am sure he'll be back again when time has calmed your expectations down and he can hit the reset button. Lather, rinse, repeat.

 

I'm not sure how many more years you're going to waste over this guy. One day you'll look back and knock yourself silly for throwing your life away over this knucklehead.

[amkxoxo]

I know. I am just trying to move and let go. It's a very sad situation. Even after years I still have strong feelings for this man, and he still likes me too. I dated others, but I always thought of him in the back of my head. I think he is very broken and incapable of opening up to love someone. He was very hurt by past relationships and it messed him up. Its like he just can't love. He likes me. He will show it sometimes, but he just cannot go further than that. And all I am looking for is love from him. So it in turn hurt me. Maybe one day it will be enough. I hope he grows up and learns from this. I guarantee he is doing some deep thinking on how he is hurting me. He is a nice man. He is a very good man to me, but being a good person and being able to support and commit to someone is very different. I'm terrified that he will go off and meet someone else and when I see it, my heart will be broken all over again. It seems he can't open his heart right now for anyone though. I'm not sitting waiting for him, but after all I've been through and my heavy heart now, I think I want to just be on my own for a while.

[Zahara]

I know. I am just trying to move and let go. It's a very sad situation. Even after years I still have strong feelings for this man, and he still likes me too.

 

Of course you still feel strongly for him because you've never truly disconnected. You've played yo yo for so long. He "likes me" isn't enough to have wasted years on this rollercoaster.

 

I dated others, but I always thought of him in the back of my head. I think he is very broken and incapable of opening up to love someone. He was very hurt by past relationships and it messed him up. Its like he just can't love. He likes me. He will show it sometimes, but he just cannot go further than that. And all I am looking for is love from him. So it in turn hurt me. Maybe one day it will be enough.

 

Well, he can't give you that. This is how he is wired and no amount of pushing, forcing, begging, pleading is going to make him want to be with you. Don't keep your life on hold for that one day. Strict NC and cut him out.

 

I hope he grows up and learns from this.

 

We hope you grow and learn from this. This situation says a lot about you too.

 

I guarantee he is doing some deep thinking on how he is hurting me. He is a nice man. He is a very good man to me, but being a good person and being able to support and commit to someone is very different.

 

A nice/good man who realizes his shortcomings will let you go because he doesn't want to hurt you anymore. He will take into account the emotional distress he may inflict upon engaging with you, knowing you want what he doesn't want. That is someone that cares about your wellbeing. He realizes he has to let you go and help you move on. Not someone that rubberbands into your life. I bet he did some deep thinking every freaking time he rejected you. OP, wake up.

 

I'm terrified that he will go off and meet someone else and when I see it, my heart will be broken all over again.

 

Then cut contact and remove yourself from his life. You can't have it both ways.

 

It seems he can't open his heart right now for anyone though. I'm not sitting waiting for him, but after all I've been through and my heavy heart now, I think I want to just be on my own for a while.

 

Again, strict NC if you want to stop hurting and move on from this.

Edited February 3, 2016 by Zahara

[amkxoxo]

I had a strange weekend encounter with my ex.

 

His roommate and I are friendly. His roommate is moving away for a new job. Its very far away so I asked him if he wanted to get together to have a nice night out to say goodbye. He said okay. I told him my ex was included in these plans.

 

My ex had been texting me out of the blue up until this night out. It was strange.

 

Our night out came around and my ex was driving his roommate and me. We went to a casual bar first and had a few drinks. Then we headed somewhere more crowded with a dance floor and a bar. We got more drinks and were dancing. My ex mentioned dancing on these platforms this place had, but its only for girls. I wanted to impress him so I went for it. I had the best time ever and was dancing my heart out. I ended up dancing up there for most of the night. It was awesome. Some of my ex's co workers were there so he would run off and socialize with him.

 

Some girls tried to dance with him, and he wanted nothing to do with it. His roommate was all over the ladies.

 

Upon leaving we went back to their apartment. My ex went in his room and I followed him, to play with his fish. We started talking and then he started tickling me flirtatiously. He has done this many times before. Then he stops tickling me and he just holds me cuddling.

 

He seemed very happy. We were holding each other and he was rubbing my back. That led to us making out. I was not drunk at this point. I had sobered up 90%.

 

We were getting hot and heavy. He popped up and ran over to close his bedroom door and shut the lights off. He ran back to me kissing me affectionately with this carefree and cute boyish grin.

 

Clothes started coming off. We got to touching each other. It went further than it ever had. We got to be sexual. I was touching him intimately and he had the most adorable look on his face. He touched me and it was amazing. In the past he always was very good at knowing how to make me feel good.

 

Nothing was awkward or difficult. It felt easy and effortless. We meshed well.

 

He reached down and he ended up inside of me. We had never had sex before and I couldn't believe we were. He stayed inside me, not moving much, just a little, slowly. I am on birth control, but after a while my reason kicked in and i whispered that we needed protection.

 

Another few minutes passed and I grabbed his shoulders and tried to joke with him "are you ready for a baby."

 

I like to joke. He jumped off of me and I thought he was going to grab a condom. He grabbed his pants pulled them up and zippered them. He then said "I should take you home."

 

I sat him, him standing in front of me. I asked him if everything was okay, or if I did anything wrong. He said no and said

 

"I care about you way too much to just have a one night stand or just have sex with you."

 

I was so confused. He was going about the room, looking freaked out repeating what he said. I questioned him about him caring about me. He said yes, he did, and that it was insulting that I questioned it. I told him I didn't know he did, because he didn't show it.

 

He thought himself so good that he stopped us. He wanted some praise. He thought most guys would have just slept with me.

 

Then we were sitting on his bed talking. He still seemed a little freaked, saying again he cared too much about me to make me just sex. Then he said he knew if we went further it would mean so much to me and it would mean something different to him. Then he said something like "I don't know you well enough."

 

I was so confused. He went on mumbling about "it shouldn't have been this way for me, or us." and " you deserve more and this isn't how it should have been done."

 

Again, I was so confused.

 

He then said he should take me home. We went and I tried to make light. We spent the car ride talking about us. He was saying how he feels like there has been a dark cloud over us since we moved back and reunited. How he feels that I am still bitter about him hurting me in the past and I don't let him forget it. I felt bad. I guess I did bring it up often, when I should have just let it go. He then mentioned something about us talking not enough and I blamed him for that. But he said I didn't talk to him either. I agreed. He then said something about how friendship works both ways.

 

I then put him on the spot asking him if he kissed his friends. He said no, and asked if I did. After saying no myself, he then said. Well, its residual attraction leftover from before.

 

I've never heard anything in my life. What is residual attraction?

 

Then he started blaming me for what happened years ago, telling me he told me he wasn't over his ex-girlfriend and I kept coming back. I agreed, but also told him that I was confused when he would tell me he wasn't over his ex, but then would kiss me and want me to sleep over. His actions cancelled out his words.

 

He told me that he didn't have the room to fall in love with me years ago, because of his unresolved feelings for his ex. So coming back together after years he didn't love me because those feelings never developed, and then I was dating someone up until this point, so again, those feelings never got the chance. We didn't get the chance to get close. I agreed with him.

 

He then told me he felt like I was self centered. I was taken back. I care a lot about him and other people. Self centered is not something people usually would ever say about me. He said he felt like I preach that I deserve to be treated a certain way by men and I have expectations, which makes me self centered. Then he said I did deserve those things. Then he said he feels like I feel entitled. Like I have been nice in the past, so I sit back feeling like I am entitled to a certain treatment back.

 

I truly feel like this is not me at all. The person he was describing was not me. I then told him I felt like he didn't know me at all, because those characteristics were not me at all. I told him he should get to know me. He should ask me questions and get to know me. He then said how he is shy and I am not. I am such a talker, and he feels like I just tell him what I want.

 

He then tells me I am a great girl and so perfect in so many ways. He is looking for someone who is going to fully support him.

 

He then goes on to open up to me about some personal family issue he has going on. He is going on and on about it. Venting. I just listened. It was strange.

 

We then parted ways.

 

I texted him telling him I was sorry again for bringing up the past so much and making him feel bad. That wasn't my intention and I was going to stop right away. I also told him I try very hard to show him how I feel and showing my feelings is hard, but I do try very hard with him.

 

He told me he was sorry if he made me feel bad, he was just trying to show me things from his perspective.

 

I told him I did make me feel bad, but I had said my true feelings to him before and it wasn't all positive all the time.

 

Before all this happened, he offered to carpool with me to a party we got invited to two hours away.

 

So I asked him if that was still on the table, I would like to still go, if he was willing.

 

 

He hasn't responded yet. I hope not all is ruined or lost. I hope maybe we can start fresh. Grow a friendship, that could be something more.

 

I think he does have feelings for me, we just haven't had the time to grow to go anywhere with them. I think we have chemistry and a connection. Its a strong feeling.

 

He might be moving back to his home an hour away in a month from now. I really hope he doesn't. I hope he choses to stay here. I would hate for him to move and then we don't have any chances to get close.

[Glass Hut]

Your post was long, sounds complicated. Do you like complicated?

[loveiswar101]

I think many people would feel utterly confused if a guy was coming over, cuddling with you, tickling you, laughing with you, making you dinner, paying for things for you, but wasn't ready for a relationship.

 

Add in kissing, making out and one awesome night of "you know what".

 

I'm was dating someone exactly doing the same. I believed there was something more there than was, she asked me to still be her friend after she told me "I want a relationship with you but feel I could never love you, but I do like you alot and your awesome and want to hangout as we have been"

 

Friday I agreed like a foolish lost lamb looking for love, warmth and attention.

 

Yesterday I woke up to myself and text no I couldn't do it. Haven't heard nothing back and don't expect too.

 

You need to walk away from it all, sort yourself out (like me) and start fresh. Find someone who wants you!

[Zahara]

My ex mentioned dancing on these platforms this place had, but its only for girls. I wanted to impress him so I went for it.

 

Oh OP. If you thought bouncing on your head would impress this man, you'd probably try to do it. I'm not sure what is going to make you stop being so desperate for someone that has no interest in you.

 

My ex went in his room and I followed him, to play with his fish.

 

You went to his room to play with his fish. No, you went in there to try and make something happen.

 

We started talking and then he started tickling me flirtatiously. He has done this many times before. Then he stops tickling me and he just holds me cuddling.

 

And everytime he's done these things, nothing has evolved from it. This is all nothing new. You make it sound like it's a huge step forward.

 

Another few minutes passed and I grabbed his shoulders and tried to joke with him "are you ready for a baby." I like to joke. He jumped off of me and I thought he was going to grab a condom. He grabbed his pants pulled them up and zippered them. He then said "I should take you home."

 

Like a splash of cold water you jolted him back to reality. While he was just looking for sex, that comment probably made him realize that you have a level of expectation.

 

"I care about you way too much to just have a one night stand or just have sex with you."

 

No. It's just his guilt talking and his fear that you will interpret sex as something more. And he want's none of that. If a man cared about you, he would leave you alone to heal rather than give you mind f***s every few weeks or so.

 

Again, I was so confused.

 

You're not confused. You're just choosing to be blind to the truth.

 

Grow a friendship, that could be something more.

 

You're going to have the learn the hard way. No amount of posting and advice is going to help you be self-aware, introspect into your behavior and challenge yourself to be better and healthier.

 

You WANT to run blindly into brick walls. Anything other than that forces you to face your pain and your truth. And you fear that. The former is much easier for you because focusing on chasing him allows you to avoid facing yourself. As young as you are, beginning your journey this way is only a sign of what's to come. You are between two men that tear you down and yet you run around in circles trying to make them see you. It's unfortunate.

 

I think he does have feelings for me, we just haven't had the time to grow to go anywhere with them. I think we have chemistry and a connection. Its a strong feeling.

 

It's all in your head.

 

He might be moving back to his home an hour away in a month from now. I really hope he doesn't. I hope he choses to stay here. I would hate for him to move and then we don't have any chances to get close.

 

I hope he does. It will be for your benefit.

Edited March 1, 2016 by Zahara

[Zahara]

I also needed time and space from my non-committal ex. So I have been avoiding him too. I’ve been taking time out for me, and to decide what I want in my life and what is good for me.

 

This was what you posted a few days ago about another ex that is toying with you as well.

 

What happened to deciding what you want for your life and what's good for you?

[Cinnamonstix]

OP, I feel for you. Unrequited love is very painful. But you are inflicting this on yourself by staying involved.

 

Although I'd rather not focus on your ex's point of view, I think that might be one way to get you to stop your behaviour.

 

The way you are acting is unattractive to your ex, as it would be to any man in his position. He can see that you will eat up any breadcrumbs he throws your way. You are also creating an environment of pressure and manipulation. It is hard to respect someone who lacks respect for herself, as shown by your desperate acceptance of anything he gives you, your inability to maintain healthy boundaries, and your lack of follow-through on what you say you will do (ie. move on from him).

 

We have the ingredients of desperation, obsession, pressure and a lack of respect. This is not a recipe for love.

[introverted1]

He reached down and he ended up inside of me. We had never had sex before and I couldn't believe we were. He stayed inside me, not moving much, just a little, slowly.

 

He thought himself so good that he stopped us. He wanted some praise. He thought most guys would have just slept with me.

 

He did sleep with you. Short, unfulfilling IC is still IC.

 

Then we were sitting on his bed talking. He still seemed a little freaked, saying again he cared too much about me to make me just sex. Then he said he knew if we went further it would mean so much to me and it would mean something different to him. Then he said something like "I don't know you well enough."

 

This is his way of saying that any sex you two will have is just sex, not the prelude to nor indicate of a deeper relationship. You can't take back the fact that you lost your virginity to this guy, but think hard about whether you want your first lover to be someone who has told you from the start that you will be FWB at best. There's nothing wrong with FWB as long as it is what you want, but don't fool yourself.

 

He then said he should take me home. We went and I tried to make light. We spent the car ride talking about us. He was saying how he feels like there has been a dark cloud over us since we moved back and reunited. How he feels that I am still bitter about him hurting me in the past and I don't let him forget it. I felt bad. I guess I did bring it up often, when I should have just let it go. He then mentioned something about us talking not enough and I blamed him for that. But he said I didn't talk to him either. I agreed. He then said something about how friendship works both ways.

 

He gave you good feedback here. Carrying around bitterness hurts you more than it hurts anyone else.

 

Then he started blaming me for what happened years ago, telling me he told me he wasn't over his ex-girlfriend and I kept coming back. I agreed, but also told him that I was confused when he would tell me he wasn't over his ex, but then would kiss me and want me to sleep over. His actions cancelled out his words.

 

His actions contradicted his words, which is not the same as canceling them out. Basically he was then (as he is now) warning you that anything physical that transpires between the two of you should not be taken as romantic interest on his part.

 

He then told me he felt like I was self centered. I was taken back. I care a lot about him and other people. Self centered is not something people usually would ever say about me. He said he felt like I preach that I deserve to be treated a certain way by men and I have expectations, which makes me self centered. Then he said I did deserve those things. Then he said he feels like I feel entitled. Like I have been nice in the past, so I sit back feeling like I am entitled to a certain treatment back.

 

This is feedback you've received many of your threads in these forums. Perhaps this is something you should reflect on more deeply. If both people you know well and strangers on a forum perceive you this way, it seems there is at least some truth here.