j0celyn Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Am I overreacting for being upset that my boyfriend didn't do anything for my birthday? Birthday was yesterday, Saturday. It is our first birthday together after dating for 11 months. Two weeks ago I reminded him that birthdays are really special to me and that I'd really like to spend the day together. By Wednesday he still hadn't mentioned anything, so I asked what we were doing. He said it was going to be special and that he had a day full of surprises for me. I think he forgot. He texted me good morning yesterday but no happy birthday or anything. I asked him where he was, thinking he was on his way to pick me up. He said he was on his way to work. I asked if we were still celebrating and he said "I'm so sorry, I have to work today. I have something planned for next Saturday, okay?" I ended up going out with friends (who actually already celebrated with me the night before) but the whole thing kinda killed my day. I understand that he had to work. He works some Saturday's but promised he would take the day off. Plus he could have let me know ahead of time. So I really think he just forgot. I dont feel very special right now and dont feel like he really cares about me. It's not even the whole birthday thing. It's that he knows it's very important to me and it's like he just forgot. I am trying to be understanding and not chew his ass about it but I feel hurt. What do you guys think? Jerk move or give him a pass and let him make it up to me? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Hmmm ... I hate to say it but that's a bad sign. He said he was going to do something about it and then ... Didn't? With no explanation as to why he didn't? Something may have come up, true, but I hate to say it but if someone doesn't want to celebrate a certain holiday or occasion with you then that's telling me he doesn't want to acknowledge the situation. And he doesn't want to acknowledge the situation because he's avoiding something, and he might be telling you that he doesn't want to see you anymore. That's a sad moment to realize, and hate to be a downer but that is one of the red flags I have encountered with people. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author j0celyn Posted January 31, 2016 Author Share Posted January 31, 2016 The understanding girlfriend in me is trying to just let this go and remember that he has a lot on his plate right now and what's important is that he is making it up to me. Yet the insecure part of me can't help but think that I'm not important enough to him and that it is a major red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Relax.......wait til next Saturday and see how he redeems himself. You never know, there might be a proposal 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 (edited) How has your relationship been before this happened? How has he treated you? Reliable, trustworthy, loving, caring, considerate? If this is the first time he "forgot" ...then let it go and see how it plays out next Saturday. Some people are weird about birthdays.... I am not crazy about them myself, much ado about nothing ....for me! I'd rather let the day go ...but realize different people have different expectations so try and account for that. He may be someone for whom birthdays are no big deal, but then again the fact you told him they mean something to you, and that he had things planned and forgot....could mean something negative ....but not necessarily. Play it out, see what happens next week and Saturday. Don't jump the gun yet.... Edit: I have been known to not even tell my boyfriends when it's my birthday. Even on the day! Eventually they ask and I tell them. But it does not matter to me either way. Many people are same as me in that regard. Just another day. Edited January 31, 2016 by katiegrl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 I never like reading things like this because to me its things like this which really matter. Irrespective in a dating scenario, a good friend remembers a good friends birthday, even a wish means a lot, a phone call, perhaps a small gift, all indicate you thought about the person. I guess for me its a foreign concept but if I had a gf (as likely as the sky turning luminous green) who I loved and had spent 11 months with I would definitely make sure I remembered her birthday and furthermore tried to make the day special for her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 That's strange, he said he had a full day planned, with surprises. So either he planned, then canceled everything. Or he did not plan and he lied about planning. In any case, he didn't update you, he kept you believing it was going to happen. I agree it's not about the birthday. Does he have a habit of making false promises? This is a habit of some people. Their words are not intended to be taken seriously. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2much4 Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 This is really weird. He could have at least texted you happy birthday. Not to do it is just......rude. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Oooh, I don't like this. First, he said he has a whole day planned for you (after you asking if anything's gonna happen that day) and then he said said he had to postpone it (after you reminding that something was supposed to happen). A polite and thoughtful thing to do would be to let you know at least the night before, that the plans had changed and need to wait until the next week, then wish you a happy birthday on your actual bday morning (knowing it's important to you). Seems to me, that he had nothing planned and came up with a way to get out of the situation, cause otherwise you wouldn't need to ask again. Maybe he will redeem himself next week, but I would have this bitter feeling about the whole situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 That's strange, he said he had a full day planned, with surprises. So either he planned, then canceled everything. Or he did not plan and he lied about planning. In any case, he didn't update you, he kept you believing it was going to happen. I agree it's not about the birthday. Does he have a habit of making false promises? This is a habit of some people. Their words are not intended to be taken seriously. Maybe he thought it was next Saturday..... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Maybe he thought it was next Saturday..... This is possible. My own boss (a lawyer) is really bad with dates! Court hearings, etc. Can't tell you how many times I will remind him of an important court hearing, and he will reply "Really? I thought that was next week"! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Maybe he thought it was next Saturday..... Then he'd clearly say "Oh, I thought it was next Saturday" when she asked "Are we celebrating today". Besides, you can't be bad with dates when it comes to your loved ones (and especially those who express the importance of bdays to them). Set a reminder, circle the date with a red marker pen on your calendar, whatever, just not mix up the dates, forget or ignore! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Perhaps a bonehead move. It's Sunday, have you gotten a chance to see him/speak to him? I would be hurt/bothered by this, too. But I would maybe wait until I had a chance to have a conversation about it (or next Saturday) to see what's up. 11 months isn't insignificant; even my dense-headed ex got his s*** together once my b-day rolled around. What do y'all do for other holidays? Anything? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Give him a pass. People do forget. I know from experience. Better still, if you don't have any expectation then you won't be disappointed. And when you do get a gift you'll be surprised. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Then he'd clearly say "Oh, I thought it was next Saturday" when she asked "Are we celebrating today". Besides, you can't be bad with dates when it comes to your loved ones (and especially those who express the importance of bdays to them). Set a reminder, circle the date with a red marker pen on your calendar, whatever, just not mix up the dates, forget or ignore! He may have been embarrassed to admit he got the date wrong and thought it was next Saturday. I dunno, a guy thing? Lol Not everyone responds in the same way. And perhaps going forward , he *will* start paying more attention to details like this, and set reminders, etc. Yeah I am curious too if they have spoken today. Maybe they are together right now!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmissjava Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 No expectations no disappointments. I would understandably be upset if my BF forgot my birthday, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, I'd hint around at it and then wait for a big surprise. 11 months in, I will be worried if he doesn't say anything for your one year anniversary. Happy belated birthday OP 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 Give him a chance to make it up to you. Hey it's not always a good sign if they do remember haha. I got dumped on my 24th birthday and my boyfriend at the time gave me some nice gifts out of guilt. It only made it worse. Anyway, I know people forget and they don't mean to. It happens sometimes that you can have a mental freeze and forget certain things. But wait until Saturday and see how things go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author j0celyn Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 Some people are weird about birthdays.... I am not crazy about them myself, much ado about nothing ....for me! I'd rather let the day go ...but realize different people have different expectations so try and account for that. He may be someone for whom birthdays are no big deal, but then again the fact you told him they mean something to you, and that he had things planned and forgot....could mean something negative ....but not necessarily. Play it out, see what happens next week and Saturday. Don't jump the gun yet.... Edit: I have been known to not even tell my boyfriends when it's my birthday. Even on the day! Eventually they ask and I tell them. But it does not matter to me either way. Many people are same as me in that regard. Just another day. Lol I am like you! I never tell when it is. He actually found out on his own. I was surprised that he knew. He makes a big deal out of his own birthday too, so no, he's definitely not one of those people to whom birthdays are just another day. Which is another reason why this is all so baffling! Link to post Share on other sites
Author j0celyn Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 I never like reading things like this because to me its things like this which really matter. Irrespective in a dating scenario, a good friend remembers a good friends birthday, even a wish means a lot, a phone call, perhaps a small gift, all indicate you thought about the person. I guess for me its a foreign concept but if I had a gf (as likely as the sky turning luminous green) who I loved and had spent 11 months with I would definitely make sure I remembered her birthday and furthermore tried to make the day special for her. This, exactly this. I think if a person is important to you, remembering and acknowledging their birthday should be too. You should make that day even more special for your SO. I get that not everyone is like that, but he knows that about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author j0celyn Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 (edited) Maybe he thought it was next Saturday..... Lol this might actually be true and I didn't even think about it. Thanks for the laugh. He has had a lot on his plate, both at work and at home. His meeting and site visit (he does on-site training for different companies) schedules have been so erratic lately and he has had to put in more overtime. He is also a single dad to a 5yo. The more I think about how busy and stressed he has been, the more I'm beginning to understand and let it go. It was really fresh when I first posted this so I was really annoyed then. Edited February 1, 2016 by j0celyn Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted February 1, 2016 Share Posted February 1, 2016 J0cyln, Let's get this straight; You told him that Birthdays were important to you. Yet he twice made vague plans and then didn't follow through. Big Red Flags. Forget about his (apparently) hectic lifestyle, that's his problem. This is all about building trust and reliability. If he can't be relied on to do small things then how can he be trusted on to do other, more important things? I would be very wary. Please tread carefully and keep your eyes & ears open. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author j0celyn Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 Then he'd clearly say "Oh, I thought it was next Saturday" when she asked "Are we celebrating today". Besides, you can't be bad with dates when it comes to your loved ones (and especially those who express the importance of bdays to them). Set a reminder, circle the date with a red marker pen on your calendar, whatever, just not mix up the dates, forget or ignore! If he did get it mixed up, I think katie is right that he was embarrassed. It's in his nature to not want to admit to forgetting. both to save face and to not want to hurt my feelings. I think saying you *can't* be bad with dates is a little unrealistic. Don't get me wrong, I agree with you. Only, not everyone is like that and honestly I know more people who forget significant dates than those who remember without someone actually reminding them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author j0celyn Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 Give him a pass. People do forget. I know from experience. Better still, if you don't have any expectation then you won't be disappointed. And when you do get a gift you'll be surprised. He was the one who set those expectations, right? Was I supposed to just not believe him until it actually happened? Serious question. I know a lot of people say never to believe a man's word until he proves it with action. Link to post Share on other sites
Author j0celyn Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 No expectations no disappointments. I would understandably be upset if my BF forgot my birthday, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, I'd hint around at it and then wait for a big surprise. 11 months in, I will be worried if he doesn't say anything for your one year anniversary. Happy belated birthday OP Thank you! You and I are opposites. I don't care much for anniversaries and tend to lose count, so it wouldn't bother me if he forgot. Funny Link to post Share on other sites
Author j0celyn Posted February 1, 2016 Author Share Posted February 1, 2016 Give him a chance to make it up to you. Hey it's not always a good sign if they do remember haha. I got dumped on my 24th birthday and my boyfriend at the time gave me some nice gifts out of guilt. It only made it worse. Anyway, I know people forget and they don't mean to. It happens sometimes that you can have a mental freeze and forget certain things. But wait until Saturday and see how things go. Oh no! That's terrible. Curious if you accepted the gifts or what your reaction was lol Link to post Share on other sites
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