cruzcruz Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I met the best girl, became good friends and decided we would be good roommates. Then, we got involved a week later and fell for each other in a month. Sex all the time and spent way too much time together but shared every thought in our mind and were always on the same page. I was too available and revealed I had insecurities. I became weak and needy, she became distant, in the next month, said she wanted to be friends. We were still really good friends, being intimate and had great plans to make music and both wanted to live in the city and exploit it where we liked to hang out. We had lots of plans for when we lived together, but I couldn't bear the thought of her not being mine and me being a secret to her friends. Now it’s time to move in and I could not do it. She is pissed. Also, her ex wants her back,I think they might be talking (speculation only) and he is in military right now so she is probably thinking of him. He gets back in 2 months. We clicked so well it was crazy and I messed it up. I would really like to know the best strategy to win her over. I know it takes a confident man with a life to show I have confidence, I was needy and clingy. I will go on and do things as to get over her but it’s hard to let go. She was showing me value.. I have insecurities and I wanted her to be my girlfriend so I pressured that. It’s been a long time since I’ve cared about someone this strong so I lost my emotional self control. I think she felt her freedom threatened. I made a few stupid comments about things she did etc. Just a few though, but they came out of frustration of wanting a commitment from her and being a secret. I didn’t like acting like I was in a relationship and not having it. but.. it wasn’t just that.. It was mostly that I was a secret and i guess that became more and more, the more she backed away. I didn't like being a secret, but i know that it was all my fault. If I didn’t make those mistakes, maybe she would have made me more known. I also, know that she was being cautious, she just got out of a relationship and a few people might have told her to slow down. If I would have don’t things right, I could have had her. I know that I can overcome it though. If I had another chance. I’ve learned allot from the experience and it sux it might be too late She is a very popular girl with lots of friends and a VERY strong person so I think she will move on and not skip a beat. I just want to know if there is anything i can do to help my cause?? The only thing I have learned to get her back is to live my purpose and post it on facebook to show do have a life and learn some more emotional self control. To follow the steps to possibly get her back on this site. I feel like if I would have gotten my together and moved in with her i could have proved i could handle her, that she would have included me totally in her life and been exclusive. I’m insecure and I couldn’t handle it. I really think could have had her if i moved with her and handled it. Though in the beginning I wasn't a secret. She backed away when I wasn't handling things well. Being immature and needy. , I am trying to move on. Last time we spoke I gave her flowers and said I love u. She had told me she wanted to tell me that many times and finally told me once a few days before. I gave her a letter saying.. "I need a break from what we are doing. I am not ok with just being friends without the idea of becoming more. I hope you understand. I also want to apologize for having so many immature reactions the last couple of months. I haven't cared for someone this strongly in a while. Think about it and get back to in a few days" that was Monday jan25. Haven't heard from her. QUESTION..if I hear from her.. Should I try to address my mistakes. Or what should I say to get her to understand I couldn't move with her.. Etc.. All input would be appreciated thanks.. We have so much in common it’s insane as far as goals and art and adventure… Did I not build enough attraction to win her back now? Can i win her over? If I believe I could handle it, should I try to move in with her and keep my distance, I feel that might be my only chance..? Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 If you being open and honest with her messed things up then it wasn't anything worth having because she was only interested in a fantasy version of you, not the real you. If you cannot be vulnerable with a significant other who can you be vulnerable with? Change your mental stance about this. You didn't mess up, she did by revealing she cannot handle true intimacy and instead wants a sham of a relationship where both sides are pretending they are invulnerable. You cannot build anything real with someone like that. You will always have to perform and be her fantasy rather than relax and be who you are. It was inevitable that this would end at some point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cruzcruz Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 Thank you for your encouragement. I was undecided always. I think its a growing experience. but I do think if i would have lived with her i could have overcame fear and insecurities and kept my friend or had more. I'm week and I couldn't handle it but i should have been able too. That't why it hurts so much. I need to grow up and be a real man. Now I am not moving to the city and not moving forward with my life. She was a huge part of motivating me to pursue my goals and ambitions. No i feel like i'm taking a step back or staying stagnant. I know the person I want to become and this was getting me there. Even if she just was a friend. She was a good one. any response of this working as a friendship and what to do now would bee appreciated. I'm about to sign a 3 month lease at my apartments cause i still need a place. Or i could live with a friend if i thought she might come around in a month or two. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 She doesn't feel about you the way you feel about her. Don't position yourself as her inferior. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cruzcruz Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I am a pest but hear me out.....I have a question. I am following the no contact rule completely. i could stay in my apartment and be alone here for another 3 months and try to get my **** together and move after, also if she happens to want anything to do with me she can come over. she still has a some stuff here. She knows that I wanted to get back in the city to improve my life. My friend lives in the city than me. I dont really want to stay way over there but he give me encouragement and makes music with me. She like that area too an she likes him. Not just for her sake but to get me jump started should i move over there for a month or two, to show that I am serious about moving back to the city and i refuse to stay stagnant her where im at. So this is basically a question for my well being as well... I feel like im going nowhere here. and im not good being alone lately. So thisis a question of whats best for me and a question of what might be best for me and show her I am doing whats best for me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cruzcruz Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 She texted me, wants to talk tomorrow. any advice on this would help I want her as a friend. I want to move to the city and make music with her? Should i say.. i've said my peace and make her talk? Should i set the conditions of the place for the first few moths if she only wants friends? I do wan this girl in my life.. I do need to get over her to be just friends but i don't wnat to loose her as she was a great fiend before. I am being weak and i will push for a relationship, thats why I would like some advice. thanks i am truly grateful for your response Link to post Share on other sites
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