Young loves as opposed to older and being in love

[LookAtThisPOst]

I didn't quite now how to put this, but I heard something on the radio about how some couples who have married their HS sweet hearts and STILL married to this very day...usually work because they grew up, matured, and shared experiences together.

 

While people say in their 30s and 40s who try to get married again or find romance, typically aren't of that state of mind. That older people base their finding a partner based on logic and being rational.

 

Where as young people are young and enthusiastic and get the butterflies MUCH easier than their older counter parts.

 

It's easy to be "crazy in love" when a teenager than when you are older, yes?

 

I think this is why older singles co-habitat, but not marry. You've acquired too much during that time, as opposed to when you're younger and you both acquired finances and other things when "growing up" together as young adults.

 

Some older singles kind of write off the "being in love' as a bit irrational these days and are taking a more practical stance than "feeling the butterflies" if you know what I mean?

 

Am I correct in thinking some of this? Thoughts?

[Redhead14]

I didn't quite now how to put this, but I heard something on the radio about how some couples who have married their HS sweet hearts and STILL married to this very day...usually work because they grew up, matured, and shared experiences together.

 

While people say in their 30s and 40s who try to get married again or find romance, typically aren't of that state of mind. That older people base their finding a partner based on logic and being rational.

 

Where as young people are young and enthusiastic and get the butterflies MUCH easier than their older counter parts.

 

It's easy to be "crazy in love" when a teenager than when you are older, yes?

 

I think this is why older singles co-habitat, but not marry. You've acquired too much during that time, as opposed to when you're younger and you both acquired finances and other things when "growing up" together as young adults.

 

Some older singles kind of write off the "being in love' as a bit irrational these days and are taking a more practical stance than "feeling the butterflies" if you know what I mean?

 

Am I correct in thinking some of this? Thoughts?

some couples who have married their HS sweet hearts and STILL married to this very day...usually work because they grew up, matured, and shared experiences together. -- There is some truth to this. However, there isn't much data that talks about or analyzes how many of those marriages were actually very poor and unhappy unions over time. Back in the "old days", there was a ton of pressure/expectations on women, especially, to stick it out with a man who was, let's take, abusive. Some of those women simply learned to live with it or on some level felt that they were expected to deal with and accept it and/or felt they deserved it. They kept quiet about it and kept up appearances.

 

In addition, there isn't much that talks about how many of these partners had drifted apart and lived on auto-pilot through the entire marriage, going through the motions. On the outside, it looked good to everyone, but behind the masks, were two people who had checked out of the relationship emotionally.

 

Older people who have been living on their own for quite some time, are simply set in their own ways. They want a partner, a love life, but they aren't willing to co-mingle their lives to the point of giving up what they have. They've become strong and secure in their own right.

 

I am 56 and in love and am being well-loved, but we have no intention of marrying or even living together. We've both been there done that before and are finding that it isn't necessary to do that at our ages. We aren't going to have children (we have 5 grown children between us), we aren't looking to have a house again. Our futures are different than they were when we were young. Yet, we want someone in our lives to share with, lean on in tough times, etc. We want it to be uncomplicated, we want to be together because we want to not because it's obligatory. We have weathered some storms and didn't flinch or walk away, we stuck it out without a piece of paper. We are mature people who have learned how to treat people/partners, how to communicate well/effectively, are afraid of nothing and no one, how to see things for what they are -- logical. We are in control of our emotions and understand people and each other.

 

Yes, there were lots of butterflies in the beginning, but we have learned to understand that there is more to a relationship than butterflies and are prepared for, know how to deal with whatever has chased the butterflies away with the knowledge that the butterflies will return. It's sounds corny, I know But it's the truth. When you are older, you understand life better and can accept the good with the bad, know that this too shall pass. And, that phrase applies not only when times are bad, but when times are good.

[Gaeta]

No. I don't believe that.

 

I married my HS sweetheart and we grew into nothing together after 15 years together. From the start we were too different because of our very different upbringing. We never agreed on how to raise our daughter, never agreed on how to manage our finances, spend our vacations, and anything else. We were to different at the core and our marriage was long and difficult.

 

At 17 when I met him I fell in love with a uniform. I knew nothing about life and even less about picking a good man for marriage.

 

Later in life I had more experience to pick a partner, I knew my straight and my weaknesses, I knew about the importance of compatibility therefore I picked better partners for myself.

 

People don't marry later in life because there is no need to. We're not going to make babies at 50. We usually both have acquired some financial stability and we don't need the security of a marriage.

 

Many of those HS sweetheart marriage last because they're afraid of getting out of it. They're stuck in a miserable life but they're so afraid of the financial consequences of leaving a 25 year marriage so they stay.They're afraid of being alone, of not finding anyone else, afraid of what family and neighbors will say. Some of them are happy, those that ended up marrying someone compatible but for those who didn't it's pretty miserable.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Older people who have been living on their own for quite some time, are simply set in their own ways. They want a partner, a love life, but they aren't willing to co-mingle their lives to the point of giving up what they have. They've become strong and secure in their own right.

 

I am noticing this much more. In fact, I kind of have a crush on a local woman that, unfortunately, has been involved in a relationship with a man a few hundred miles away.

 

I have been trying to find away to angle or hint at if she's looking for someone more geographically desirable or if someone local came around, would she trade-up?

 

I DID ask her if they plan on moving or relocating to be NEAR each other ,and she said they have no such plans.

 

So obviously, they have no future. A "go nowhere" situation,and this is where I would like to hint at "Well, if someone local to you would ask you out, would you be so willing?"

 

But, I think it may come off a bit douche-like for even asking a taken woman.

 

Apparently, she travels to see him about once a month, and he does the same, alternating months. I asked a close friend of theirs about that situation, and they've been together a quite a few years.

 

They initially met at a conference.

 

I think this is where this NEW trend of, "Living together but apart" type of monogamous relationships come into play?

 

I can't see how they can do htis and avoid temptation of geographically desirable single people and be temped when going out with a group of friends and a guy tries to flirt with her and try to "swoop in" to sweep her away from he long distance beau.

 

Whose to say this guy isn't cheating on her with the locals?

 

This is kind of synonymous when high school couples try to maintain a relationship when they go off to diff. colleges. Or one goes to college, but the other with a year or 2 of HS left. Eventually they dump their partners for their study buddies or whatever random encounters they have with group organizations on campus.

[Redhead14]

I am noticing this much more. In fact, I kind of have a crush on a local woman that, unfortunately, has been involved in a relationship with a man a few hundred miles away.

 

I have been trying to find away to angle or hint at if she's looking for someone more geographically desirable or if someone local came around, would she trade-up?

 

I DID ask her if they plan on moving or relocating to be NEAR each other ,and she said they have no such plans.

 

So obviously, they have no future. A "go nowhere" situation,and this is where I would like to hint at "Well, if someone local to you would ask you out, would you be so willing?"

 

But, I think it may come off a bit douche-like for even asking a taken woman.

 

Apparently, she travels to see him about once a month, and he does the same, alternating months. I asked a close friend of theirs about that situation, and they've been together a quite a few years.

 

They initially met at a conference.

 

I think this is where this NEW trend of, "Living together but apart" type of monogamous relationships come into play?

 

I can't see how they can do htis and avoid temptation of geographically desirable single people and be temped when going out with a group of friends and a guy tries to flirt with her and try to "swoop in" to sweep her away from he long distance beau.

 

Whose to say this guy isn't cheating on her with the locals?

 

This is kind of synonymous when high school couples try to maintain a relationship when they go off to diff. colleges. Or one goes to college, but the other with a year or 2 of HS left. Eventually they dump their partners for their study buddies or whatever random encounters they have with group organizations on campus.

 

Long distance relationships are an entirely different can of worms. A long-distance relationship never develops quality. You cannot make a bond with someone you cannot observe on a regular basis face to face. Those types of relationships can work if the foundation was built and strong prior to the distance and there are sufficient resources available to allow spending good/quality and substantial periods of time together.

 

I have never seen a long-distance relationship withstand the test of distance and time that is a truly fulfilling one or that doesn't have at least one partner who isn't deluding themselves and/or desperate but making it look good to the world.

[kendahke]

I didn't quite now how to put this, but I heard something on the radio about how some couples who have married their HS sweet hearts and STILL married to this very day...usually work because they grew up, matured, and shared experiences together.

 

While people say in their 30s and 40s who try to get married again or find romance, typically aren't of that state of mind. That older people base their finding a partner based on logic and being rational.

 

Where as young people are young and enthusiastic and get the butterflies MUCH easier than their older counter parts.

 

It's easy to be "crazy in love" when a teenager than when you are older, yes?

 

I disagree. In the beginning with my ex, we were crazy in love and in our mid 40's. We had more "teenage" adventures than I did when I was 20 years younger.

 

I think this is why older singles co-habitat, but not marry. You've acquired too much during that time, as opposed to when you're younger and you both acquired finances and other things when "growing up" together as young adults.

 

Some older singles kind of write off the "being in love' as a bit irrational these days and are taking a more practical stance than "feeling the butterflies" if you know what I mean?

 

Am I correct in thinking some of this? Thoughts?

 

I completely disagree with your assessment. Mature love is a thing of beauty. I know I've felt butterflies at the thought of the man I was with.

 

I've had a number of friends who have found their true loves over the age of 45 and they are stupid happy in love with each other--and have married. While it's true that once older, you have accumulated a lot of things, it doesn't preclude either party from entering into marriage. You are far more clear about the details than you are when you're younger because you have lived far more life and understand what is going on in a way that you don't when you're in your 20's.

[BluEyeL]

I'm 44 and I'm stupid happy in love and it's better this time around because I am actually grateful for it and I know how valuable it is. When I was young I had no clue what I was doing anyway. So I married the wrong guy.

[No_Go]

I know a couple that started a LDR with no base and married:

- were in different countries when they met (they have briefly met a decade before, but never dated/been friends, moved to different continents)

- visited each other 2 long weekends each month

- he got her pregnant within an year and married her one year later (I think she moved to his country in the 8th month of her pregnancy, which I do believe was planned btw, she was pushing 40 and openly concerned with fertility)

 

 

Long distance relationships are an entirely different can of worms. A long-distance relationship never develops quality. You cannot make a bond with someone you cannot observe on a regular basis face to face. Those types of relationships can work if the foundation was built and strong prior to the distance and there are sufficient resources available to allow spending good/quality and substantial periods of time together.

 

I have never seen a long-distance relationship withstand the test of distance and time that is a truly fulfilling one or that doesn't have at least one partner who isn't deluding themselves and/or desperate but making it look good to the world.

[Redhead14]

I know a couple that started a LDR with no base and married:

- were in different countries when they met (they have briefly met a decade before, but never dated/been friends, moved to different continents)

- visited each other 2 long weekends each month

- he got her pregnant within an year and married her one year later (I think she moved to his country in the 8th month of her pregnancy, which I do believe was planned btw, she was pushing 40 and openly concerned with fertility)

 

There are exceptions to everything. But, I wouldn't hang my hat on exceptions that are few and far between And, we have yet to see how this plays out over time nor do we know what's going on behind the scenes here either. I hope they are doing well and have a long and happy future together.

[xxoo]

I married my HS sweetheart, and am still very much in love.

 

When I see peers fall in love now, in our 40s, it really looks exactly the same! Butterflies and rose-colored glasses.

 

My mom's friend remarried a couple years back, in her 60s. My mom kept saying that she was like a school girl, so giddy in love.

[Gaeta]

I married my HS sweetheart, and am still very much in love.

 

When I see peers fall in love now, in our 40s, it really looks exactly the same! Butterflies and rose-colored glasses.

 

My mom's friend remarried a couple years back, in her 60s. My mom kept saying that she was like a school girl, so giddy in love.

 

My grand mother remarried at 75.

 

She called him 'the love of her life'. She was deeply in love with him and for the 8 years they were together before he passed.

[Gold Pile]

No. I don't believe that.

 

I married my HS sweetheart and we grew into nothing together after 15 years together. From the start we were too different because of our very different upbringing. We never agreed on how to raise our daughter, never agreed on how to manage our finances, spend our vacations, and anything else. We were to different at the core and our marriage was long and difficult.

 

At 17 when I met him I fell in love with a uniform. I knew nothing about life and .................

Did he work for KFC?

[Rejected Rosebud]

I can't see how they can do htis and avoid temptation of geographically desirable single people and be temped when going out with a group of friends and a guy tries to flirt with her and try to "swoop in" to sweep her away from he long distance beau.

 

Whose to say this guy isn't cheating on her with the locals?

They probably have exactly this arrangement, with no plans to alter it, because it suits them both.

 

Evidently the potential temptations aren't a hinderance to them.